With these new horrific secrets i am keeping from everyone  excluding my mother it's becoming my version of hell because keeping them bottled up i am feeling like i am going to blow. I feel like i should be begging for mercy for the sins i have done, i may seem like a dark and vicious person for the acts i have committed but inside i feel like a child who just doesn't know how to digest everything that i have gone through. All i have ever wanted is to protect my family and what i love and everything gets to me in ways i cannot physically describe because never ever did i want the darkness to consume me. Because of all the black magic i have used in my lifetime my soul is fighting a war it should have never gone up against in the first place my true sanity is fighting the other half of me which is as dark as my father.

My mother had left me in my room and even with her there i still felt alone. I still feel like a scared little girl of the power i possess, when i was in that memory with her she could only see but myself on the other hand could feel everything that little girl was feeling and it scared me truly. I could feel every bit of darkness flowing through her veins in those few moments she was using the power she was told to use she was reborn. Reborn as somebody darker and soulless not the innocent girl she was a few minutes before hand. That is something that is off balance with nature itself going against everything ever possible.  I sat on my bed mulling everything over in my head and my thoughts became louder and louder every moment until i felt like the need to scream to to let out my anger, frustration, sadness and guilt. I raced outside and screamed as loud as i possibly could until i felt the presence of an unwelcome guest "hello father" i said and he came closer to me "dear child what is the matter" he said in a tone i could never imagine him being like he sounded like he cared "don't pretend to care i know you don't" i said and he laughed "your my daughter of course i care" he said and i rolled my eyes  because there is no physical way after all the things he has done to make me angry and so unhappy he cares about me "really so why did you poison me? make me kill my brother? make me kill all those innocent humans? if you cared about me...you also wouldn't make me fall in love with someone then rip them away from me" i shouted with tears streaming down my face my true emotions were now out in the world he was seeing me for who i am "i feel every bit of darkness within me, i feel it as it flows through my veins i lost my daughter because of you that is something i can never forgive and it broke my heart and it broke me i will never have that hole filled after that and if you cared so much as you say you do you would never have put me through everything you did" i screamed whilst crying i was an emotional wreck "i did it because i love you" he said and i looked at him " you don't know what love is" i shouted with the tears streaming down my face still, "I do and i love both you and your sister" he said out of the blue "you keep my sister out of this am i clear she has nothing to do with you she is not related to you what so ever now leave me and my sister alone!" i said getting rather angry that he brought my sister into this "she has the biggest part here to play Astrid she can match your power i just know it" he said calmly "did you not here what she said Lucifer? leave her alone for now" i heard my mother exclaim but by this time she was too late my anger and sadness was leaking majorly she saw the black clouds appear and the rain get heavy then all of a sudden there was a flash of lightning and a crash of thunder "you control the weather?" he questioned as i clenched my fists and lightning struck right beside him and he just smiled and laughed "my princess is powerful" he said laughing with glee and then disappeared. I fell to the ground in fear and the black clouds disappeared and the rain stopped immediately. 

My mother came to my side wrapping her arm around me pulling me into her and i cried letting out all my emotions i had no effort to move or do anything i just felt like shit, i cant do this whole thing anymore because i am the piggy in the middle literally. But there is one thing that i will never let happen and that is my father getting to Sabrina that is certainly a no go but when he brought Sabrina into this it made me think is there something bigger in the works because miss wardwell has a big interest in her and didn't like me then it clicked every puzzle piece fell into place the person claiming to be miss wardwell is Lilith. She doesn't like me because i can take her right to the throne but why does she have such a big interest in Sabrina?  Sabrina has no connection to my father therefore cannot do her any harm and shouldn't be such an interest to her.