trigger warning : this chapter will reference r*pe. ⚠️

chapter 28

[ H A R R Y ]

"Have you seen Ray?"

"Not really. I think she's been absent. Why?" Jake asks, picking at his Apple as we sat in the courtyard during lunch.

"That's the thing, she hasn't. She's been in school," I say, taking a momentary pause before looking around for her again.

"Then why are you asking if you know this?" Jake asked with a raised brow.

It's been three days since that night at the bonfire; three days since I've seen or spoken to her. I've tried calling and texting non-stop. At one point I think she blocked my number then unblocked it the next day. Then I'm sure she blocked it for good. I've been looking for her at school, where I usually see her at her usual spots but now not at all. She's lucky we have different lunch periods. And then we have last period together which is environmental science. But she's never in class.

"Because we have last period together-"

"So you've seen her," Jake quips, shaking his head at me.

"No, dude. She hasn't been in class but she's been attending school. I know because I overhear Adams muttering that she skipped class again, meaning she's been attending just ditching last period."

"Okay, and?"

"And? I need to talk to her but-"

"But what? Dude, have you thought maybe you're the last person she wants to associate herself with?" Jake sits up straight and faces me. His expression was hard to read. "I was there at the bonfire. I was there when all that shit went down. I saw the look on her face when everyone decided to become a hypocrite and shame her over..." He pauses, struggling for a second, "Something so stupid."

I wanted to ask Jake about what he knew. Seeing the way he seemingly tried to find the right words. But I couldn't when he continued.

"Maybe you should give her some time. This isn't the first time you put her through hell," He bites and looks past me, something catching his eye.

"Hey-"

"Incoming," Jake says, nodding behind me. I turn to find Mikaela, casually strolling past, hand clutched to the strap of her bag, other one scrolling through her phone. She sits a couple feet away on a different bench in the courtyard, and suddenly, I'm filled with an unforgivable amount of anger.

Jake is stunned when I get up abruptly, throwing my backpack over my shoulder and marching towards her. The closer I get as I approach her, the more I get this built up anger forming inside me. Especially with the confused and nosy glances that are hitting me on my way over to her.

When I get close enough, it's when she finally looks up and is startled to see me approaching her.

"Harry," She breathes, taken back but I couldn't give less of a fuck.

"We need to talk. Now," I sneer, pulling Mikaela up off the courtyard bench and out of sight; trying to avoid as many following eyes as possible.

I yank her by her arm around the back of the cafeteria as she's fighting to get out of my grip. When we finally make it, she pulls away freely with an angry glare. "Are you out of your damn mind!? That's considered assault!"

"As opposed to what you did to Ray?"

"Well, it's not like it wasn't true-"

"Hey!" I shout and she jumps, taking an abrupt step back. It's quiet for a moment. My icy glare stuck on her hazel ones, "You had no right to do that to her. You and I? That was nothing. You know that."

Mikaela shakes her head, "You don't mean that. Harry, what we did-"

"Was a one-time thing," I cut her off, "I didn't even want to. I remember, I was drunk. Why would I-"

"You came onto me, Harry, you came up to me, practically begging me-"

"Begging you!? Is that how you remember it? Because I remember stumbling my way up to the bathroom, only to find you there. Next thing I know my pants are off-"

"Yeah, because you wanted to-"

"I wanted to puke," I cut her off and she looks away from me, refusing eye contact.

I shake my head at her. I remembered that night. The end of it, at least. It was a party, towards the end of junior year at one of our classmates' house.

I had knocked back multiple drinks. More than I can count on both of my hands.

I wasn't feeling well and I couldn't find Jake anywhere as I was hoping and praying he wasn't as messed up as I was so at least one could drive home.

Stumbling up the stairs, I had barged into the bathroom where Mikaela was fixing herself up leaning towards the mirror against the sink. I remember trying to push past her but she continuously blocked my path. Then suddenly I remember that my pants are off, I'm sitting , she's on top of me and it was just flashes of that night back and forth in my mind.

"Whatever, it happened," Mikaela breaks me out of my trance, shrugging with her arms tightly crossed against her chest, "Nothing you can do about it now."

On one hand, Mikaela was right. This happened nearly a year ago, and there was nothing I could do at this point given there was no proof or witnesses. It was a party and it wasn't the only one held last year as there were multiple ones. And even if it was just that one, everyone that went wouldn't remember a damn thing. But then, I remembered something. Even though I couldn't physically do anything to hold her accountable, I knew there was one thing I could do to her mentally.

"You're right. There's nothing I can do by this point. Nothing physically, at least," I take a step towards her, her lips part as she steps back. Her expression shows worry. "But you see, Mikaela, I can also easily tell everyone what kind of person you are. The kind of person nobody ever wants to be. The kind of person nobody expects their child to become. The kind of person that has to hold onto the guilt of how or why they became who and what they are."

Mikaela noticeably grits her teeth, scowling as she mutters under her rigid breath. "And what's that?"

I lean down slowly to meet her at eye level, and I knew that the next words that would leave my mouth would be enough to piss her off entirely.

"I think you know the exact kind, Mikaela."

I begin to walk away, ditching her and just hoping she gets to live with that guilt for the rest of her life so she could fuck off for good.

But I still when she speaks up again.

"Whatever, Harry. You're no better than me, given how many girls you've used and fucked for the hell of it. How am I any different?" She says, and its like I could feel her disgusting smirk forming on her lips.

Oh?

I barely look at her when I turn my head slightly in her direction before speaking. Saying what I knew would permanently destroy her.

"Say what you will, Mikaela. But, unlike you, at least everyone I've fucked gave me their consent."

✼ ✼ ✼

After lunch, and after what happened between me and Mikaela, the day went on. It dragged here and there but all in all, I just wanted it to end.

Jake didn't say anything when I came back to my seat. In fact, he seemed to have completely brushed off me ever storming off as if it didn't happen.

I was on my own for my next two periods, and then came the kicker. Final period. Environmental science.

And it's as if on cue, Adams is almost hurdling right past me.

"Hey, uh, Mr. Adams..." I say, stopping him in his tracks as he nearly stumbles over me. "Is class cancelled?"

Adams flashes me a fake smile, "Very funny, Mr. Styles. I have to run to the restroom. I'll be back in a minute. Get to class, please."

"No prob. See you in a bit," I call out as I make my way towards the classroom door.

But in the corner of my eye, I noticed someone running and turning a corner. Looked like Jake but I couldn't tell with how quickly they fled.

When I walked into class, my first instinct was to look for Ray, but instead, the first thing I noticed were the smirks that suddenly disappeared or had just appeared on everyone's face upon my arrival.

I was confused for a moment, not knowing why my presence was suddenly something to ogle. Especially since the stupid bonfire scandal was a mere few days ago.

But then I heard the harsh whispers and giggles exchanged, especially from most of the girls. And the moment I'd heard Ray's name being dropped here and there, my attention was searching the source of where or who it came from.

Is she here?

My first thought was Mikaela had name dropped her, but she wasn't among them to my surprise. Instead, she sat by herself in the back, avoiding my gaze.

And then the whispers began circling, louder than just a few moments ago. The words tramp, slut, whore being tossed around the room. And as the whispers grew louder, that's when I finally just.. snapped.

"Enough! All of you need to quit it!" I shout out to my environmental science class and climb up on one of the desks. They're clearly taken back by my sudden outburst. But I couldn't care less. "Don't any of you have anything better to do?" This was never going to cease. I never realized it before, but while I was reigning a stupid throne that didn't exist over a stupid lie, someone was getting opposite end of the stick. Because of me. And I couldn't believe it took me this long to notice.

All of this, it was happening around me and towards Reagan. And I never even noticed.

As I look around and see all the eyes looking up at me, watching me with curiosity, I felt a sudden remorse, weighing me down heavily. And in that moment, I felt there was only one thing I could do. Something I should've done a long time ago, but was too stupid and young to care about.

"Look," I start, feeling anxiety starting to rip up inside me, knowing everyone was going to hate me after this, but knowing it'd be well deserved, "I lied, okay? About everything," I breathe out. All eyes on me as I sigh in defeat.

I felt like there was a heavy weight on my shoulders that I didn't know I'd been carrying since the moment I told this stupid rumor.

"Ray and I never... we didn't.." I sigh, feeling ridiculous to admit this. But with a shrug of my shoulders, I let it out, "Freshmen year, she never threw herself onto me. She never followed me into the boys locker room, she never begged me to take her virginity, she never dropped to her knees and forced herself onto me. Whatever it is you guys heard, none of it happened."

With a couple of gasps and sighs, I notice the shameful look on everyones faces. The look of guilt and at fault , but no one knew how that felt; no one knew how that really felt. I'd been carrying that feeling around for the past three and a half years. How I let it go right over my head like nothing, I don't know. But now it's all I could think about and feel shitty for.

I also noticed the looks of disgust thrown my way, but that was a look I tried to avoid the most, regardless that I deserved it. I wasn't ready to face it, but one way or another, it was bound to happen. I didn't think it'd be this way... but I just wanted it to be done.

"Reagan was my best friend. That's why we were always together. The guys on my team were hassling me seeing that she was always with me, calling me her little bitch and... I panicked. And then said what I said. Look, I made a mistake, and I know that now," I go on, "I didn't realize it, then. I didn't realize that while I was being... looked up to as a role model, my best friend was..." I shake my head, looking down at my feet, my guilt weighing me down once more, "She didn't deserve that. I lied to all of you and I'm sorry, but I'm especially sorry to Ray. I-"

I turn to where Ray usually sits. And even though I should've seen it coming, I was surprised to see her seat empty.

But, why?

It didn't make any sense. Why was everyone talking about her... if she wasn't even here?

I look around me, and nothing but confused gazes. And I'm a stammering mess as I try to form some kind of sentence to spit out.

"She just left," A voice sputters out, and then I remember the running figure I saw just moments before coming into class. I don't bother looking for the one who said it when I'm jumping off the sturdy desk and running out the door, just as the bell rings and nearly knocking over Adams who's yelling after me to come back.

I'm turning the corner and make my way towards the small hallway leading to the courtyard that's now clearing up of students who are now running late to class.

"Ray!" I call out, looking in every direction hoping I didn't already miss her. But I'm startled and immediately jerk back when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

With my hand clutched to my chest, I'm relieved but also disappointed when I only see Jake.

"Hey," He says casually, and his expression softens when he notices the disappointment in my face. "Are you okay?"

"Hey," I breathe out, nodding in response. "I just ran out of class. I, uh-"

"Are you looking for Ray?" He asks and my interest perks up.

"Yes... Yes, have you seen her?"

Jake looks away for a second and nods softly, "You just missed her. She ran out not even five minutes after getting to class."

"Why'd she run out?"

Jake's eyebrows furrow in confusion, "Weren't you just in there?" And when I nod he continues, still looking at me oddly, "Harry, she was just harassed not even two minutes in class. She actually shows up today and was immediately hounded just for showing up."

"How did-"

"I got there just as she was running out of class and she told me everything," He answers softly. And suddenly I felt the pain I'd been feeling before but ten times worse. The guilt I was feeling before had come back but only ruined me more than before.

If only I'd arrived just two mere minutes earlier, I would've caught her. Not even. Just a few minutes and I would've made it just in time before it all went down.

I begin to feel frustrated until Jake speaks up again.

"Harry," Jake says with a remorseful look on his face. "I think we just found the real reason why she's been skipping."

And it's then when I finally realized what he meant. Coming to school was one thing. But coming to the same class that I was also in? With the same classmates that's harassed her also? That was a whole other thing.

"Yeah... I think we did."

+

using or even talking about r*pe was never planned for this story but I wanted to put it out there that it can happen to men too. & I know Harry can do something about what happened to him, but I'm not good at writing about this type of thing so I'm sorry again for my lack of knowledge on this but this is a sensitive topic for me as well

& if for any reason that the dialogue I wrote for harry's final words to mikaela were insensitive, please let me know. I was skeptical & I italicized "fucked" because he was mocking her. I was NOT trying to make him sound like he's proud of it.

also, the rumor was that ray trailed after harry bc she desperately wanted to screw him. everything else was made up by others along the way.

hope you guys liked it. I'm not proud of this chapter but hope it's good enough.

love y'all

- ky