twelve

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chapter 12

When Harry came back, the silence was so awkward and deadly, I felt like we were at a funeral. We didn't say a single word to each other.

And the next day only made it worse. For the activity, we had to do this hands on project and the more Harry would avoid all eye contact, the more I wanted to bury myself six feet in the ground.

Honestly, I shouldn't have just jumped into it, I should have asked. But I couldn't help myself. I know it's no excuse but I honestly couldn't. I was sexually frustrated, Harry was right there, half naked and I just lost all sense of control.

All in all, the tension was on the verge of killing me. I couldn't take it. The awkward atmosphere. Harry could hardly sputter out a single word to me, let alone look at me.

Whenever he had to hand something over to me, he'd nudge me, holding whatever object up to me meanwhile refusing to look me in the eye. I felt mortified. And I can only imagine how weird it's gonna be tonight back at the cabin.

And as the day went on, I felt my stomach grow queasy, my nerves unraveling and making me feel nauseous. It wasn't until the end of the day, as I walked to my cabin after a few hours of talking to Mikaela about anything except what happened between me and Harry; everything I was feeling just drained, and I felt completely empty. And I didn't know whether or not it was a good thing.

When I reached the door, I held the knob in my hand and watched Harry from the window just sitting in his bed, looking down at his phone, staring at the black screen; looking as if deep in thought.

I sucked in a breath, turning the knob as the door creaks the more I push it open. And when I do, Harry looks up at me, eyes darting a different direction then back down at his phone, thumb rubbing over the screen as his free hand runs through his hair.

He looked stressed and I wondered if it had to do with something that's happened to him or if he was just in a bad mood. Still, I didn't ask. Not that I didn't want to. I couldn't. I physically couldn't say, let alone sputter out, a single word.

Silently, I walk over to the dresser, going through one of the drawers and pretended to be looking for something.

And as I did, I figured I may as well pull out some clothes to shower in. I didn't want to rummage through the drawer and turn around with noting in hand. It'd no doubt look obvious I'm trying to avoid Harry.

But then again, it's not like he's not trying to avoid me..

I yank on a random shirt and pull it out slowly, then sighing as I slowly turn back around. My heart is beating incredibly fast at how nervous I'm feeling. My stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm about to throw up.

I use up all the strength that I could muster up to say something and I took a large breath when I finally did. "Harry..."

He's silent for a few seconds, eyes low as he looked everywhere instead of me. But eventually, he turned his head and pursed his lips when he replied, "Yes, Reagan?"

Is it weird to say that I wanted to cry? I wasn't sad or anything. But my emotions were in over drive. I was beyond embarrassed for what I'd done, and I knew that if I tried to apologise, I'd be a blubbering mess.

But I pushed back those thoughts. I didn't wanna think about crying in front of Harry. I'd sure as hell look pathetic if I did so. So I gathered up all my courage and just let my mind speak freely. What could go wrong?

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry," I say, and his face is blank. As if unsure what or how to respond. But I refuse to let him to as I go on, "I shouldn't have just kissed you like that. I... I got the signals mixed up. I thought that's what you wanted and I- You just- It happened so, like-"

"Wait," He interrupts me, standing up with pulled in brows, "You got the signals mixed up? What? What- Ray, what signals? What are you talking about?"

"I.." My lip began to tremble, the guilt taking over and I began to feel queasy. "I thought you wanted to-"

"You thought I wanted you to kiss me?" He asks, confused; and just by that, I knew I was dead wrong. I probably look just as delusional as I feel.

I shake my head, already done with this so-called conversation. "Never mind. It's nothing. I just wanted to say I was sorry for kissing you. I shouldn't have done that, it was a mistake and I-"

"A mistake?" He interrupts again, "So you didn't mean to kiss me?"

I stammer for a moment, taken off guard by the question. Is he serious right now? Is he trying to mess with me?

I shrug awkwardly, "I mean, you clearly didn't want that to happen so I just-"

"Says who?" He asks, his arms now crossed. I couldn't read him. His face showed no emotions except curiosity. His eyebrows furrowed and lips parted into a small pout.

What kind of game is he playing? The question is confusing.

"I- You... You reacted... Badly. You pulled away like you were disgusted by me, Harry," I point out.

"I wasn't disgusted," He scoffs. "Ray, I was shocked. I never expected you to... You know... Kiss me."

"Then why have you been avoiding me?"

"I wasn't. It's not like I meant to-"

"Oh, bullshit," Now I scoff at him, crossing my arms as I scowl.

"How is that bullshit?" He asks, looking slightly offended.

"Because," I shrug, "There's no way in hell you actually liked that kiss."

"Maybe I did," He huffs with an angry expression, "Maybe I thought about kissing you myself."

"Oh, please," I laugh, raising my voice, "If you wanted to you'd have done it before I did and made a fool of myself."

"I didn't know you wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss you," His voice getting louder.

"That's such a bullshit excuse!" I try to yell but my voice comes out smaller and squeakier than planned.

"How?" He says much louder, taking a step closer and his anger increases.

"Because then you wouldn't have made me feel so guilty about kissing you!"

"Oh my god, Ray," He rolls his eyes, annoyance taking over his features, "I was fucking shocked. It was random, what'd you expect me to do?"

"Um, perhaps kiss me back?" I shout as if in question.

"Well," He stammers before finding his voice, "Maybe it was a late reaction."

"Saying Reagan, what the fuck isn't a late reaction," I spit, "It was a clear sign of disgust-"

"It was a reflex, I didn't expect you to do that," He growls, the annoyance igniting and only getting him angrier, "If I had known you wanted it just as bad as I did, I'd have done it myself."

"So why didn't you?" I ask with a harsh glare, getting rather annoyed myself.

"Because I didn't think you wanted me to!"

"Well maybe I do now!" I say before realising it. And just as I do, Harry wastes no time before he pulls me by my waist and smashes his lips against mine.

My adrenaline is pumping, I'm sighing, panting and desperately trying not to enjoy the kiss. But I couldn't.

Harry's hands go from my waist then travel up to my chest, palms brushing against the sides of my breasts. When I feel the pads of his thumbs graze my nipples, I shudder just as his hands are pressed against my my cheeks.

His lips are soft, tongue lapping over mine in our mouths as I try to pull him closer despite our closed proximity.

I moan into the kiss when I feel one hand go back down to the side of my breast, thumb ghosting my nipple beneath the cotton of my shirt.

My hands had gotten minds of their own when they tug at the front of Harry's jeans. My nimble fingers are pulling and yanking at his buttons as his other hand goes down to my rear, squeezing harshly as I let out a groan against his mouth.

With our feet stumbling alongside one another, our hands unable to leave each other's bodies, I walked backwards, Harry following, refusing to remove himself from me until my back is pressed up against the logged hollowed walls.

Harry's fingers expertly popped open the button to my shorts, pushing his hand down past the hem of my underwear. I gasp and shudder then whimper when I feel his slender fingers rub over my wet core.

Harry is clearly overjoyed when his lips press to my ear and let's out a satisfied groan.

With his free hand, he grips my rear, his hand going down and gripping my hamstrings, pulling it up and throwing my leg behind him. I raise my other leg, Harry pressing himself harder against me, his fingers working faster making me moan louder.

Harry bites down on my shoulder, causing me to claw at his back, pulling his hair and moaning against his neck.

He began to grind himself against me, only increasing our hot and bothered state for one another.

And as our breathing became rigid, our breaths hitched, eyes fluttered closed, our high was completely tarnished at the sound of a whistle going off, causing our eyes to snap open and stop our movements.

Harry peaked over at the window beside where my head was against the wall and let out a relieved sigh.

"It's just Adams' announcement whistle," He said, fighting to catch his breath. I could only nod.

My body finally catching up to my brain when I realised how far we were getting.

"I think we should stop," He said, pulling away. And though I knew it was best that we did stop, I also didn't want it to, for some reason.

I'm left there, sat a puzzled mess and trying to process what we just did as Harry fixed his composure.

I didn't know what to think. I wasn't in shock, I mean, I was. But I didn't feel regret on letting it happen. Perhaps my hormones got the best of me, and we were both intoxicated in lust for another, but I surely wanted to do it again.

The whole thing wasn't sweet or romantic, it was more aggressive and it aroused me how rough of a direction it was heading towards.

The only thing on my mind is, Please, don't tell me I'd have to pick another fight in order to get him all worked up.

Harry then turned to me, smiling at my hazy state as he stands before me again, pressing a hard kiss to my lips, then moving his mouth towards my ear before he says, "We'll continue this later."

I bite my lip, suppressing the moan that was threatening to leave my mouth at the way his words were like velvet slipping past his soft lips. He turned on his heel, not looking back and ruffling his hair as he walked out the door.

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I love you all loads. I can't wait to continue this book! it's officially no longer on hold! (except when I'm working) yaaay!

- ky

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