song inspo:

moral of the story - ashe

before you go - lewis capaldi

high school sweethearts - melanie martinez

what if i told that i love you - ali gatie

stuck with u - ariana grande & justin bieber

alone together - fall out boy

chapter 30

"And the fact that Adams is letting her get away with missing class? Like, what's with that?" I point out in frustration.

"Mm," Jake mumbles before answering, "That day she ran out of class, she was actually heading to guidance. And then I think she went home. Counselor must've excused her since she was being harassed and whatnot. However, Ray didn't wanna name names, that's why she's not taking extreme action."

It had been nearly a week since me and Ray last spoke. Nearly a week since she closed the door on me, both physically and metaphorically. But I tried not to worry so much. With graduation coming up around the corner, I was bound to see her. In fact, it was in just a few days.

It was difficult for the most part. The more effort I put into trying to contact her, the more effort she put into shutting me out, blocking me out in every possible way she could find. I don't blame her, at all. But I feel like shit. I hated this feeling. I couldn't fight it.

"I just don't know why I cared so much, I was careless knowing she hated me, then. Now? Like, fuck," I grunt, walking back and forth across the wooden floors of Jake's room, eating our takeout McDonald's, or at least he was, as he sat back listening to my tyrant. "I have the courage to drive to her house and wait. I had the guts to throw my own reputation out the window which doesn't phase me a single bit; yet the second I see her, I clam up? What the hell is that? What's with me?"

"Maybe-"

"Maybe she's better off without me. Like you said, I put her through this before. Granted, she became a whole new person but..." I huff, crossing my arms as I look down at my feet. "I just don't know why this bothers me so much."

I look at Jake who's watching me with a raised brow. "Don't know what to tell you, man. You guys clearly got close during that trip. Something must've made you feel... guilty? And perhaps your closeness with Ray triggered something in Mikaela to come up with that, erm... lie about you and Ray at the bonfire?"

Um...

Okay, so maybe I still didn't tell Jake what went on during the trip. And it's not that I didn't want to. But, I don't know. I guess at the time I was ashamed of people knowing that I was hooking up with someone I threw under the bus. Or how people would look at her a certain way if they found out. That... and I also think I didn't want anyone to know and try to replace me.

What?

No, what the hell is wrong with me?

I shake my thoughts away and look at Jake who's looking at me with expectant eyes.

"Um... technically speaking, I, uh..." I can't even look Jake in the eye as I try to confess to him. It's hard, especially with that cold, hard stare he has on me, "So, Mikaela wasn't lying. Ray and I were... you know, we were kinda in the heat of the moment. You know, before she walked in on us. Not that she was walking in anything, I mean, we were literally dead smack in the middle of the forest or whatever. In fact, me and Ray hooked up a couple times... back on the trip..."

It's quiet, way too quiet. And for some reason, I'm in agony wanting to but desperately trying to avoid his gaze.

The fact that he's not saying anything frustrates me. Like, just judge me already! I know he's dying to. I talked so poorly of Ray, I trashed her constantly. Made her life hell and yet... he's quiet?

When I look up at Jake, he's watching me with bored eyes. I furrow my eyebrows at him in confusion. Why does he look... unsurprised? Uninterested?

"Uh... Jake-"

"Dude, if you expected me to be surprised, you're an idiot," He shakes his head at me.

"But-"

"I knew about you and Ray," He says casually with a lazy shrug. I don't say anything. In fact, he continues knowing I was more surprised of his knowledge of it than he was of my telling him, "No one had to tell me. Not even you. And she didn't tell me, either. Before you even try and ask." Jake takes a bite of his burger before going on, "I found out on my own. In fact, I found out within the first few days."

"But... how?" There's no way he knew. I don't believe it for shit. He's gotta be fucking with me right now.

"Dude," He muffles with a mouthful before hogging down some of his fries, "If I'm being a thousand percent honest, you and Ray? Not very good at hiding things. Especially something like that." And before I could ask, given the look of horror I most likely had on my face, he opens his mouth again, "Look, if it makes you feel any better, I've seen some things I don't feel comfortable bringing up."

I stare at him for a moment, making sure he's not serious, "...how the fuck would that make me feel better?"

He shakes his head, trying to swallow down his food as he hastily tries to brush up whatever it is he meant.

"It's not like I saw her or anything," He narrows his eyes at me, "I was just walking to your cabin to hang one night and.. as I'm passing by a window, all I see is a pasty butt, which in no way would be hers, so I just walked away."

"Shut up," I throw a pillow at him to which he shouts, Dude, my fries!

"Look, all jokes aside, I'm not surprised it happened. I'm surprised I saw more than what I bargained for in this friendship but.." He shrugs again, "I'm not surprised."

I give a him a look before shifting my gaze down to my feet. I don't say a thing. If anything, I'm the surprised one.

"I think you've had feelings for Ray since the getgo," He says casually and I shoot my eyes up at him instantly. What? "To this day, you still do."

"Are you fucking mental-"

"You're gonna sit here and tell me you're not in love with her?" He says seriously, his tone a little harsh. And I look at him in bewilderment which makes him correct himself, "Okay, maybe you're not in love with her, but you know for a fucking fact you have feelings for her."

I stammer for a moment. Me? Having feelings for Ray? No. No way. How, why or even what would make him think that?

"Okay, it's one thing to say I..." I stammer again, "No, I don't have any feelings for her. You're crazy. You're out of your mind. All we did was hookup. It's- No, fuck that. You're insane."

Jake shrugs, yet again. "You're in denial. I get that."

"No, I'm not in anything because I don't have feelings for her, Jake," I growl, standing up and eyeing him. But he remains unbothered, nothing phasing him at all.

He just looks at me, the same bored eyes pouring into my angry ones. He stands by what he says. He's not gonna drop it, and I suddenly begin to feel foolish for getting so worked up over his assumption.

Do I...? Do I have feelings for Ray? No. I can't. I mean... No, no. What am I saying? If I had feelings for her, I wouldn't have treated her the way I did. I wouldn't have done any of the things that hurt her.

But at the same time... if I didn't have feelings for her, then why am I feeling like this? Why do I feel... empty?

"It was obvious," He shakes his head, reaching for his fries once more, breaking eye contact. "It's in the way you look at her. The way you talk about her. You might talk to her a certain way, but behind closed doors, you change in an instant whenever she's brought up."

What?

"And you know what made it all the more obvious?" Jake asks but I don't say a word, "During the entire trip, whether you noticed it or not, all you wanted to talk about was her."

I sit back down, sinking in my seat. I mean, I enjoyed making fun of her and knowing I was able to get under her skin in an instant.

I loved the way she fired back in anger, not holding back. How she held her ground and never took shit from me. Her eyes never ogling me like I had gotten used to from others. They usually had a fiery blaze in them. The way her nostrils flare up when she takes a sharp breath in annoyance. The little crinkles that form around her eyes when she scowled. How full her lips look when she purses them in thought. I adored the way her brown eyes looked like honey when the sunlight hits them at just the right angle. Like the day at the canoe. Despite how distracting her chest may have been that day, I was mesmerized by those beautiful big brown eyes.

I was weirdly into the way she would flick her hair off her shoulder with such grace and poise. Not in that gross stuck-up way. I suddenly start to remember back in sophomore and junior year, how every few months, she'd come with new color streaks in her hair. My favorite was when she had purple streaks with silver ends. The color suited her so well. She hardly wore makeup, not that she needed to. And then, her attitude was what really drove me. No matter how harsh she was. I loved picking fights with her. Because as angry as she got, I loved every moment-

Wait. What?

Christ, why am I thinking like this? And about Reagan? I look to Jake, who already has an obvious smirk plastered across his lips.

"I- But how did you..."

"I knew you liked her," Jake says softly. "You always have. Otherwise, you would've never given Tommy Schneider that swirly after the way he was talking about her."

》

I take off almost immediately, running out of Jake's house before speeding off for what feels like the millionth time to Reagan's house.

I can't believe it. I laugh to myself in stupidity. I have feeling for her. This whole time, I have had possibly the biggest crush on her. I mean, I can't say it was obvious but I feel like it should've been. I mean, of course it was.

Don't get me wrong, Reagan, I don't entirely hate the fact that you're my partner.

I mean, I mostly took pieces off Jake's tray but seeing you leave didn't really give me a chance to have my own food.

I didn't come after you, I went after you.

But if you're going... I guess it won't be as dull.

Ray, please. Hear me out. I came here to talk to you. And as stubborn as you are, I wouldn't be here if I didn't care.

There have been moments among others where I openly admit how much I showed interest in her to her face. I can't imagine how many times her name came out of my mouth when I was talking to Jake.

Speaking of, I can't believe it took my own best friend to make me realize I had feelings for her. And he's telling me this now. I wonder when he even realized this, or why he kept it from me for so long.

Was I in love with her? I couldn't tell, given how I'd never actually felt this way, nor am I even familiar with the feeling. But I know how I felt about her, and I can remember the last time hearing a girls name made me feel the way I did when I heard or even said Ray's names.

I knew I kinda liked her as preteens, I think. Maybe. I can't really tell at this point. But now?

I shake the thought away when I approach her house, nearly colliding with another car with an Uber sticker on it as the driver took a sharp turn. I glanced at the license plate before rolling my eyes and muttering, "Asshole."

Two cars were parked up front, one noticeably hers. The other presumably her parents. Hopefully. Either way, she's not alone. Great. But whatever, it shouldn't matter. The point is, I need to talk to her.

I shake the nerves away as I make it to the door and knock, hoping and praying she's the one that answers. But of course, as expected, I'm startled when I see Mrs. Diaz, an older version of literally Ray, standing before me.

And at first, when she sees me, she's a little confused. But after a couple seconds, she immediately has her mouth gaping open, looking me up and down before speaking.

"Harry!? Is that you?" She remarks cheerfully. "Oh my- What? Look at you, you're all grown up!"

"Hi, Mrs. Diaz," I greet uncomfortably. Trying to look past her in hopes of seeing Ray walk by or something.

"Wow, come in! Come in!" She pulls me in hastily, and I'm surprised but do so, anyway. "I haven't seen you in ages, how are you? Do you want something to drink?"

"No thank you," I decline politely. Still no Ray. She's most likely upstairs. I could only hope her mom says my name loud enough for her to hear my arrival. "Uh, I actually came to see-"

"Is that who I think it is?" A deeper, gruff voice startles me. And when I turn, it's none other than Ray's dad who's already approaching me with open arms.

God, this is just getting more and more awkward.

"What brings you here? We haven't seen you since you were, what?" He questions, looking at his wife for an answer, "Since you and Reagan were about 14 or something?"

"Yeah, that's actually why I-"

"What happened to you two, anyway?" Her mother cuts in again. I forgot this is where Ray got her interruption habit from.

"Yeah, we weren't sure what happened to you," Mr. Diaz recalls, "When you and your family moved, I assumed we'd never see you again. However, given how we still talk to your parents now and then, clearly you hadn't."

"We should give them a call," Her mom chimes in, nudging at Mr. Diaz. "We should set up a dinner date with them soon!"

Suddenly, I'm annoyed. If I knew my presence was gonna cause some sort of Brady Bunch reunion bullshit, I'd have just snuck up her bedroom instead of running into her parents. As nice as they are, I really just wanted to see Ray.

"Definitely, I'm sure they'd love to see Reagan," Her dad points out. And at this point, I've had enough, "They probably haven't seen her, either-"

"That's actually why I'm here!" I shout, earning a look from both of them. They're a little taken back by my small outburst, but I had to get their attention somehow. "I actually came for Ray. I was wondering if I could see her. It's kinda of urgent. And as much as I love this catchup with you both, I really need to talk to her."

It's silent, and all they do is glance at each other in confusion. Then suddenly I'm confused. Um...

"Is... is that all right?" I ask, suddenly feeling uneasy by my request.

"Uh," Ray's dad scratches his head, looking at me with sympathetic eyes. What the hell is going on? What, did she suddenly die and they don't wanna tell me? "She's actually not here."

What the fuck? I was kidding.

"But.. her car is outside?" I point out, "Where did she go?"

Her mother gives me a half smile before responding. "She just left to the airport, Harry."

What?

"The airport? Uh, for what?"

What, did I cause her to flee the fucking country? What is going on?

"She's going to Valencia, California. She's staying with her cousin, Sam. You remember her, don't you, Harry?" Her dad asks. Oh, but I do. That was like Ray's best friend until she up and left.

But Ray left? Just like that? I know that I hurt her, but to the point where she decided to take off and and leave? I never thought she'd do something like this. And when I look at her parents, I'm suddenly confused.

"You guys didn't take her?"

"Well, we were going to. But she didn't want us to. Not sure why. All she said was that she needed to clear her mind. You know how hard headed she is," Mrs. Diaz shrugs sadly, "She left just moments before you arrived."

Wait.

"She took an Uber?" Her parents nod and I'm suddenly in panic mode again. "What airport and what airline? Please, I really need to talk to her!"

》

After being given everything I needed to know before her take off, once again, I'm speeding off to find Ray.

It killed me knowing I pushed her to the point where she felt the need to leave. It killed me knowing it had really come down to this. And now all I could think of is the idea of never seeing her again. I couldn't let her leave. Not without her knowing what she meant to me. And this time, I couldn't hold back. Not again. Even if she left, I needed her to know that I tried.

Upon arrival to the airport, it's obviously full of cars but thankfully it isn't as packed as it normally would be. Ray picked a good day for a flight. And that worried me.

I'm searching for her airline on the signs and nearly pass it when something catches my eye. Not just the symbol for the airline drop off gate, but the same license plate I had my eye on earlier had just pulled off.

Hold on. Does that mean...?

When I look towards the door, I see a familiar figure that I just knew had to be her already walking in with a luggage in hand.

Ray.

Fuck! I grunt in frustration. I'm here, now how the fuck do I get in there? I look around, a lot of cops and various security guards are signaling for cars to move now that the drop off area was getting a little crowded. My car being among the heavily grown crowd. But instead, I pull up to the spot where the Uber previously stayed. And though I know I was going to be in deep shit for this, I couldn't give a fuck less as I jump out, watching Ray through the large windows heading towards baggage claim.

I'm already filled with excitement as I try to run up to her, but I'm immediately stopped when a large portly man stops in front of me.

"Excuse me," He says, getting in my face to grab my attention. "Are you aware you parked your car in a no parking zone? This is drop off, meaning drop off and get out."

"Please, sir. I just really need to talk to someone-"

"Tough luck, buddy," He pats my back, pushing me towards my car and ignoring my claims, "Had plenty of time to say goodbye before. Now get in your pretty little car and leave."

"I just really need to-"

"I need you to leave, sir," The man demands, a smug look on his face I just really wanted to get rid of.

"Can you just give me a chance to-"

He shakes his head, "You had plenty of chances to-"

"But can you just-"

"There's nothing I can do," The man is clearly getting annoyed but I'm way past that.

"I just-"

"Start pulling out of the lot, please."

"Sir-"

"Have a good day-" He shoves, and at that point, I just snapped.

"Hey!" I shout, startling him and several ongoers, "Give me a ticket. I couldn't care less! But I have to do something, and I'm not letting someone like you stand in my way! I respect your job and you doing what needs to be done... but right now, I just really need you to kindly fuck off."

The man glares at me, to which I ignore and take off. Not caring about his hollering and calling after me. I didn't care. I needed to talk to Ray. I just hoped this guy wouldn't get me arrested.

I run in, seeing Ray from a distant and that she had only just left the kiosk, holding onto a bunch of slips before walking towards a large line. And at that moment, all I could think was, this was it. It was now or never. She's a couple feet away and here I am. Ready and more scared than ever as I begin to sprint towards her.

"Ray!" I call out, seeing her shoulders bunch up as she turn; her eyes immediately finding mine and widening at my sudden appearance. She looks around in bewilderment, clearly not believing what she's seeing. And as I approach her, the annoyance on her face is evident. "Reagan-"

"What the hell are you doing here?"