chapter 17

When the dinner bell rings, I practically went flying out the door, taking long strides to the cafeteria. The flashback I had of me and Harry as kids only worsened my mood.

Since our friendship ended, there was nothing but pure hatred. Eight years of friendship only to be taken through four years of hell with each other always at our throats with gruesome fights and harsh insults thrown back and forth.

However, that one flashback had made me miss him for the first time in years. The memory made me want to rekindle that bond I once had with Harry. He was my best friend, and though we've both moved on, the friendship we had was very rare and genuine.

Don't get me wrong, though. I know our friendship went down the drain but even now, even if we did want to call a truce and be friends again, it'd be a tad difficult given the circumstances. That being our sexcapades that happened not even 24 hours ago. It'd probably be awkward.

Sure, it's not awkward now but that's only because we're not friends. We can't stand each other, at this point we only tolerate one another; but that's just for show. We kinda have to if we wanna survive this trip.

Us hooking up was never planned, clearly. But us ending up hating each other was something I never saw coming, either.

The day Harry ended our friendship was burned in my memory. If someone were to tell me four years ago that Harry and I would no longer be friends, I wouldn't believe them.

The minute I stepped through the door of the cafeteria, I was on the lookout for Mikaela. When I noticed her dirty blonde her, I practically ran towards the table she was sat at and sat across from her in an impatient manner.

"How many fights now? Twenty? Fifty?" She asks just by the look on my face.

"Uh..." I stagger a moment, fidgeting with my hands, "No fights actually. Almost. But no."

"Why do you look like you've seen a ghost? Or worse, Jason's pencil dick," She looks at me with wide eyes, before laughing at my uneasy expression. "Ray, chill; it was just a joke. Seriously, what's buggin' you?"

"It's nothing. It's actually something I have to tell you," I sigh, "And it's not a big deal depending on how you take it..."

"How I take it- Wha... Oh my god, Ray, are you pregnant?"

"No!" I shout defensively. "God, why is that every time I have something important to say, it's always the assumption of me being knocked up? You know how I feel about kids, Kae-"

"Okay, okay! My bad!" She puts her hands up in defence, as well, "So tell me, what's up?"

I didn't know how to come out with it. I can either break it down or just flat out say it. I didn't know how Mikaela would take the news. I knew that I shouldn't be so concerned about how I should tell her and it shouldn't matter considering she's my best friend. Despite this being her idea. I still feared her opinion of me. I couldn't care less how others thought of me, but my best friends opinion of me mattered more than anything.

Before my mind can catch up with my mouth, I'm already blurting out what I had decided to want to ease into.

"I had sex with Harry." I didn't even hide my face or cup my mouth for accidentally dropping a bomb like that on her.. I didn't react at all. I just watched Mikaela. I watched closely as she froze, face dropping slightly as if she doesn't believe what she just heard. She looked all over my face, as if hoping I'm kidding. But I don't move.

"Are- Are you joking?" She practically squeaks out in astonishment.

"I wish I were," I try to lighten up a bit, making the topic less worrisome for her. For her sake I just hope she isn't gonna be mad about this. It'd be a truly dumb reason to be mad about, if that's the case.

"I just-" Mikaela's eyes are darting around the room, as if really trying to process this. "I don't even... How'd- But like, what-"

"Look, it just happened." I tell her seriously. "It was in the heat of the moment, we broke out in an argument, there was teasing and then it just.. It happened."

There's a long pause. The air is thick filled with awkwardness before one of us can say a word.

"How was it?" She asks, her expression showing obvious discomfort.

"Please don't look at me like that. If anything, you were the one that suggested I do it-"

"Yeah, but I didn't think you actually would," She defended herself, "You're not actually pinning your mistake on me, are you?"

"My mistake?" I scoff, "Because I took your advice, me going by it makes it a mistake?"

"I didn't think you'd do it," She repeats.

"But I did, because you advised me to."

"But only because I didn't think you'd-"

"Is that the only way you can defend yourself right now?" I ask Mikaela seriously. "What's really bugging you about this?"

"It's not that it's bugging me, it's that you did it."

"So?" I watch as she stammers on her own words. "You told me to go for it, I went and did it, I enjoyed it, now you're mad that I did what you told me to do? If anyone's to blame, it's you, Mikaela. But if I'm being honest, I don't regret doing what I did."

"How's that possible?" Mikaela asks with a nasty scowl on her face, "Just yesterday, you were legitimately disgusted with the idea."

"Yeah, until you brought how long it'd been since the last time I was sexually active so excuse me for being a hormonal teenager," I retort.

"But of all people, Harry? I think I'd be less mad if it were Jake-"

"What do you have to be mad about? It was your advice. What, do you like Harry or something?" I ask her, watching her grow even angrier.

"Why on earth would I consider liking someone as awful as Harry? The only reason I hated him was for your benefit-"

"My benefit? I didn't ask you to hate him for me, I just assumed you hated him for the way he ruined my life freshmen year," My blood begins to boil at the memory.

However, Mikaela's face went relaxed and I assumed it was from the memory, as well.

"I thought you didn't wanna talk about that ever-"

"I didn't wanna bring it up," I roll my eyes and turn away from her.

Mikaela only sighs, "Look, I do hate him for doing... that to you. And, I'll admit, it was my mistake for suggesting you sleep with him. I mean I honestly didn't think you'd do it, but then again, it's you. You're known to be a risk taker at times. I just," She sighs again, "I just didn't expect this to be a risk you'd be willing to take."

"At the moment, I wasn't thinking about it. It wasn't in my head when we went at it. For once, I was able to look at him and not be reminded of how he-" I couldn't even finish, let alone find, my words when I felt the lump in my throat begin to well up. I felt like my insides had been ignited by the anger slowly consuming me.

"Do you wanna talk about it-"

"No," I answer immediately. "No, it's whatever. It's in the past. I moved on and so has he. It's over now. He did what he did." And though Harry refused to admit it, I knew deep down he was guilty of it.

The thought slowly making me rethink my choice.

October 18, 2012 / Thursday afternoon

"Stay away from me, Harry," I tried to walk home faster as the school parking lot began to grow crowded, tears brimming heavily on my eyes.

"It was just a joke-"

"Well, I didn't find it funny!" I yelled louder, taking bigger steps to increase our distance.

"It wasn't meant to go around the whole school-"

"But you let it!" I cried out, finally turning towards him with tears running down my cheeks. "I can't believe you'd do that to me, I thought we were friends-" I screamed, smacking and punching his chest multiple times.

But he didn't flinch. Not once.

No matter how hard I tried, he wouldn't be able to feel the pain I was in at this moment. It was unbearable. My heart was in immense agony and words couldn't describe how much I hated Harry from that day on.

I stepped away from him, knowing it was no use. Harry's eyes showed signs of guilt but he wasn't sorry for what he did. That I can definitely guarantee for a fact.

"Fuck you, Harry," I spat as I took farther steps away from him, "You're dead to me."

And I took off, the bitterness in my heart dispersing and slowly turning into emptiness.

From that day on, despite the events of that exact day, it was also the day that changed me in a way I hoped would go away forever.

But it didn't. It never did.

+

It actually hurt me writing this because I never planned what exactly happened between Harry & Reagan but now that I have the idea, it hurt my own heart writing this. the whole story will be explain further in a future chapter. hope you guys liked this one.

- ky

qotd: what do you think harry did?