FOUR

IT'S MORNING all over again. It seems like the nights are short and the mornings are eternal here. I'm having a difficult time adjusting to the time zone and to being here, really. Some part of me is not willing to accept the reality of my situation, it's like that portion of myself is still waiting for me to wake up from this torment. Sometimes I even think Sebastian isn't real.

I'm still in the living room, sitting on the same couch as yesterday. I slept here last night because I didn't want to go back into that bedroom. I tried to go inside the room to have some sort of barrier divide me from Sebastian and lock myself away from him, but once I stepped foot in, the walls looked like they were closing in on me. I felt claustrophobic, and thought sleeping on the trashy piece of couch was safer.

Despite feeling somewhat secure in the living room, I was still anxious all last night, thinking that Sebastian could come up to me at any moment and do something while I slept. I took turns sleeping for a hour and forcing myself to wake up and stay awake for another hour to keep myself guarded.

Sebastian hasn't come back since he left yesterday. During the hours I stayed awake, I took the time to pray that he would realize I wasn't worth the trouble and leave me behind.

As I stare at a wall that's on the other side, the hinges of the door creak, causing me to narrow my gaze from off the wall and to the door as Sebastian walks in. He looks scruffy with his clothes mangy and brushed with a coat of sand, making his black jeans and long sleeve shirt appear grey. He stands by the entrance and starts patting his jeans down to dust the sand off them, his hands making a soft platter on the denim. He then grabs the hem of his shirt and tugs at it until it matches the same dull shade as his jeans.

He trudges over to the coffee table, ignoring the shattered plate on the floor as he steps over it, and levels one of his foot on the rim of the wood to sweep the bits of sand and dirt that powder the tops of his boots. He does the same with the other boot, but before he sets down his foot, he peers over to me, finally acknowledging my stare. With his forehead plucked and eyes regretful, Sebastian's mouth gaps to speak but quickly shuts it and clenches his jaw.

Silence swirls between us, except for the sound of his foot hitting the ground as I continue to stare, waiting for him to talk. He takes his gaze away from me to look at his hands. I notice they're ashy, and his palms are cracked as he begins to pull each of his fingers individually.

With his jaw still set, Sebastian dawdles over each finger once more. He's stalling; he's trying to come up with what to say. He cracks the last pair of fingers and looks up to me. His eyebrows are bent down creating a wrinkle between them and he takes a gulp before he speaks.

"I'm sorry for what happened yesterday." Sebastian pauses and takes a step near me. He crouches down in front of the couch. "I was going to come back last night, but I didn't want to push it, so I slept along the shore."

I don't care.

Sebastian stretches his arm to me and his fingers nudge the skin on my knuckle. His eyes implore me to say something, but I don't. The word 'sorry' loses its meaning each time it drips off his tongue. I grab his hand and toss it off my skin, boring my eyes into him. I slip my hands behind my back and bring my legs up on the couch to get them closer to me.

"I want to shower." Sebastian's eyelids droop in disappointment as he momentarily thinks.

He stands up and walks to the hallway that connects the two rooms. When he realizes I'm not following behind he turns around and raises an eyebrow at me, his hands gesturing at something in between the hall, "The shower is over here."

I bring my hands out from behind my back and set them on each side of me. Putting my legs down, I drive myself off the couch. I guide over to Sebastian to a door that sits the middle of the hallway. I hadn't noticed it before.

He opens the door and goes in, but I remain lingering by the entrance. I'm afraid he'll cast me to the ground and bang my head on the wood until I loose conscious so he can lock me inside this room too.

Anything is possible.

His eyes roam around my face, trying to understand what I'm thinking, before he speaks again. "Stay here while I go get the water." Get the water? I want to ask but he brushes past me before I can.

The front door opens and closes as I walk into the bathroom. There's no sink nor toilet, just a mirror and a shower stall with metal doors against the wall. I get close to the stall and see it doesn't even have a shower head. The corners of my mouth quirk down.

Sebastian returns holding two of those five gallon buckets with water in them. He sets the buckets down and opens the metal door and thrusts the buckets inside, causing water to splash onto his shirt. He lets out a huff of breath and twists his back side to side.

He goes to the door and reaches out for something in the hall. He walks up to me and hands me a plastic bowl with a bar of soap and body towel inside. "There's no indoor plumbing here so we're not allowed to have toilets or sinks. There's two public restrooms located in the center of the village if you have to use the bathroom."

I remain silent and stare at the buckets of water.

"So, you're going to have to shower with rainwater." Sebastian pauses and looks over at the buckets inside the stall. "I've been collecting rainwater in tanks over the past months, so if there's still water left over after your shower don't waste it."

Hearing him say past months makes me uncomfortable and want to cry, but I just nod and grab the bowl out of his hands.

"I'll leave a towel and clothes on the floor while you're showering."

I frown and shake my head, "No, give them to me now." I acerbically snap.

"I have to look for the things and it's going to take awhile. I already told you before that I'm not going to do anything to you." His tone sounds assertive and honest.

I want to open my mouth to bite back but I don't want to argue anymore, instead, I press my lips into a fine line. If I want complete answers from Sebastian, I need a different approach that won't upset him enough to keep quiet. Sebastian takes my silence as an okay and walks out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

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Sebastian kept his word and only went inside the bathroom the leave a towel and clothes. He did it so fast and quiet that I didn't even hear him open the door and come inside to leave the things.

Wrapping the towel around my naked body, I wipe the fog on the mirror, and after a long time, I get a look of myself. My hair is still the caramel hue it has always been, and my eyes are still the russet color they've always been, except they look wan and bleary. My skin is loosing its swarthy tone and turning jaundiced with hints of pink around some areas on my face. I'm skinnier too. My cheeks are sunk into the flesh of my face that it makes my eyes look bigger and the shape of my face appears to be long opposed to the heart figure it had before. Before my collarbones weren't visible, but looking into the mirror I can see them.

I look dead. I should be dead.

I unwrap the towel and cover the mirror with it, sadden and disgusted at the reflection of myself. I take the underwear that's on the pile of clothes on the floor and put it on, not daring to think where this pair of underwear came from. Then, forcing myself, I put on the matching color sports bra. It's beyond sickening to put on the intimate clothing Sebastian gave me, but I would rather wear the bra than to be bare around him.

I grab the tan cargo pants and shove my feet through each leg. The pants fits large around my waist so I fold the top of it a few time and throw the white T-shirt over my head. The wispy threading of the shirt clings onto the droplets of water on my upper body and makes the fabric sheer.

Opening the door, I cross my arms over my chest before walking out. My wet feet slide on the wood as I move to the living room. The shattered plate has been picked up and the mess of sand Sebastian left behind earlier has also been cleaned up. But he's not here. I know he's close when I spot his boots leaning against the wall near the door.

From outside, the wooden floorboards of the porch creak. I walk over to the door and go outside. The ground of the porch is warm that it dries my feet a bit as I approach the edge of it to sit down. Sebastian is sitting on the far edge, digging his feet into the sand. His eyes are closed, but I know he senses my presence when the corner of his mouth twitches upward.

I cross my legs underneath me. "I have more questions," He swiftly opens his eyes and tilts his head towards me.

"Okay," Sebastian tries to give me a smile, but I can feel his discontent.

"The day I passed out on the floor, I blacked out for more than one night?"

He nods, "Two days," Sebastian continues when he sees my haunt expression, clearly understanding what I'm thinking. "I didn't drug you, it was probably from the side effects.

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?" He questions as he sinks his feet deeper into the sand. I wish it was quicksand so it could drag him far away from me and eat him alive.

I clear my throat to stop myself from letting out a snivel. All I do is cry which only shows him how pathetic I am. "How were you able to get me past security at the airport all drugged and stuff. How did you get past all the cameras there?"

Sebastian takes a while to answer, like he's debating on what to say. "I just made you unrecognizable,"

I frown at his response, but continue, "You knew exactly who I was when you took me." His shoulders rise and his breathing paces down before giving me a curt nod. Knowing the truth is making me sick. Sensing a swirl of toxins in my stomach churn, I hunch over the edge and vomit.

"Va-"

"I'm not done yet asking questions." I choke out once finished emptying my stomach onto the sand. "How do you know me?"

Sebastian's features sullen at the question and his gaze is begging me to not make him answer the question. I comply and ask him something else, because eventually he'll have to tell me.

"I could go back to that lady from yesterday and tell her what you did." I switch the direction I'm going to challenge him just to see how far I can push it.

"No one is going to 'help' you because there's no danger you're in."

I press my jaw together and slit my eyes at Sebastian. He's completely delusional. If these people aren't able to help me then I can always ask for a phone to call for help. The island cannot be totally disconnected from the outside world they have to have telephones around.

As if he could read my mind, Sebastian begins to talk again. "There's no service here, you know. Access is limited that helicopters don't even have the range to fly over here."

He's lying. A village of people cannot be completely isolated from the world.

I don't speak, neither cry. I don't scream. I simply stare at Sebastian for a minute, wanting him to look at me and see himself through my eyes, or just have him look at the emotions on my face. He doesn't look for long when he gets a nudge of what I'm trying to do.

I stand up and go inside. Walking until I'm back inside the familiar room. I slam the door shut with the force of my anger, the walls and the window shudder at the impact. I press my back against the door and slide down, mentally begging the walls to close in on me again.

Sebastian is still here and he's never leaving. I'm never leaving.

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