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TWENTY-FOUR


WHEN I was young, barely the age of seven, I had convinced myself I was special because I had parents that were different compared to my friends', and because I knew things other kids my age didn't. It had been drilled into my head that I was mature for my age, both mentally and physically. It felt good to know that there was something embedded in me that made others look and notice me. It made me feel, almost, like I was sitting on top of the world.

What I didn't realize, it would grab the attention of the wrong person. Looking at Sebastian everyday made me realize I wasn't 'special', I was just desperate and seeking for something to validate me.

"Are you hungry?"

I look up from the notebook I have laid open on the ground just as Sebastian is walking into the living room with a box in his hands. I shake my head at his question and return to shading in a row of triangles I have sketched along the edge of the paper.

"You didn't finish your plate this morning,"

Lifting a shoulder, I add more pressure to the pencil and darken my shading. "I'm not hungry."

Sebastian merely sighs and walks to the couch behind me and sets down the box. He lingers behind me for a moment, probably looking down at my notebook as I feel his stare pierce the top of my head. I slip the pencil into the middle of the page and close the notebook, to which he clears his throat and returns to the place he stood.

"What's in the box?" I ask as Sebastian sinks a hand into his back pocket and leans his shoulder against the wall.

The brim of his lips pull slightly upward and his eyebrows raise. "Clay. I thought maybe you'll want to do something with it."

The clay is in a different box than the one it was in last time, it's much smaller and it wouldn't possibly fit the sculpture I did of Sebastian's face, and I wonder what he did with it.

"I don't." I cut him off from any ideas beginning to rack up in his head.

His mouth forms a small 'O', "Okay, well if you change your mind, it's there for you."

I don't respond and, instead, look down at my lap and run my thumb over the spiral binding of the notebook. Sebastian doesn't get the hint that I want to be left alone now and continues to stand there in silence, staring me down.

Maybe, he wants to ask me what I did with that photograph of the ocean. He probably believes I ripped it up and threw it out, and I'm okay with that. I want him to think I did the worst to that photograph, it's better than him knowing I saved it.

From side of my eye, I catch Sebastian's shoes slowly to inching away from the wall and towards me. I look up as we walks past me and I follow his movements. He glances at me, brief, and slouches down on the couch beside the box with legs set apart and the base of his neck drooping up. It's unlike Sebastian to see him so...relaxed and idle.

"What?" He asks and I realize I've been staring at him for far too long than needed to.

"I...are you okay?"

Sebastian closes his eyes and smiles small. "I think so."

We both sit there in our own quietude, and I know this is the right time to leave, but I can't get myself to get off the floor. It's like the wooden planks are splintering me set onto the ground.

I lick my lips and pick at the cuticle around my thumb. "Why did you leave Spain?" My voice compact and hesitant, barely a strain.

Sebastian's eyes open and the muscles in his cheeks twitch as he straightens himself up. He swallows and tips his head sideways, quickly scanning my face to reassure himself I did ask him that.

"It wasn't for me." He simply answers.

"You said you got caught up in some mess,"

Surprised that I remembered, or maybe that I actually gave him my attention that day, Sebastian's face softens and he gives me single nod.

"Yeah," He starts. "I got involved with the wrong people and it screwed me over."

I wait for him to elaborate more, but he doesn't so I push further. "Wrong people, like ones dealing with drugs?"

Sebastian nods again. "It took me awhile to find it in me to leave and get clean." He rubs his chin and sighs, "That's the thing with people from the city, they make you weak and then manipulate you."

"And you don't do the same?"

His eyes slit. "Of course not."

"How long were you there for?" I change the subject.

"Three years."

"Where did you go after you left?"

Sebastian bends forward and places both elbows on his knees, his eyes stretched and his lips pleated. "Philadelphia."

Regret begins to settle deep into the ditch in my stomach and a sour taste in my mouth spreads to the back of my throat. No matter what he does, Sebastian is always going to remind me of home.

"Why...why there?" My voice is high and cracked, and it feels like the words didn't even come out of me. "Out of all the places in the world you went there. What did you go looking for?"

Sebastian's mouth opens but nothing comes out it, and his shoulders stiffen. It's obvious he wasn't expecting me to make that conclusion, but his taken back manner proves to me that I'm right. He did go looking for something and found me instead.

"What makes you think that?"

I shake my head, "Just a thought, but I'm right, aren't I?"

"Partly," He sits back and rolls the sleeve of his shirt just above his wrists. "I went looking for someone, but once I got there, I realized it wasn't worth my trouble."

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter."

I lean in a little and take a close look at his face. "Your mom," I state because his expression says it all, it was the same one he wore that day he told me about his childhood.

And it gives me some gratification to have Sebastian mostly figured out that it keeps him on the edge.

"Yes, is that what you wanted to hear?" He scowls. "She figured out where they had put me after she ran off and who I was with at the time and sent me a letter. She told me to come find her in Philly because she wanted to explain herself."

"So you didn't go looking for her?"

"No," Sebastian scoffs and pushes his hair back. "I didn't want to hear anything that came out of her mouth. Her apology was pastdue."

"Weren't you curious?"

His eyes flicker back and forth. "She wasn't my problem anymore." He says like it's the most obvious thing. "She passed away a couple days after I got there anyways."

There's no doubt he saw her passing as a fucking sign of some sort, just shows how untouched he is with reality.

And I begin to think about my mom, about what I would do or say if I were to see her again. I think I would only be able to apologize. I'm sorry for ruining your things. I'm sorry for not making you happy and not being what you had hoped for. I'm sorry for arguing with you the last time we saw each other. I'm sorry for being your daughter. I'm sorry I got kidnapped. I'm sorry...so sorry.

"A month is over," I whisper, sudden and slow.

Sebastian stares at me intently. "What?"

"October is over." I start speaking without really meaning to. "I have seven months."

"Okay," The vein running down the side of his neck throbs alongside his Adam's apple. "If you still want to go after those seven months, I'll take you to the edge of Rarotonga, but I won't go with you." Sebastian breathes deeply through his nose. "Just count down those months to yourself, I don't need to know."

He takes a final look at me and closes his eye before seeing my reaction.

"If you're scared about me turning you in, don't." The words slip off my tongue before I'm able to even process what I'm saying. "As long as do your part, I won't turn you in, just let me go and disappear for good." Sebastian opens his eyes and his nose twitches. "I could come up with a story and tell them I never heard you speak or saw your face, that I spent the entire time chained up in some basement."

He brings a hand up to his face and runs it down the side, never breaking eye contact.

"It would be like you never existed." I finish.

Sebastian turns away and the light streaming from outside gleams on his eyes and I can see the sadness ready to leak through. He doesn't want to be forgotten, he wants to sit on top of my world and be noticed because he's just as desperate as me for validation. It hurts to compare him with me, but I tell myself it's the only way for me poke holes into him. It means nothing more than that.

"Your words say something different than your eyes, do you know that?" Sebastian finally speaks up.

"Believe what you want." Is all I can say.

He extends a hand out and steers in forward, brushing his fingers over the side of my face and tucking my hair behind my ear. "Stop fighting."

I won't.

Sebastian runs his fingers down the length of my hair and pulls away, but I still feel his touch. "I saw how your eyes were glistening that day in the water, how you looked at me." He says.

No, no, that's not how it was. My throat parches by the heat of his stare and I try to swallow, but everything feels too dense and he continues without getting anything from me. "I saw that same look in your eyes when I showed you that picture. A part of you is accepting."

I don't respond, but instead, I get up from the floor quick and lower my head so Sebastian can't catch the look on my face and walk back to my room with neither of us saying anything to each other because we both know he might be right.



━━━━━━



In all honesty, I both hate and like this book, which explains why I don't update as frequently. This book has been up since last year and my writing has change drastically since then, and when I go back to read any chapter between 1 and 12, I cringe terribly. In the near future, I will be going back and changing a few things, nothing drastic.

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net