FOURTEEN

SEBASTIAN STAYS silent, but I can hear the hum of his breathing and feel the burn of his stare in the dark as the rain thunders down heavier. I watch the shadowy figure of his arm reach up to his face.

He exhales deeply, "I'll got get some candles." He says as he walks past me, his shoulder faintly touching mine for a moment.

He doesn't walk far, for I hear his steps stop somewhere near. Probably the kitchen. A drawer opens and the sound of objects being pushed around echoes in between the silence. From the corner of my eye, I see a gleam of fire spark as at the same time it makes a quite click like sound. I watch Sebastian's hand bring a lighter to a candle wick.

His eyes flicker towards me and stares at me lowly, causing my stomach to churn. He stands there looking for a heavy second before he plods in my direction. The reflection of his face looks disfigured under the glare of the candle-almost unlike himself. He's too calm.

"I don't think we can go on like this," Sebastian eventually speaks. "It's not doing us any good."

I recoil at the word 'us' and make it evident to him as my mouth mangles in displeasure. "I don't care what you think."

My eyes follow Sebastian's movements as he roughly sets down the candle on the coffee table. He then reaches into his back pocket and takes out a handful of tealight candles. I watch him light each one individually and place them alongside the edge of the table, away from all the paint brushes. The space is still dim, but the candles provide enough brightness to see each other.

"I think that should be enough," Sebastian mutters, obviously refusing to acknowledge anything I'm saying to him. I clamp my jaw and cross my arms over my chest firmly.

"Ignoring me won't make all the hate and disgust I feel for you go away," I want to get closer to him to clearly see his expression but I don't. It's too much of a risk. "None of this is going to get better no matter what you do or what you tell yourself."

"Just stop talking." Sebastian's voice is onerous but pleading; weak. Despite his tone being harsh, his posture continues to be composed.

I dryly huff, "You thought this was going to be easy," I state because there's no doubt he actually did believe that. "You can't just kidnap someone and except them to be okay with it. It doesn't work that way."

His eyes flare at me momentarily before he brings his sight down to the candles. His hand extends towards the larger candle and I see the outline of his finger lightly begin to trace the carved design of the candle. "I knew it wasn't going to be easy," He stops tracing and looks up at me. "I just thought by now you would've accepted this."

Accept?

I tempestuously shake my head. He's utterly delusional. "You kidnapped me," I repeat.

My words trigger something in him for his eyes quiver around my face as if tying to make me understand him in some way. "I already told you it's not like that."

"Then what is it like!" The sound of my voice raises to a clamor with each word that is spit out. "Why can't you just tell me?"

I watch the corner of Sebastian's mouth sink downward, causing his smile lines to be the most noticeable feature on his face right now. From the corner of his eye, Sebastian steadily looks at me before his eyes fall back on the candle. How I wish he could burn under the flame.

I grab a handful of my hair and twist it into some kind of knot. Exhaling, I take a small step towards him. "You want me to accept this," I say, deliberately, contradicting what I said earlier about not caring what he thinks. "Give me a reason to."

He doesn't respond. The air is still as I watch him fiddle the fabric of his dark jeans in between his fingers. Felling my stare, he immediately stops his tense actions and enshrouds his hands behind him. Sebastian stands motionless, as if my words have taken the life out of him the same way his have done to me.

I give him a good look and huff at his pathetic uneasiness, before I turn my back against him and walk towards the door. I lean my shoulder against the door frame and look outside the window. The island continues to be tenebrous with low, vast clouds hovering over the ocean and squalls of heavy rain. I silently observe the palm trees drive close to the ground as their leaves violently thrust. I'm not going to speak until he does.

I lean into the glass of the window and blow onto it until it fogs. I bring my hand up and outline the shape of a cloud onto the glass with my finger, wishing to be one of them; here for a moment and gone for the next. Wishing I could be as light as them and fade away with a simple breeze.

"You're yourself here,"

My finger slips off the window and I turn around to Sebastian. "What?"

With a forehead coated in sweat, he stares at me with a troubled look, struggling to find the correct words to say. "You're you here," He repeats in a low voice. "You don't hide yourself like you did back...there."

My lips part as I swallow, crossing my arms over my stomach and straightening my back. "You're the one who doesn't know what they're talking about."

"Maybe," Sebastian shrugs innocently as he brings his hand up to his beard and scratches it with his palm. "But you've expressed yourself ways you never allowed yourself to do so before-although it's mostly negative," He trails off to look at me, to confirm it's okay to go on. "But it's more expression than what I've seen from city you, who always did what you were told."

My throat is withered of words as I try to pick up my tongue to speak, but it's no use. My mind is pumping with all these words to say but my mouth doesn't want anything to do with what's going on in my head. Thunder crackles behind me and I wince at the sharp sound. I wrap my arms tighter across my body and shake my head at Sebastian.

He bends down to the coffee table and picks up the large candle. He hold it in his hand for a moment, and then ambles towards me. I take a step back but, with his other hand, Sebastian reaches for my arm and extends it out to him. "Your mind is free here," He opens the palm of my hand and places the candle there. He then wraps his hand over mind and adds pressure to it so that my fingers are able to gasp a hold on the candle. "You're free here."

His hand leaves mine and he quickly turns around, and goes over to the box that has the clay. He lingers above for a minute before he crouches down to pick up both the pouch of sculpting tools and the box of clay from off the floor. He throws the pouch inside the box and then places it on the couch on top of the other cardboard box.

"I don't feel free," I say, the words finally finding their out of me. I'm not sure if Sebastian heard me but I don't repeat myself as I watch the back of him look inside the box.

After seconds, his back turns away from me and I'm back at looking at his face under the weak light. He stares back just for a split second that I would've blinked I would have missed it. He ignores me as he stretches his arm over the center table and grabs all the brushes along with the paint palette. He also places those on the couch beside the boxes.

"That painting of you," He begins to say but his tone his doubtful, like if he's regretting even saying anything. "The one of the butterfly. It isn't what you think. It told a different story than what you saw."

I dig my fingernails into the wax of the candle and eat down the lump caught in between neck. Sebastian sighs, "I know it looked wrong, but that wasn't my intention."

Avoiding looking at me, Sebastian saunters over to the painting he was working on and take it off the easel. From the side of my eye, I see him run his finger over the hole he made with the brush. He shakes his head to what seems to be in disappointment, or perhaps in dispirit.

"It still doesn't make you a better person," My voice is cramped but loud enough to not go ignored by him again.

Sebastian's shoulders tighten at my words which causes him to look taller. At his sudden reaction, I steadily walk backwards closer to the door. I try to be as obscure as possible, but I don't go unseen by him as he turns his head over to me. He watches me closely with beacon, tawny eyes.

"I never said I was," From behind, I quickly clutch the handle of the door with my free hand. If he does something, I can throw the candle at him and buy enough time to run. Maybe I'll manage to set this house on fire-or him. "But, I'm working on it."

Sebastian notes my alarm and discomfort, and takes his painting with him to the other side of the room. I don't let go of the handle. I watch the outline of his body walk into the unlit kitchen and hear the sound of something being put down on the floor, the painting maybe? I lose vision of him for a moment before I hear his voice.

"You are free, you just don't know how."

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