Do you know who you are?

Not just the obvious parts, the simple things. Not just your name, where you grew up, or your favourite colour.

Do you know who you are? Not who your family thinks you are, not who your friends think you are. Do you know who you are?

Away from the crowds, away from society. Away from the prying eyes, away from the questions. Away from the rules.

When push comes to shove... do you know who you are?

To me, the question has never been— are you a good person, or a bad person? Instead, it's always been— do good things happen to you, or do bad things happen to you?

Do you know who you are? Do good things happen to you, or do bad things happen to you?

Are you a butterfly? Or, are you a moth?

My mind took a second before it registered what  exactly the rattling noises were. Currently, my mind was relaxing in the emptiness. It was basking in the emptiness, as if the emptiness was sun and I was vitamin D deficient. It took me a second, before I registered what was happening.

But, I wasn't scared, when my mind finally realized. If I had been home, in my ground floor apartment, I would have been. I would have jumped to my feet. I would have reached under my mattress, where I kept the dull steak knife that I never went to sleep without. I would have prepared my body, and my mind for a fight.

Because when I was there, I knew who I was. I was a person who had bad things happen to them.

I wasn't there. I was here. I was in my shiny new town. There were no monsters here. Or, maybe there were monsters here, but they weren't the kind of monsters I was scared of.

Instead, my mind was slow. It took its time before commanding my tired, almost asleep eyes to flutter open. I could barely see through the darkness, I had to let my eyes adjust. I squinted, finding the doorknob like I needed to confirm the noise for myself.

Sure enough, it was moving. Back and forth, back and forth, over and over again.

But, I wasn't scared. I was just annoyed.

I felt my chest push all the air out of my lungs, as if I needed to portray that annoyance through sound. I shook my head as I threw the blankets off my body, swinging my legs to the side of the bed as I sat up.

All the while thanking the universe that I plenty of experience with drunk people.

"Micheal?" I asked, my voice groggy and giving me an idea just how long I had been peacefully suspended between awake and asleep.

"Micheal?" I groaned again, and I pushed my feet onto the floor. The rattle of the doorknob stopped, but there was no answer.

"Jaylen?" I continued, my annoyance only pushing further through me. "Teddy? Whoever the hell it is! Daisy said you couldn't sleep here! There's only one bed and it's mine now."

I continued walking towards the door, my eyes slowing adjusting to the darkness that filled the room. I could see the outline of someone at the sheer door, and to my somewhat relief, it wasn't a gang of silhouettes. It was just one.

At least I wasn't going to have to shoo away all of Daisy's drunk friends. One was annoying enough.

I let a final exasperated breath roll through me as I shook my head, my annoyance reaching a peak inside me as I unlocked, and ripped open the door.

And instantly, my annoyance faded, and whatever nerves were hiding unseen to me beneath that annoyance, faded.

"Hey," Erik smiled at me.

"Oh." The small word left my lips, tasting of confusion.

"Guess I didn't need these," Erik still smiled as he spoke, raising a small set of keys in the air. "Couldn't get the right one to fit."

"What's..." I paused, looking behind him like there would be clues as to what was going on. There wasn't. "What's up?"

"Daisy passed out. Thought we could get to know each other. Thought we could talk, you know... didn't get much chance to while we were at the party," Erik told me.

I felt my brain hesitate as he spoke, noting the way his speech patterns had changed since we had parted ways less than an hour ago. His words were loud, rushed together and excited.

And my nerves came back. All at once, and just as loud as his words.

Erik didn't wait for me to answer, before he stepped into the pool house. My body reacted quickly, but maybe in the wrong way. My body stepped back, increasing the space between us.

Erick shut the door behind him. "Why is it so dark in here? Let's fix that," he said in the same rushed way.

I felt my eyes protest as he flicked on the light, the sudden brightness overwhelming my corneas. I squinted, blinking rapidly.

"That's better," he let out, "now I can see you. And you can see me. Much better."

"Is everything okay?" I asked slowly, my mind still not providing me with reasonable answers, like why my sisters boyfriend was in my room in the middle of the night.

And why my sisters boyfriend was high out of his mind, while he was here.

The second part of my question was clear as day, especially now that I could see him. His eyes, which I had noticed earlier in the night were blue, were now almost entirely black. His pupils had filled his eyes, and it was a sight that I was painfully used to.

"Everything's fine, everything is good. Everything is good. You know, your sister drank too much. She's asleep, and I tried to sleep but fuck, was I bored. So I thought, she got to party, so I might as well party," Erik was bobbing his head as he spoke.

"You want a bump?" He pointed at me as he asked, before he moved towards the dresser that housed my new clothes. He took a vial out from his pocket, dumping a white powder onto the wood. With his other hand, he produced an already-rolled bill, sticking one end into the powder, and the other into his nose.

I felt my jaw tense, just like it had been this afternoon when thinking about Sterling, as I heard the sharp snort he took. This was not good.

"You want one?" He turned his head back, offering me the bill.

"No thanks," I said sternly, my eyes lowering as I observed him.

"Suit yourself," he said, before taking another sniff.  "You know," Erik continued, once he was finished. He turned back towards me, his hand rubbing against his nose. "I thought you'd be down to party."

"Nope," I said, my single word floating into the room alone. I was on alert now. High alert. Drugs made people do things they shouldn't. I just couldn't tell exactly what things Erik was about to do.

Erik walked towards the bed, sitting down against the unmade blankets. He tilted his head at me as I watched him. "Well, come on over.
Let's get to know each other."

My eyes moved, as though I was weighing my options. They moved from where he was sitting, back towards the door behind us.

"Daisy's sleeping," Erik said, causing my eyes to move back towards him. "Her parents are sleeping. Lucinda and Paul... you know," he stopped speaking to chuckle, "you know how much they love me, right? Daisy practically had to beg them to wait a few years before planning our wedding. I'm sure you don't want to wake them. Do you?"

I didn't speak, allowing his words to sink into my mind. Inhad only been here for mere days. I didn't want to cause any problems. Not for myself, and certainly not for Daisy.

"Just come sit, Dahlia," Erik laughed out. "I'm not going to bite."

Slowly, I moved towards the bed. Cautiously, watching Erik with every step I took. I was debating every move I made. Comparing his behaviour to my moms, every time she came home high out of her mind. All the times she would wake me up, with dilated pupils just like Erik's, to tell me every detail of her night with her drug addicted friends.

What were my other options? I could listen to his rambling... or what? Wake up Daisy's parents to tell them their daughters boyfriend was in my bed?

So, I sat. Far enough away from him that I was out of his reach.

"There you go," he exclaimed as I sat. "See! It's fine."

I stared at him, not knowing what else to say.

And he stared back at me.

"Daisy told me earlier, before we met, she told me how much you two look alike. I didn't really believe her, because that girl is one in a million. I thought she meant you look alike in the way that families say that, but no one else can see,"
Erik spoke fast as he continued looking at me.

"And Daisy, your sister... she's like an Angel. I thought that the first time I ever met her. Like, she's so pure. And she was pure, you know, before me. I was her first kiss. Her first fuck. Just so fucking pure. I knew I was always going to marry her, you know. I knew she was going to be the mom to my kids. I knew she would be barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen." He seemed proud of that fact, his eyes glazing over for a second.

"Because she's perfect," he told me. "Just fucking perfect. And she's mine. She'll always be mine, and I like that she's perfect. I'd never do anything to make her any less perfect. Because if she's not perfect, she's not worth anything. It would be like taking an unboxed, never worn vintage Rolex, and wearing it to the club. Just bringing down the value for cheap thrills."

I nodded, though my teeth were still clenched. I was absorbing every single world he spoke, but my mind was racing as I did. How was this man, so different than the man I had met just hours ago?

"So when you walked into her room earlier, damn, I couldn't believe it because you look exactly like her. I mean, your hair is different, and your skin, but your faces are exactly the same. Your bodies are exactly the same," Erik shook his head, laughing again.

"I thought she was one in a million, but I was wrong. You're, you and Daisy, you're two in a million," he seemed to become more serious, tilting his head like he was thinking deeply.

"But, you're the second edition, and she's the first. Does that make any sense?" Erik asked.

But, before I could answer, he leapt at me.

It happened so fast, I blinked and his hands were around my throat. His thumbs were pressing against my vocal chords, not with so much pressure that it hurt.

But with enough pressure that I was terrified. My heart began to pound, so loudly it was all I could think about. The music that was the blood pumping in my veins was the background track, and together, they played the song of my terror.

"It's like..." Erik brought his face so close to mine, I lost sight of his mouth but I felt it against my cheek. "It's like you look like her... but you're worth less. Like a knock off watch. You look just as pretty, but I'm not afraid to rough you up. I'm not afraid to devalue you... because you aren't worth anything compared to her."

I began to panic as he spoke to me, my hands reaching out towards him, trying to claw at him. Trying to wound him, trying to draw blood.

But, they didn't. He pressed his hands against my throat even harder, and my fingers moved to his hands instead. I was trying to pull his hands away from my airway, but it felt as though I had no power inside of me.

I tried to speak; only sounds came out. High pitched, panicked, terrified sounds.

"Shh," Erik mumbled, pressing his lips against my skin. He was kissing my cheek, and my skin began to crawl underneath him. He continued kissing, moving his lips until they were on top of mine. "Shh... it's okay. It's okay. This will be quick. I'll be quick. Be a good girl," he said between sloppy kisses. "It's okay."

He tightened one of his hands on my throat, compensating for the other one as it released it's grip. I began to shake my head, trying desperately to create space between his hands and my body. I was biting down so tightly, I could feel the pain of my flesh caught between my teeth. Blood leaked into my mouth, but still, I bit down.

Erik pushed me back, climbing over top of me while he pinned me against the bed by my throat. I felt my legs kick as I realized what was about to happen. It didn't help. My arms tried to fight against his weight. It did nothing.

I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes as I prepared my soul for how I knew it was about to break. I wasn't foolish. I wasn't naive. I knew what this was. I knew what was about to happen to me.

Erik's hand pulled away my shorts. He ripped them from my body. I heard the tear of the fabric. He was speaking. I couldn't hear him. I could hear my heart beating. I could hear my blood moving through my veins.

I couldn't hear him. But I could feel him.

It was his fingers first, that pushed inside me. I tried to move away. I couldn't. I tried to close my legs. I couldn't. I tried to breathe.

I couldn't.

Until he pushed his penis inside me. I breathed, against my will. A loud, sharp gasp of air that contained no oxygen. There was no oxygen. I was sure of that. This room had no oxygen. My lungs were getting no oxygen. I was trying to pull oxygen into my body, but there was no oxygen to be found.

I tried to breathe each time he pushed into me. I tried. I tried, I tried, I tried. My lungs weren't inflating, they were only being stabbed. Over and over again, I was being stabbed. Each time

I tried to breathe, I was being stabbed instead. I should be bleeding. I must be bleeding.

I was dying. I was sure of it. I was getting no oxygen. I felt my body go limp, it was dead. Wasn't it? It stopped moving. He pushed into me, over and over again, and I stopped moving.
Was I dead?

But my face was wet. My lungs weren't working but my tear ducts were. I was crying. I was crying, so why couldn't I breathe?

Was it because I was dead?

Was it minutes? Was it hours? I could feel everything. I didn't want to feel anything. If I was dead, why could I feel him breaking me? Over and over again, he was breaking me. Why could I feel it, if I were dead?

And then suddenly— everything stopped. And I felt nothing. All at once, there was nothing on my throat. There was nothing inside of me. I lay there, half naked. Only the stretched fabric of my shirt left to cover me.

I blinked. I blinked again.

I wasn't dead. I wished I was.

I could hear him. He was moving. I felt when he left the bed. I didn't move. Could I move?

I could hear his footsteps. He was walking away, towards the door. My lungs still didn't have air in them. Was there air?

I heard the door open.

What happened to me?

"You know Dahlia," Erik said, as he flicked off the light, blanketing the room, once more, into darkness. "You shouldn't open the door like that, next time. It could have been someone who wanted to hurt you."

And then the door slammed shut.

Do you know who you are?

I did.

Maybe, I had forgotten. Just for a second, I had forgotten.

But, I remembered now.

Daisy was the butterfly.

I was the moth.