34. First day at his office

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Dhruv's point of view

Should I do this?

Should I go inside?

But I have done this before and I don't get anything from that.

Why I always feel nervous all the time like I am going in a battlefield without my safety gears?

These all are the questions running inside my head when I stood in front of the white two story building. I can see people coming in and coming out from the building with their files. Some looked fine while some are behaving strangely. But I am not in the place to judge anyone because I am one of them. People who looked calm and composed, maybe more fucked up than me.

I feel the vibration inside my pants pocket and I picked it up when I read the caller ID.

"Do you arrive the place?" Raghav asked me.

I nodded my head but soon answer it in voice as I know he is not in front of me.

"Yes.." I said while looking at the building again.

"What are you feeling?" He asked.

"Nothing." I lied but he knows me batter.

"Dhruv I know this is difficult for you but you have to do this sooner or later. I want to be with you but I have this meeting with commissioner which I can't ignore." His voice filled with genuineness.

"I am fine alone." I said in a flat tone. I don't want him with me.

I don't want him to know how weak and fucked up I am even though he witnessed many of my episodes but still I want him to know the complete truth of my life. No one deserves to know the pain which I carried from years. I don't want people saw me with sympathy or maybe in disgust.

I heard him singh deeply.

"Dhruv, dude this is best psychiatrist I found in the city and I hope he soon change this sentence or at least help you in your suicidal mind. Be nice with him and try to tell him every thing what you feel." He said calmly.

"I'll try." I again said in a flat tone and hang up when Raghav told me the meeting has started and he has to go.

I again looked up and read the clinic name fifth time.

Am I doing the right thing?

I asked again but I know I have to it for the peace of my mind.

I walked inside the building to meet my new psychiatrist.

****

It's been thirty minutes I am waiting outside the cabin of my doctor waiting for my name being called by the assistant and soon she announced my name.

I got from the chair and went inside the doctor's cabin. An man in his mid fifties sitting behind his desk with spectacles, reading some file. He lifted his head from the file and gave me the welcoming smile. He gestured me to sit and close the file which he was reading before. I took a chair in front of him, making myself comfortable.

"So..What is your name young man?" Dr. Gupta, my psychiatrist asked me.

"Dhruv...Dhruv Malhotra." I introduced myself.

"Beautiful name. Do you know the meaning of your name?"

I control hard to roll my eyes in front of him.

Of course I know. Everybody does. Kids learnt it in their 6th standard.

But I nodded my head. I don't want to make the doctor feel offend with my savage answers.

"It means the brightest star." I said while fisting my hand on my lap.

Is that why I am paying this doctor to verify my knowledge in geography. Well I have plenty of that while preparing for IAS and I scored well in
geography.

He nodded his head and then continue "Then why do you think your life is not as bright as your name?"

"Because it's not." I said in a flat tone.

"Why did you think like that?" He was looking at me for the answer. Because it's always like this, it's all because of me and my horrible past. It doesn't let me to move on and keep pulling me to ut. I don't want to drag anyone into this mess.

"My parents wants me to marry a girl whom I see as my friend?" I said looking at him. It wasn't a complete truth but yes, marrying Priya only added troubles in my life. She will suffer because of me and I don't anyone to suffer because of me.

"Did you tell your family?" He asked.

"Plenty of times." I gave a short and flat answer. I did, nit just Priya but Nikhil too. I thought he would understand me but he also forcing into this.

"What do you think about you and your life?"

"It's doomed. I feel nothing. I feel like being stuck in a dark endless tunnel, watching my soul sucked by someone slowly. It makes me numb sometimes." I said while looking at the wall behind him blankly.

"Is there something you like in your life which makes you feel alive again?"

I shake my head as no. As far as I know I am being like this since I was fifteen. Yash's death made a bad impact on my life. After his death, I never felt lively again.

Dr. Gupta lean on his desk and asked me while looking into my eyes.

"Are you sure? There is nothing which you like or feel happy. It could be anything or someone you like."

I tear my gaze from the wall and looked at him, processing his every word inside my mind. I looked back on the wall behind him and lost in my thoughts.

I am sure there is nothing which could make me happy but I don't know why since she come back into my life, my heart is at peace at some point and I can see the hope in my life. I always feel this strong connection with Aditi but I never thought my heart could be at peace when she is around. I don't know what is in this girl who gave a meaning in my life like there is still something whom I can adore.

"There is someone who makes me feel alive again. My emotions are all over the place when she is around." I said while looking at the wall blankly.

"I would love to know about her." I tear my gaze and looked at Dr. Gupta who was now look interested in the conversation.

I can not describe Aditi in words. You can't be. She is the girl I can not stop myself looking at her. My heart beats crazily when she is close to me and I feel sparks when I hugged her for the first time. She is the pure definition of beauty. I have never seen such beautiful girl in my life. Her long hair, her creamy skin, her pink lips which I always wonder what they taste and feels between my lips. I have never desire any other girl but I don't know why but I wanted to kiss her.

It's wrong, I know but why it feels like so right at the same time.

She is like a calm breeze which clams your racing heart but fire at the same time if you messed up with her.

"Her name is Aditi. I know her from my teenage. She was my neighbour. Her house was just in front of me and I watched her from my window after she slept." I didn't realise that I have a small smile on my face when I was talking about her.

"So, you guys must be good friends then?" Doctor asked and I denied while shaking my friend as no.

Then I realised, Aditi and I were never friends. She was just neighbour to me who used to live next to my house and a girl who used to best friend of my sister.

I looked at him and continue, "I never got a chance to makes friend."

"Then ask her now, to be your friend then." I gazed the doctor who now looking at me with soft smile. Who just found the new hope in my life.

****

I don't know what I am doing here. I have been sitting inside my car and staring at this particular house from two hours. Maybe I know but I don't want to accept it. After Aditi's conversation between me and Dr. Gupta, we both talked many other things related to me but I found myself lost again and again in her thoughts. So after getting out from the clinic I directly drove to her house and waited outside patiently with hope that she might come out side from her house just once.

I don't know why I am doing this but I just want to see her one time. It's been already four days when last time I saw her. I just want her one glimpse then I will go back my house.

Am I sound like creep?

Doctor Gupta was right. I should ask Aditi to be my friend. I wanted to give a name this unnamed relationship between us. I saw a boy drove to Aditi's house in a fast speed and stopped his car at the end of the street. Then he dialled someone and hang up after a minute.

Exact after five minutes a girl came outside from Aditi's house wearing a suit just like Aditi's but in batter condition and walked to the boy while hiding something inside her hand bag. She dropped something on the road and I noticed it was a short party dress which she was trying hard to shove inside her handbag forcefully.

That girl went to that boy and hugged him tightly while giving him a pack on his lips. She hopped at the backseat of the bike and hold the boy tightly by his waist. Then they both drove off.

I have never seen this girl before. Not when Aditi used to my neighbour. I have never seen her visited Aditi's house in Saharanpur. I noticed one thing also, I have never seen Atul, and her father coming into the house.

I step outside from the car and leaned on it while facing Aditi's house. Only she is in my mind. She was there like she was ruling my mind from ages because I can not think anything other than her. I don't know how long I have to wait here for her to her one glimpse but I know one thing, I am not going anywhere without seeing her.

I looked up in the sky, sun was already set and it will be all dark in one hour. I looked up to the terrace and my breath stuck in my lungs when I saw her standing behind the railing, lost in her thoughts. The girl, whom I was waiting for, from hours, was standing in front me.

She was looking gloomy and depressed, I can tell she was crying before. Her hair was falling back in the breeze, making her more beautiful but her gloomy eyes are enough to know me she wasn't happy.

I have to find some basic information about her because I am sure still her family wasn't treating her good.

"Aditi..." Someone shouted her downstairs and her eyes widened in fear. Without wasting any more minutes, she ran to downstairs and I was stood there watching at the place where she was standing just a minute ago.

......................................................................

Aditi's point of view

Monday arrived and I found myself rushing towards the Dhruv' office. Finally the day also has come when I can start my internship.

The first step for me to getting out from the hell I am living.

Last night I could not sleep because of the nervousness. I am nervous because, I am going to work under Dhruv. I don't know how he is in the work place.

What if I could not match his expectations and then he kick me out from the program?

What if he shouted on me at the very first day my internship?

These are the questions which were bothering me since I get into this program. I know it's not gonna be easy to impress Dhruv because he is the definition of perfection so you can't be imperfect when you work for him and he is your boss.

I woke up early in the morning and I made breakfast for everyone after getting freshen up. I got two slaps early in the morning from my uncle to messing up with his breakfast, lucky thing was that, I didn't get the marks on my cheeks and Aakash bhiya did not say anything further though Ahahna was being bitchy all the time but I did all the work without getting into any argument because I don't want to get late at the very first day of my internship.

It already 9.50 and I have been told to wait outside Dhruv's cabin as I going to work under him. So I am here waiting for my handsome neighbour who will be her any time.

As I think about him, I heard the voices of feet, thumping against the floor and walking towards me. Two bodyguards, a man in safari suit walking towards me and between them Dhruv was walking with all his glory like he rules the place, well he actually rules this place.

I was standing at the far corner so it was impossible for him to notice me so without sharing any glance towards me he directly went inside his cabin and I put my hand on chest to clam my heart beats because it was beating like insanely.

After sometime time Shastri ji came out from the cabin and stood on my seat when he approached me.

"Sir is calling you inside." I nodded my head and we both went inside Dhruv's cabin and site in front of me making my heart beats fast.

He was standing facing the balcony. His both hands are in his pants pocket and his back was facing me. His picture was rich in his business suit and my cheeks turn red with thought how he wrapped his arms around my waist like it belongs to him.

"Sir, she is here." Shastri ji informed and I saw his lips curled up into a smile.

Was he smiling?

I am not sure because his back was facing me.

My heart thumping against my ribs when he turn around and his eyes met with mine. He gave me his beautiful smile and I clutched my dupatta in my fist when he approached me.

"Good morning Sir..." Soon his smile turned into a frown as I wished him good morning but why?

He just nodded his head.

"I was expecting you before, for my signature on some official documents related to your internship." He asked me.

"I already get your signature on the official documents." I said.

"When?" He asked me in confusion and Shasrtri ji cleared his throat.

Before I could say anything Shastri ji speak, "Actually sir she came three days before to get your signature."

"Why was I not inform about her arrival?" Dhruv asked Shastri ji and I can sense irritation in his voice.

"You were busy in a meeting." Shastri looked down in apologetically.

"Shastri ji, this is the last time she waited outside for me. No matter how busy I am, send her directly in my cabin." Dhruv said, using his bossy tone and I was stunned to see this side of him.

"I am sorry sir, I won't do that again." Shastri ji said still looking down. It's not his fault. He wanted to inform Dhruv about my arrival, I was the one who stopped him.

Dhruv nodded his head curtly, dismissed Shastri ji. Shastri ji went out side the cabin and now me and Dhruv left alone inside his cabin. I was looking down all the time in nervousness when..

"Don't call me sir next time. I love to hear my name from you." I looked up and he was looking at me intensely.

"I can't call you by your name at your work place. Here you are the boss and I am just an intern." I said.

"Don't give a damn to everyone just call me Dhruv."

"But.."

"It's an order." He was deadpanned and I nodded my head in defeat.

"What I have to do today. I was informed you will instruct me in this internship." I directly come to the point because more I spent time with him more he make me feel nervous.

Dhruv chuckled softly, "I have never seen the person who is this much eager for the work."

He then walked around his table and took out some files from the drawer and give them to me.

"These are some files of related some issues facing by people in this area. Study them and prepare a report. You have to accompany me in field work also, personally visiting some government project construction sites and meeting village people etc." He elaborate my work but I have take notes for reminding everything.

I don't have pen with me. The I pen was using, finished a week ago and I don't have anything to make any notes. I saw a pen on Dhruv's table and secretly took it hiding from his eyes. I started taking notes from his pen and hoping that he didn't notice his missing pen.

Suddenly he stopped speaking. I raised my head from my note pad and found him looking at me with so much emotions. I also found myself lost in his eyes and time stopped between us. No one from both of us dare to tear our gaze from each other like we both lost ocean of each other's eyes. My hair was falling on my face because of the fan but I didn't dare to tuck them back. I was afraid that our moment will get disturb.

Dhruv took a slow strides towards me and I closed my eyes when his fingers brushed to my cheeks. He tuck the loose stand behind my ear and when I open my eyes again, he was looking at me intensely. There were something in his eyes which I never witnessed before. He never looked at me like this before. There were adoration and more than that in his eyes. It was like he was seeing me first time. His fingers are still brushing my cheeks, creating sparks in my body and I know they must turn red by now.

Ring..Ring...

We both came out from the daze when his phone started ringing. He cursed under his breath and cut the call before reading the caller Id but before he could stop me, I ran out from his cabin.

*****

It's already a lunch time and I am still working on this report. Almost every one went to cafeteria for the lunch. My head was aching like someone was playing drum inside it and I hardly could concentrate on my work. Dhruv is still inside his cabin. I don't know about his lunch timings, maybe he already had his lunch inside his cabin. Today, I saw him working closely. His job is really tough.

He attended meetings after meeting and also went to somewhere with some people, related to work where my presence was not needed but I could not forget the moment we both share at the morning inside his cabin. Fater that I did not dare to look at him when he came out side from his cabin to go somewhere. My working desk was just outside from his cabin. So it's going to hard to ignore him in all my internship.

I shake my head try to brush off his thoughts and tried to concentrate on my work but again I found myself lost in his thoughts. I sighed loudly and got up from my chair after closing the files and went to cafeteria to divert my mind from him.

When I reached the cafeteria, it was full with employees and everyone was having their lunch with their friends. My stomach grumbled when my eyes meet with their delicious foods and I out my hand on it. It was hard to stay hungry after doing all hard work but I am used to it and know how to deal with it. I drink two glasses of water from the water camper and took a seat at the corner in the cafeteria to relax my mind.

My eyes welled up when I saw a girl throw her food in the dustbin. Someone said the truth you don't value the thing if you get it easily. Asked me, how food matters to me. I barely had food if I got lucky, sometimes I have to sleep with empty stomach. That girl was lucky that she was having a food not like who did not know if she get her dinner tonight or not.

Yes, I won't deny if I was not hungry when Dhruv asked me to eat with him when we were both at the restaurant at that evening. I was starving, if it was in my hand, I could eat all the food without leaving anything from him . But I am glad, at least he asked me for the food. He always do something which flatters my heart. Because he is the only one who could understand me without me telling to him.

Since I met him there is one fear eating me from inside.

Is he married or still single?

If he is married then is it right to love him?

Who is his wife?

Priya...?

It must be Priya. She was beautiful and intelligent perfectly perfect for him.

But how could I justify my live if he is married. My heart was beating faster at that thought.

"Hiii..." Suddenly a chair in front of me slide outside and someone took a seat in front of me. When I looked at the person's eyes, I again found myself lost in those familiar black eyes who was now looking at me and a beautiful smile was tugged on his lips.

Then I realised it was not the dream, Dhruv was indeed seating in front of me and we both gain other people's attention. Everyone was now looking at us.

It wasn't normal to them to see DM, sitting with an intern at lunch time. Of

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