Aditi's point of view

I put the grocery bag on the kitchen counter along with the list and money. I palmed my face take a deep breath to control my racing heart. I am tired and exhausted because of non-stop working without any energy source. I didn't have anything since yesterday and now it was feeling like I am going to faint anytime.

Today market was little crowded than the other day. I had to wait for my turn to collect the groceries. I don't know when I was buying the grocery and paid the bill, I felt like, someone was watching me. I have the same feeling also like I have been called by someone many times. My heart was beating faster for a weird reason. I stopped and look for the person but I didn't find anyone. Maybe it was my illusion but I really have the feeling that someone was calling me, Someone was trying to stop me.

I heard the footsteps coming towards the kitchen. I washed my hands and started taking out things from the grocery bag to keep them in their places.

"You are late." Bua ji said in her venomous voice.

"The market has been crowded. I have to wait in a line." I said in a low voice without having any eye contact with her and keep taking out things from the bag.

"Hmm..Did you bring everything? Where is the list and left money?" I pulled out the list and left money under the bag and give that to my Bua ji.

Bua ji took the list and started telly it with things. She always make sure that I don't stole the money from what she gave me for grocery shopping. To make sure she always telly the shopping list with the things I bought for the house.

I bring out the coffee jar from the bag and my mind bring me back to the memory when I bought the coffee jar as a gift for Atul bhiya when he was leaving for his college. I still remember the day like yesterday, how happy I was when I bought that small gift for him and how he forgot about me before leaving. My father slapped me also because of him but I just want a brotherly hug from him before he leave but he never considered me his little sister.

There was time when I adore him and think him as my inspiration. Now I think, how fool I was. That family never loved me. I was just a burden to them. They always think me as an extra person and when the time came, they get rid of me and throw me outside the house like a trash.

I wish you died in a accident.

That was the last words of Atul bhiya. I still remember how hard he slapped me and throw me on the concrete road in the middle of the family, in front of the neighbours.

I gasped when suddenly bua ji snatched the coffee jar from my hand and glared at me.

"Don't you even think to steal this." Bua ji said between her clenched teeth.

How will I steal it when she is going to put a lock in everything. I am not even allowed to use sanity pads. I don't have my own personal inner wears, I used Aahana inner wears when she retired them or throw them. She has a bigger size than me so I had to stich them, make them for my size. Fir my hair and body, I use Aloe Vera, rose, neem leaves. If I got sick, I never tried to treat myself because this is not the life I want to live and I wanted to die from that fever but that never happened.

God also wants me to live in a hell.

I didn't say anything because if I did, she again beat me and torture me. So I decided to keep quiet.

My stomach grumble in a hunger. I didn't have anything from the day before yesterday. My legs and hands are shaking because of less energy. I may faint anytime because of hunger.

"Bua ji, Can I have my dinner earlier? I am hungry and I am not feeling well." I said in my low and weak voice. Because I don't have enough energy to speak or bear any torture from them.

" You are getting fat day by day and still you are telling me that you are hungry. You should eat less to reduce your weight and the most important thing you can't eat before your masters. So be quite if you don't want to get punish." After saying this with venom she walked away from the kitchen after putting the lock on shelves.

I eat inky one time. It's been five years, I have been tasted any curry or something nutrition went inside my body. She called me fat but I am sure that I must be under weight according to my age and I can see my bones clearly. There is no extra fat on my body and I became a skinny than before. My hands shake when I did the heavy job and fell on the floor when my mind bagged me to take some rest.

I am living in hell.

****

"Bua ji..food." I forward my plate towards bua ji and asked for two chupati which was my dinner if I got lucky.

Today I didn't go to dinning table because I don't want to upset anyone and they have the chance to beat me again. I asked bua ji for food when she was alone. In all if them bua ji was lenient towards me but it doesn't mean that she hate me less. She is equally hates me as much as other family members do.

Bua ji took two chupati from hotpot and was about to give me when...

"Mom stop.." Ahana stopped bua ji and tip toe inside the kitchen.

"The street dog barking continuous. I think he was hungry. Give me that." Ahana smirked at me and snatched the food from bua ji hands. Tears welled up in my eyes but I didn't let them fell down. I don't want to give her the satisfaction, how weak I am.

"Oops.. Sorry. Batter luck next time." After giving me her dirty smirk she walked away.

"You won't die if you don't have dinner today." After saying this bua ji also walked outside from the kitchen. I didn't say anything because my body still carrying the purple marks which Askash bhiya and uncle gifted me with their belts.

I filled the glass of water myself and drank it. I don't know how long, I will survive on the water but the day never far when I died because of starvation and when I closed my eyes forever I will be the luckiest and happiest person on the earth because this is what I want from last eight years. I don't have any while to live. I don't have anyone to live. Right now I am just counting my days and waiting for the day when my death welcome me in her warm embrace.

I took the tore blanket from the lower shelf and spread it on the ground. I took out the old plastic box from my shelf and again tears welled up in my eyes.

This box is very close to my heart. Many emotions are touched to this old box. This is the only thing I took from my room as my personal belongings when my family throw me and I will be always thankful to them that they allow me to bring this to me. This box doesn't carry any expensive thing other then my emotions.

I leaned back on the wall and open the box slowly. This box carry only two things, my silver earing and the last letter which was given by him.

I picked up the silver earring in my hand and looked at it intently. The silver earing move when the wind touched it and it make a beautiful sound of tinkling. This is most expensive earing I had in my collection. I bought it after months saving. I know how much I had struggled to get only this pair of earring. But I still don't know where I lost it the second earing. I searched the whole house and my room but I never find it. I got upset when I lost the second piece of this earing.

Input back the earing in the box and pick up the latter of him. I started read it again and feel every emotions which he put in this latter. Finally my tears fall down on my cheeks when I read his name at the last line of the latter. No matter how many times I read this latter but I always feel like I am reading it first time. I can't read this latter without shredding tears.

When I looked back at my past I saw only my tears and agony but still his memories are the most beautiful part of my life. I can't forget the forehead kiss he gave me on his terrace. Now I only have his memories to love. I still remember how I used to imagine my future with him as his wife but now looked at me. I can't even see myself in the mirror without getting ashamed of myself.

What a shame that a girl who once believed in fairy-tale and magic had to be struck by reality with demons in her mind and fear of never being loved. I don't know, how it feels to loved. I don't know how it feels when you become the most important part of someone's life that he gets ready to give his life for you. I always wanted to feel that emotions in my life but I never get that love.

"Dhruv..." I hugged the latter to my chest and cries while taking his name. Pool of tears streaming out from my eyes, my body was shaking when I was crying showing the agony inside me.

He was the only person who believed in me. He was the only person who told me not to loose my confidence. He was the only person who could see my soul and saw my pain through my fake smiles.

"Missing me...?"

I do not need to turn, to see the person because I know who comes to visit me.

I nodded my head and more tears fall out from my eyes when I again read his name on the latter.

I sniffed and said while looking at the latter, "The day never come when I don't miss you."

"Every night, you read this letter again and again because it makes you feel closer to me."

I looked at him with my tears eyes and Dhruv was giving me his beautiful smile. But I was looking at him in curiosity.

"How do you know this?" I asked and again my tears left my eyes and wet my cheeks.

"I'm in your hallucinations. I only know what you feels." He said while wiping my tears but my eyes were stick to him.

He was right, he is my hallucination but I don't know how many times I wished him to be real, how many time I want myself to cry out loud on his shoulder and wet his shirt and he is the only one to embrace me in a warm hug and tell me, cry as much as loud you want but in the end I will be here with you and take care all of your pain.

This life is a nightmare to me. I never loved by someone. Every time I want to die but when I rebirth as a human, I want to be love by him and want to be with him forever as his wife.

Maybe in this birth we both are not meant for each other's but in my next lives I only want Dhruv as my life partner.

My hallucination of him, gave me enough strength to live otherwise, I died long ago.

"I know but because of you, I am still breathing." I whispered and again looked back to the latter where his beautiful cursive writing enhancing the beauty of the latter's.

I looked at him through my wet lashes and said, "Aside from all the pain, you are the best hallucination, I have ever had."

Tears falls out from my eyes, I was waiting for his reply but he just smile and said, "I wish, one day your hallucinations become real."

With that he disappeared in the thin air and again reality hits me. I looked back at the latter in my hands and couldn't help the tears which shredded from my eyes, in his memories.

"Dhruv...." I again hugged his latter to my chest and and broke into series of tears.

*****

My heart beat was fast, sweat was forming on my forehead and my face turn red because of sun. I was panting when I was running to reach college on time. Today I have a important seminar to attend. This seminar will last for two days. District Magistrate is attending this seminar himself and at the end of this seminar he is going to select one student to train under him in the social field and gave that student one month certificate and scholarship which was best for anyone's resume. As I am the Bachelor Arts student, this certificate and scholarship are very important for me.

They are going to select the candidate by the written exam and who scored the highest, will be the luckiest one to get the certificate and the scholarship. I already gave the exam, now I was just hopping that I clear the exam.

Today I got late because of Ahana. After preparing the breakfast she started showing tantrums and gave me work after work so I could get late for college and when I finally realised the time it was past eight.

My college is 20 kilometres away from my house. I don't have money for autorickshaw so I walked 20 kilometres daily to reach my college. Most of the time, I got late for college because of Ahana do I could miss my first lecture and my teacher could throw me out from the classroom after humiliating me.

Finally I reached the college after running a marathon and as I entered my college I firstly went to water tank to hydrated my dried throat. After drinking the water I directly went to notice board to check if there are some kind of list regarding the written exam which I gave on Saturday but there was no such list and few minutes latter I came to know that they are going to announced the results in the second day of the seminar.

Here, in college I don't make any friends in last two years because it fresh the memory when Divya cut all ties with me as a friend and told me never meet her again. Divya was the only friend for me which I made in my whole life but my fate played the dirty game with me that she also leave me.

I don't want to get attached to anyone anymore. It only destroy me in the end. Everyone leave me in the end and I could not afford now to be broken again and again because I am already in pieces. No matter how many times you tried to stick those pieces with the glue but the crack was always there and it broke easily when someone again stabbed that already broken person.

I don't talk people here. My life in college is like, I came here, attend my all lectures and then went back to house when the college ends.

I was walking towards the seminar hall when my eyes fell on the group of four boys. They all are Rahul's pawns who are doing graduation from my college and their soul purpose of life to make my life hell and humiliate me in front of others. They know everything about me and what happened with me in past years and it's all because of that pathetic person.

Rahul Sharma.

Rahul still not leave me. Now he is a big name among the politicians. He could not visit me personally so he leave his pawns behind him to keep an eye on me in the college.

They all are laughing and passing the dirty comments to girls who were crossing them. Before they could see me I changed my path and choose the different path for the seminar hall.

When I reached the seminar hall, I sit in the last raw where no one can see me because I hate to being noticed by someone.

It's been four hours of seminar starts and we have been told that DM will arrive after lunch so our Dean started giving the lectures and started sharing the problem we faced in our society or what should we do to help others. He also introduced us, some of government schemes which our only made for the help of poor section in our society.

When the lunch time arrived, all the students went out from the seminar hall. Some went to cafeteria with their friends and some went to the playground of the college.

I also went to playground, took a seat on the bench under the tree, and looked at the students who were playing basketball. I barely visited the cafeteria of the college because when I saw everyone enjoying their lunch, my stomach grumbled in hunger seeing everyone having their food. Tears always welled up my eyes when someone left their food and throw them into the dustbin because they don't know the value that food as much I know because I spent most of my days without food and sleep while clutching my stomach when it pains.

When I was lost in my thoughts, many cars entered in the college campus and one of them have the blue siren which was ringing. It doesn't take me a time to know that DM has arrived.

My mind again bring me back to Dhruv's memory. He was also go everywhere with his blue siren cars. I am sure he is also the DM of some city and many cars following him where ever he goes. Gautam uncle must be proud of him when his son's convoy pass through the roads.

All cars stopped in front of the main office. Students, teachers and many other gathered near the cars because everyone wants to see the DM. Everyone said that he is newly transferred officer in the city and a quit handsome for girls to go crazy for me but these things never effected me because no one is more handsome other than my handsome neighbour, Dhruv.

But I don't know why, A sudden urge build up inside me to see the new IAS officer of the Lucknow city.

Firstly guards stepped out from the cars and stood around DM's car and keep everyone away from his car. One of the guard open the back seat door of DM's car for the DM.

A man dressed in blue suit step outside from the car but I could no see his face because his back was facing me and I was looking at him from afar. But from his physic, I can tell that he has the most attractive personality and he must spent two hours in the gym to get this body. He wasn't muscular but the perfect definition of muscular yet lean personality. I could not blame the girls if they go crazy for him because he had the aura of alpha male.

I did not make any efforts to see that man because no matter how much he is handsome or have attractive personality but he is not him.

He is not my Dhruv.

His bodyguards surrounded him and helped him to go inside. I again looked in front of me and lost in my world.

*****

Lunch time over soon, I pick my belongings and started walking towards the seminar hall while lost in my thoughts, thinking about my life when I bumped into someone. I lifted my head and I regreted not to pay attention while walking because all the four boys and my bullies were standing in front of me, blocking my path, with a dirty smirk on their faces. The

"Hello bitch.." Karan, the leader of my bullies spoke. He never mentioned me with my name. He always called me bitch I never say anything back because I want the history repeats itself.

"What do you think, we didn't notice you in the morning and you saved yourself. " Karan said while eying me from up to down. I wasn't wearing anything shine. It was a simple old anarkali suit which I managed to ear after swing it from many places.

"Ka..karan..pl... please let me go. I..have a seminar to attend." I said with lots of difficulties because anxiety was crawling inside my chest.

"You can go anywhere you want but after satisfying us." The boy from Karan's right spoke while eye rapping me literally. I can understand the behind meaning of this sentence but I choose to keep quit because I was weak and already fed up to handle them every day in college. But I always tried to saw them that I am strong and I am not afraid of them.

"Please don't say such words to me." I finally spoke after gathering the courage.

"I know you also wants us. " My eyes started turning red and my lips quivered when Karan started tracing his hands on my hands in a dirty manner that makes you fell disgusting.

"Please don't..." I jerked away his hand from me and pushed him away.

I turn around to go but I squeals in pain when he grab my hair from the scalp and make me turn around to face him.

Smack...

He slapped me hard making my face turn into other direction.

"We know what happened to you and why your parents abandoned you years ago. Was it good? huh!" karan said while showing his dirty smirk.

" Please Let me go.." I begged to him. My cheek was burning where he was just slapped me.

He was enjoying when I was struggling under his hold. Tears keep polling out from my eyes but still I managed to looked into