27. The broken bridge-1

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Dhruv's point of view

"Sir, It's already 9:00 P.m of the night. Office ends at 6:00 p.m. When will you go home?"

I know it's past three hours since the office time ended and my personal assistant Shastri ji wants to go home. This is the third time he was reminding me about the time. This is not the first time, I am working this late and because of me Shastri ji also suffering. He is a family man and I am not. Maybe that's why, I never wanted to go home. It always feels empty like my heart. I always feel restlessness and loneliness when I step into my rented house. Though government provided me a bungalow but I never claimed it. It feel more empty than my small apartment. I spent most of my time in office and worked till exhaustion covered my body. But I never allow myself to rest otherwise my messed up mind again play dirty minds with me.

"I already told you. You can go home Shastri ji." I said while going through the file which I received in this evening.

"I work for you sir. Government pay me to be with you. My duty doesn't allow me sir." Shastri ji said politely but I can hear the exhaustion in his voice and I know I can't torture this old man just because of my own selfish reasons.

Shastri ji is the best P.A the government could provide me. He is best in his work and always took care of my things. I can't function properly without him. He is about my father's age, maybe few years younger than him but he always thinks me as his son. His kindness and humbleness is famous in the office and everyone gives him a respect.

"Okay..let's go." I closed the file and looked at the old man in front of me. He gave me his wide smile telling me that how glad he is that I decided to go home.

He was about to pick my coat jacket for me from my chair but before he could reach it I picked it and wore it. I never allowed him to do any of my personal work not even to pick my coat jacket. He is my father's age and most respected person in this whole office. I respect him too and I can't allow him to do such things for me.

Shastri ji pick the black small bag, hooked it in his arm pit and gestured me to go first. As I walked outside from my cabin my guards saluted me and followed me behind. I walked in the office corridor like an officer, with all my glory like I rule this place and my guards are following me behind. Almost whole office was empty but whom stayed behind, they stopped their work and stood straight on their place, in my respect.

I walked outside from the corridor and my driver was already ready with my car while opening the back seat door for me.

"Good evening sir."

My driver gritted me. I nodded in gesture and sit inside the car on back seat. Shastri ji took the passenger seat and driver drives the car towards my house. Tow more cars also were alo drivers towards my house one in front of my car and another one is following us from behind. Blue siren's voice were echoing in the air telling everyone that the District Magistrate is passing through the roads.

Before, I was posted in Kanpur but took a transfer, last month in Lucknow because of my Mom's request. She wants me to spend some time with the family. Lots of changed in these past five years. Nikhil got married to his girlfriend two years back and now blessed with my one year old nephew, Rayansh, who is just like his father. Divya completed her graduation and now doing her masters in Lucknow itself. I leave the house after spending two weeks with my family and later rented a small house for their own peace because no one has the single idea in my family what I am going through and I am not intended to tell anyone.

They don't deserve it. They don't deserve to know the mess of my life. My family supported me in every single step of my family and I can't let them know about my agony. Papa is so proud that his younger son is an IAS officer. His eyes shined in happiness when he saw his son's convoy passing through the roads of the city. It was like a dream for him to come true.

There was a time, when I dreamed of this day, not just dream, I live for this day. Maybe this is not my dream, It was Yash's dream but I made this the sole purpose of my life to achieve this dream. I used to think, I will be at peace when I achieved this dream.

I tribute to Yash's soul to complete his dream but when I finally became the IAS officer but I am far from my peace I far from the solace. Maybe Yash found his happiness but still his soul haunted me in my dreams. He keeps telling me, he is in pain. He wants me to save him.

But how could I when he lives in different world.

It's been five years, I am living in this dream of someone or should I say hell. Not a single day in this past year, I find peace and happiness since I became the IAS officer, it was like, I am being caged of my own thoughts. My family was happy when I cleared the UPSC exam for IAS in my very first attempt just after my graduation, even I topped the exam and got AIR-1 in all over the nation. Everyone was happy on that day except me. It feels like I am missing something or a person who deserves to know about my achievements. It felt incomplete without that person. Maybe I know but I always ignore the thought so that the person could be happy without me.

"Sir, we reached." I sniffed and pulled out from my thoughts when Shastri's ji boice reached me. I gulped the lump which formed in my throat because of my miserable thoughts and looked at Shastri ji who was smiling at me.

One of my bodyguards, open the door for me and closed it after me when stepped outside from the car.

One of the guard open my house door for me and hold the gate till I get inside. My house wasn't a big one. I never wished for a mansion, it felt empty that's why I rented a one BH separate house. It wasn't a apartment, just a small house in a good locality of Lucknow.

My house is totally mess. Every corner of it screaming that this house belongs to the bachelor. Discarded bear bottles, cigarettes buds, rotten pizza, my clothes which badly needs laundry, I don't even remember when was the last time, I called my maid to clean it.

"Good night sir." I nooded my head when my bodyguards wishes me and then leave.

I took out coat jacket on my way to my bedroom. I discarded my shirt and trousers one by one on the floor and hopped into the shower, let the cold water relax my stiff muscles and calm my mind.

***

"Fuck...where I put it?" I went through all ths drawers of my room but didn't find my cigarette pack. Last I remember, I put it in one of the drawers but I didn't find it right now.

It's already 12:30 and I can't sleep. This is not new for me. I barely sleeps at night. That's why I spent my nights while drinking and smoking. I started smoking and drinking, five years ago, they keep my mind to calm temporary and I forget about my pain for sometime at least.

I find the damn pack under the pile of my clothes. I picked it up from the floor and open it but damn it was empty.

"Fuck..." I cursed under my breath and throw it again on the floor.

I went my mini bar for the drink to calm my mind. One or two bottles of whishkyi may calm my mind. I can feel the restlessness, anger is built in up in my veins and I was in the verge to lost my cantrol on my. I didn't even remember, when was the last time I visited my psychiatrist or have any medicine for my depression. It proved that I am clinically depressed when one day idiot decided to take me to the psychiatrist and threatened me that he will tell my suicidal attempts to my family.

I cursed the day when I meet him again. After that he stick to me like a leach and pick his nose in my life whenever he wants.

"What a fucking day..." I groaned in anger and slammed the door of my minibar in anger when I didn't find any alchohol bottle.

I changed my clothes in jeans, shirt, put my dark blue jacket over it, grab my bike keys and went outside from the house to have my drink from some local bar.

I wore the helmet, kicked the bike and drove off towards the bar.

I was speeding my bike on the empty road before I hit the main road of the city. This city still looks alive like in days, with less traffic. I always wonder what bring a person to his house? What make his house, home. Is it his family or his children?

I too had a family but I never eager to go my house where my parents lives. It wasn't like, I don't love them but I always feel lonely when I go my parents house, where my siblings lives, where I have a cuet nephew who always wants me to carry him when he saw me.

Is everyone not say that your family makes your residence from house to home. I have everything a loving family a respectful job then why it is not enough for me. Why I always feel there is something missing. Why my heart feels always empty if I had everything.

I was like a broken bridge, which is tied from the both ends of the mountain but it can't help anyone to reach to the other end. It was useless for anyone who wants to reach the other end of that bridge.

Yash used to tell me that I am the most courageous person for him and have heart to give love to others but if he is here with me, he will bue ashamed of me. He would know, how weak I am, how much I broken to give love to others. I lost my confidence years ago, and now I am just a worthless body without soul which waiting for its end. I only give pain to them who is close to me because of my broken mind and I don't deserve to live.

I heard the horns of the car from behind which is continously honking me asking me for a side. I drove my bike to the side and give them a space to pass but that car keep honking and driving very closely to me, pushing me more to the wall. It started irritating me and getting into my nerves. My mind is already fucked up and they are more messing with it.

I stopped the bike in front of their car, made the car pulled break immediately.

"Ae..pagal hai kya?"

(Are you mad?)

A man shouted from the driving seat. I removed my helmet, step down from the bike, took a furious strides towards his car and started hitting the front glass window of his car with my helmet full force, poring all my anger to broke the front glass of his car.

"What are you doing?" That man step out from his car along with his friend and tried to stop me but I didn't stop. My my mind stop working, only anger took place. I was controlling myself from long but I lost the calm and wanted to hit something. He gave me the reason and he has to pay for it.

"You broke the glass of my car. Ye kya kiya tune? Call the police."

(What did you do?)

That man keep shouting but I didn't hear. I blocked every voice which were reaching to my ears and irritating me.

"Uugghh...." I keep hitting the glass window with all the force, my jaw were clenched and I was groaning in anger. The glass was broked already but I keep hitting it. I still not satisfied.

Suddenly someone grabbed my both hands from behind, stopping me to hit the car and pushed my face to the bonnet of the car. My right cheek was pressing to the hot bonnet but I can't feel anything, I was groaning in anger and struggling in the hold of two person. My mind was telling me to continue my job. It was telling me that it kept it calm somewhere.

"Sir he is so strong." The one who is holding me from behind, is also struggling to keep me on place.

"Hatkadi lags sale ko..."

(Hand cuffed him..)

I feel the two metal rings around my both wrist and the click sound of lock.
They made me turn to them by my head. Two constables were standing in front of me and looking at me with anger.

"Bhot charbi chadhi hai tujhe...? "

"Uughhh..." I groaned in anger when the same constable hold me by my chin.

"Le ke chalo sale ko thane.." The same constable said to his junior constable while looking at me with anger.

(Take him to the police station.)

They pushed me into the police jeep and took me to the police station.

****

I was tapping my foot continuously on the floor, not in nervousness. I was controlling myself to lost my patience again. It's been more than half an hour when I called that idiot again and he is still not here.

Why he always testing my patience again and again when he knows, I am lack in this department.

"ACP sir is coming. He will teach the right lesson." That senior constable keep smirking at me and keep me reminding what will he do to me.

I ignored him and watched the time in my wrist watch. If he is not coming in next five minutes, I am going to beat his ass.

Suddenly a commotion take place in the corridor of police station and everyone stood from their places while saluting to the high ranked officer.

That senior constable also stood up from his chair while saluting him and leave the space for him to sit.

"So boys...what you have for me tonight?" He said. I can feel the excitement in his voice.

I sit silently waiting for his drama to over. My hands are clenched in a fist and my teeth were greeted. Any time I can lost my cantrol on myself.

"Sir, this arrogant man broke the glass of someone's car." I looked at the senior constable and he was smirking at me.

"Oh! Is that so.." The high ranked officer turned to me while grinning but that grin soon wiped off when his eyes met with me.

"You are late..." I said while removing my finger under my chin and looked at him straight into his eyes.

......................................................................

I hope you like the chapter.

What do you think about it. I have so much things in my mind about Dhruv's introduction after 8 years but this chapter could be long if I write all in this. So I decided to split this chapter in two parts. Hope you guys understand.

Please vote, comment and share.

Thankyou

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