F I F T Y F O U R

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I feel gentle taps on my shoulder, waking me up and I squirm a bit as I looked up at Taehyung. He says something but I was still in a daze, not being able to catch what he has said.

"Hm?" I hummed, hoping he'd repeat.

"It's okay." He breathed out, his breath a little shaky and my brows furrow, not taking in the current situation. I sit up slowly and glance at his clothes, noticing red stains all over him.

"Taehyung?" I start getting up slowly, realising there's blood on him. "You're bleeding?" I whispered, still disoriented.

"It's okay, we'll just go to the hospital, don't worry." His eyes remained on me and that's when confusion drowns me. I stare at him, his hand reaching for my waist and I finally glance down.

"No," it escapes my lips and he tries to hold on to me. "No." I let out weakly, my breath going ragged as a whimper cracked through me.

"Hey, it's okay." Taehyung tries to get me to look at him but my tears were blurring my vision at this point.

The blood wasn't coming from him, it was coming from me.

"No, it isn't." I rubbed my tummy, a sob tearing through my chest as I stared at the blood that was around me. A part of me goes dark and my body began trembling. I couldn't begin to understand my own pain and emotions as I kept my hand on my stomach.

Taehyung watches me break through tear filled eyes. "Let's get you to the hospital, come on." He shifts out of bed, but I remain on the bed, shaking my head.

I couldn't move, everything felt numb to me at that point. Every single emotion surged through my body, leaving me overwhelmed and in desperate need of a cathartic release of some kind.

"Come here," Taehyung gently pulls onto my form, getting me into a new change of clothes right before sweeping his arm under my legs whilst the other supported my shoulder. He carried me while I laid on his chest, not being able to process anything else. I couldn't move, couldn't think.

He gently places me onto the seat of his car, helping me with my seatbelt right before sitting behind the wheel. I didn't even know what time it was, it was still dark out. With my hand over my tummy, I stared at the ground. I couldn't fathom the thought of losing them.

I couldn't lose them. There wasn't even a bump yet, there was still so much for them. I had a whole life planned out in my head. They can't be gone.

I feel something within me go still and I had stopped crying, stopped showing any signs of emotion at all. The thought of losing my babies circling my mind, an unimaginable pain coming along with it.

My fault. That was all in my head. This was all my fault. I knew I wasn't ready to be a mother but that wasn't an excuse. Taehyung told me to get checked and I didn't.

I didn't and now- now I lose them.

The car stops and Taehyung opens the door for me but I don't move, my mind hating every bit of myself as I sat there wallowing in my thoughts.

He reaches out to hold onto my hand but I move away, pushing him slightly. I didn't deserve that, I didn't deserve his understanding. This was my doing. Mine.

I stepped out of the car, my eyes glued to the ground, not daring to meet his gaze. I couldn't see the amount of hurt I had caused him to feel.

Everything goes by in a blur the moment we enter. They ran tests and finally we were made to sit in the doctor's office. He sat in front of us, a solemn look creeping through his features as he tried to keep serious.

He confirms the miscarriage but I still don't break, everything in my body as cold as ice. I hear Taehyung whimper next to me but I don't look, I couldn't. I was lost at this point. Everything was happening too fast.

First I was moving in with Taehyung, thinking I had a baby on the way. And then there were two. Two babies. We were about to start a family, thinking that everything was finally working out for the both of us but no. Happiness never lasted for the both of us, I should've known it was too good to be true.

The doctor continued talked about a blow to my head and a fall being a factor but the root of it still unknown. Whatever he says after doesn't get processed by my brain and before I knew it I was back home on bed.

Taehyung doesn't try to speak to me, he simply sat in the living room as I stayed on the bed, still not being able to think about anything else other than how I had ruined everything. I didn't expect him to talk to me. He's wanted this since the moment he knew about the pregnancy.

I place my hand over my tummy, rubbing it a little. Before, there were twins, now nothing. Nothing's there. And that's when it hits me. I lost them. Both of our babies, gone.

My hands flew across my face where I sobbed into the palm of my hands, my insides crying louder than I ever could. The pain that was in me wasn't something I could convey. I've never felt pain on that level before. I gripped onto my chest, my strength leaving my body as I sink lower into the bed, gut wrenching sobs tearing through me.

Taehyung rushes into the room the moment he hears me but still not a word comes out from his mouth. He climbs onto the bed, pulling me towards him and I fall into him. I couldn't do this by myself.

He holds onto me, tears of his own streaming down his cheeks as he watched me fall apart. "I'm sorry." I cried out. "I'm so sorry." And he simply keeps me in his arms. "This is my fault, I should've gotten checked, I-"

"No," Taehyung breathed out, rubbing my arms. "This wasn't you. There was nothing we could've done." He let out in between soft cries, taking in sharp breaths after every word.

A part of me knew that this wasn't my doing. Even with a checkup nothing could've been done. But the guilt was eating me up and I couldn't help but break. "I'm so sorry." I whimper into his chest as he held me in his arms.

I clasp against Taehyung's shirt, my cries growing weaker by the second as I laid on his chest. Only one thought gnawed it's way painfully into my brain this time. Everything was supposed to be okay.

Why wasn't everything okay?

. . .
A/N: ah, a really dark chapter, so no gifs. It just felt weird.