~Hear me out~

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Prom night. Only two days have passed by, and I still can't get rid of this pain.


It's settled a little bit, indicating that it's here to stay. My mom has been trying to scrape the details out of me, but I won't tell her anything. Good thing I had Riley to communicate through, since explaining the events of that night aloud might just kill me.


Of course, they can't know that I found Jaxon afterwards. That we argued. That the conversation crushed me and put me in the state I'm in. Or that I even care about him at all.


Riley had found me on the sidewalk, too upset to speak, and somehow managed to drag me back to the limo and get me home safe. That part of the night is kind of foggy. Since then, I refuse to tell anyone anything about the exchange between Jaxon and I. For the past two days, I've been hiding out in my room, barely eating and overloading on sleep. I'm hoping today, I'll be able to get out of bed at least, but I make no promises.


"Riley's here," My mom called from outside the door.


"Send her in," I shouted back, sounding like I was trapped in a jail cell or something and requesting family visitation time. Riley entered my bedroom and softly shut the door behind her, wearing a sad smile. She sighed, sitting on the edge of my bed. I rose from my tomb, looking at her with raised eyebrows.


"So... you ready to tell me what happened yet?" She asked. I laughed, aware that such a subtle reaction still sent a sharp pain barreling through my chest.


"Nope."


"Didn't think so," she replied, twirling a strand of her blonde hair around her fingers. I leaned back on my bed, rubbing my eyes.


"I have something I need to tell you," Riley started cautiously. I motioned for her to continue.


"It's about Austen."


"Ugh," I choked, pulling the covers over my head. The thought of him added a springing headache to the mess I'm in. I don't know what to do about Austen. I have no idea what to make of things now, after this turn of events. After prom night, my biggest fear is that it changed me permanently. Outside, I look the same. Well, mostly the same if you overlook my dismal, haggard appearance. But if anyone had the ability to see past the physical layer, they would find out about all the hidden damage. Sadly, I'm all broken inside.


Riley tugged on the covers, "He wants to see you. Says that you guys need to talk. He isn't mad or anything, he just needs some closure." I peeped my head out of the covers, feeling like that was the last thing I wanted to do right now. You can't hold out forever, Bailey. It's the least you can do.


"Okay," I agreed after a while. She smiled, pulling out her phone.


"He'll be here in an hour or so. You might.... want to get ready," She advised me, giggling slightly. I hurled a pillow at her, and she caught it, cracking up and leaving the room to give me some privacy.


The mirror was not kind today. I took a look at my reflection and gagged out loud, taking a brush straight away and ripping it through the tangles. I only brushed the top layer, since the rest was too snarly to cooperate, and tied it back in a ponytail. As for my face, I wiped away the remaining makeup from prom night and called it good. It's an improvement....


The next hour was spent twiddling with my thumbs, messing with things on my dresser, and just overall freaking out. I knew what I needed to say, but I had no idea how to say it. I didn't want him to hurt any more than he already is. Plus, I was worried about the physical damage from prom night. Hope it didn't mess up his beautiful face in any way, or I could never forgive myself.


Through the closed door, I heard the doorbell ring, and the creaking of our front door as my mom let him in and directed him up to my bedroom. The heavy footsteps stopped right outside by door. I watched, terrified, as my bedroom door opened. Austen slipped into my room, shutting the door.


"Hey," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. He stayed near the door, standing still and looking straight at me.


"Hi," I replied softly, not meeting his eyes. I crossed my legs and shifted towards the edge, leaving him some room. He came and sat down next to me, somehow managing to smile. It felt like the room got brighter when he smiled.


"How are you?" He asked, concern apparent in his voice.


"Okay, I guess," I said, shrugging. When I finally faced him, his appearance hit me with full force. He had a nasty black eye still, and his lip was a little swollen around a 2-inch cut in the corner of his mouth. I gasped audibly, scanning his injuries with that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.


"Ugh, this is all my fault," I said, wanting to slap myself. How could I let this happen?


"No it's not. You have nothing to do with it. Jaxon was the one that punched me," Austen contradicted. I sighed, feeling no burden lifting whatsoever.


"But I could have prevented it somehow... I'm so, so sorry," I said, dropping my head low and staring at my hands. Austen reached over and grabbed both of them, wrapping it in his warmth.


"Don't be," He reassured me, speaking softly and leaning down to look me in the eye, "But more importantly, I need to know that you're going to be okay. You were pretty upset the other night." Don't remind me. I wish I could have reacted a little better.


"Yeah, about that.... It's complicated... Jaxon, he, um..." I choked up a little, clearing my throat. I tried to croak something else out, but couldn't. My chest suddenly got heavier, like it was tied to an anchor and thrown into the ocean. Any more on this topic, and there was the imminent threat of breaking down.


"I know you guys fought," Austen said quietly, "I already talked to Jaxon. We sorted what needed to be sorted out. I'm just worried about you." What hurts the most about this was that Austen had nothing to do with it. I don't deserve him.


"Look, I'll be okay," I murmured after a bit, "But after prom night, I've been thinking..." This was going to be a lot harder than I thought. Rehearsing it in my head is one thing, but saying it to someone you care about... now that's a whole different story.


"I just felt like things were moving really fast, and after the fight and everything that happened... I-" I paused, forcing the words out, "I think we should take a break.... for a while, at least." As soon as I finished, I searched his face. He sighed, and I could see pain flash in his blue eyes, but he covered it up with a dimpled smile.


"I thought you'd say that," Austen said, laughing briefly and then going quiet. I rushed to explain.


"It's not anything you did. It's just, my life is kind of a mess right now and I need to figure some things out.... and it just doesn't seem fair to drag you into it," I elaborated, hoping that if he saw it how it really was, he wouldn't be hurt. Austen tightened his grip on my hand, like he didn't want to let go.


"You have to understand that I liked you... um, well, I still do. I'm just really, really confused at this point and nothing is making sense right now and..." I breathed out, getting overwhelmed with everything going on inside me. His eyes softened.


"I get it. I'll let you go for now," Austen said, releasing my hand. I slowly put it back in my lap, gulping down tears. It hurts that it ended so fast, and that I'm the one to blame for it. I just had to go and mess things up.


"I'm sorry," I whispered, staring at the ceiling and willing myself not to cry. Gosh, I'm such a wreck.


"Bailey, you don't need to apologize. I should be apologizing. I'm the one that sped things up, and didn't wait for you to catch up," Austen conveyed, shaking his head, "I'm sorry."


He paused to let the words submerge, "But someone else should be apologizing for this. He's the real cause of..." Austen stopped mid sentence, gazing at me, and I knew he was referring to my instability. Yes, I am in shambles. You can announce it to the world, I don't mind.


"Look, I better go. Your mom set a time limit on our visit, and I think I'm exceeding it," He said, which made me smile. Before leaving, he pulled me in for a hug. I tensed up as his arms pulled me close to him, but relaxed in the next second, feeling protected rather than trapped. He held me for a little longer than a normal hug, more of a goodbye embrace than a friendly see ya later. I hugged him back, then broke away, forcing a smile. So this is it.


Austen leaned in with my mattress squeaking and all, and gave me one last warm, gentle kiss. I wish this was all I knew from him, just these sweet, innocent moments here and there. Something sparked in my chest, like a little string of happiness igniting, but it fizzled out when he released me. I watched his back as he walked to the door, the pain intensifying.


"You'll give me a chance, won't you?" Austen said, his hand hovering on the doorknob. Chance...? Sensing my confusion, he turned his head.


"In a while, when things settle down. If you still want this.... whatever it is we have, please....don't hesitate." I didn't respond. If I did, I was afraid I might say something that could be misunderstood. I didn't want to promise anything, but I didn't want to destroy it either. Austen carefully opened my bedroom door, taking his time leaving.


"Oh, and Bailey," He paused under the square of the door frame, "He says he needs to talk to you." A wave of panic soaked me in and out. I already decided that He is never coming near me again.


"I wouldn't have passed the message along, but I'm trying to mend a friendship here, so... yeah. Do what you want," Austen told me. From that, I deciphered that if it were up to him, I would stay away from Jaxon at all costs and hold a grudge for the rest of my life, and in a couple months, get back together with him and live happily ever after. Problem is, the choice is never that simple.


"Thanks..." I mumbled. Austen flashed me one last award-winning smile before shutting the door, and really leaving this time. I slumped back into my covers, ready to hide in them until global warming dried up the oceans and made humans demetamorphosize back into hobbits. At least then I'd have bigger problems.


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School really sucks. It's the second to last week until we're released for a good three months, and the days are rushed and busy. It feels like I blink, and before I know it, I'm waking up to another day. Homework assignments are piling up, and instead of running to the beach after school and waiting to squeeze them in at the last second, I go into my room and complete every one.


The bell rang, and I snapped my head up, sighing and crunching all these handouts into my checkered backpack. I hadn't been getting much sleep either. Too many things racing through my mind. I could avoid it all day, but as soon as I hit my bed, all these emotions bombard me. Especially last night. I had to cover my face with a pillow to muffle the sound of me crying. Yeah, I know, such a marvelous way to get through the day.


"Bailey... were you sleeping in class again?" Riley said, appearing next to me as I trudge out of the classroom. I rubbed my eyes, attempting a laugh.


"What? No. Of course not. Why would you assume such a thing?" She smiled, shaking her head.


"Well, I don't know. Maybe it's your lack of energy. Or your delayed reaction to everything. Or the dark circles under your eyes. No, wait, actually, the drool on your chin is a dead giveaway." I cringed, reaching up to wipe away the wet marking my face.


"So... You wanna try the beach today? Or maybe we could just go get an ice cream?" Riley tempted me, grinning. I didn't try to match her ecstatic mood like I normally do. Ice cream has always been my weakness, but even that sounds dull.


"Nah, I need to get some English homework done... besides, a nap wouldn't hurt either. You know, with my sleeping-in-class condition and all," I replied mechanically. Riley cut in front of me, causing me to stop in my tracks. She snapped her fingers in front of my face a couple times. I blinked, slowly meeting her gaze.


"Bailey! You are so frustrating! You need to wake up and stop this! I'm sick of seeing you as this depressed introverted zombie! This isn't you," She exclaimed, placing a hand on her hip. Huh, she only does that when something is really agitating her... It's nothing I can fix. I really can't help it.


"Sorry. Maybe it's just the way things are right now," I mumbled in response, playing with the fabric of my oversized t-shirt I threw on this morning.


"No, it's not! You know exactly what it is! You can't stay this way! I know you're sad about Austen-," just the mention of his name tugged at my chest, "but that's not even it. This one's all Jaxon." This made me a little ticked off.


"Don't bring him up, ever. He's gone, and I'm over it. I don't care anymore," I forced out. Riley pushed it further.


"You know he's the reason for your behavior, even if you won't admit it. And he wants to talk to you. You can't avoid it forever! You guys need to talk, badly. You're the only one keeping it from happening!!" Riley nearly screamed at me. Everyone was pushing towards the parking lot, trying to get out before the traffic hit. I grunted, pushing past her and into the flow of students. The girl kept up with me somehow, frustration emanating off her as well. Why can't she get the picture? Jaxon doesn't care about me. He doesn't care about anyone. Besides, he beat up Austen for no freaking reason. Nothing he can say will change that.


I pushed through the doors and out into the blazing sun. Ugh, I hate sunshine. As soon as I get home, I'm going into my room and shutting the blinds. I guess I'll lock the door too, that way no one can bother me.


My eyes slowly adjusted to the light. I stopped in place, scanning the parking lot for Riley's car. I think we got a decent spot in the middle... or was that yesterday morning? I can't remember. As I searched past the faces to see through them, my heart suddenly stopped beating.


Hair so brown it's almost black. I recognize that hair. Then his head turned. Brown eyes, drilling straight into mine. A pained expression. No No No No. I felt Riley's hand brush against my arm.


"What is he doing here?!" I asked in disbelief. For once in seven days, I felt awake and alert. I was aware of my heart beating in my chest, of the people rushing by, of the smell of grass coming from the man currently mowing the school lawn.


"I told you, you can't avoid it. Please, just go talk to him. It will help, you'll see," Riley urged, her face hopeful. He stood from his position leaning on the railing, and took a cautious step towards us.


"No." I felt like everything inside me had been held together by threads, and now at the sight of him, they were coming apart at the seams, being ripped open. I have to escape. I can't deal with this right now. Thank the heavens for instinct. It kicked in, and in a flash, I turned and raced back into the school.


Riley called after me, but I didn't listen. I pounded down the hallway, ignoring curious looks, and ran straight to the back exit not many people knew about. My surroundings were just mixed shades of green and white. I didn't stop, sprinting across the field and hopping over a fence, landing me in some random person's backyard.


Once I got there, I leaned on the fence for a bit, catching my breath, then jogged out of the gate and onto the street of an unfamiliar neighborhood. I kept running till I felt ready to burst, and finally slowed to a walk, just getting further past being a little adrift. The houses triggered no sense of direction or knowledge of where I was. It was going to be a long walk home, but I didn't mind.


I climbed into bed that night, full of tense energy. As much as I didn't want to face it, today proves that things are long from over. I would just have to give it time, and patience. I'd try to act normal, pretend things are okay, and before long, I won't have to pretend anymore. Jaxon will continue on in his own stupid world, and I'll keep living in mine, along the way, putting this behind me.


Somewhere among my now clear focused thoughts, sleep found me and stole me away for the night. That weird, tense feeling stayed though, almost like a hidden warning that something was coming. When my eyes drooped shut, I could tell by how heavy sleep overcame me, I wouldn't be waking up anytime soon.






My mind flashed several images in between darkness. I heard the grumble of an engine, and then a steady motion underneath me. I was on the edge of consciousness, but something pulled me back under.


The movement stopped. It took everything I had to try and crack an eye open. As soon as I did, hands grabbed me and helped me stand. All I saw was a starry sky and headlights brimming the edge of my vision. Is this a dream? My eyelids fluttered shut again.


A door creaked open. Whispers tickled my ears. My brain couldn't make sense of anything they were saying, but I picked up on the words "Downstairs," and "Careful," and then a whole sentence.


"She's going to kill us," said a girl. Who is she?


I concentrated on opening both eyes. After several attempts, they finally came open. Something was carrying me down a flight of carpeted stairs. I tried to sit up, but I couldn't in the position I was in.


"What's going...on," I asked in a small voice, rubbing my eyes. The arms holding me tightened, and they flew down the last couple stairs, opening the door.


"Crap, she's waking up! Hurry, let her down!" Is that Riley? Whoever held me obeyed, placing me back on my feet. I swayed back and forth, trying to catch my balance with jelly legs.


Three figures stood before me. One still had their arms on me to steady me, and I squinted, wondering if I was seeing correctly.


"Austen?" It was definitely him. His blonde hair was all messy and he was wearing a black hoodie with plaid pajama bottoms. He smiled, looking at me with tired blue eyes.


"Hey Bailey! It's great to see you to. Look, pretty soon here, you're going to freak out and want to kill us. We understand, and we'll explain later, but first, can you do one tiny thing for me?" I nodded,

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