He looked at himself in the mirror before he left for Mattie's recital.

It was six o'clock, and his old tux was snug, so snug that it practically forced him to stand up straight instead of slightly slouched like usual. He wore it to funerals mostly, since it seemed that he attended those more than Sunday church sessions.

He also found his old hair gel in his bathroom cabinets. The top was dusty and it was half empty, however he managed to scoop out just enough to keep his hair out of his eyes entirely.

Jaxson looked at himself for longer than he ever has, for his appearance was almost unrecognizable to how he usually looked.

He looked at his own eyes, noticing that they were larger without his dark locks constantly covering them.

And his hair, how it was slicked back to his own definition of what he thought was perfection.

His large fingers moved across his bathroom counter top that had black hair dye stained all across it, and he couldn't help but think back to that day.

"Jax, stop!" His uncle yelled at him as he stomped up the stairs and into his bathroom with a few new boxes of cheap hair dye.

"Do you really expect to not get punished after sneaking out so late at night with fucking red lipstick all over your neck! I know where you've been-"

"God just shut up!" Jaxson snapped, feeling dizzy from all of the alcohol he consumed just thirty minutes before.

He opened a box of dye, ignoring the instructions before moving his head down to the sink and squirting the bottle into his light brown hair carelessly.

"What the hell?" His uncle Jared hissed, watching his nephew falling apart mentally and physically right in front of him.

"I need a change." Jaxson said, stumbling upon his words as he began rubbing the dye into his hair and scalp, ignoring how the jet black color was dripping from his hands and onto the sink.

"How about changing for the fucking better Jaxson? How about changing by seeing your mother every once in a while, how about changing your drinking habits? What about those things?" Jared shouted, tearing up at the sight of the broken boy before him, the boy that used to smile and make wishes at the sight of shooting stars.

Jaxson ignored him and stumbled to the shower, turning it on and sticking his head beneath the cold running water.

He watched as the trail of black swam towards the drain, disappearing before his eyes just as his uncle disappeared from the bathroom, finally finished with him.

"I'm done with this, with you." Jared yelled angrily from his room across the hall just as Jaxson finished washing his hair out.

He neglected to reply, for he was too busy looking at his new reflection in the mirror.

His hair was jet black, just the way he envisioned it would be.

"I'll send you rent and food money Jaxson, just like I promised your mother, but I refuse to put up with you for any longer." Jared said with pure disappointment lacing in his voice.

Jaxson glanced at his uncles reflection in the mirror. There was moisture filling his eyes, for the hope that his nephew would become good again was now down the drain along with Jaxson's old life.

He gripped his steering wheel tightly at the memories; the memories of the day he officially broke and lost the last person that genuinely cared about him. The last family member that's ever cared about him.

Colored lights peeked from around the corner from where he was driving, and he immediately knew that he had arrived at the location that Mattie had texted him just weeks before when they were together.

His jaw tensed up nervously as he saw the amount of people that were attending.

The parking lot was almost entirely full, and people all dressed up were piling through the doors alongside daughters that were ready to dance in the recital.

He searched around visually for Mattie after ten minutes of finding a parking space, and finally got out of the car to began walking towards the crowded building that caused his stomach to knot from his social anxiety. However he swallowed his fear for Mattie, and continued walking with his head high.

Teenage girls, and even countless women turned their heads towards Jaxson as he walked into the front doors. He ignored them though, and moved his hand over his gelled back hair as he scanned the room for Mattie.

Jaxson cursed under his breath after overhearing that the show was starting in five minutes, and found no other option than to wait until after the show was over to pull her aside and speak his feelings to her.

He chose to follow the crowd of parents towards the seating area before quickly finding a seat in the middle of the isles where no one else was sitting. Before he knew it though, it began to pile up to the point where even the seats beside him were occupied.

He fiddled with his fingers and anxiously awaited for the show to start, wanting desperately to see Mattie, but at the same time wanting to get up and simply talk to her already. Not to mention hear her voice, god how he craved to hear her sweet voice.

Jaxson looked around and listened to the entire audience. They were all obnoxiously loud and took too many pictures with their cameras on flash, one of the many things on his list of  "things that are fucking annoying."

Something else, however, caught his eye. And it was the same blond from his last period class with Mattie: Timothy, with Mattie's mother smiling beside him.

He was wearing a suit as well with his hair gelled back just like Jaxson's.

He scowled, for he hated being just like him, but he knew that he had to look good for Mattie to higher his chances of her giving him another chance.

"Good evening!" A loud and perky voice erupted from the stage.

He turned his attention from Timothy to the stage in front of him, ignoring almost everything coming from the woman's mouth until finally, the show had begun.

The room became swallowed in darkness, and the only light was at the front of the stage.

Three girls appeared just then, and they were all wearing black tights and tight black long sleeve shirts, making them appear more dramatic which was what he remembered Mattie telling him they were going for.

He rolled his eyes at the fact that none of them were the girl he was there for, but that quickly changed as one light beam shone upon a girl with a wide spread, dimpled smile on her face. And at that moment, his heart felt as if it were leaping in his chest, for she looked so beautiful.

The music went along perfectly to the way she was moving her legs and arms, and her facial expression never changed from her beyond gorgeous smile that he swore could have him weak at the knees with just one glance.

Twenty minutes passed as he watched her in awe, never growing tired of seeing her dance and enjoy herself up on stage.

Twenty minutes then turned to thirty, and thirty turned to an hour before finally, the show was over and everybody was clapping for the girls on stage.

However he only saw one, and stood on his feet for her before clapping as hard as he could even though he knew she would never see him that far back into the audience section.

Jaxson then began to file out of the isles as quickly as possible, for he needed to catch her before she found her mother.

He looked from left to right as he stepped into the lobby, seeing nobody but parents until finally a door with a no trespass sign opened, revealing all of the dancers.

Everyone erupted in applause for the girls, but all he could hear was her laugh from across the room as she walked out of the door with a smile spread across her face just like it was on stage.

It was all silence for him while it was loud for others, for all he wanted to hear and see was her.

"Mattie," he called out, looking around to make sure her mother wasn't anywhere near.

"Mattie!" He called once more, and finally she turned her head towards him.

"Yes?" She asked, confused at who the man even was all before looking into his familiar eyes. His dark eyes that held life and love somewhere deep beyond them, something that Mattie noticed immediately whilst looking into them.

"J-" she stuttered with her eyes widened and her mouth agape. "Jaxson?"

He nodded and smiled before taking her hand and leading her outside and beside the building where no one was despite her protests telling him to stop. He needed to talk to her. 

"Jaxson what are you doing here?" Mattie snapped, looking around anxiously to make sure no one was looking.

"You did amazing, you looked so beautiful-"

"Stop," she placed her fingers on her temples, still visibly shocked by Jaxson's appearance.

"I'm serious Mattie, I knew you'd be good but, wow-" he beamed, at a loss for words, something that was very rare for him. "And you look beautiful, so perfect." He tried to place his thumb on her cheek, but she pushed him away all too quickly.

"Do you not hear me? Why the hell are you here?" Mattie hissed before looking up at him.

She tried to appear angry, but in order to do that she had to try her hardest to ignore the way he looked in that tux he was wearing.

She had to remind herself that she was still furious, but he was making that very hard by looking the way he was and saying all of the things that made her blush all at once.

"I wanted to see you." He told her and licked his lips before continuing. "And I wanted to talk to you."

Mattie took in a deep breath before closing her eyes, knowing that Jaxson wasn't going to let her leave without getting a word in.

"I fucked up, and I know that." He let his nerves get the best of him as he began to stumble upon his words, but it quickly vanished as he looked down at Mattie's soft, kind eyes, for it's been so long since he's done so.

"You have to know I only did it to try and get my mind off of you, but God it didn't work, they were nothing like you-"

"I don't want to hear about them." She blinked away sudden tears that came out of no where, and that gave him hope because tears meant feelings, and feelings meant that she hopefully still loved him. At least, that's what Jaxson wanted to think.

He sighed, and attempted to cup her cheek as the cool wind blew through the air, causing stands of her hair to loosen from the bun in the back of her head.

She didn't push him away this time, but only because she didn't know of what else to do.

She felt frozen, simply because being away from him for so long took a piece of her away, while suddenly being right in front of him again started to glue it right back together again.

However, she didn't want that to happen. She wanted her feelings for Jaxson to be smashed into the ground once and for all, she wanted them to be ridden off. However with his hand on her cheek and his eyes pouring into hers, her mind wasn't what was in control anymore. It was her heart. Her stupid, stupid heart.

"These last few weeks have been pure hell, Mattie." He whispered just inches from her lips, so close that he could feel her warm breaths against his skin.

Mattie tried to respond, but couldn't find the words to say exactly what she was feeling. So she simply nodded in agreement, closing her eyes at the memories of her past nights of crying against her pillow for the boy next door, the boy she couldn't help but love.

"We can't be doing this anymore, you know that." She told him, leaning into his warm palm.

"I know." He replied, "but sometimes even the worst of things can be right."

Jaxson pulled her closer just then, and Mattie ignored everything that was wrong with what they were doing by pressing her lips against his.

All of his anxiety and stress was extinguished as she kissed him and felt her hands move to his hair.

"This isn't you." She smiled against his lips after a few nervous moments, shaking her hand through his hair so that it was once again messy and down his forehead.

He continued to kiss her as she did so, not taking advantage of a single second that he had with Mattie.

"Don't leave me," he moaned against her mouth, feeling himself go absolutely insane as she took his bottom lip in her teeth.

"Come into my window later tonight." She replied to him in a whisper, her eyes wild and her mind going a million miles per hour as his hands began to lower to her backside.

She had no idea what she was thinking, but she needed him. She needed to feel something besides the same empty hole in her chest, she needed to feel him, all of him before reality started to catch up with her.

Jaxson nodded with his forehead against hers, and after seconds of looking at each other with lustful eyes, she was walking back into the building, leaving him with a hard on and very messy hair.

___