30 • June's Diary

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June Pov

Jess Condo Saturday 3:33 am

I woke up from a dream more so  flash back I was having about my parents.

I looked to my left and Jess was still there sleeping. I laid there for a scond just thing about how much I fucking hated my parents and couldn't wait for them to die.

All the shit I had delt with from them. Since I was fucking four years old.

Growing up in a beyond strict God fearing Christian household. Was terrible. They was terrible parents.

I got out the bed And just went in the bathroom​  and just looked at myself. They made me crazy, they made me this way! I thought to myself.

June Age 4

Today I was having a sleep over with my friend from church her name is Bella she was cute and little like me. She had brown hair and curls I had black hair and curls.

She liked to play with me in the backyard with Micah my doggie.

"Juneau and Bella bath time little lady's" my mom called us

When Bella came over we took baths together but mommy said that we had to wear out bathing suits, I didn't care it was fun.

"Hahaha, stop Bella" she threw water in my hair

She played in the tub for ever all the time. We got out and got dressed and went to play in the play room while my mommy cooked dinner

"So, my mommy don't want no one's to knows but my sister kissed a girl, and I saw them!" Bella said

"Ewww, she's going to hell!" I said

"No my sister is a good sister! I don't know why they kissed!" She said brushing my doll hair

"Well my mommy and daddy says that people like that will go to hell!" I said picking up another toy

"Oh, my mommy told her she has to leave home and the church!" She said

"God will forgive her, some day!" I said

"Do you wanna try!" Bella asked

"Eww, no I wanna live with the angels!" I replied

"I won't tell, and we can ask forgiveness?" She said

"Okay!" I put the dolls down

We sat next to each other.

"Ready?" She asked

"I guess" and we leaned in and kissed each other

"Girl dinner is...... Juneau" my mother slapped me across the face, I busted out crying and so did Bella

My mom dragged me to my father's office.

"Your daughter has the devil in her June!" She pushed me in front of him

"What did she do!" He stood up

"She's kissing Bella, deal with her, I'm going to take Bella home right next door!" She walked away

"What did we say about sinners ?" He asked

"......" I kept crying

"You hear me speaking to you Juneau?" He spanked my butt

"Ahhh, they got to hell!" I cried out

"Come with me!" He dragged me to the basement

He opened some door that was a tiny room  and pitch black!" He shoved me in there and locked it.

"You sit in there and I'll pray for you, that the devil in you leaves!" He said

"Please, i sorry Daddy" I cried banging on the box

"God please deliver this child from the wickedness of your fallen brother......." He kept talking

"Papa, me no sin no more!" I screamed and cried

"Mommy, mommy, MOMMMMMMM" I screamed and scratched to get out the box

I cried for what felt like hours. Until my mother let me out it was day time.

She didn't say nothing, she just walked me up to my room. I sat there really not sure what I did that wrong. Because I kissed Bella! I liked Bella alot she was my friend.

June Age 10

I sat there in class and thought about I was so uncomfortable wearing this school dress. How I hated living with my parents. Ever since I was four I was forced to read the Bible every night. When they catch me playing with a girl I would be whooped and locked in the box for days.

I was still friends with Bella but I wasn't supposed to be at all. Friends with no girls.

"Juneau your such a boy, your gonna go to hell because I know you like girls, you always sneak around with Bella she likes girls too!" Tammy teased me and I played on the monkey bars

"Tammy your just mad because your dad left your mom" I shot back

"And I don't like girls, I'm not supposed to stupid cunt!" I said

"I'm going to tell!" She ran off

So, she's a little cunt! I laughed walking away

"Pshhh, Juneau!" I heard Bella

"Hey buddy" I whisper, going behind the play house by big tree

"I brought candy" she held up a bag

"Yummy"

"...." She grabbed my face And kissed me

"I told you miss long. They're being nasty!" Tammy said standing with out teacher

"I have to call your parents!" She said grabbing our hands

"Ohh no nono no, please, I'm sorry I won't do it Again. Miss ling I'm sorry" I pleaded and tried to get out of her grip

"Bella go call your parents.... Juneau stop it, you know I have to tell your parents!" She said dragging me inside

"Please, NO NO PLEASE IM SORRY" I  cried And screamed

They came and picked me up. No one said anything to me, we got home And my dad took his  belt off And my mother pulled my dress up and underware down.

He started to whoop me as my mother held me down. I screamed and cried And kicked as much as I could but they louder I was they louder they would pray. The more I moved the harder he'd hit me.

They put me in the box for three days. A ten year old in a small box locked, because I want to be with my friend. I didn't like Bella, I liked kissing her.

"Get out!" He pointed

I still had on the same clothes from school. They didn't care, they sat me down in front of the television And tied my arms And legs down.

"Daddy, I'm sorry. Mommy please!" I started to cry

"We're only helping you get better!" My mother said as my father pressed play

I immediately closed my eyes. It was. Man and a women having sex.

"Open your eyes!" He hit my hands with a stick

"Ahh ouch!" I cried looking at the tv

I felt like I was going to throw up.

"I said open your eyes, that wickedness has to come out of your soul!" He hit me repeatedly on the hands I started to watch them bleed

"Mommy please!" I turned to look at her and her back was to me

"Mommy, please I'm sorry!" I cried

Everytime I tried to shut my eyes he would hit me, I sat there for five hours watching it over and over I threw up.

June Age 13

I hated myself, more than I hated my parents. I laid in bed not knowing this feeling that I am feeling for girls. I know it's wrong but I can't help it.

I knew I was in big trouble this time. I was caught my the pastor because I had creep out the house And meet Bella and some other girls at the hot springs, last night. I was surprised that I didn't get put in the box, that meant something worse had to be coming

"JUNEAU, COME DOWN STAIRS" my mother called me

I got up and went down stairs, messing with the three year old scares on my hands. Replying in my mind how twice a week I'm forced to watch men and women have sex.

"Thank you for coming pastors, we now do believe that she is possed" my father says

"I'm not possed" I stated

"Hush, child" he threw water on me, as my dad and some other men held me down and tied me to a chair

"Mommy stop it please, nothing is wrong with me I'm your daughter, please daddy, stop this" I screamed

"They hate who you are" someone said, I looked up and it was just a white glow

"Your killing me!" I yelled to them

"Please stop!" I yelled

They just kept talking about the devil is doing this, I'm possed, throwing water and oil on me hitting me with the Bible.

"You want to kill them?" The voice asked

"Please STOP" I screamed

"Jesus and our Lord savor please save this child!" Pastor said throwing more oil and water

"Kill them I know you want too!" It said again

"GET OUT OF MY HEADDDDDDDDDD" I screamed so loud next thing I knew I was dropped on the ground

I just laid there in a ball not moving and the voice was gone. I cried and then my father put me in the box.

I was balled up in that box with that voice in my head for a week, I couldn't even cry no more! My mom let me out this time and I just went to my room and cleaned up.  We had guests tonight so I had to wear a dress and get my hair curled.

"Hey Mr Sameer!" My father hugged a man, he had some little boy with him

"It's nice to see y'all it's been how long June?" He asked giving my mother a hug

"Too long, you got a son man?" My dad asked

"Actually this is my daughter, her name is Samariya..." She cut him off

"Pops Sami, Sami pops" everyone laughed and had a sit.

I guess it's okay as long as it's not their kid

"Don't talk to her, look at her or touch her!" My father grabbed my arm to tight

"Yes daddy"

I just sat there and ate my dinner in peace. While the adults talked and they loved Sami for sending reason but hated me.

"Maybe they wish she was their daughter!" It said

"Can you shut up for once" I whisper

"Two years you been getting on my fucking nerves!" I slammed my fork down

"Problem?" My father asked

"No sir!" I said

"Okay bed time!" He said

I got up with no question, I went to my room and put my pajamas on and  then Sami walked into my room!

"No no, your not allowed to be in here!" I said

"Your room is cool!" She said

"Okay you have to leave " I tried to push her out

"Sorry" she said "nice seeing you" she said

"SAMI? BABY girl it's time to go, plan leaves soon!" Her father yelled

"Where you from?" I asked

"Vegas, my dad owns a hotel" she said she walked out my room and there stood my father

I just got up and walked to the basement and waited for him.

"He's going to beat you with the Bible again! Then you'll have to watch them movies!" It said

"Just fuck off right now!" I told it

"Just kill them and you'll be fine!" It started to laugh

"I told you, not to speak....." I cut him off

"I didn't she came to.my room, I told her to leave and she didn't!" I put my hands up and he hit me in the face with the belt.

"Ahhh" I heard my mother praying

"She's a homosexual, she's going to hell, and so are you if you can't change your ways!" He said hitting me again

I can't even tell you how long this went on for but since I was four, I can't say how many times I been abused emotional, physical and mental.

June Age 15

I sat in this basement which has been my room for two years. It was dirty, wet and cold. All the time. This giant house and because I like girls I have to live here.

"Aye girl, Bella was here she's outside!" It said

"Yes I seen her she looks beautiful" I looked out the small basement window at her getting out the car.

"Say hi!"

"BELLA" I yelled and she turned

"Down here?"

"What you doing down there beautiful!" She said getting on the ground

"Cleaning, per parents" I liked

"She knows you lying!" It said

"Well I miss you where have you been......" She was cut off by her mother

"Bell, no get from over there!" Her mom said

"I love you June, see you later"  she smiled

"I love you too!" I turned around and saw my father

He just walked away. Sadly I never saw Bella again.

I sat there waiting for him and my mother m to come beat me and pray and hit me with the Bible until I like men.

A few hours later passed and nothing.

"June com up here decent" my mother said

Hell ain't no shower down here. I put on some clean clothes and brushed my hair into a ponytail.

"Yes!" I stood there

"This is Robert!" He said as I looked a the black guy

"Okay! Hi Robert!" I said

"He's going to make you a women!" My mother said

"Doing what?" I asked

"Don't worry I'll take care of you!" He grabbed my hand

"Don't touch me!" I snatched my hand back

"Go with him or you'll never see sunlight again!" My dad threatened me

I walked him up to my old room, and he went right for hit pushing me on the bed. I didn't wanna do this.

"I don't wanna do this, please stop!" I tried to push him off

"It's okay baby girl just relax, I got you!" He said

"PLEASE STOP, STOP"  he tried to pull my underwear off, I hit him in the head

"You little bitch?" He grabbed my neck

I grabbed whatever I could reach and I stabbed him in the neck with this unicorn pen my teacher had gave me in second grade. He yelled and he started to bleed all over my white dress. 

"Finally good job!" It said

I pushed him off me and took off,out the house.

I heard my parents yelling after me but I never looked back, not one time I just ran and cried and ran and ran, until I was gonna pass out. And it was hot in Texas.

For some reason I thought about Sami and her dad. He let her live how she felt she needed to. I was crazy at this point but if I was able to live with them I could be happy.

I was on the street for a year before I finally made it to Vegas. I was stealing, I been arrested, I took money food shoes whatever I needed.

June Age 16 Vegas Palazzo Hotel

This place was giant, I had been to almost every hotel asking for a Sameer Owner.

"Hi my name is Juneau Beaulieu, I'm looking for Mr Sameer?" I asked

"Yes sweetie, one moment" she picked up the phone and I walked around the lobby.

This place was fucking nice. I hope he still owns this place.

"Juneau?" He tapped me

"H-hi" I said

"Where's your parents honey?" He asked

"I umm.."

"It's okay I'll call them!" He said

"No please anything but them, please!" He grabbed his hands in mines

"Okay, okay I won't" he looked down at my hands

"Let's go see if Sami got something you can change into, and we'll get it figured out!" He held my hands

"......" I just nodded, I knew I was safe

"Found a new home!" It said, I just ignored it

I was safe.

June Present time

I faintly hear some one calling me as I stare at myself in the mirror. I see the shadow coming into the mirror

"Leave me alone!" I punched Jess bathroom mirror out

"June, baby" Jess voice snapped me out of where ever I was about to go

I just grabbed her.

"Ooh baby!" I said holding on to her

"June what's wrong?" She asked

"Just gold me, just talk to me, just love me okay!" I told her

"Okay" she held me tighter

"What you wanna eat for breakfast?" She asked

"Bacon!" I laughed

"Too bad, Awa ate it already" she laughed back rubbing my back

"If she really loves you I'll finally leave you alone!" It said

I closed my eyes so tight. And hugged Jess even more

"June I love you okay, you don't have to tell me! But I love you!" She keep repeating to me

I couldn't take it, I just started crying like I was that four year old child again.

Every piece of pain, hurt, angry, sadness, pity, abuse I had in my body, I just couldn't take it no more.

"Your gonna make me cry!" Jess voice started to crack

"....." I just kept crying

"We can cry, you don't have to sy nothing you don't have to look at me, you don't even have to listen to me okay" we sat on the floor

"I love you so much June, whatever it is, whenever your ready I am going to always fucking be here, I'm not going no where!" She placed my head on her chest running her hand through out my curls

I really loved Jess, do much it hurts my heart. But I know me being me crazy and all, she's going to leave. And I just want her to stay. Everything I ever wanted I was getting from Jess. I just wanted to be loved, real love from someone who actually cares and don't judge me.

We just talked there on the bathroom floor, she just talked and I just laid there listening to her voice. She kept rubbing my hair, and I eventually went to sleep

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