Perhaps I don't deserve nice things cause I am paying for sins I don't remember- Rupi Kaur

Athena's POV.

My body bucked and convulsed riding out my release as Nico lay gazing into my eyes seemingly frozen. Willing my eyes to remain open offered me the devastating opportunity to witness his enter face close down effectively wiping away any trace of emotion that may have once been showed minutes ago. It was as if someone had closed the shutter and turned the lights of as he continued gazing at me with an unfathomable look. My chest heaved in response to the silence that now consumed us both as my heart threatened to escape its cages. Slowly extracting his hand from my still pulsing womanly part, he sat up in an effort to leave. His strong muscular back facing me tensed in awareness of my un-removing tear soaked gaze.

"Please say something." I whispered through a tear clogged throat.

It seemed as though a lifetime had passed us by before he had finally responded.

"You knew the deal." He stated in a soft even voice as his back still stood facing me.

Humiliation and devastating pain like I had never known before finally broke free as the tears flowed freely soaking the sheets. My head ached from the crushing reality that I should have been accustomed with but as each dropped slid down my cheek, I could not have hoped any longer. I wanted to weave a fairytale from a story that was meant to be a tragic disaster. Slowly his fingers lifted to my chin as I sat up in bed. Tormented eyes on each of our paths blazed at the other in raw hurt and soul wrenching pain and the other in deep confusion and a sense of unspoken despair. Softly his thumbs wiped away silent tears that continued to flow freely like a river. The moment shared between us represented a vulnerability of what could have only been heart ache. In nothing to hide other than the stark nakedness of a man and women and a world full of pain, it was a brutal tragedy on its own.

"Why?" He questioned softly. So soft I had to read his lips to make out the words as for the first time ever, those icy blue eyes unveiled their frost allowing me to have a peak into an unguarded moment.

"Why?" I repeated the question to him as he nodded slowly in response.

Gathering a steady breath, I directed honest eyes onto his swirling pools of deep blue, "Why do I love you? I don't think it is an emotion that warrants an explanation. It is a feeling beyond a minor definition. You offered me an escape and I took it. But it was more than just taking away my troubles for one night. You saved me. From myself." And as I said the confession, slow knots of tension released in my mind freeing me of what had felt like metal bars around my body clamping and constricting me for years on end. The dam was now opened and I held back nothing. "I have felt like a burden to my father every single day of my life. I use to go to bed every night asking myself what I did wrong to be so undeserving of his love. Of love. I told myself many times maybe that was the reason I never got to meet my mother. And then you came along. You gave me hope. I thought you were my prince. You were everything I imagined you to be. You rescued me when I needed to be saved at the most important time. I never intended to run out on you like that but I had no choice. Guilt is a very heavy object to carry around especially when you have tried all your life to be the picture perfect daughter. Waking up next to you had felt...magical until my conscience starting tormenting me on what my father would say if he had ever found out about my behavior. Every day for the past few months my mind and my heart fought a constant battle of wills. Even though my mind felt like I did something wrong...my heart...the very same heart that now seems to land me into trouble always felt right." Taking a deep breath to stem the light flow of tears I looked at his unreadable face as I continued on. His eyes, so powerful never wavered as they clashed with mine, "I would look for the brightest star in the sky at night and tell myself that it was my mother looking down on me." I said to him on a soft humorless laugh as a stray tear trickled down, "But the night before we officially met I pleaded with her to send you to me for one last time. Because within you, I found all the hope I needed." Taking a risk, I lowered my lashes gazing at his beautiful face now shredded in the golden light from the lamps as the room held darkness." I knew it was too good to be true. She never answered me before so why would she have then? It was just in my luck that you actually turned out to be the one I was intended to marry. Even after every word you said to me that completely broke me I still loved you. It was like daggers to an open wound but I believed you were worth fighting for all the while desperately hoping that you would one day soon love me back. But I am sorry Nico. My heart is shattered it physically and mentally aches me. It hurts too much to even look at you knowing what you really think of me. It is too difficult to continue sharing your bed knowing that you feel nothing for me. And it is soul crushing to know that I was not and would never be your first choice for a wife. But why would I? There are so many better suited women out there for you who can match your beauty and wisdom like..."

"Don't you dare say it." He sharply interrupted in a low voice, "Elizabeth is just a friend."

"And I believe you." I replied earnestly as his strong jaw clenched painfully, "But there are so many others out there. I feel guilty that because of some absurd deal dated more than twenty years ago, I am robbing you of a future. To answer your question, that is why I love you and that is the extent of my love for you. Please let me go Nico. I can't live the rest of our life together with this constant guilt constricting me on a daily basis knowing that I kept you back. As much as I want you to love me back, I will be okay later on with just the memory of us. Of what we shared and for that I thank you but I cannot keep going on like this. I cannot go bed every night and wake up every morning just to play a part. I deserve more for myself. You deserve more...for you. Even if that more means with someone who is more than I am. Even if it means someone out there will possibly love you more than I can. I have no care for what my father thinks anymore. I lived the first half of my life trying to be someone I was not just for approval. Just for love. But maybe this battle was not intended to be won by me. Maybe now I could live the next half trying to be someone that I am. Only because of you Nicolaides." I said to him offering a small smile. If I was a whole other person my inside would have shattered but because I had nothing left to break, the calamity that settled within was absolutely terrifying. "Only for you." 

A/N: WHAT A HEARTBREAKING CHAPTER ! I was in tears writing this one. This chapter serves as a reminder to everyone to help bring awareness to mental health. We all need saving on some days. Remember it's okay to speak about whatever is on your mind, talking helps...a lot. As always Vote, comment and drop a positive message by and please please stop bullying me in my messages to update. 

I love hearing from you guys but let's spread positivity and love okaies :* I'm just a 21 year old 5 footer with a very very tight schedule so updates are very difficult. I hope you understand and I thank you all for the continued support.  Be sure to check out 'THE BILLIONAIRE'S ULTIMATUM' 'THE BILLIONAIRE'S MATCH' and 'THE BILLIONAIRE'S CHRISTMAS REVENGE' available on my page. 

See you soon...

oxoxox...Allison :)