Hooray for the 50th chapter! *Metanoia*

~Drake

"Mom, Driana, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"About what?" Driana inquires.

Rolling my eyes, I say, "Impatient as usual."

For the past few days, I thought about what Pie advised me- that I should tell my family about my secret. Actually, it's not really mine to tell. I can't believe until now that Pie is the first one I told about it. I don't know why I did it. At that time, all I wanted was to give everything she asked for.

Is this love? Maybe, maybe not. I don't have a basis so I'm lost—

"Hey!"

Blinking my eyes, I see Driana scowling at me. "What?"

Pursing her lips, she says, "I thought you wanted to talk to us? Why are you daydreaming?"

My mom smiles at us, seeming amused to watch her twins tease each other. She doesn't know what I'm about to tell her will change her life. Our lives.

"Let's go to the family room, shall we?" I say.

I already planned everything . . . What will I say, where, and when. Even Pie knows that today is the day. I have to keep my life on track. Focus on what's important and leave the things that don't matter.

Driana and my mom seats on the couch, and I take the chair across from them. The coffee table is in between us, holding sandwiches and tea my mom prepared.

This is the right time. I practiced it a few times already. But why am I forgetting everything I have to tell them? It must be the nerves. I can do it!

"Father cheated on mom," I say slowly, looking at both of them.

At first, that gets no reaction. After a few seconds, questions are asked. Well, Driana is the only one asking. My mom is so surprised, she can't even talk. So I tell them everything I know. Everything I told Pie.

While I'm recalling to them what I know, my body slowly feels light. Maybe because finally, I'm letting go of the heavy burden I'm carrying.

Driana has an unreadable expression on her face. Now I'm regretting—

No, don't regret it, my voice says, it needs to be done.

I just don't want to see her get hurt.

She's a Daddy's girl – close to my father than my mom. And now I know that her relationship with him will change.

Don't blame yourself!

Well, thank you, I think sarcastically.

"Why did you just tell me now?" she asks in an eerie voice.

"Because I'm afraid this is how you'll react," I say. "I don't—"

"But you should have told me earlier," she exclaims. "I thought we're a team?" she starts to sob.

My heart clenches painfully in my chest. Seeing my twin cry is hard for me. Especially I'm the reason why she's crying.

It's not your fault, my voice says impatiently.

Yeah, yeah.

"Driana, I'm sorry. If only I can—"

"But you can't," she interjects, wiping her cheeks with shaking hands. "I can't believe dad could do something like that."

We both turn to our mom in that instant. I'm so stupid for forgetting her presence. She has not uttered a single word ever since I told them what I knew.

Suddenly, I feel nervous. You know that gut wrenching feeling in your stomach? - The feeling that something bad will happen. I feel sick, my lunch wants to have reappearance but I force it back. I have to be strong for my mother and my sister. I can do this. We can restore our family again.

"Mom," I say.

She doesn't respond. She has a faraway gaze on her face.

Stretching my arm on the table, I get my mom's hand and give it a squeeze. "Mom," I repeat. I notice that my voice is somewhat rough and shaky.

My mom is scaring me with being a human statue. Driana starts to have this hysterical cry, starting to be panicked because my mom is not moving.

"Mom," I repeat, tugging her hand.

Still, there's no reaction. Even her eyes aren't blinking.

Getting mixed emotions, I let go of my mom's hand and then I slap my hand on the table as hard as I can. The tea cups clattered, but none of them shattered.

My mom jumps on her seat, looking startled. "W-what is g-going on?" she asks, glancing between me and Driana.

"Mom, father cheated on you."

Driana twists on her seat and glares at me. She's probably afraid my mom will be surprised again.

"Drake, I already know that," my mom says sadly.

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. I just stare at her, not believing the words she uttered a second ago.

I don't know why I feel betrayed.

Driana is silently crying, probably wishing that this is all a nightmare. That she will wake up to find her family unscathed.

"What?" I ask when I finally find my voice.

My mom wipes her cheeks with the back of her hands. "Your dad admitted to me that he had an affair," she says."But I didn't know you knew." She puts her hand on my cheek, caressing my face.

That's when I realize I'm crying. When's the last time my tear fell down? I don't even remember it.

"Mom," I say, clearing my dry throat. "Why didn't you leave him? How could you stay with a man who hurt you?"

"Because he's my husband, and he's your father," she answers simply.

"That's all?" I ask incredulously.

"Of course not."

"What then?" I ask through gritted teeth, getting impatient.

"I didn't leave because I love him," she states, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Love?"

"Yes, I love your father. I never stopped loving him, even when the time I learned what he did."

"Why?" I choke.

"Because we promised to love each other no matter what," she says, folding her hands on her lap. "We made a vow at our wedding. We make mistakes but we can't dwell in them. We'll just get hurt. So I decided to forget what he did." When she sees my expression, she adds, "When you fall in love, you'll understand. That no matter what the person did, you'll still forgive her. Because the only choice you have is to love her until your last breath."

Is it that easy? Is it that easy to forgive and forget?

Why is it when I need my subconscious mind, it's not talking?

"He made up for that," Mom continues. "And I'm sure he didn't and will not do it again. People messed up, that's life. Sooner or later your perception of things will change."

"I'll still know the wrong from right," I mutter.

"I'm sorry you had to keep that secret," she says. "I know it took a lot of your energy not to spill it. You're a brave man. I know your dad is proud of you."

"Yeah, right." I scoff.

"I hope your relationship with him will restore," she says hopefully.

"Only time will tell," I say, standing up from the chair and walking out of the room.

"Drake?"

Whipping around, I see Driana following me. "Yeah?"

"I. . ." She looks nervous all of a sudden.

"What?"

"Uh, it's nothing," she says hastily.

"Are you sure?" I ask, concern. She still looks a little shaken.

"Yup. Oh, wait," she says. "Now I know why you became distant with dad."

"So, you understand me?" I ask.

She hesitates. "I agree with Mom. People make mistakes, and sooner or later, we have to forget what happened and forgive the person who hurt us."

"Sooner or later," I mutter, turning around and starting to walk away.

"He's still our dad," she says in a loud voice.

"I know," I say, too soft for her to hear.

I need to be away from this for a while. To think things through. I need fresh air and. . .

And? My voice probes, Why don't you admit it?

Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I quickly dial Pie's number.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Hey, are you free today?" I ask, direct to the point.

"Why?"

"I want to tell you something."

"Um, what time?" she asks, a bit hesitant.

"Right now," I answer, "If it's okay with you."

"Sure."

"I'll pick you after an hour so you can get ready."

"Do I have to wear something particular?" she asks.

A smile forms on my mouth as I say, "Wear a sweater. It'll be cold tonight."

"Okay," she says.

"See you," I respond, and then hung up.

An hour later, I arrive at Pie's house. Sliding out of the car, I walk to the path leading to their house and knock at the door.

"Come in," Pie yells from inside.

Twisting the doorknob, I enter their house. Pie's walking around, wearing a light blue gray cashmere sweater that compliments her eyes and a pair of jeans that—

"Hey," she greets.

Nice one Drake, checking her out, my voice says amusedly.

"Do you leave your door unlocked?" I ask, ignoring my voice. "What if a robber barged in—"

"I can take care of myself," Pie says, rolling her eyes. When she sees my expression, she adds, "Besides, it's my first time to leave the door unlocked because I know you'll come in after a few minutes."

"Sophia."

She glances up, giving me a funny look.

"What?"

"Nothing," she replies. "What were you going to say?"

There's no point in arguing with her. So I drop the topic. Instead, I say, "I told my family about my secret."

"What did they say? How did they react? Is Driana—"

"Wait, hang on," I say, raising my hand, "One question at a time."

She smiles sheepishly. "Okay, tell me what happened."

I decide to start with my twin sister. "Driana was surprised. She couldn't believe our father could do something like that." I'm sure she feels betrayed too.

Pie frowns. "I have to talk to her soon."

"Yeah," I agree. "She needs a friend."

She smiles at me, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"My mom already knew," I say. "My father admitted his sin to her."

Her mouth shapes into an O. "Then why . . .?"

Recalling what my mom told me, I'm having a hard time wiping the grimace off my face. "She said she didn't leave him because of love."

"Love?" she asks her forehead furrowing.

"It's hard to believe, right?" I say, "I'll never know why people do that for love."

Something flashes in her eyes, but when I look again, it vanished. It must be a figment of my imagination.

"Perhaps you'll get it when you fall in love," she says matter-of-factly.

"Don't tell me you know what she means."

"I think your mom has a point," she says, tearing her gaze away from me.

"Like what?" I probe.

She sighs. "People do stupid things because of love. But as long as you follow your heart, you will be at peace."

"Yeah, right," I retort.

"If your mom left your dad, what will happen to your family?" she asks hypothetically.

She got you there, my voice says.

I groan. "Let's not talk about it, alright?"

She shrugs. "Okay."

"By the way, where are your parents?" I ask, looking around the house.

"At work."

"Oh." I didn't know her dad is still working despite his condition. Well, if that's the case, he's probably healthy now. Are you ready?" I ask.

"Yeah," she replies.

"Let's go."

Pie locked the door behind us and we both walk to where my car is parked. I open the passenger door for her and then I slide in the driver's seat.

"Where are we going?" she asks curiously, "One of your secret places?"

Only Pie can get a smile out of me these days. "Nothing particular. I just want to drive and. . ."

"And?" she asks, raising her eyebrow.

Tell her!

"And be with you," I say, a little bit shyly.

Her mouth twitches upwards, no doubt pleased at what I said. "Sweet," she says, her eyes twinkling.

"T-thanks," I stutter. I feel like an idiot, stuttering in front of her. I find it a little bit hard to drive because I can't focus on the road when Pie is sitting a few inches from me. I can't help but glance at her every few seconds.

Oh! Why am I feeling this way? I'm such a goner.

I don't really have a destination in mind. I just want to drive and hear the familiar engine of my car that gives me comfort. My hands rest on the steering wheel, doing what they have to, as if they have a mind of their own.

I decide to go to the outskirts of town, away from the pollution of the city. Besides, it will offer us peace and quiet. Just what I wanted.

Pie is looking outside the open window of my car. She's probably waiting for the stars to show up. It's almost 6 in the evening. The wind is blowing through her hair. My hands are itching to tuck the loose hair behind her ear. Her face is unreadable, yet there's something about her expression that makes my heart beat fast.

"Why do you leave the window open?" I ask curiously.

"Because I love to breathe fresh air," she says, smiling. "It calms my nerves. And I just feel like it."

Unusual. Of course. She's Sophia Taylor. Girls usually locked their windows so that their hair won't get tangled in the wind but she doesn't. She doesn't even care about her appearance.

Everything she does, it makes me fall in love even more.

What can I ask for? The love of my life is here on the passenger seat beside me. She's all I need. God is good for making my dream come true. I just wish that what we have right now will remain forever. Not a single thing can change the way we feel about each other.

"Sing," she says suddenly, in an almost commanding tone.

"Sing?"

"Yes."

"What will I sing?" I ask, scratching the back of my head.

She shrugs. "Anything you feel at the moment."

I'm not into singing in front of people, but because Pie requested it, why not? Besides, my voice can make her fall in love with me. I smile at the thought.

Clearing my throat, I choose the song that first comes to my mind.

"I look at her and have to smile," I sing, "As we go driving for a while/ Her hair blowing in the open window of my car/ And as we go the traffic lights/ Watch them glimmer in her eyes/ In the darkness of the evening."

It's hard to drive, sing, and look at Pie the same time so I stop the car beside the road so that I can fully gaze at her while singing.

When I finished the song, I see Sophia silently staring at me. Her eyes are a little bit wet. Tears are probably waiting for the opportunity to fall down.

"Hey, I thought you wanted me to sing?" I say softly. "Why do you look sad?"

"I look sad? I . . . I feel happy." She pauses and takes a deep breath. "You really have a beautiful voice. The way you sing – it's from the heart. I felt it."

Of course it's from the heart, my voice says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Let's go," I say, unbuckling my seatbelt and sliding out of the car.

Pie soon follows after, looking confused. There are no cars passing by. This place looks secluded, as if Pie and I are the only two people on earth.

"Come here," I say. When she's a few feet in front of me, I pull her towards me and bury my face on her hair. I put my arms around her, holding her tight, not letting go.

She seems taken aback at my action because her arms just lie simply on her side.

"Sophia," I murmur.

That probably brings her back to her senses because the next thing I know, she's hugging me as well.

We remain in that position for a couple of minutes. And then I take a step back, still not letting go.

"You know when I look at your eyes and see that smile on your face, I can't help but stare," I blurt out.

She blushed on cue. I can never get tired of seeing her rosy cheeks; it's just so perfect on her.

"W-why?" she stutters.

"Because you seldom smile."

"Are you telling me I'm always frowning?" She scolds.

"Sorry," I say quickly, "that went out wrong. What I meant was the smile on your face adds more beauty to you." As if you still need it.

"You're making me embarrassed," she says, tearing her gaze away from me.

"There's no reason for you to be embarrassed," I point out.

"Still."

"Sophia?"

"Hmm?" she glances up at me.

Slowly, I move my face closer to her. Her eyes widen, looking anywhere but me. I can hear the beating of my heart. Or maybe it's hers? I can't tell. All I want to do is to kiss her and—

And then my phone rings. Ugh! Why do I have to put it in my pocket? Next time I won't bring a cell phone when I'm with Pie.

Grumbling under my breath, I get my phone and answer it. "What?" I ask.

Pie looks amused while watching me talk with Andre.

"Hey, I talked to Driana," he starts.

"And?" I probe.

"She told me about your dad," he says. There's something about his voice that makes me guilty. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Heaving a sigh, I say, "Sorry about that. I'll explain to you later."

He scoffs. "Yeah, right. If I know, you're busy with Sophia."

"Are you jealous?" I say amusedly.

"Of course I am," he grumbles. "You know that I want your time to be mine!"

"Whatever," I say, chuckling softly. "Talk to you soon."

"Enjoy!" And then he hung up.

That's when I realize what he said. Driana told him. But why? I have to find out what's going on between the two of them. Soon.

"Is that Andre?" Pie asks, smiling.

"Yeah." I'm sure she heard some parts of our conversation. "Hey, Sophia, remember when you told me you wanted to be a bird on your second life?"

"Yes," she says, surprised at the sudden turn of our conversation. "You said you wanted to be a star. But you didn't explain."

"I want to be a star because of you," I admit, glancing at the sky. Stars are slowly showing and the crescent moon is shining brightly.

"Because of me?" she says dubiously.

"Yes, because of you."

"Why?"

"You like gazing at the stars at night. They're one of the best things for you. . ."

"And?" she probes.

"And I want you to look at me that way."

"I . . . Drake—"

"Sophia, I'm telling you the truth," I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I like you. A lot. And I think I'm starting to fall in love with you."

A lot of emotions pass on her face in that instant. Confusion. Surprised. Suspicion. And some others I can't named.

It's your fault for telling her you love her on her birthday, my voice chastises, even though it's not true.

I liked her then, I snap, and I still do.

But like and love are not the same, it retorts.

Shut up!

"It's getting late," Pie says, not looking in my eyes. "We have class tomorrow."

Now I've ruined everything!

The drive home is very different from before. Now, the silence is awkward and uncomfortable.

Why am I not thinking? As if I can turn back the time and –

What's done is done.

Thanks for reminding me, I think dryly.

When we arrive at their house, I open the passenger door for her. I walk her back to the house and we both stop in front of the door. Now she's going to tell me she doesn't want to see me again.

"Drake."

I close my eyes and wait for the words that would change my life. See? I'm already dreading for this moment to end. But she doesn't say anything so I open my