Mavis.

"I knew you were a heartless bitch, but not like this,"

Rolling my eyes, I turn off the iPad. There goes my virtual shopping night. I was rather surprised to hear Axel's voice when I picked up the phone, I told myself that after two weeks they would forget I even exist. "Calling to say I told you so?"

"No. I'm not that childish, and I would say that to him not you." even the small reference to him, hurts my heart. This past month hadn't been joyous to me either, but that's not what his friends are thinking. They must think I broke their homie's heart and I'm doing body shots on a new dude. So I'm ready to hear the insults by now, ready to hear the I told you not to hurt him, and I'm ready to take it because I deserve some of it. "What do you want Axel?"

"For you to fix the mess you did," he replied. Hard and blunt.

"Believe it or not, I did both of us a favor." I have to fix myself first before I could fix anyone else. And I'm trying, I've been seeing a therapist. Yes, shocker. After what went down with June, I couldn't control anything anymore. I was lost, I'm still lost but it was worst. I kept telling myself it was the right choice because the fact I couldn't control my anger scared me, I was terrified of ever doing something to him. And every time I thought of it, I had a complete meltdown. Shaking and hysterical crying kind of meltdowns.

When my mom suggested trying therapy again, I was ready for it. I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to be able to control my feelings. It helps, somehow. Sometimes I find some of the questions dumb and repetitive, but I go through with it. I need to get better to offer him a proper apology. I own him at least that.

I also joined a group therapy for autistic adults, and I kind of like it. Hearing and relating to some of their stories makes me feel less alone, and I like that. Lonely is a feeling I got too used to, having June reminded me how warm surrounding yourself with people could be.

"No, you did not do him any favor, Mavis. In the years I've known June, he never consumed as much alcohol as he is doing now. He is completely out of control, and it's your fault." his voice took an emotional edge, something I could point out because it slightly cracked by the end. "He is-" he cut himself off and took a deep breath, "He wants to be loved and chosen, without having to put effort into it. That's what he said when I told him to stop drinking,"

The words of his ex-girlfriend rewind into my mind, "did you know how damaging his father leaving was to him?" He wants to be chosen. he wants to be loved. He thinks that if he doesn't try to be his best all the time, no one will stay with him or love him. Everything makes sense now. "Sometimes I'm angry that I'm not good enough,"

"I feel like I've to do my best in everything,"

"Isn't that exhausting?"

"Sometimes,"

what he meant were most times. He is tired of pretending, and I'm the cause of that. He thinks I proved his point, that he isn't enough. That I left him because he didn't try hard enough, wasn't perfect enough. I left him just like his father did. I can't imagine how much he overthought this, I can't imagine how many times he broke his own heart because he thought he was unlovable if he didn't try hard enough.

Silly, stupid, foolish me. I have been stuck once again in my bubble, thinking I'm the only one with problems and didn't think about him. I thought if I hurt him now, it would hurt him less. What a dumb fucking bitch I am. "Where is he?"

"I will send you the address,"

I don't bother changing, I just grab a jacket and my car keys before going out. It felt strange driving again, I got used to June driving me around, and I like it better. But I'm also glad my dad gave me back my car, it's needed in situations like this.

Parking down the road of the roaring house party, I'm reluctant to go in. When I come to this kind of setting, I'm usually high and ready to get drunk. But now, I'm full of anxiety, scared of his reaction to seeing me again. I'm anticipating a harsh response, it would hurt but it would be the most appropriate one.

My eyes swept over the heavy room, tons of bodies moving together, colliding and dancing, smoking and drinking, and whatsoever. It's hard looking for him, but as I passed a beer pong table I heard his laugh and it was like a slap to the face. He was standing over the table, trying to throw the ball inside one of the cups and failing miserably. His hair was a mess of waves, damp and curling at the ends, his cheeks were rosy and a pretty lazy smile adorned his lush lips.

The lips I've been tasting just a month ago.

I didn't see the girl holding his arm until she spoke up, "careful, Juni." She was a pretty short-haired brunette, with big doe eyes and a cute button nose. I had to remind myself I don't have the right to get jealous.

"June." her eyes meet me first, and they widen slightly as if she recognized me. June's head took a slow turn before his gaze found my own, and just like that, it felt like I was back in his car, breaking his heart and my own. "Nessa, am I hallucinating, or do you see her too?

Nessa looked hesitant to respond but she did, "yes, I see her." she was still holding his arm, and when she realized what I was gaping at, she swiftly took her hand off. She probably saw the video of me smashing his ex's face on a table, having a psycho reputation has its perks.  Talking about his ex, I still wonder why no charges or reports were put against me. It was weird but I did not question it.

"Why are you here?" June's face suddenly looked grim, wiped off the easy smile he had on. He is right what am I doing here? It looks like he was having fun, and I just ruined his night. But when I took a closer look at his body, now that she wasn't holding him anymore he was slightly faltering, not steady on his own. He tried to take a step forward and he almost stumbled, but I was right in front of him, an arm around his torso and a palm against his chest.

His heartbeat felt like a song against my hand, fast and alive. He was leaning all his weight on me, and he was heavy but I wouldn't budge. "You're not being fair," his voice almost a whisper, but I was close enough to hear it.

"I never said I was fair," I say.

He pauses, then leans his forehead against mine, a heavy sigh left him. "I think I'm dreaming, I've dreamt this too many times," his voice was so vulnerable, soft and edged, ready to crack at any moment. I hate that I made him this way, I hate that I caused him so much pain. But I'm not going to lament myself about how I break everything I touch, this time I'm going to fix this.

"You're not dreaming, I'm here." I bring his hand and place it on my cheek, his warm fingers trailed alongside my jawline and cheekbones as if he was discovering them for the first time. A small smile reached his lips, and I had the urge to kiss it. "You're real,"

I nod, holding him closer. "Can you walk?"

"I think so," he took a few steps, then I has his arm wrapped over my shoulder so I could support him. "You're heavy,"

He hums in amusement, "all muscles though." he is such a soft drunk. I thought he would be angrier, refusing to speak with me, or even telling me to fuck off. But he is just a big soft baby.

I was trying to walk out when suddenly June felt lighter, and I saw Axel holding his other arm. "Took you long enough,"

"I told you to leave me alone, asshole." an angry look took over June's face when he saw Axel, but he only ignored him as he helped carry him outside. "I don't want to leave,"

"I thought you wanted to see her?" Axel snapped and June removed himself from him, almost losing his balance in the process. "You called her? Who the fuck told you to call her? As if I didn't look pathetic enough already!" he was shouting and again people were looking, and I hate it.

"June, you're not pathetic. And please keep it down, people are looking."

"Let them fucking look!" he snarled, and I jolted because I did not expect his outburst. His features softened for a second, he took a step away from me and turned to look at Axel again. "Mind your business," and he dragged himself back inside.

"This is your fault,"

"I know,"

"Aren't you even sorry?"

"My apologies are not for you,"

His eyes narrowed, and his arms crossed over his chest. "What are you going to do?"

"Wait for him till he is tired. I'm the one taking him home," he won't be leaving with anyone but me, I don't care how selfish that sound, but he is mine.

"Get inside," Axel eyed our surroundings before nodding to the front door. "Don't order me around, I'm not here for you."

he rolled his eyes and pushed me inside, "thank fuck, you're not here for me."

Back inside, the music felt even louder and the heat felt overwhelming. I fold my arms over myself and walked through the crowd. A body collided with me and I instantly barked, "watch where you are fucking going." the guy looked surprised at first, then his eyes went over my shoulders and he muttered a quick sorry before scurrying off. I was once again looking for June, and he was by the kitchen bar throwing a shot.

He is going to feel like hell by morning if he keeps this up.

"Deal with him, I'm sitting over there."

I don't turn to look at him walking away, my eyes are fixed on June as I make my way toward him. "Slow down," I take his shot away, and a frown settle on his eyebrows because he mischievously smirked, "last time, you told me to go faster,"

I don't think he meant for the people around to hear, but they did and a bunch of guys was doing stupid noises of oohs. I can't help but roll my eyes, tiptoeing I whisper in his ear, "keep your voice down when you talk about stuff like that," His skin shivers at my light touch, and I fight to keep a smile off. I haven't lost my effect on him, there is that at least that.

He groans and turns away, walking to a group of people who welcome him eagerly. He could fit anywhere, he doesn't realize he doesn't have to do much for people to love him, a stranger could fall in love with him just by seeing him smile. He is full of life and so full of light, you can't help but be attracted to him. The way he talks to you like you're the only person that matters in the room is magical. He makes everyone feel special, and that's a beautiful gift.

I feel someone tap on my shoulder and ask if I want a drink, and I refuse, still not looking away from him. But the person is persistent, "come on, just one glass," and I spin around to tell the guy to fuck off but I'm stuck when I recognize him. That Malu guy, "I can't drink, I'm driving."

He was suddenly all in my personal space and I hate it, "back off," I snarl but he thinks I'm joking. He chuckles, "no need to be so hostile. I thought we were friends," his face twisted into what he thinks is a flirty grin, but he just looked distorted. "Friends that even kissed."

"That was a mistake from me, and that will never happen again. Now back the fuck off before I get angry."

I don't see what's funny again, because he laughs. "I heard what you did to June's ex, that was pretty badass."

I can't deal with this right now, so I decide to ignore him. "Come on, baby. Just give me a chance, I will show you how better I am from June."

I ignore him until I felt him touch the back of my neck, and I was about to hit the shit out of him. But someone was faster than me, June's punch harshly collided with Malu's jaw. For being so drunk, the punch was hard enough to knock the guy over. "Touch her again, and I will kill you."