Athena

Location: Tre's House, San Francisco California

April 10th

Journal Entry #254

His hits didn't hurt as much as they did last time, granted I still had to use makeup to cover up some bruises but that was it, we tried to make love but that didn't work out because he couldn't get up. He said that it was my fault that I was getting out of shape. But you want to know what the craziest thing is, I believe him, even though I try to work out at least twice a week. I just don't understand why I am thinking like this, it was like I lost my self-esteem when I met him, everything I did he contradicted, ever move I took he dictated. It was like it was no longer a boyfriend girlfriend relationship but a peasant and king relationship, I did everything he told me to, smuggle drugs, go with him to tie up ends with his deals, go with him to drop a few licks, you name it I did. I did everything I could to satisfy him sexually, he wanted to have a three some I did that granted I was uncomfortable and ended up leaving.

"Athena bring your ass down here." He yelled, I rolled my eyes and shut the notebook and placed the notebook underneath the floorboard. I made sure it was secure before getting up and running downstairs to see what it was he wanted.

"Yes." I said trying to ignore the white powder being cut.

"Count this shit." He threw a stack of money at me.

I sat on the couch and proceeded to count the money, this is how my day went, it would either be me bagging or me counting. In Tre's eyes, I didn't deserve to go outside and be seen, because he thought I was an embarrassment.

"Man, I might just start selling some shit on my own, because this Bay shit is not working, I can double what I already am making if I start selling some shit on the side."

I held my tongue, I wasn't going to tell Tre about his narcissist ways, he thought he was the shit but in reality, he wasn't anything but a runner for Bay. Everyone knew that you couldn't get anything past Bay without him knowing or finding out, Bay knew your move before you even thought about taking it. I never had the chance to meet him, but from what I heard it was good thing.

Bay only made his appearance when you fucked him over, and only few knew how he looked like. He did it differently than everyone else, it was like levels, and Bay was at the top, taking over San Fran with a storm. His collectors being under him collected the money and handled the cash houses. His handlers third, handled the drugs and distributed them to the runners and ran the 'Playhouses', the runners being at the bottom sold the drugs and collected the profit. Everything went in a cycle and if you found the nerve to fuck up you got handled.

"Did you hear what I say?" He snapped in my face.

I put a rubber band around the money and said, "I am sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, what did you count?"
"7."

"Well I am going to need you to take out 2." He said beginning to bag.

Frowning, "But don't you think the collectors are going to notice that?"

"Bitch did I ask you about what the collectors are going to notice?"I could tell his anger was starting to grow, and I don't think I have an enough energy for another beating session.

I shook my head and diverted my stare back to the ground, my eyes then flicked towards the Glock that sat on the table and the darker part of me wanted to take it and blow his brains out and then make a painting out of his blood. I imagined it for a moment, just seeing his blood splattered across the room like paint, sent my heart into a rapid beat.

"Don't you even think about it." He said snatching the gun off the table and placing it into his waist band.

I turned my head towards him and said, "Are you done with me?"

"Yes, Joon is gon' be here any minute and I don't want you to be." He said dismissing me. "Before you leave take this and put it in the spot." He then took the 2g's that I took out of the profit and handed it to me.

I took it and got up with no words and took the stairs two at a time, I shut the door and made sure I locked it and went into the bathroom, going underneath the sink and moved the toiletries around and pulled the latched to the secret spot, and placed the roll of money in the bag with the rest of his 'savings'.

My mind could not come to any conclusion on the reason why Tre would think it's smart to steal from Bay. But I never understood why Tre did half the shit he did, I tried to understand for three years and still to this day I drew a blank.

I remembered the day like it was yesterday, I remembered these girls in my school was talking about Gunner, and I don't why but the name attracted me it sounded like everything I was used to, dangerous. They were saying about how he had gotten a new car and one of the girls were saying that he let her drive it. So, fast forward to the end of the school day, he was waiting for the girl that bragged about driving his car and I guess you could say I was attracted. But when he saw me his attention wasn't on her it was me and that was a first for me. As I was walking towards my car he said, "Hey dark skin, come here for a minute."

Naïve me, I turned around and said, "What's up?"

"You got a fat ass." He smirked.

­­­I cringed at the memory, there were so many red flags that popped out now looking back at the memory, but my eighteen-year-old mind decided otherwise and that's how I got trapped.

­-----

Shaking is what we woke me up, and I looked up to see Tre with a pissed expression, oh hell.

"What is it Tre?" I frowned.

"Come cook dinner." He said before leaving.

I sighed and followed him out to the kitchen, a woman's giggles filled downstairs, frowning slightly I saw that it was only her down there. Who in the hell is she? She didn't look like one of his hoes and her face is new.

I continued to the kitchen, I had to admit at first it hurt when I found out about his cheating. But after a few ass beatings I learned to get the hell over it, and plus they kept his time occupied which meant he would be the hell out of my face.

Beginning to make dinner I tried to put all my focus into that instead of the whispers and kissing sounds, just because I didn't care didn't mean that I didn't get annoyed by it.

It didn't take me long to cook and I sat his plate on the table, "Your food is on the table."

Walking into the kitchen he frowned when he saw his plate, "Where is Bella's plate."

My eyes flicked toward the smirking Latina, "Bella can make her own plate."

"She is my guest and I want you to make her a plate." He said getting in my face, leaving air and opportunity between us.

There were a few times where I actually stood up to him and this was one of them, "And I said Bella can make her own plate."

My head snapped to the left as I felt a stinging pain come from my cheek, "Why do you have to be so damn clueless."

Pushing him with all my force, he stumbled and knocked her over. "She is your hoe and none of my business."

"So, you want to be bold tonight?" He said completely ignoring the scared girl.

"Leave me the fuck alone I am not in the mood tonight Gunner."

"Gunner baby just eat." She said placing a hand on him.

When he turned to sit down, I ran upstairs to the bedroom and grabbed my notebook and walked into the guest bedroom and shut it making sure to lock it. I didn't want him to have make a pop up visit and whoop my ass like he did last time.

Resuming Journal Entry #254

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I didn't respond to the comment that he made about my ass, would I went off to college and would I have found someone who would have treated me right. Would he and I go on to get married and have kids, he would have his own career and I would have my own, we could live our lives out and be happy, then maybe have grandkids. But I did respond to his comment and I chose to go on a date with him, and now the only I can imagine myself doing is being carried out by a body bag or the judge sentencing me to twenty-five with a big fat ass L on the end. I can't do this anymore but I know I just can't leave, I would have to die and I would be damned if he was the one to pull the trigger. I wanted to do it, he wasn't going to have the satisfaction like I knew he wanted, I wanted to pull the trigger in front him, I wanted to see the look in his eyes when my blood scattered across the new Jordan's he loved to wear.

I closed the notebook and placed it underneath my pillow, I planned on going to sleep before the fuck fest started.

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12:10

7.21.2017

I am excited to share this new book and I would love to hear feedback