A loud knocking disturbs me from my sleep causing the monster within me to arise and make an appearance. I grab one of my black fluffy pillows, wishing the world would just disappear and allow me to sleep. Whoever is at my door seems to not want to wake the rest of the household up, oh, but disturbing me sure is in their plans. After a while I have enough, I throw my covers off of me in an angry fit before stomping my feet into their Despicable Me minion slippers and angrily shuffle to the door.

                “What do you want?” I clench my teeth at whoever stands at my door as I wipe the sleepy haze from my eyes.

                “Uhm, I just wanted to know if you, uh, wanted to go with Lucy and me to get her first Christmas pictures taken,” Drew nervously asks as his gaze sweeps over me, taking me in as if the fact I’m in sweats and a tank top is the most glorious sight he’s ever seen. I am so not in the mood for his flattery right now. Wait, did he just mention Lucy?

                “Did you just invite me to take Lucy for pictures?” I finally look up into his beautiful blues.

                “Yeah, I thought we could get her first Santa pictures today?” he asks. It’s been a week since my birthday and things have been going well. I haven’t hung around Drew much, it’s the fact that I don’t know how to act around him sometimes. He confuses the heck out of me, it’s like choosing between the mocha and caramel frappe, they’re both cold and delicious.

                “I’ve been meaning to ask, when is my baby’s birthday?” I yawn as I wave him inside my room and close the door. He smiles as he remembers what I’m sure would be a cool tale.

                “She’s a new year’s baby,” he answers. Aw, I love New Year babies. They’re like a symbol for pure, clean starts.

                “Really, oh, I have to plan her first party, get her a present, this is going to be awesome,” I cheer as I dig through my drawers for some warm clothes.

                “Tell me about it, it was crazy,” Drew exclaims as he lies down on my bed.

                “What do you mean?” I pop my head out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in mouth.

                “It was just Lucas, Sammy, Adrian and I, you’ll never guess who fainted,” Drew remarks. Oh, I’ve got to hear this.

                “Lucas?” I call out from the bathroom.

                “Adrian,” he corrects, his answer astounds me so much I almost plunge head first into the tub, that could have very well been my unforgettable uncoordinated skills but I’m going to go with the surprise excuse.

                “No way, how?” I smile as I come out of the bathroom fully dressed and head to the closet for my boots.

                “My mom started screaming out some very graphic scenarios while he was trying to calm her down, she held his hand a little too tight and cut off the blood flow, next thing you know Adrian was knocked out cold. He missed the whole birth,” Drew recalls. Ha, now I have something to hold over Adrian’s head.

                “The midwife had a kick out of that,” he adds.

                “So, your mom gave birth at home?”

                “She had to, you ready yet?” I can tell he’s trying to change the subject so I let my curiosity go. I nod while bouncing cheerily. He shakes his head and follows me out the door. There’s something about the Christmas time that adds a little spring to my step. I just love the whole season, especially the twinkling lights and the fact that I will have Lucy with me this year. A certain blue eyed boy added to the mix isn’t so bad either.

                I smile as I watch from against the wall as Drew gets Lucy out of her crib murmuring a series of ‘hellos.’ It’s so cute to watch as he gets her ready, the way he holds her so carefully. She’s the fragile butterfly and he’s her caretaker, unwilling to let anything or anyone harm the baby in his arms. She’s the soft side to his usual cold and tough demeanor, and I love to watch this side unfurl.

                “Ready?” he snaps me out of my mesmerized state. I nod and we head down to the kitchen where I quietly swipe Roger’s car keys, can’t use our cars to drive Lucy. Yes, I finally got my car. I was going for the Lamborghini Murcielago cause let’s be honest that car’s hot, but I settled for a Camaro that compliments Drew’s car for some reason, except mine’s white.

                “So, why couldn’t we bring the rest of the guys with us?” I ask as we make our way to the mall.

                “We haven’t hung out all week, I thought this way it was a win-win for the both of us,” he shrugs while his gaze remains solely on the road.

                “Admit you missed my awesome presence,” I smile in his direction.

                “Fine, I’ll admit you do make the sun look brighter,” he declares with a smile before we burst out laughing. Lucy joins in from her car seat in the back as her laugh rings along with ours. Time seems to fly by as too soon we’re pulling up into the crowded parking lot of the bustling mall, where an available parking space seems to be a myth. After a while we finally park and begin to stroll our way inside with Lucy safely secluded in warmth in the car stroller.

                “You really do love Christmas lights, don’t you?” Drew remarks as I stare at the looming lit tree like Channing Tatum’s taking his shirt off.

                “Yes,” I nod my head before I continue to stroll with Lucy down the mall, admiring decorations and the occasional ornament that captures my attention. I smile as the Santa station comes into view, due to the early morning the line’s not so long as we file behind a couple of kids.

                “I think we should take the picture together,” Drew’s voice seeps into my ears. He seems to have an affinity for whispering things into them. I don’t think I’m complaining much.

                “That sounds like a good idea,” I nod looking ahead trying to act like his presence has no effect on me. My breath hitches as his arm falls over my shoulders, the warmth of his close proximity hitting me full force.

                “Is something wrong?” he looks down innocently, curse his tall frame. I inconspicuously raise myself on my toes, trying to look taller next to him without giving myself away. His breath hits the side of my neck as he breathes a chuckle.

                “Stop trying to look tall, you’re perfect the way you are,” he shakes his head while I blush at his comment. Does he even realize he says these things? He’s like your model worthy creature and he calls me perfect. Sometimes, I do think Drew is a little too nice to me, I think it has something to do with my enigmatic charisma, he can’t keep away.

                “Easy for you to say, you can see everything from your stature,” I huff. He stays quiet but I can’t help but laugh as his head falls on my shoulder while he crouches down to my height. This should be a sight to see, the ad boy shrinking down to please the midget. Not that I’m a midget, or short, I’m fun size and I also fit into small spaces.

                “Is this better for you?” he completely ignores the looks we get from people making me laugh harder while I nod.

                “Just tell me when you feel better about your height, I don’t wanna be all cramped up later on,” he whines, I shrug him off me in response almost making him face plant the floor. He was about to say something when our turn comes up in line and I eagerly step up.

                “We’ll take it together,” I tell the girl in the elf costume. I watch Drew grab something from the side before coming to stand by us as I place Lucy in Santa’s arms. The old man looks down adoringly at the child. I feel something being placed on my head before Drew places a small Santa hat on Lucy’s head, matching the one he wears.

                “Why do I have to wear the elf hat, huh?” I put my hand on my hip for emphasis as he laughs in response. With a scowl on my face I switch our hats, leaving me to match with Lucy and Drew with the red and green elf hat on his head.

                “Okay, get ready,” the guy at the camera yells. Drew comes to stand by my side as I stand right next to Santa holding Lucy, just as the guy was about to flash the picture the guys appear out of nowhere in elf and Santa hats, making it a family picture I guess.

                “Merry Christmas,” they scream as the guy snaps the picture. They move afterwards to the side so that Drew and I get our own picture with Lucy.

                “How did you guys get here?” I ask as I take Lucy towards them while Drew puts in an order for pictures.

                “In a car, obviously,” Adrian sarcastically responds. Yeah, my best friend is still being a grouchy pants.

                “I meant how did you guys find us?” I scowl at him.

                “Chill, Lucas knew you were going out so we carefully followed behind and decided to surprise you guys,” Kohl smiles.

                “Yeah, thanks for crashing my day,” Drew comes to my side with a stoic look on his face. Is it so hard for him to smile in front of people? It’s easy, just curve your lips upwards.

                “Did you really expect to take her first pictures without me?” Sammy looks up ferociously at her older brother. I back away from him without notice, the girl can be scary when she wants.

                “I was going to have us come all together later on,” he scowls back at her.

                “Well, then it’s a good thing we saved you a trip,” my brother claps Drew on the shoulder, I have the silly notion that he had something to do with them crashing on our outing. I raise an eyebrow in Kohl’s direction, he merely smiles and waves.

                “So, where to next?” Lucas claps his hands together. We all begin to roam aimlessly around the mall, Drew, Lucy and me just lingering behind until we eventually lose the crowd.

                “Come on, let’s go get some hot chocolate,” Drew smiles while he places his hand on the small of my back, ushering me in the direction of a small café. Blood involuntarily floods to my cheeks at the contact, damn it, what’s with Drew and doing this to me? I need to go see a doctor, Drew may just be a health hazard.

                “What’s got you thinking so hard?” Drew hands me a cup of steamy goodness.

                “What do you mean?” I ask before taking a sip of my hot drink.

                “You always furrow your eyebrows when you’re thinking, it’s not hard to tell when you’re having a mental debate with yourself because you begin to glare at nothing,” he explains. So, that’s how I look when I think? Huh, I would’ve thought I looked something a bit more artistic or like Einstein. I look to the side and smile at Lucy’s sleeping figure in the stroller, she’s too cute for her own good. I begin to look around the quaint café, it seems normal enough.

                Tables are scattered everywhere to accommodate customers, the counter seems to be very well organized. It has a stylish yet comfortable look to it. My eyes continue to roam the place when they land on a table in the far corner, a man sits there but he seems to be keeping watch over our table. I figure he was just looking at what seems to be a young family oddly and continue to look around.

                “Khloe, Khloe,” fingers snap in front my face drawing my attention back to Drew.

                “What?”

                “You zoned out or something,” Drew’s azure eyes look over me weirdly but for some reason my attention is brought back to the table in the far corner.

                “Hey, Drew, you see that guy over there,” I nod my head in that direction.

                “Yeah, what about it?” Drew gives a quick glance.

                “Either that guy thinks his neck is a violin or he’s giving me the international sign for ‘you’re dead,’” I ramble as the man gives a sinister smile while dragging his index finger across his neck. This has Drew turning around quickly and giving the man an icy glare.     

                “Come on, let’s find the other guys,” he stands up abruptly and I follow suit, I stroll Lucy while he gets Adrian on the phone.

                “Adrian, meet me in the parking lot and don’t ask questions,” he speaks into his cell phone, well, isn’t he the demanding one? No one utters a word as we head towards the exit, Drew seems to be thinking hard as he stares into space, his hand finds its way to my back, ushering me with him. I’m afraid to break the silence, all I seem to be doing is making sure Lucy’s with me and in the stroller. I’ve already lost her once and thanks to the heavens I got her back, I can’t begin to imagine losing her again.

                “What the hell happened?” Adrian scowls as he moves from his leaning position on his black Hummer. Drew leaves me with Sammy and my brother while he speaks to Adrian and Lucas. Kohl and Sammy begin to fret over Lucy and I, but my attention’s captured by the blue eyed boy who seems to be arguing with Adrian. The tension can be felt from where I stand, I think even Kohl can feel the strain as he tries to give the trio some privacy. Lucas seems to be the one trying to placate the raging boys, after a moment more of watching I decide to try and talk them down.

                “What are you doing?” Kohl’s hand on my shoulder stops me from taking another step.

                “Keep watch on Lucy, I’m gonna go talk to them,” I call out before resuming my steps to the three guys’ looming figures.

                “Hey, are you okay?” I ask no one in particular as I reach them, yet no one decided to speak. Even their argument seems to have come at a standstill. It’s like a silent night where only the chirping of crickets can be heard. I look at all three of them, so many secrets in one group.

                “I get that you guys have your own secrets, but if it has to do with me, don’t you think I have the right to know?” I mutter in frustration. Nobody speaks but Lucas seems to appraise my outburst with his eyes.

                “Whatever,” I huff as I turn and shove Drew out of the way, yeah, I’m that mad. My cautious side decides to slow down for a minute in case the sleeping tiger decides to strike back, when nothing happens I hurry over to my brother. A hand grabs a hold of mine, turning me around but I don’t need to see to know who that warmth belongs to. Drew’s touch is familiar to me now.

                “Let go,” I look down at my boots, they’re so shiny and black, like Adrian’s soul. Drew says nothing, just lets our hand intertwine, like he’s trying to evoke a foreign language to me through his touch. I snap out of my momentary trance and take my hand away from his while I finally look up. His eyes snap up to meet mine at that moment and I think my gesture might have hurt him, it’s hard to tell when you look into such cold blue eyes.

                “Why must everything be so secretive?” this time I direct my gaze towards Adrian, who seems to be the one in the group that knows everything. His brown eyes hesitate before he looks away from me.

                “It’s not right, you’re not ready to hear that truth, Khloe,” Adrian mutters as he turns to face me again with a hard face.

                “Try me,” I respond without hesitation while a million questions begin to fire off in the crevices of my mind, do I want to know whatever it is he’s hiding?

                You have the right to know, the voice in the back of my mind answers for me.

                “No, Khloe, I’m serious, not yet,” Adrian gives me a pleading gaze, the stubborn bad boy pleading to me? Who would’ve ever thought we’d be in this position, I would’ve thought I’d be the one pleading for my life or something akin to that.

                “Then, when you’re ready to speak, talk to me,” I deadpan, it’s like the rubber band has been pulled too much and I snapped as a result. They have the right to their own secrets but I’d like to know why a man would be threatening me from afar.

                “Khloe, come on, don’t shut us out,” Drew speaks up as I try to get by his imposing form.

                “Some dude just freaking threatened me, I’m pretty sure, now I would like to know why that is and you guys seem to have the answers but aren’t willing to talk. Now I may seem the epitome of calm and composed, but I am one step away from peeing my pants,” I ramble on and I’m pretty sure I have no idea of what I’m speaking of. This seems to amuse the trio.

                “Khloe, you’re far from being the epitome of calm and composed, you keep jumping on the soles of your feet, a sure sign that you’re either nervous or scared, both perhaps,” Lucas decides to pitch in, who made him the analytical one?

                “I am now officially not speaking to any one of you,” I ignore Lucas’s comment and look directly into each of their eyes to convey my point.

                “It’s about your parents,” Adrian calls as I turn my back on them, but that phrase halts my steps.

                “What about them?” I clear my face of all emotion and turn back to them. Doesn’t matter how many years have passed that wound still is one that’s very difficult to close.

                “You sure you want to hear this?” Adrian taunts in a cynical but I think I know him enough to know this is his way of dealing with things. I nod nevertheless, causing him to hesitate momentarily.

                “It wasn’t an accident, the plane crash was provoked and that’s what I didn’t want you to know,” Adrian finally snaps. My hands fall to my sides and I find it hard to breathe, to move, to make a coherent thought. This is why rebelling against things has never been my forte. Things just never seem to work out in my favor, now I’m wishing I’d just shut my mouth.

                Now, it’s like I feel a new type of grief flow through me, it had been easy for their death to be accidental because then it’s like that’s the way things were meant to be. But now, to think that someone decided to play fate and remove two people from this earth, that’s something I never thought I’d feel, and I never want to feel again. A massive lump at back of my throat makes it hard for me to swallow Adrian’s words down, if my body had a rejection button, I’d be rejecting his words in this very instance.

                “I want to go home,” is all I say as I turn my attention to Drew, whose eyes seem to analyze each and every move I make. I turn my back on them and grab Lucy, whom I strap into the back before sitting myself in the passenger’s side of Roger’s car. I hear a couple of screams from outside but I’m too out of it to look back, I just sit there quietly and unmoving. Lucy seems to feel the somber move as she just drift off to sleep, her little head bobbing down makes me suppress a small smile.

                “Are you okay?” Drew questions after minutes of pure silence after he buckled himself in.

                “Fine,” I answer before looking out the window. I hear him sigh before bringing the car to life and leaving the mall, another reason to hate the mall and shopping I guess. The drive home is quiet and all I’m feeling at the moment is a sense of emptiness. I get out of the car in a hurry once we pull into our driveway, I