Ch. 36 - Amanda Bynes Onesie

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"Here's the thing, Ivy. If you stay home tonight watching old episodes of My Super Sweet 16 by yourself, then what kind of life are you living?"

I shrug, holding a bowl of popcorn against my chest. "One where out of the two options of what to do tonight staying home and watching My Super Sweet 16 was the best choice."

"Elliott invited so many people, Ives. It's not like it's going to be just five people and one plate of cubed cheese," Flynn promises as he sits down on the couch and throws his arm over my shoulder.

"Still," I say, "I'd rather stay here in the comfort of my Amanda Bynes onesie that Jett gave to me for Christmas."

Flynn moves back and looks at my outfit, his eyes wide. "Okay...and I got a damn kazoo that doesn't even work?"

Nora smiles and rubs Flynn's shoulders. "Maybe if you were his half sister you would've gotten Games Thrones crocs.

"Adopt me?" he asks jokingly to Aunt Lucy, who just shakes her head.

"Come on, Ivy," Nora pleads. "Promise you'll stop by to be there at midnight! I'd hate for you to just sit around alone on New Year's Eve."

I sigh and tip my head back. "Fine. I'll be there at 11:59 and I'll be gone by 12:01."

"That's fine by me!" Nora says. "We better get going, Flynn. We're supposed to help with the decorations."

The two head out, Nora's heels clicking against the hardwood floor. "Bye, Ivy! See you at 11:59 sharp!"

"Bye," I call out, turning back to my show.

Jett walks downstairs and stomps right in front of the tv, his hands on his hips. I widen my eyes at his outfit choice, complete jean-on-jean attire like Justin Timberlake's 2001 AMA's look.

"Ivy, I-" He stops mid-sentence. "Excuse me, why are you laughing? Is something funny?"

I bite my lip. "No... I just... I really like that outfit, J."

"Look, it's a costume birthday party, okay? So, I need you to not give me the tude."

"I'm not giving any tude," I argue. "You're the sassy one. When is your friend's mom picking you up?"

"Well, that's why I came to grace you with my presence. I need a ride."

"Can't your aunt and uncle drop you off before they go to dinner?"

"No!" I hear Lucy sing before the door to the garage closes with a slam.

Uncle Val comes running past us, an apologetic smile on his face before he is out the doors with his wife. I sigh and sink lower into the couch.

"So, you'll drive me?"

"Fine," I mutter and stand up from the couch, shutting the tv off. "We're leaving now?"

He nods. "But first..."

"What?" I groan.

"I need a piece of paper and three markers." He stands there waiting for me to understand. "I can't just bring this present and not have a card with it! I'm going to go grab the present. Can you grab the supplies?"

I roll my eyes at his drama, going to the den to find some markers and paper. I come back and almost scream when I see Jett holding a giant snake. "What the hell is that?"

"A snake," he says simply.

"Why do you have a snake?" I whisper-scream, stepping way back from the creature, unsure of what it might do next. "Where did you get a snake?"

"The pet store," he answers, once again sounding as if I'm clueless.

"It's huge!"

"Hey, why do you have to go body-shaming, Slytherinia?"

"Slytherinia?" I stand on one of the chairs in the kitchen, far from where Jett is with that slithering, venomous reptile. "I am not driving you with that...that snake in my car!"

"I told you already," he pauses, "Jonas already has a ride to the party."

I shake my head. "Jett, I'm not joking. I do not like snakes. You're going to have to find someone else to drive you. Like, call Nora and have Flynn drive. I don't really know. Who is Jonas getting a ride from?"

"His mom, I think..." He doesn't make eye contact. "It would just be awkward. We're not very close anymore."

"What?"

Jett shrugs and puts Slytherinia back in her cage. "Nothing. We've just drifted."

"Is Jonas being weird about you being gay?"

"No!" He rolls his eyes. "God, no. It's honestly nothing. We have different friends."

"You're going to the same birthday party."

"Well...it's a big party. Penny's a popular girl. She invited like half the grade."

I nod, not believing him. "Okay. Just make the card. I'll call Mrs. Kennedy for you."

"Thanks." He grabs the markers off the floor where I threw them and starts making the card. "Tell her about Slytherinia. I don't want her to be caught off guard."

I laugh and take out my phone to dial the Kennedy's home phone. It rings five times before going to voicemail. Just as I'm about to hang up, Elliott's breathy voice comes on the line.

"Ivy?"

"Hey," I say, almost forgetting why I'm calling in the first place, picturing Elliott running to the phone and debating whether to answer my call or not.

"Is everything alright? Are you okay?"

Stop it, you dumb fluttering butterflies. "Uh, yeah. I just...uh...can I talk to your mom?"

"Oh." I can hear the disappointment in his voice. "Sure. Let me go get her." There's ruffling on the phone followed by Elliott screaming for his mom. "Ma! The phone!" I hold back a laugh.

"Hello?" Mrs. Kennedy's voice rings in my ear.

"Hi, Mrs. Kennedy. It's Ivy. Jett needs a ride to the party and I know you are taking Jonas, so I wanted to know if you'd be able to take Jett? He's bringing this snake, and I am just very uncomfortable with a snake being in the car with me, and I get it if you are too. But I needed to ask."

She chuckles on the other line. "I can take Jett. Jonas is bringing a tarantula. What do you know about this Penny girl?"

We talk for a few minutes before ending the call. I go back to check on Jett. He's all ready to go. Bundled in coats and scarves, we wait on the front porch for Mrs. Kennedy and Jonas to come outside. Slytherinia is in her carrier on the ground, doing what snakes do.

Once Mrs. Kennedy waves over to Jett, he and Slytherinia leave me alone in the cold. I decide to sit outside for a little while longer after they drive off towards Penny's house. The cars in front of the Kennedy's start piling down the street. I honestly didn't think Elliott knew this many people. I'm guessing Flynn invited his friends as well.

I go back inside and watch a few episodes of My Super Sweet 16. My eyes involuntarily check the clock, as if to remind me that I can't be late.

Why should I even go? Nora and Flynn won't miss me. They have each other, which is all they need in that disgustingly cute world of theirs. Seeing Elliott would just be awkward. We've done a pretty good job at being civil, and he'll probably be drunk and stupid at this party. That won't do us any good.

But I miss him.

Hearing him on the phone made me miss him even more. It got me thinking...does he miss me? He should miss me. That's something Nora drilled into my head pretty hard during the first few weeks of the breakup. I'm a strong, independent woman, and he'll miss me.

And somehow by nine, I'm upstairs getting ready for this stupid party.

I put on that black dress that I wore to our triple date from hell back in the summer. Elliott really liked it, if I remember correctly. Don't be fooled; I'm not trying to get Elliott to like me or anything. I'm just making sure he misses me, which I'm allowed to do.

After fixing up my hair and make-up, I throw on a pair of heels and leave for the party. At the door, I stop to take a deep breath. I can do this. I turn the knob and step out into the brisk, cold December air. Walking- after attempted strutting- across the street, I feel my stomach go into knots with each step I take toward the house.

There's a sign on the door that reads: open crib. I shake my head at the childishness of it all as some drunken couple pushes past me to run to their car. I step inside, greeted by some intense rapping music and multiple people grinding on one another. Well. You did this to yourself, Ivy.

"You're early!" Nora gasps when she sees me, jumping up from Flynn's lap. "Come on. Sit down. We're playing Catchphrase!"

I smile and join them on the floor. Nora leans over to tell me how good I look in this dress and how frustrated it would make Elliott. I just nod and lean back against the brown couch, focusing on the game. I'm teamed up with Martin- my king- and Nadine, Giano's wife. Nora, Flynn, and Giano are on the other team.

We have lots of fun, screaming out guesses and feeling the pressure when the ticker started getting faster. As much as I hoped it would distract me, I still snapped my head to the side whenever I saw some pale, brown-haired boy in my peripheral vision. Because of my lack of focus, our team lost. Martin demanded we re-shuffle the teams, barely able to get himself to look at me.

"I'm going to go get something to drink," I announce. "Does anyone want anything?"

"A new team," Martin mutters under his breath, but I don't decide to fight him right then.

I stand up and walk through the house, staring at the ground to keep my bare feet from being impaled by stilettos. Most people are in the basement or the family room, so the kitchen is close to empty.

I stop at the fridge, smiling at the things on the silver doors. Magnets are aligned to spell each of the kids' names, something I bet Rose and Crystal were in charge of. There are grade reports with A's. Art projects. Photos from t-ball and swimming.

My heart tightens when I find a photo of all the kids, Elliott, and me at Jonas' soccer game. We're holding up all the signs we made, smiling wholeheartedly. I touch the corners of the photo gently as if trying to transport myself back to this moment in time when everything was good and everyone was happy.

"You came."

I jump in surprise, accidentally pulling the photo of the fridge and dropping it to the ground. "Oh, I'm so sorry." I pick the photo up and place the magnet over it once again. "Sorry. I was just getting water."

"Here, let me," Elliott offers, reaching over me to grab a glass from the cabinet.

My heart beats loudly in my ears when he shuffles even closer, his chest pressing right up against my back. I don't even dare to breathe. He steps back after grabbing the glass and fills it at the fridge, glancing over with a grin. I smile back, my hands on the ledge to give the impression that I'm totally calm, even though I'm quite the opposite.

He hands me the glass of water, his eyes never leaving mine. I reach for the glass, completely thrown off when he slowly bites down on his bottom lip, his eyes trailing down my body. In panic mode, I take the glass from him and try to quickly escape. But obviously I'm not smooth enough for that kind of exit. Instead, I walk straight into the refrigerator and smash my forehead on the corner. Some water splashes on to the floor.

"I'm sorry again," I sigh and take the towel on the oven handle to wipe the floor. "I'm not even drunk and I'm walking into fridges. What did I expect?"

I look up to meet Elliott's smiling face. I smile back, unsure of what else to do. He's wearing a navy button-up that isn't very buttoned and shows off much of his chest. Normally, I'd say lose the shirt, but at this point I'm just trying to get myself to walk out the kitchen.

I stand up and put the towel back, picking up my glass from the counter. "Thanks for the water." I start walking- safely- out of the kitchen.

"Ivy," he stops me. "I-I...uh...I'm supposed to give you your Christmas present." Quickly, he adds, "from my family."

"What?" I shake my head in surprise. "No, I don't need a gift. I-I didn't even think to get you guys anything!"

"Ivy, you mothered our family for three months during your time-off from school. My family fell in love with you." He clears his throat, after the awkward silence from his choice of words. "Y-You deserve a gift."

I smile softly and decide to respond with, "mothered."

Elliott laughs and cocks his head towards the kitchen stairs. "Come on. It's in Addison's room."

I follow him upstairs, an odd familiarity hitting me hard. I miss walking upstairs with Elliott to his room, or to my room. We'd just be together, in the happiest sense there was. It's hard to imagine things will ever be the same.

"Okay. Now, before you freak out," he pauses, his hand on the doorknob, "we've already talked to Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins about it. They were totally supportive."

"What? Am I being forced to move in with Addison? Did you get bunkbeds?" I ask, partly joking but partly thinking that would be something they'd do.

Elliott smiles and opens the door in a grand gesture. I nearly push past him in eagerness. He knows better than anyone else how excited I get with secrets.

Lying on Addison's carpet is the greatest gift I have ever received. A baby German shepherd is playing with a chew toy, its tail whacking against the floor.

"What is that?" I almost cry, my hand covering my mouth.

"A dog," Elliott answers in a similar way Jett had about the snake.

I push his shoulder back and run to pet the little dog. "Oh my gosh." My heart explodes from the cuteness as the puppy licks my face. "Elliott, did you guys seriously get me a dog?"

"Yep." He crouches down next to me, his fingers scratching between the puppies ears. "He was at the pet store where I took Jonas to buy that tarantula, and I just..." He stops to correct himself. "The whole family thought it'd be the perfect Christmas gift for you."

I shake my head, holding the dog in my arms as if it were my first born child. I'm sure tears were rolling down my face.

"I mean," Elliott pauses, "a dog is man's best friend, and we all know you haven't had the greatest luck at finding a best friend."

"Oh, shut up," I laugh, though it just makes me want to cry harder. "I had a best friend." I set the puppy down to let it run around the room.

Elliott smiles. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I say and cross my arms over my chest. "I did. Too bad I fell in love with him."

His smile falters for a brief moment. We lose that eye contact we had been holding on to for a few seconds. It probably wasn't the best thing I could've said, considering we've been pretty good at avoiding our conflict recently. The tension between us has only increased, almost suffocating me.

We both feel it. His eyes are scanning my face so desperately, as if looking for any type of sign from me. It's all the longing, all the hours spent dreaming of being with him again, all of the late nights without any kisses nor touches. I reach out, my fingers pulling on the fabric of his shirt, just brushing his chest with the tips of my fingers before bringing him closer. And he kisses me.

It's all so passionate, so desperate and so needed. He breaks the kiss to leave a trail of open kisses down my neck. I've missed this. His lips reconnect with mine, and I run my fingers through his dark hair. My senses come back to me, and I gently push him away.

"I-I should text Nora," I say breathlessly and scoot backwards on the floor. "This has officially been the longest water break of my life. She's probably freaking out."

Elliott looks so handsome, his cheeks a faint pink. I almost want to kiss him again, but I take out my phone to text Nora instead. Elliott moves to sit on the purple couch in Addison's room. He holds his head in his hands, the official Elliott Kennedy thinking pose.

"I need to tell you something, Ivy. You deserve to know, especially before you leave."

"Okay..." I say slowly. "What's up?"

"I paid for your tuition at Brown and had Carter talk to her dad about admitting you this semester," he says, his words quick and jumbled together. "She told me I had to break up with you. I guess she's mad about Jake Acker or something like that. I don't know. I know it was stupid. I-I should've told you."

My mind is as jumbled as his words were, trying to make sense of this. Elliott paid for me to go to Brown. Carter forced him to break up with me. Why didn't he just tell me?

You're too fucking independent to even let me help you, your boyfriend, the one person who is there to help you through anything!

I close my eyes. That's why he couldn't say anything. I wouldn't have gone to Brown, knowing that he had paid for it, that he had used Carter to help me. Everyone knew I was too stubborn; Elliott knew me best.

"I couldn't sit there and let your throw away your dreams, when I knew I could do something to help." He crouches down next to me, his hand touching my knee. "I had to do something, Ivy."

He broke both of our hearts so I could have my dream.

"I'll pay you back," I decide and stand up from the floor. "I'll pay you back for this semester's tuition. Uh, I really should go. I think I'll take the puppy back to my house and-and then I won't be alone tonight and Nora won't nag me about it. Thanks for the puppy. So, yeah, I'll be leaving then." I pick up the puppy and leave Addison's room in a sort of run type of thing.

"Ivy, can we talk about this? I need to know where your head is at," he says pleadingly, stopping me on the stairwell.

"I don't really know right now, okay? I have to think. I-I need space."

He lets me leave.

I storm out of the house and across the street, the puppy in my arms. It's only ten-thirty. I still have an hour and a half of this year to get through. I just need it to end.

What was I thinking making out with Elliott like that? I wasn't thinking, that's the thing. My girly feelings were thinking for me. And they're pretty dumb. But I had missed it so much. I had missed him.

I change back into my Amanda Bynes onesie and cuddle with my Christmas present on the couch watching My Super Sweet 16. It's the best way I can distract myself.

The network cut off for the countdown. I was forced to watch all the happy people get excited to make-out with their loves at the start of the new year. I'm always babysitting on New Years, since that's the time most parents go out. I've never had the New Years kiss. I probably never will at the rate things are going. I've had my New Year's Eve make-out session with my ex... Is that a thing?

I check the clock. 11:59. Nora will probably be mad at me for ditching. At least I came to some of the party. She'll understand when I tell her everything that happened.

Ten!

I'm not mad at Elliott for what he did. He did it out of love; it was selfless. All he wanted was for me to get my dream.

Nine!

But it wasn't his decision to make. He should have told me. He didn't have to break my heart, or his own.

Eight!

Elliott Kennedy was my sleepover, my first best friend, my first kiss, my first love. He became my everything.

Seven!

And it's pathetic of me, to be so weak and so reliant on him. I grew up raising myself. I didn't have anyone taking care of me, and I wasn't ready for that change.

Six!

Elliott cared. Even though I pushed and I pushed, he cared. He wouldn't have ever given up on me, no matter how hard I pushed.

Five!

It's when I started pushing my own life away that he decided to intervene. How can I hate him for trying to save me?

Four!

I am too stubborn.

Three!

I love him. I am so in love with him. It's more than just the silly love and the butterflies. It's the heartbreak and the tears and the hell we've been through. I love

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