Elliott's POV

"Is this right?"

"If you're trying to tie a Boy Scout knot," Flynn says.

I sigh and untie the bow. "I don't know how to do this." I throw the tie on the floor. "Why am I even one of the groomsmen? I barely know the guy."

"Come on," Flynn says, "it's not everyday you get to be part of a wedding party. Don't say you didn't enjoy that bachelor party last night."

I smile. "Yeah, that was fun."

"Exactly." He checks his phone for the time. "Okay, we should get over to the church soon."

"Someone has to tie my damn bow tie," I mutter and follow Flynn out of his house, grabbing the tie on the way out.

"I heard Ivy is invited," Flynn says.

I shake my head and let out a small laugh. "What? Did he invited our entire graduating class?"

"No, honey," Flynn patronizes, "let's remember that you weren't part of that graduating class because you didn't know your manzanas from your mañanas."

I roll my eyes and slide into the passenger's seat. "Don't act so cool, college boy. You're looking at a working class man."

"Who got his job from his dad," Flynn says and starts the engine of his car.

"Whatever, man."

"Whatever, man," Flynn mocks. "I bet it's really hard for Ivy to stay away from you with that attitude."

"Why are you being such a jerk?"

"I'm not being a jerk. I'm keeping it real."

"Why am I friends with a person who uses the phrase, keeping it real?" I ask out loud, looking out the window.

Flynn sighs. "Hey, look, I'm sorry, man. I just hear things from Nora and..."

"And I'm an asshole," I finish. "I know."

"You're not an asshole, buddy," Flynn says and places a hand on my shoulder. "You're just acting like an asshole."

I nod, biting my lip. "It's not like that would make a difference to Ivy. I was so wasted the last time I saw her." I rub under my eyes. "I barely even remember what happened."

"Want me to tell you? Nora acted it out for me," he says.

"No, it's better if I didn't know."

"Yeah, but if you did know, then you could apologize."

I shrug. "What's the point? She doesn't want to hear my apologies."

"Everyone lives to hear the person they're mad at say, 'I'm sorry.' And that's a fact."

He's right. But even if Ivy appreciated me apologizing, it wouldn't change anything. Dumping her in the way I did was the biggest mistake of my life. I could've gone about it in a different way. It still would've been just as painful though.

The look on her face still makes me feel sick, her sad eyes and worried eyebrows. Then she went and told me she loved me. She told me she loved me. And I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Shit.

Now I'm sitting in Flynn's car getting emotional about something that happened over two months ago.

"Are you crying?" Flynn asks.

I make a face. "No, man!" I clear my throat, checking in the side mirror to see whether it looks like I'm crying or not. "So, when do you go back to college?"

"Monday."

"Yeah? That's soon."

"I guess. Then I have two weeks before Thanksgiving break," he explains.

I nod. "We'll have to make the most of our time together then, won't we?"

Flynn gives me a look. "Actually..."

"'Actually' what?" I ask, curling my finger to make air quotes.

"Look, Elliott," he sighs, "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you have to find some other friends. I can't spend all my time with you. I have Nora and, well, my other friends."

I scoff, throwing my phone up and catching it in my hands. "I have other friends."

He looks at me with that stupid, know-it-all face again.

"I do!" I scream.

"Don't yell at me. I'm keeping it real." He makes a turn into the church's parking lot. "I mean, who do you hang out with when you're not hanging out with me?"

I roll my eyes. "I don't have to tell you. You wouldn't know them anyway."

"Wow, you've convinced me!"

I shake my head and step out of the car when he puts it in park. I lean against it as I wait for him. Pffft. I have friends. I have tons of friends.

Just because I don't go to the cliff anymore doesn't mean I don't have any friends. Sometimes Martin the pizza guy will stick around and talk to me for awhile. I have my work friends. Sure, they're a few years older and like to talk about stocks, but I can have a good time with them.

"If it isn't my beautiful girlfriend!" Flynn gasps. "Did you stalk us to get this perfect arrival timing?" he asks, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her lips.

"I must have good luck," Nora says and pulls away from him. She looks at me, her smile faltering a bit. "Hi, Elliott."

I nod and raise my hand in the air.

While Nora and Flynn start talking about their plans for the weekend that I clearly am not wanted to be part of, I look around the parking lot to see if Ivy came with Nora. It seems pretty empty. The wedding doesn't start for another hour, so I wouldn't expect many cars.

"Let's go find someone to tie your bow tie, pretty boy," Flynn says, nudging my arm. "I'll see you inside, pretty girl." He kisses her forehead and walks towards the church.

I push off from the car and follow behind him, awkwardly nodding to Nora as I walk past. She stays outside, probably waiting for Ivy.

I need to stop thinking about her.

"Hey, look who decided to show up!"

We're greeted with tons of football, manly slaps to our backs. It's everything and everyone that I hated about high school stuffed into one room.

"Are you hungry?" a short, tan woman asks me. "I made pizza. Do you need me to tie your bow tie? Are you that insufficient?" The lady takes my tie and wraps around my neck. For a moment, I'm pretty sure she's about to strangle me.

Flynn laughs at my horror.

"Mamma, go easy on the kid," Giano Bertolini says and places his hands on the lady's shoulders. "I don't know him that well."

Mrs. Bertolini's eyes go wide. "You don't even know him? Merda, Giano!" She drops her hands from around my neck. "Who is this man?"

"He went to high school with me. He's the only other Italian who could make it on time to be in the party," Giano explains.

Well, that makes so much more sense. When he first called me to be in the wedding party, I wasn't sure if he was thinking of another Elliott Kennedy. I barely know Giano Bertolini. Flynn took me to a couple of his parties, but that's about it.

"You're Italian?" she asks.

"Yes," I answer.

"Good." She pats my chest. "Do you want some pizza? You look thin. You could use some food. Who else wants some pizza? I brought loads!"

~~

After the wedding, we drive over to the reception hall. I've been to a few weddings before, but that ceremony was one of the best. I don't know if Ivy turned me into a sap or what, but I might've shed a tear or two during their vows. Giano and his new wife- so weird to say that- Nadine met when they were just kids. They've been best friends for years. Hearing their love story just made me miss Ivy.

I didn't see her during the ceremony. Maybe she didn't come. She didn't know Giano very well, so I wouldn't be surprised if she decided not to come. I almost didn't come, but Flynn said I sort of had to.

"If I eat another piece of pizza, I will explode," Flynn says, sitting next to me at our table and breaking the incredibly awkward silence that Nora and I had been dealing with.

We're at a table with some of Giano's family members who don't seem at all interested to start conversations with us. I wish I got to sit by Abraham and Kirk. Their table is so loud. Kirk told me they played a game of telephone already.

"He says as he shoves his face with more pizza," I narrate.

Nora laughs at my joke for the first time of the night.

"It's so good," Flynn gushes with a mouth full of food.

I shake my head and stretch out my legs. "So, uh, did Ivy come?"

Nora raises her eyebrows. "Yes."

"Oh." I look down at my empty plate of food. "I didn't see her."

"Well, she's here. I think she sat toward the back of the church. Levi's car was low on gas, so they had to stop before getting to the church."

"Levi?" I repeat in interest. "Who's that?"

Nora nods. "Yeah. She works with him. I think you met him when he was over to help her babysit."

I squint my eyes. Jesus, I was really drunk that night. I barely remember this Levi guy. Maybe I do need Nora to act out everything that happened. "Hm."

"Are they dating?" Flynn asks for me.

Nora shrugs. "They might as well be. They do everything together. And I like him. He's funny and sweet to her. She obviously likes him, but-" Nora stops suddenly, meeting my eyes. "Uh, never mind. Sorry."

"It's okay," I say honestly, offering a smile.

Flynn hits his hands on the table. "Okay. Who is ready to dance? I'm ready to dance! Let's dance!"

Nora laughs and stands up from her chair, taking Flynn's hand. They wait for me to join them, but I lift my hands as a sign that I'd rather stay seated.

Levi. What kind of name is that? Is he like a pair of jeans or something? I wonder if he's that same guy from the sushi place that she was talking to. They seemed to get along just fine then.

"Elliott Kennedy! Why are you sitting here all by yourself, lame-o?" the slightly obnoxious boy asks and sits himself next to me.

"I honestly cannot remember the last time I was called lame-o, Jake Acker," I say and take a sip of the wine in front of me.

He laughs. "How've you been, big guy? I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Yeah, it's been awhile. Last time I saw you, you were an engaged man."

"Right." He nods and takes a big sip from his wine glass. "A lot has changed. Glad that I worked that situation out."

I laugh. "Me too. You dodged a bullet with that one, man."

"I sure did, Elliott Kennedy. Have you even heard from Carter recently?"

I shrug, biting my cheek. "Uh, no. I mean, sort of. I see her at some of the parties I go to, but I'm usually too drunk to remember anything anyway." I laugh.

Jake laughs with me, though I can tell it's forced and awkward. He raises his fist, waiting for me to bump mine against his. "Shit-faced."

"Shit-faced," I repeat and fist pound him.

Why is this my life?

I look around, trying to think of a way to avoid talking to Jake for much longer. Just when he gets to the climax of his ten minute long story about his journey at a gay club, I jump up and turn into Leonardo DiCaprio.

"I left my goldfish in the car!" I gasp. "Oh my gosh. Rosie will literally murder me for murdering her fish." I hold the sides of his face. "I have to go!"

Speed-walking to the exit of the reception hall, I stop just before the doors. Luckily Jake didn't follow me. I wouldn't actually know how to get out of that lie if he had.

I lean against the walls, taking a breather. I am unable to stop thinking about Ivy. It isn't easy to not think about her beautiful face, body, hair, smile. I think about her jokes and her laughter, her kisses and her touches. I think about just how happy one girl had made me, and I can never stop thinking just how sad I made her.

God, there had to have been a better way to have ended things. I shouldn't have done it so abruptly. I shouldn't have made up all that stuff about not being happy. Calling it a summer fling? Where did that even come from? I spent hours planning what I would say and I chose the words summer fling.

And then she told me she loved me.

I knew she loved me. I don't mean to sound conceited, but one, simple look from her told me everything. She told me she loved me a thousand times before that day. I needed to kiss her. I needed to let her know that I had been in love with her for months. Hell, I fell in love with her before she even told me she'd be my girlfriend.

I walk back into the party, the music playing a slow song that I heard in some movie that Ivy made me watch with her. I hum along quietly as I make my way back to the table.

My heart stops beating the moment I see her. I have never seen a more beautiful girl in my life, not ever.

She has a smile on her face, laughing at whatever joke Jean Boy made. Her hands link together behind his neck, her fingers occasionally stroking his hair. They dance around in a wide circle, their smiles never fading once.

That should be me, not him. I should be there with her. I should be the one making her laugh. She should be looking at me with those eyes that tell me everything she's feeling.

My nostrils flare as I hold in my emotions. I continue walking to my now empty table. Everyone else must be on the dance floor.

I don't deserve to be feeling like this, jealous of their happiness. I'm the one who ended things. She can be with whatever pair of pants she wants. I have no say in it. I'm just the asshole who broke her heart. Jean Boy doesn't even seem too bad. I bet he makes her happy.

And that's what I wanted for her. She couldn't have both me and her happiness. I had to choose. An unselfish decision ended making me look like the biggest asshole around. I feel like one too.

If I could just explain things to Ivy, maybe she'd understand. Carter gave me an ultimatum. She's such a manipulator, always able to make a person want to agree with whatever she's saying. She did make some sense, within her twisted plan to add some excitement in her life.

Carter's dad works at the admissions office at Brown University. I prepared myself for whatever ultimatum she'd be bound to give me, knowing that Ivy had to go to her dream school. They weren't going to call her, and she was going to accept her life here. I couldn't just sit back and let it happen. I had my money and I was ready to talk business with Carter, as much as it pained me to do.

"I'll talk to my dad," she said, looking around my kitchen for food. "If you do something for me."

I rolled my eyes. "What do I have to do?"

"Don't be so eager, El!" she laughed seductively, chewing on her bottom lip. "I think it's about time you end things with your nanny girlfriend."

"Why would you care about my relationship? If you think that you and I have any chance at getting together then you're crazier than I thought."

She smiled. "I don't want to be with you, Elliott. You were just a booty call."

I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my pants, cocking my head to the side. "Okay then. What benefit do you have for seeing Ivy and me break up?"

"Well," she paused, "I heard her talking to Jake this morning. She basically told him to end our engagement. This might sound like a shock to you, but I actually am in love with Jake."

I raised my eyebrows and tried my best not to laugh. "Yeah?"

"Yes, I am," she said and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Interesting."

"Whatever. You end things with Ivy and I'll talk to my dad about getting her admitted second semester. You have the money?"

"How do I trust you?" I ask, playing with my checkbook. "You could easily just take the money and never talk to your dad."

She smiled and leaned in closer. "When I want something, I get it." She stepped back with a confident smile. "Break up with her, and I promise she'll be going to Brown."

I looked away, not sure if this is what I wanted to do. I couldn't just tell Ivy what Carter was making me do. She'd be so mad if she ever found out I had gone behind her back to get her into Brown.

"It's best you end things anyway. You don't want to hold her back," she said and then laughed. "Wow, that sounded so cliche."

As stupid as Carter's ultimatum was, I had to go through with it. It worked. Carter talked to her dad, and Ivy heard from Brown a couple days later.

I knew she'd be able to move on. I actually wanted her to move on. She should be open to a new relationship, a trusting and caring one. I told myself that I would be happy for her if she had found someone new. I promised not to get upset.

But when I look on the dance floor, seeing her smiling back at him happily and effortlessly, my stomach turns to knots. I just can't get myself to be happy for her, not when it isn't me that she's holding.

About a half an hour later of me just sitting at the table by myself, my phone buzzes with a bunch of texts from Flynn.

hey, drove home with Nora already...

sorry

I'll give you money for an uber

hope we can still be friends! 🙏

I roll my eyes and push my phone into the pocket of my tuxedo. Flynn is really pushing it today, and I don't know what I did to him. He knows about the whole Brown thing. He was surprisingly understanding about it. I told him not to let Nora know. She'd tell Ivy in a heartbeat. I can't have Ivy hating me any more than she already does.

It's just best that she doesn't find out. She seems genuinely happy with Jean Boy, and I bet she can't wait to start at Brown. Things are finally going right in her life now that I've stepped out of it.

Before getting an uber, I go to the bathroom. I can't believe Flynn would just ditch me like this, especially at a wedding I didn't even want to go to. And then he added that rude final text. Whose side is he even on?

At the sink, I look into the mirror and see just how sickly I look. I've been partying a lot recently, and sleep has been one of my fewest worries. Jesus, no wonder Mrs. Bertolini tried to feed me so much pizza.

Glancing behind my reflection, I see Levi zipping his pants and walking towards the sink. I clear my throat and turn to face him.

"Hey."

He looks at me, slightly caught off guard. "Oh. Hey."

I dry my hands with the paper towel before bringing my hand up to shake his. "I'm Elliott."

"Levi," he says, shaking my hand politely. "We've already met."

"Right. That's the rumor I've been hearing," I say. "I was obviously really drunk when we met. It's all kind of faded." I scratch my jawline. "I should probably apologize for anything I said. I didn't mean it."

"Uh, I don't really think you need to apologize to me," he admits. "I don't have any issues with you."

I nod. "That's good."

"Yeah." He wipes his hands with the paper towel. "Well, I'm just glad I finally got to meet the slightly sober version of you."

I laugh, "right."

He leaves the bathroom with a smile. He didn't seem at all intimidated by me, which wasn't what I was expecting. It's sort of expected for the current boyfriend to be uncomfortable around the ex-boyfriend, but that kid seemed to like me? I don't know. Could Ivy have actually found that nice of a person? Also, something about him reminded me of Jonas. Is Ivy dating my brother?

Okay. Weird thought time with Elliott is over.

I wait outside for my uber, the cold air making my fingers numb. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I walk around in a circle to keep warm. I breathe out obsessively, staring at the clouds made from my breath.

I tug on my bow tie to take it off and put it in my pocket. There are a few cement bricks that outline the passageway that I end up using as a seat. The uber is taking suspiciously long to get here. The app has said that it is two minutes away for the past fifteen minutes.

"No, dude, I watched it with you."

"No, dude," Kirk mimics, "you