"Do I look okay?" I ask the four people sitting in my living room.

Chris rolls his eyes, Breanna gives me a thumbs up, Dad nods and Evan just stands up to give me a hug.

"For the tenth time, you look great. Get going, now before I lock you in this house." He says and I take in a shaky breath.

Dad and him came back from the trip last night. Adam and Sawyer already went to their college, and while they were out of town, I mailed my mother.

Cassandra,

I think we should meet.

Monday, in the Shopping Arena of Highland Park. Let me know regarding the timings.

Adriana.

Her reply was almost instant, like she was waiting for me to respond to her.

Dear Adrianna,

I can't thank you enough for this!

Does 7 PM sound okay to you? We can have dinner, if that's okay with you.

Love,
Cassandra.

I rolled my eyes at her salutation but replied to her nonetheless.

Sure, whatever.

Chris was with me when I did that and he just rolled his eyes at the whole thing. He made me reconsider it, he really did but this was something I want, and I need to do it for myself!

"Babe, you look fine, alright? Text Scott when you reach there." Breanna says and I nod.

I look at Chris but he just gives me a small smile. Dad's letting me drive his car to the Arena and I know there's some fancy restaurant there which I have looked up in the GPS so I could get there.

I didn't do much efforts, my brunette hair are left loose in their natural waves and I am wearing a blue jeans which is rugged at the knees along with a yellow blouse.

It takes me ten minutes to drive there, and my mind is swirling with thoughts. I park the car and immediately regret the fact that I even thought about doing this. Should I head back? She shouldn't mind me standing her up, after all she practically abandoned me.

Panicking, I call up the only person I know would give me a non-biased advice right now.

"Hey, everything okay?" Chris's voice fills the speaker and I keep my head on the steering wheel.

"No. I shouldn't be here. Why did you let me come, Jay?" I ask, obviously taking deep breaths.

"Claire, calm down, okay? You told me that you wanted this for yourself, that you owe it to yourself to get this closure. You don't know how things will turn out, and if you don't do this right now, you will regret it for the rest of your life." He repeats the words that I have been telling him.

I let out a breath and nod to myself, "You're right." I say.

"Come on, you can do this. And you can come over after you get back from there." He says and I pause for a second.

"Did you just tell me I should come over to your house?" I ask and hear his laugh.

"Yup."

"Okay, thanks, Jay. I'll see you later." I smile before hanging up.

I get out of the car and straighten my blouse before taking my clutch and pushing my phone inside it. I get to the restaurant Cassandra asked me to meet at and the waiter at the front asks me for name under which I have reservations, which reminds me that I don't even know her fucking last name!

"Uh, is there a reservation under the name of Cassandra?" I ask the waiter who looks pissed off and I want to flip my finger at him.

"Miss, we take reservations under the last name." He says.

"What if someone has the same last name? What do you then?" I ask, mentally telling myself to shut up.

He grunts in response, obviously annoyed but then I hear a soft voice call my name and I immediately turn around to find a woman who looks in her mid forties. Her face is adorned with a huge smile and pearly teeth, lipstick staining her lips and make up perfectly done on her face. Her brown hair falls down till her middle back and I suddenly realise that the green eyes I am staring at, they are exact same shade as mine.

"You must be Adrianna?" She says, her voice so soft spoken that I almost feel in a daze.

"Hi." I manage to mumble, shifting on my feet and she smiles at me.

"I just heard my name while I was waiting at the bar for you." She says and then turns to the waiter, giving him a stern look as if she heard him being rude to me, "We have reservations under the name Reed."

His eyes widen and he immediately nods, "Yes, Ma'am. Come on, this way." He assists us to our table and I slowly follow behind them.

My nerves start kicking in as soon as I take a seat and when another waiter comes up to offer us some water and then bread, I immediately gulp down the glass. When I look up, I notice that Cassandra is doing the exact same thing.

She notices it too and smiles, "You're really beautiful." She says and I give her an awkward smile.

Apart from Dad, no one has ever called beautiful, so I don't take the compliments really well. Especially if they are coming from a stranger.

"Thanks, you too." I say and she smiles at me.

We look through the menus and I order spaghetti for myself while she orders something I cannot even pronounce. I went for the safest option because I don't usually dine in costly restaurants like these.

"So, Adrianna, how are you?" She asks, and I feel like I am here for some job interview, which only makes me even more nervous.

I want to be so angry at her, I want to shout at her for leaving me and letting me live without a mother. I want to blame her for all of my life problems, but she's a beautiful woman, and the way she's looking at me — it's overwhelming! I feel emotional just staring at her, because if situations had been different, she would have been my mother. I would have woken up to her making breakfast for me in kitchen and me calling her, 'Mom.' But I never had that, never will.

"I am good, you?" I ask.

"I am sorry if this is awkward. I have so much to say to you, but I don't know where to begin." She sighs.

"How about from the starting?" I ask.

I already know Dad's perspective on things, I want to know what did she think of everything.

"So, your father and I were coworkers. We hit it off, and I knew that I was being unfair to him and Damien, my boyfriend but I couldn't help it. He was in a different continent and your father always managed to cheer me up. The omission of me having a boyfriend wasn't deliberate, the topic just never came up. After that night with Scott, I was filled with so much shame that I avoided Damien for a week.

"But then the symptoms of pregnancy started kicking in soon. I approached your father and I was a mess because I was in love with Damien and.." She trails off, her eyes filling up.

I immediately look away, a knot forming in my throat that I can't seem to gulp away, "You can skip to the part of the hospital. I know what happened in between." I say and for a moment I think that she doesn't hear it but then she nods.

"He told you?" She asks and I nod.

"Yeah. About four years ago when I asked him if I didn't have a mother because she was dead." I snort and her eyes widen, shock on her face.

"I am sorry, An." She whispers and my eyes immediately shoot to her.

Did I hear her correctly?

I frown, "What did you just call me?" I ask, my voice on the edge.

"An.. I am sorry, it just came out. It was the first thing that left my mouth when I saw you." She smiles, as if recalling the memory, "You were in the crib by my bedside and the moment I saw you, I called out An.. Scott was there, he asked me to hold you, but I just couldn't.." She's crying now, tears spilling her eyes and I fasten my hand into a fist, my nails digging in my palm as I stop myself from snapping at her.

Is that why Dad calls me An? Because those were her first words after she saw me? They obviously decided on the name Adrianna before I was born, but it makes sense if that's the reason Dad calls me An. I mean, in his own way, he's trying to give me a piece of her.

"An, I knew that the moment I held you in my arms, I wouldn't be able to let go off you. I saw you and I fell in love with my daughter. I couldn't imagine not being there for you if you grew up." She stops when the waiter comes with our food but honestly, I have lost my appetite.

"You sure as hell did leave me." I say, not caring that my tone is harsh.

She blinks, "Yes, I know. I can never forgive myself for leaving the hospital without you in my arms that day. But if I didn't, I wouldn't have been able to resist going back with him to his apartment. I had to make a tough choice, Adrianna." She says and I scoff.

"You didn't have to choose between two husbands, Cassandra. You could have easily chosen your daughter, but you chose Damien Reed instead. He's your husband, isn't he?" I ask and she looks away with shame in her eyes.

Anger bursts through me but I bite my tongue, refraining myself from causing a scene in public. I stare at her with clear vulnerability in my eyes but I don't say a word until I am sure I wouldn't snap at her.

"What changed? Why did you contact me?" I ask, curious.

"I lost my mother last month." She says and I nod, understanding what she meant when she wrote that she suffered a loss which made her realise that she wants to make up for her regrets.

"I am sorry for your loss." I tell her and she gives me a small smile, "How many kids do you have?" I ask and she sighs.

"Two. Fraternal twins. Boys." She says and I nod. "And you, of course."

"I am not your kid, Cassandra." I clear it out for her.

I feel bad that she has other kids while I don't even have any siblings, but I would have felt worse if she had a daughter. It's weird, and I cannot explain it, but I just would have felt like she got someone to replace me.

"Yes, you are. I am sorry for my choices, Adrianna, please. I want to know you, make up for the lost time, and I need to show you that I can be a good mother as well."

"You cannot make up for eighteen years, Mrs. Reed. You just cannot! And what the hell do you mean by as well?" I ask.

She frowns, "You must have a mother? Scott's wife?" She asks.

I snort, almost laughing, "Nope. He never married anyone, he was too focused on giving his daughter the love of two parents." I state harshly and she sucks in a breath.

"Are you telling me that you had no—?"

"No mother my whole life? Yup, you got that right." I grimace and she looks pale.

"Shit, that just makes everything worse. I was certain he would marry after I left."

"He fell in love with you in those nine months, didn't he?" I ask and she nods her head.

"How did you know?"

"He has a photo of you in his wallet, he thinks I haven't noticed it, but he has had it ever since I can remember." I tell her and she gasps, blinking back more tears. "Look, you asked me to meet you once, and I did. I wanted the closure, and I have it. I am sure your kids are lucky to have you. But I didn't have a mother for eighteen years and I did just fine. I am sure I can handle the rest of my life as well." I say before moving to stand up, my food untouched.

"Where are you going?" She asks, confusion on her face.

"We already talked, Cassandra. I am not going to sit here and give you a detailed story of what you have missed in last eighteen years. Thank you for talking to me, though. I really appreciate it." I tell her and she opens her mouth but closes it, giving me a small nod.

"Reconsider what I just said, An. I would really like to get to know you, it doesn't have to be as a mother, but even as a friend. You don't have to tell me what happened in last eighteen years, we can start from right here, in present." She says and her words make me think.

Do I want that? I am not sure if I do.

She isn't a bad person, but she just made a few wrong choices in her life. I am not holding them against her but that doesn't mean that what she did to me was alright, because it was far from it.

"Just think about it." She says and I nod before walking away.