thirty five

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I didn't step out of my house for two days. As soon as I came back from Chris's house, I locked myself up in my room, with my windows shut and I cried. I cried because I was hurt from his words, I cried because of the guilt for having feelings for two people and I cried because I didn't think that fighting with Chris would cause me so much pain.

We hadn't been together for even a day before we ended up fighting like that — that says a lot about both of us.

Evan called in the evening and asked me to meet him, but I told him he should stay with Sawyer. He asked me if I was crying because I sounded like that, but I told him that I was just taking a nap before his call woke me up.

But, on sunday, I called up Breanna. She came home and I told her everything that went down with Chris, she listened and then told me to cry it out — so that's what I did. I cried some more. Then, we watched netflix together and I filled her in with how I knew about Jordan and Sawyer. She seemed just as happy as I was when I found out.

Now, I am sitting by in the passenger seat of her car as she blows out Taylor Swift, with us jamming it together, "I knew you were trouble, when you walked in! So shame on me now.."

Yup, the irony of that song isn't lost on me. But I stop singing when a hand from the back wraps around my mouth, shutting me up.

"For the love of singing goddess Adrianna, you cannot sing to save your life. Shut the hell up!" Luke says and I pout.

"But.."

"Shush.. shush. Look at how beautiful Taylor's voice is. Sounds like heaven to my ears." He says, closing his eyes as he listens to the song keep playing and Breanna laughs at the two of us, which makes me shoot her a glare.

I adjust myself a little and then, I bite on Luke's hand, hard! "Ahhh!" He screeches before he pulls it away from my mouth with me grinning like an idiot.

Just then, Breanna puts her car in the parking lot and I get out, Luke and her doing the same. He goes by her girlfriend's side, his eyes still on his hand as he looks at her.

"She bit me." He announces, "She fucking bit me! You have a psycho best friend."

Breanna laughs loudly and winks at me, "Sorry babe, she's more on the kinky side."

"Gross! Don't want to know!" Luke grimaces and turns to me, wiping his hand on my the sleeve of my white t-shirt, making me step away.

"Don't fucking do that!" I point out.

"It's your saliva, bitch."

"So? You should have thought about that before you put your hand on my mouth."

He huffs, looking at his girlfriend for help who just shrugs at us. In fact, she walks forward as Luke and I continue to argue with each other all the way to the lockers.

"I think she's ashamed to be seen with us." Luke tells me and I give him a look.

"You think? Look at you."

He glares at me, "At least I managed to set my hair right." He points at my hair, immediately making me groan.

"Asshole! That's called a messy bun." I defend.

To be honest, I woke up late and just threw my hair in a bun and now I am just trying to pull it off by calling it a fashionable messy bun, but Luke doesn't buy it.

"Looks like a bird's nest." Evan says from behind me and I turn to swat his arm, making him chuckle. "Long time no see?" He smiles.

"One fucking day! What would everyone do if I die?" I say, sighing dramatically.

"Have a party?" Jordan says, coming by my side and I shoot him a look, but then look between Evan and him.

"You guys cool?" I ask and Evan nods.

"Yeah, we talked."

Jordan gives him a small appreciative smile, "Thanks for understanding!"

Evan shrugs and Rose pipes up, "What are we talking about?" She asks Evan, looking confused and Jordan freezes a little beside me.

His gaze shifts between Evan and Rose, probably afraid that word is just now spreading around, because Luke and Rose weren't there. Luke didn't ask, because he actually knows how to respect privacy. Rose is a little nosy one, she always has been.

"Nothing babe, just basket ball stuff." He smiles at her and she nods.

Jordan relaxes and passes Evan a thankful smile who just nods in return. They both start discussing the extra practice that they have this afternoon because of the upcoming game this week and I tune them out as I pull out my Physics book from the locker.

I am so lost in my mind that I don't even notice Chris coming to stand by Jordan's side. Honestly, I wouldn't have noticed him at all but he was staring at me too hard. When I turn around, I feel Breanna looking at me with a worried look, but I immediately speak up.

"See you guys at lunch, kays, bye." I say, pulling Breanna's arm to drag her with me.

I hear Chris calling my name but I don't pay heed to him as Breanna and I hurry to the class, Luke running to come join us because he's there in the Chemistry class as well.

"Not even gonna ask what that was about, but just don't let it get to your craziness." Luke says and I laugh, nodding.

"Don't worry, Luke. I can bite you again in case you want more crazy." I tell him as he takes a seat besides Breanna. We are all sitting in the second last row, with Luke by the end, Breanna and I in the middle. The seat besides me is empty because that's where Jordan usually sits.

Speaking of whom, he strolls into the class five minutes late and gives his signature two finger salute to Mrs Mason before coming to his seat. He frowns at me, and I wonder if he's mad but he doesn't say anything throughout the whole class, which is kind of surprising and unsettling at the same time because he's always doing something that could land us a detention.

After the class ends, he goes without even acknowledging me and I kind of feel a little hurt by his actions, but let it go. I can't keep getting hurt because I expect something from every fucking person. He wants to ignore me? Cool. He can ignore me.

The next few classes go peacefully, and I am glad that I don't share it with either Jordan or Chris because now I am pissed at both of them. I am more hurt by Chris than angry, because what he said — his words got to me a lot.

The lunch comes soon and I debate whether or not I want to go to the table today because I don't want to sit by Chris's side and pretend that everything's fine between us. It's far from it. But I don't want to create a drama, so I go to the lunch anyway.

Breanna offers to switch seats with me, but I would rather sit by Chris's side than sit between Luke and her where I would just want to gag as they try to hold each other's hands behind my back.

Jordan comes to sit in his usual seat, across me and I frown at him while he stares right at me. Rose isn't in her seat right now but Evan's looking between the two of us with a confused look on his face.

"What happened between the two of you?" Jordan asks straight out.

I feel taken aback from his words as I scowl at him, "None of your business." I snap, because he has been ignoring me since morning so he doesn't get to ask me such questions.

"Really? He's my best friend and you're the next closest person to me. So imagine my surprise when Chris tells me that he thinks the two of you broke up even before twenty four hours of your relationship. Great job, guys!" He snaps.

Did the two of us break up? Well, I guess I don't blame him for coming to that conclusion after I told him not to talk to me and to stay away from me. That kind of implies break up. But it still immediately brings me a kind of heartache as I think about breaking up with him.

"What happened, Adrianna?" Jordan asks, serious as hell.

The chair next to me screeches and I assume that it's Chris so I don't turn to look at him, but I immediately fist my hands as I catch a glimpse of platinum blonde.

"What the hell are you doing here, Caitlyn?" Jordan asks the blonde sitting my side and I internally groan.

"Honestly, Adrianna, I thought that I would have to come up with some master plan to break the two of you apart. But seems like the two of you did the thing for yourself." She smirks, her perfectly manicured hands coming to pick a fry on my plate but I smack her hand away. "Rude." She fake pouts, her glossy lips sticking out.

"Fuck off." I tell her and she grins, showing her white teeth that makes me want to smack her.

"So, were you not good enough at giving head?" She asks, wearing an annoying smug look.

Before I can reply to her, I hear someone's presence behind us, "You're occupying my seat." Chris says, annoyed.

Caitlyn turns around to see him, batting her extended eyelashes at him, "Hey babe." She smiles at him and I grimace at her use of that word.

Who the hell is she calling him babe!

Yes, I am fucking jealous but more than that, I am pissed at this girl sitting in front of me as she passes a flirty smile to my boyfriend.

"Did you smack your head somewhere and lost the memory of me breaking up with you?" Chris asks, frowning at Caitlyn who stands up and is about to take a step forward before I stand up between the two of them.

"Touch him and then you'll get a lot more than spaghetti and ketchup, I promise." I tell her, not liking that I sound jealous, but to hell with that.

She laughs, "You guys aren't even dating." She says.

"We are not?" I try to play dumb as I smirk at her.

I might be hurt by Chris, but I am not letting her walk all over me just because she has this deluded idea that she's better than every other person in the world. Especially not if she likes the guy I do. Nope, not happening!

"Last thing I heard, you weren't even a good kisser." She smirks.

I give her an innocent smile before turning around and pulling Chris's collar, making him lean forward before I press my lips against his. At first, my mind is yelling at me to stop being an idiot, that I am supposed to mad at him, not kiss him but my heart immediately melts when Chris gets over the surprised stance and immediately kisses me back.

His lips move against mine in absolute desperation as his hands pull me closer to himself. I almost sigh under his touch, because I have missed him so fucking much. But I am still so fucking mad at him. I try to get the best of it but before either of us can deepen the kiss, I pull away, reminding myself that we are still in the cafeteria.

"How was that?" I ask him, not trusting my voice as his gray eyes look at me with absolute surprise behind them.

"Amazing." He breathes, still a little gazed and I smile a little.

I turn to Caitlyn, who's standing there with her mouth open and I smirk at her, "You heard that?" I say and she stomps her foot on her ground before walking away, making me chuckle.

"Seriously?" Jordan asks, smirking and my smile drops as I give him a look.

"I am not talking to you." I tell him and he gasps.

"Why the hell not?"

"You ignored me, so this is me ignoring you." I tell him.

Chris tugs at my arm and I look at him. He looks confused but I know why. He thought I would slap him, but rather, I kissed him in front of everyone.

"We need to talk." He says and I nod, tugging my hair behind my ear as I sigh, picking up my backpack.

Evan gives me a questioning look but I just give him a small smile and Breanna holds up a thumbs up for me, making me shake my head at her.

I am not sure where we are going when Chris leaves the cafeteria, but I follow behind him silently, hundreds of thoughts running through my head as I try to make a sense of things. I am mad at him, and he hurt me by his words so much that I didn't even want to see him. But then, Caitlyn showed up and out of jealousy, I kissed him in front of everyone.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Because I am so lost, I don't register when Chris takes my hand and pulls us into an enclosed space. He shuts the door behind him, and removes his backpack, and then pulls off mine before he presses my back to the door.

"Jay.." I start but he cuts me off when his lips come to mine in one swift motion, he starts kissing me and every single thought I had in my brain shuts right there as I start kissing him back, the butterflies filling my stomach and his touch sending tingles throughout my whole skin.

His arms wrap around my waist as he presses our bodies closer, and my hand goes into his hair, our lips never leaving as his tongues swirls into my mouth and I moan at the contact of it with mine. We keeps kissing each other and his hands go to the hem of my t-shirt, his hands going inside as they meet my skin, bringing it on fire as I feel the warmth of his skin on my back.

"Claire." He moans, pressing himself into me and that's when I break the contact, almost snapping out of it.

I push him away, his hands detaching from my skin and he looks surprised but he immediately recovers as he looks at me with pleading eyes.

"I am so fucking sorry."

He surprises me with those words because I never thought he'll apologise. You can blame it on how things started between us — his stubbornness to not apologise in the first place.

I am about to speak when he cuts me off, taking a step closer in this small janitor's closet between us. His hand comes up to my cheek, his thumb grazing my skin, "Let me talk." He begs and I nod, "I was so fucking pissed at you when I saw you with him, and I couldn't get it out of my head. Even when you were trying to make me understand, I couldn't."

He breathes, "I said some awful things to you that I wish I can take back, but I know I can't. I was a horrible person to you, I was a complete asshole, and I am so fucking sorry."

Tears fill up my eyes as I listen to him. It's not because he's apologising, it's because the apology is the reminder of the things he said. He thought I was unfair to Sawyer when I kissed Jordan, he implied that I go around kissing everyone and most of all, he threw my insecurities about being in love with Evan right at my face.

"I am so sorry for saying those things, Claire. I didn't mean them." He says, resting his forehead against mine as tears spill down my eyes.

I hate crying in front of others, especially if they are the reason causing me to spill the tears in the first place.

"You said those things only because they were in your head in the first place." I say, my voice almost cracking.

He immediately shakes his head, "No, I swear, baby. I was talking shit without even realising. Please believe me."

A sob escapes my lips at the use of his word 'baby'. I want to believe him, I really do but he hurt me once, what's the guarantee he wouldn't lash out at me again? He wipes my tears with his thumb and I look away from his intense gaze.

"I know that you love him, Claire.." He starts and I hold my breath, waiting for his next words, "It isn't easy to see the way you look at him while you are supposed to be my girlfriend but I really wanted this to work between us. I like you, and I haven't felt this way for anyone so I am taking a risk with you. But I let the jealousy get to me, even though I repeatedly told myself that I wouldn't let him come between us, I am the only one who dragged him within us and started a fight."

I nod, still not meeting his eye. I have been trying so hard to keep my feelings for both of them separate, because it's nothing alike. The way I feel for Chris is entirely different, it isn't because I like him while I love Evan, but it's different in a good way — like a breath of fresh air.

But his words hurt me too much, and while there's that, I also don't want to not be with him. I missed him these past two days even though I was so mad at him.

"Please, I am sorry, say something." He begs.

"I am sorry too." I whisper and he frowns.

"What are you sorry for?" He asks.

"I said something awful things by the end I didn't mean." I tell him and he shakes his head.

"Kind of deserved that." He shrugs. "Are we okay?" He asks and this time, I shrug.

"I am still hurt and very much mad at you." I tell him and he nods.

"I know. But we aren't broken up or anything, right?" He asks, sounding a little nervous.

I shake my head, "I don't think so."

He sighs, leaning in to place a light peck on my lips, "I missed you."

"You sound cheesy. It's just been two days." I remind him.

He chuckles, "Yeah? You didn't let me kiss you on saturday either."

"Kind of deserved that." I repeat his words from earlier and he smirks a little.

"Touche."

"Ass." I mutter before kissing him.

•••

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