Lust.

That's the first emotion that crosses his face when I look at him. His chest is heaving up and down, matching my erratic breathing as he looks into my eyes, trying to search for the same things I am searching in his. But, I am sure my tears stricken cheeks say a lot more than I want to.

Confusion.

That's the second emotion I detect as he rubs his thumb on my cheeks, wiping the tears and probably wondering why the hell am I crying in the first place.

Regret.

Fuck. That's the one that I was so afraid to see, but when I opened my eyes, I was ready to see regret on his face — but as I witness it, it seems like someone just punched me in the heart. I didn't know I was capable of feeling this much hurt, but this situation has surprised me to no ends.

Guilt.

Guilt for kissing me, guilt for giving me hope for something that's just not there. Guilt for doing wrong by Rose. There's so much guilt in his eyes that it overwhelms me, so I immediately look away.

"You should leave." I manage to choke out as I slide off his lap.

He shakes his head as he tries to reach for me but I pull back, "An, please." He begs but I shake my head.

"It was a mistake, Ev." I whisper and he has the guts to look hurt at my words. Anger courses through me as I stare at him, but the pain is overwhelming everything.

"I am so sorry." He says.

"For what, Evan? For kissing me?" I ask and he grips the root of his hair by his hands, looking for the words to explain himself but I know he has none.

He acted on impulse. He shook his fucking head when I asked him if he had feelings for me, but then he went on to kiss me. I understand that he might be confused regarding his feelings — I get it! But we could have talked it out. No matter how much I say the kiss was a mistake, I am just as much at fault because I kissed him back.

I kissed him back with all my might, so why the hell am I pissed at him? I practically straddled his lap. Guilt and shame wash over me as I gulp, studying his face.

"I don't know why I did that." He whispers.

I nod, finally trying to understand, "It's okay Ev, you were confused and your girlfriend broke up with you regarding the matter. You wanted to know if she was right." I tell him back, my voice soft and calm.

He stares at me but his eyes say it all — what I just said, he completely agrees. So I offer him a small smile, "Let's just forget about this, alright?" I say.

"Is that what you want? To forget it?" He asks, and I take in a shaky breath, focusing my eyes on the wall behind him.

"I want what you want, Ev. And I know you don't want this to go anywhere further, so it wouldn't." I assure him, and he nods.

And his nod just breaks my heart further, because he really doesn't want this to go anywhere. When I was kissing him, all of my hope was reunited, begging me to believe the fact that he could give me a chance, that he could like me. But a nagging voice in my head told me to savour the most of the kiss, because I wouldn't be getting any more opportunities in the future.

"I am sorry, An." He says.

"Don't worry about it, Ev. Best friends, remember?" I say and he nods. "Although you should leave now. I don't want to make this awkward." I tell him.

"I understand." He says before getting up, taking his phone from the side table and leaving the bedroom.

As soon as I hear the front door shut, I look over at the window to see that it's locked. That's when I crumble down, my hands coming up to the swollen lips which are a reminder of what just happened minutes ago. While the thought of the kiss flutters my stomach, it makes my heart feel like it just died. Maybe, it did.

Because somewhere deep inside, I know that things would never be the same again. No matter he says or does, I will never forget that he kissed me, that we kissed. And that kiss was everything that I have ever wished for, everything that I have ever imagined.

My tears don't stop coming as I curl up in my bed, my face in my pillow, but then I hear someone knock on the doorway. I look up with teary eyes, my father standing there. As soon as he notices my face, he comes to me and wraps his arms around me.

"What happened, An?" He asks and I cry in his shirt as I sob out that Evan and I kissed. He doesn't ask me anything further as he just pats my hair and lets me cry in his arms.

When I am done crying, I look upto him with swelled eyes and he passes me a small smile. "Wanna talk about it?" He asks, and then I tell him everything that happened, about what Rose said and what I saw in Evan's eyes after we kissed.

"Oh, hun.." He hugs me to himself and I bite my tongue to stop myself from crying anymore. "Is there anything I can do?" He asks.

"Can you get me a jar of nutella and strawberries from the grocery store?" I ask and he immediately nods, kissing my forehead. "Also, give me a piggy till the living room."

He laughs as he bends down besides bed, "Hop on." He says.

I do that, and he sets up the dvd of Friends on the television before telling me that he would be back in twenty minutes. When I plop down on the couch, something pokes my butt and I fish out a pair of car keys.

Just on cue, the door bell rings and I curse out loudly as I go to open it. Evan should know better than to come back. I am slightly taken aback when I see Chris standing on the other side, his hands stuffed in his jeans pocket. The way he ignored me this morning, I didn't think I'll see him again today.

"What the hell, Claire?" He asks, his eyes focused on my face as he takes a step closer and immediately cups my face, a lot like Evan did before he kissed me, so I immediately flinch away from his touch. His mouth falls open at my reaction but he drops his hands as he studies me. "Are you hurt?" He asks.

Oh, that question just reminds me of the torment going inside my heart. But I manage to speak with a little scratchy voice, due to all the singing last night and the way I cried, I have a running nose and probably a throat infection.

"I am dandy." I force out a sarcastic smile.

"Is this about your mom?" He asks and I shake my head, "What the hell did he do?" He asks, pissed.

"Who?"

"Evan. Your eyes are fucking swelled from crying, Claire. The only person who can make you cry that much is him or something with your mom." He bites and I look on the ground.

How has he come to know me like this? "He didn't do anything, just leave it be. Why did you come?" I ask.

"I forgot my car keys here, I guess. I can't find them anywhere." He says and I am glad that I could change the topic so easily.

"Yeah, I just found them. I'll get them for you." I tell him, because I sure as hell don't want to hang out with anyone right now.

I get his car keys from the coffee table where I kept them and when I return, he's pacing on the porch, his face stretched into a frown.

"Here." I say and he takes the keys from my hands.

"Please tell me what happened, I can't think of anything that he could have done to make you look like this." He eyes me.

"Gee, thanks, Jay."

He sighs, "You know I didn't mean it like that, Claire. Either you tell me or I go next door to ask him."

Well, that catches my attention and I immediately snap at him, "You will do no such thing, Jones. This doesn't concern you, it concerns no one, so just please, don't interfere." I say, and though my voice is harsh, I am silently pleading through my eyes.

His eyes search around my face, "If I get to know he hurt you in any way, Claire, trust me, I  am going to punch him. I don't care if you're in love with the guy or not."

I flinch at his words and he notices it, but doesn't say anything before leaving and I shut the door behind him.

After fifteen minutes, Dad comes back home and I am sprawled on the couch, watching Joey trying to pass up for an eighteen year old. I am smiling now, but when Dad takes a seat by me, I pause the dvd.

"Dad.." I begin and he turns to me, his mouth filled with butterscotch ice cream that he got for himself.

"Yes, An?"

"Something happened, and I don't know what to do about it, and I don't want to do anything about it without telling you first — in fact, I want you to tell me what I should do." I say, obviously confusing him.

He scowls, "You're not pregnant, are you?"

I laugh, "Dad, you just found me crying upstairs because of a kiss. What do you think?"

"Alright, what is it?" He gives me a small smile.

I sigh, unlocking my phone and opening the mail, passing it to him, "Here."

At first, he looks between the phone I am offering him and my face but then he takes it, his eyes reading the words on the screen. The pained expression stretches on his face as he clicks my phone shut, and that is enough to tell me that it was definitely not what he was expecting.

"Is it really her?" He asks.

I shrug, "It can be a hoax, Dad. I mean, it's an anonymous address." I say. "But very few people know about her." I tell him but then something registers in my head.

Could it be Finn trying to mess with me? I mean, he doesn't know the details, but he does know that I don't have a mom. He doesn't know about the hospital thing that was mentioned in the email, so I am not sure.

"Give me a day, sweetie, I'll run it through and let you know if this is legit her." He tells me and I nod, because I know he has lawyer connections.

"What if it is?" I ask the dreaded question.

"Then you do what you have been wishing for from the last eighteen years." He whispers, and I know even saying it is hurting him.

"What is that?"

"You meet your mom, An." He says and I close my eyes, letting his words sink in.

He's right though, meeting her is something I have wanted all my life. I only have seen a photograph of her, and it was an old rusted photo that Dad kept somewhere in his drawers, which I came across a few years back. I am sure she looks different than she did in the photo, also because she was so young back then.

"You're okay with that?" I ask, looking at him.

"I am not sure how I feel about it, sweetheart. But, you deserve this, you deserve to at least talk to her and get the closure you've always wanted." He tells me and I nod.

"Thanks Dad, I love you." I hug him.

"I love you too, kid. Don't go all mushy on me." He chuckles, making me smile but he hugs me back.

I spend the rest of the day with my father, watching Friends whole day, and devouring ice cream, strawberries and nutella. When it's dinner time, we order in a pizza. Before I go to bed, I tell him that in case Evan comes over, ask him to meet me in the school on monday. I wasn't ready to face him yet, and I am not sure if I'll be ready to face him on monday either, but it's not like I have a choice.

Sunday goes over as I complete my assignments and study. I don't see anyone, keeping my windows shut and telling my father to tell Chris that I wasn't feeling well when he came over to do the biology paper.

I love Evan, I am in love with him but the kiss we shared managed to break my heart, and I cannot even imagine what it would really feel like to have my heart broken by him. I think it will break me altogether. But the thought is too painful to even imagine.

On Monday morning, the doorbell rings as I am tying my shoe laces by the door. I open it to find Chris standing on the other side.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, nervous about seeing him after what went down on saturday.

"Oh, good morning to you too, Claire." He says sarcastically.

"Hey Chris." My dad says from behind me.

"Hey Scott." He offers my father a smile before turning to me, "Ready to go?" He asks and I nod.

When we are in his car, I look at him, "Why isn't Breanna picking me up?" I ask.

"She called me up, asked if I could give you a ride." He says, not meeting my eyes as he focuses on the road.

"I call bullshit." I say and he smirks, "You called her up, didn't you?"

"Well, are you ready to tell me what happened on Saturday after everyone left?"

I shake my head, "Let it go, Jay. Please." I plead and his eyes flicker to me for a second.

He must see how desperate I am because he nods, "You know where to find me when you want to talk." He says, parking the car and we both get out.

"Thank you." I tell him and he gives me a small smile.

The whole day goes in a blur, with me avoiding Evan, and going to library in the lunch break. No one freaked out this time because I had a legit excuse of doing an assignment which was due next period.

By the end of the day, I couldn't ignore Evan any more, I knew that when I approached the lockers but what almost made my heart break into pieces was when I saw Rose in Evan's arms. They were both talking to the rest of our friends. The only one missing there was me. I am not stupid, I knew they would make up, I just didn't think that it would be this soon. Especially not just after he kissed me two days back.

A blank expression is there on my face as I make my way to everyone. Pair of six eyes turn to me as I open my locker and keep my books in it.

"Hey." I say to everyone, closing my locker.

No one seems to be aware about the situation between Evan and I, because everyone seems oblivious as they greet me before continuing their conversation. Evan's eyes look for me and when we make eye contact, it takes everything in me not to burst out crying at the way Rose's arms are wrapped around his waist.

I offer him a small smile, and notice Chris come to stand closer to me. I look at him, and he's looking between Evan and I very cautiously.

"I love you, Evan." I hear Rose say and just like the kiss, my heart almost stops beating but not in a good way.

My eyes immediately snap to the couple and I notice Rose eyeing Evan, detecting his response. Her eyes flicker to me, as if to make sure that I am listening to their conversation, and a look is there on her face when she notices that I am, almost like she wants me to hear his response.

"I love you too." Evan tells her, and her face splinters into a huge smile as she kisses him.

My knees almost give out underneath me, but Chris immediately wraps his arms around me, securing me in place. I can't seem to move my gaze as I keep staring at Evan, and when he looks at me, he almost gives out an apologetic shrug but I look away.

Chris looks down at me, worry stretched on his features, "You okay?" He asks but doesn't waits for a response before asking, "You wanna get out of here?"

I nod, almost begging him through my eyes to get me the hell away from Evan. He immediately tells Jordan to catch a ride with Luke and Breanna, and he doesn't protest, as the three of them are pretty engrossed in their conversation — oblivious to everything else.

Remember what I said about how even the thought of Evan breaking my heart is too painful? Well, he just broke my heart.

•••

Do you guys ship Adrianna with Evan?

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