GUYS GO AND NOMINATE ME ON THE 'TEEN FICTION SECTION' OF THE BOOK LITERARY AWARDS PLEASE! IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME.

Recap:

Luke's grip tightened on me, "when I became the older brother to you I solemnly swore to protect you and make sure you were happy and that's my job as an older brother."

"You're only a few minutes older than me." I laughed softly, heart warmed by his words.

"I'm still older than you."

"Sure."

"I want to be there when you talk to him tomorrow."

"Okay." I agreed. He could be there for safety and it made me happy knowing I was blessed with a brother like him; so caring, loving and kind.

Bella's POV

I tossed and turned in my bed. I was finally home and not able to sleep as usual. I swung my legs over the bed and slipped into my bunny slippers.

I stood up far too quickly making me feel dizzy. I had been bed ridden for a few days as my parents would not let me leave the house in case something happened and now I was finally able to go school. Thank god, this house was getting awfully boring.

I trudged towards the balcony nearly tripping in the process. I blinked a few times, my eyes focusing on a piece of paper and pen scattered on my vanity table and the heaps of scrunched up paper on the floor in a pile. You must be asking what all of it is right? Well, I can answer by simple saying it was a letter.

A letter for Dylan.

Sure I could just send him a text but, I felt as if a letter would be better. Like how they did it along time ago.

The heaps of paper were there because over the past days I had tried to write a letter for him and nothing was right. Nothing. I had tried to rephrase every paragraph, sentence and word but, nothing would do. Every draft was shittier than the last and all I wanted to do was say sorry.

I grabbed the pad of paper and pen and walked out onto the balcony, grabbing the small flashlight along the way. I had deprived myself of sleep because everything had been stressing me out.

All I wanted was for Dylan to know this was my fault. I wanted him to know that he should move on and that I didn't deserve such a great guy like him because he had stood up and fought for me countless times yet, I still believed that he could make a bet like that.

I was truly disgusted and ashamed of myself. No one could be more disappointed at me thank myself because I was a terrible person and I was not proud of that.

I sighed, feeling the cool breeze brush over me as I sat on the chair and looked at the words, 'Dear Dylan,' was written and that was it. I tapped the pen on the pad of paper trying to think.

Dear Dylan,
I'm sorry. Sure, I might've said this to you before through Luke or something. I don't know but, I'm sorry. I did not mean for
any of this to happen and I know how
much this hurt you.

I regret you ever meeting me because all I
did was hurt you and you deserve anyone
that isn't me. You deserve better because
all you have done is fight for me countless times and I have done nothing but hurt
you.

You deserve the sun, moon, stars and everything this universe can offer Dylan
and as you said you'd suffer for my
happiness as would I for yours. You
deserve to be happy rather than me. I
don't deserve happiness after what I have done but you deserve it.

So I ask you kindly, please stop chasing
after me. I, sure as hell, do not deserve you
and you deserve someone better than me.
Go and find someone that can offer you everything and will not stop to make you happy.

And sure, my initial plan was to hurt you
like no one else had and I had succeeded
in that but, I did not want to because I
love you.

I love you Dylan.

I love everything about you and it has
taken me so long to realise it. I am a fool
for not realising it any sooner because
in fact I had fallen for the school's bad
boy.

I love your cheeky smirk and your grin.
I love your honey coloured eyes and
your adorable pout. I love your kindness
and possessiveness. I love the fact that
you're willing to go out of your way to
help someone or the fact that you will mprotect someone no matter what.

Out of all of that, I love the fact that you
loved me.

But I know you could never love me
again because of the way I am. Because
I am merely a messed up child that tends
to push everyone out of her life and I'm
sorry for that Dylan.

So I guess this is like saying bye. I am
aware you might see me around but I shouldn't be apart of your life because
all I do is mess up everything. So bye
Dylan and thank you for everything.

I am so sorry Dylan and I hope you find someone that will love you more than I
ever could.

Love,
       Bella.

I read the letter over a few times, checking for any mistakes. I let out a loud exhaled and set the pad and pen down onto the coffee table next to me and stood up.

I leaned against the balcony and watched Dylan's door open, "fancy seeing you here."

"I'm always here." I muttered.

"How are you?" I squinted slightly and took in his breathtaking image. The high moon, cast down light rays towards Dylan's body and you could see half of his face and the other half was in darkness as was his naked chest.

I shrugged slightly, "I've had my better days." Dylan walked to lean against the railing and I just glanced at him, "I'm so sorry Dylan."

"What?" He questioned.

"For everything. I don't deserve a person like you and I never will." The feeling of sadness had enveloped me

"Mi amor what are you saying? If anything I don't deserve you."

"See!" I laughed bitterly, trying to wipe my pathetic tears away. "You always say you don't deserve me but you deserve everything in this world Dylan. It's me! I don't deserve you! I don't deserve anything. I'm such a terrible person."

"Mi amor." Dylan reached out to cup my cheeks and wipe away my tears.

"Dylan I-" the words were stuck in my throat and I couldn't utter them and I so dearly wanted to. I wanted to tell him before it was too late but, I knew it was too late.

"Shhh." He murmured wiping away my tears. He chuckled under his breath, "I find it funny that we both think we don't deserve each other."

"But I don't deserve you."

"Then I don't deserve you either."

"But I'm terrible."

"I am too." He mumbled.

"B-but I-"

"I am too." Dylan cut me off, "so what makes you think you don't deserve me, if we are alike."

"But I don't."

"Bella," Dylan spoke sternly, "stop this. Stop thinking you don't deserve anything."

"Do you even know what I did?!" I growled under my breath, "I took drugs again! Now my parents definitely don't trust me and I nearly got raped on the process Dylan!"

"What?" His large, warm hands had fallen from my cheeks, "r-raped?" He stuttered.

"Didn't my brother tell you?" I questioned dryly.

"No. That son of a bit-"

I cut him off, "Nate tried to come onto me and I blame myself for drinking and taking drugs."

"But it wasn't your fault that he came onto you. That's his fault! He made that choice not you."

"But if I hadn't-"

"If you hadn't done any of that maybe things would be different but he would've still tried to come onto you somehow." Dylan was quick to say.

"Please don't do anything to him." I whispered.

"Why the hell not?!"

"Because I haven't told my parents yet and Luke's looking for lawyers behind their backs."

"What?"

"My brother won't rest till he puts Nate behind bars." I whispered.

"Why haven't you told your parents? They can speed up this process Bella!"

"Because I'm ashamed okay!" I took a step back from him, "I'm ashamed that they know I caved in for once and I will ashamed once they know what happened."

"But it's not your fault." He reached out for me, trying to grasp my hand over the railing but, I merely took another step away from him.

"It is because no one this would have-"

"Stop fucking saying that." Dylan abruptly cut me off and I frowned taken aback by his tone. "This was not your fault."

"It wouldn't-"

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"I don't know." I looked down at my feet and then glanced at him, "why are you so protective?"

"Well that's because I care."

"But you shouldn't after all this time and how I've treated you."

"But I want to care."

I looked down dismayed at his answer, "I can't make you do anything but I wished that you would eventually stop caring."

"Well I can't."

A silence had settled  over us and all we did was stare at one another not able to think of anything to say.

It as like a void between us and even though we seemed to be getting somewhat closer, the void just constantly grew. It was a void of things that we wanted to say but couldn't bring ourselves to say. It was a void of feelings that we wanted to admit but couldn't. It was a large void filled with everything that we couldn't admit or say to each other and it just kept growing.

"So we're graduating soon..." Dylan trailed off.

I glanced up at him, pacing myself towards the balcony railing. "It is." I chuckled nervously. My statement sounded more like a question.

"The months have flown by..."

"With everything going on." I finished off his sentence.

We both looked at each other, "and prom is coming up and stuff."

"I'm probably not going to go." I shrugged.

"Why?"

"Because there's no point. My friends will all hate me. I just want to graduate quickly and quietly without causing anymore trouble and then finally leave that hell hole."

"What about Alex? Dani? Chase?" Dylan shot at me.

I twiddled with my fingers nervously, "I'm a terrible friend."

"You're not."

I laughed, "you make me sound like an amazing person."

"But you are. We all have our bad points in life and our flaws take me for example-"

"Dylan you are perfect."

"I have a drinking problem."

"You haven't drank in ages."

"Only because of you."

My hands shook slightly and I reached out to grasp something. Dylan's hands came in contact with mine and he intertwined our hands together. He rubbed tiny circles into the back of my hand with the pad of his thumb, visibly relaxing me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and his hand too, "you're too good for this world."

"So are you."

"Is it compliment each other hour?" I tried to ease the tension with a small laugh.

"Maybe." He spoke vaguely but, I could see a wide grin spread out on his face, "I don't know about you but, I am enjoying this."

"What? Me insulting myself and you saying how good I am and then me saying how you're better and you dismissing it?"

Dylan let out a loud laugh, "that and just being here with you."

"God damnit Dyl, since when did you become so cheesy?"

"Since I met you." He grinned cheekily.

I pushed his shoulder with one hand, laughing, "stopppp."

"Do you want to hear my pickup lines?"

"No." I shook my head quickly.

"Are you wifi? Because I feel a strong connection to you."

"Stop! That was terrible!"

"You can't do any better!" He exclaimed in hushed tones.

"I might as well call you Google because you have everything I'm looking for." I giggled and Dylan chuckled.

"Hey girl," I could see him wink as he grabbed my hand and placed it on my chest, "feel my sweater. You know what it's made of?" I could feel his heart beat pick up making my cheeks warm up, "boyfriend material." We both burst into a fit of giggles.

"Are those space pants though? 'Cause your ass is out of this world."

"Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you I smile."

My cheeks warmed up when hearing that, "okay that was pretty cute. I'll give you that one."

Dylan made a 'yess' sound and I laughed quietly. "This one is better though." He cleared his throat and then dramatically placed his hand on my cheek and stared into my eyes, "can I borrow a kiss mi amor? I promise I'll give it back."

"I'll have to think about that." I giggled.

Dylan pouted and my heart sunk slightly thinking about my letter. Why did it have to come back to me? I gulped forcing myself to smile believably.

I watched Dylan yawn as he stretched his arms behind his head, "are you tired?" He questioned.

"I should be asking you that." I laughed.

"Well I guess I am." He murmured, "but I want to stay with you."

I sighed, "you need to sleep Dylan. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Nooo mi amor." He whisper-wailed.

"I'll see you tomorrow Prince Charming." I rolled my eyes, leaning on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. I turned away from him and grabbed my stuff and walked back into my room, "good night Dyl." I waved and snapped him out of his daze.

"O-oh yeh. Good night mi amor." Dylan stuttered and quickly turned away and we both closed our doors and curtains at the same time.

I turned on my light and clutched the letter to my chest. Fresh tears had rolled down my cheeks as I folded the letter and slipped it into an envelope. I wrote his name on the back and decided I'd slip it to him after school or into his locker. I put it in my back and sat on my bed, looking at the time.

I had about 2-3 hours left until I had to get ready. I sighed and went to shower slowly and do my morning routine but, this time I did it slower.

//

I sat on the island and my parents glanced at me here and there. "Just say it."

"We're worried about you." My mother.

"Who in this house isn't?"

"Don't act like that Bella." My dad spoke, his eyes skimming over the newspaper in his hands.

"Sorry." I muttered, "please don't worry about me. I'm doing fine."

"But Bella you took drugs-"

"That was once mom and I have no idea why I did it. I promise never to do it again." I pushed the rest of my food away, standing to grab my things. I really didn't want to talk about this right now.

"Bella you have to eat more." My father spoke sternly and I looked down at the plate. I had eaten more than half and that's more than my stomach could handle.

"I've eaten all I can."

"Bella-" I cut my father off quickly.

"I already feel sick. If I eat anymore I'll throw up what I've eaten." My dad looked from the newspaper to the plate of food to me.

His scrutinising gaze softened, "go to school. Don't get into trouble."

"I promise I won't." I muttered before leaving the room. Luke stood at the door as if he was waiting for me. "Are you waiting for me?"

"I thought we'd drive to school together."

"Why are we really going together?" I raised an eyebrow, opening the door.

He sighed, "so I can keep an eye on you."

I smiled and shrugged, slipping into the car, "okay then."

"What? Seriously? You'll just let me..." He trailed off as he turned the keys.

"Yeh." I nodded, "I don't have anything to hide anymore and it's not like I'm trying to get into trouble anymore." He looked at my confused. I shoved his face to the side so he looked straight ahead at the road. "Eyes on the road."

"What happened to you?"

"I realised that I was a terrible person." I spoke bluntly, playing with the strap of my backpack.

"Bella-"

"No it's fine. Don't try and plaster up my wounds. I realise my mistakes and I'm trying to be a better person." He sighed in response to me. "Does anyone-" I cut myself off with a cough trying to stop my voice from wavering. "Does anyone know of the situation?"

"No." Luke mumbled firmly, "no one knows. I've kept it on a down low. Nate hasn't mentioned it to anyone and his buddies, surprisingly, haven't either."

I laughed bitterly, "god I thought that ass would've spread it."

"I would've thought he would spread it too, but it seems he has not, which to me is quite strange."

"I agree."

"You don't think he's planning something?"

"I bet he is."

"Ugh you don't understand how much it is taking me to refrain myself from beating that asshole."

I laughed as we pulled up into a parking spot. I opened the door and smiled at a few people and then felt someone-no two people jump on top of me, making me stumble back and nearly fall.

"You bitch!" I heard Alex's voice.

"How dare you leave us like that?!" Dani whispered yelled to me as they squished me.

"I'm really sorry guys." We let go of each other and did a quick catch up about the past few days, meaning they filled me in about the shit that I had missed.

"Bella!" The group had cheered and I was engulfed into a bone crushing group hug.

"Chill guys she only had a stomach bug." Luke rolled his eyes yelling. I realised that he hadn't told them what had happened, instead telling them I had a stomach bug. This then led to me to wonder if Alex and Dani knew the actual situation or the lie Luke had made up?

"Yeh but it's been days!" Alex rolled her eyes. It made me think they didn't actually know what had happened but Dani's earlier statement had made me believe they did know.

I forced a smile as they all fired questions and laughed but, I felt lost. After everything I just felt a little shaken and exhausted even with all the rest I had got.

I snorted internally. Rest she says. I had been getting anything and everything that wasn't rest.

"Bella?"

"Yeh-huh?" I blinked a few times, startled slightly.

"Are you okay? You look a little pale." Chase questioned looking concerned.

I coughed, feeling uneasy with all the attention on me, "yeh yeh I'm fine." I nodded, putting on my best smile.

Everyone had gone back to their normal conversations but Chase's gaze had lingered on me before he entertained himself by conversing with my brother in hushed whispers.

I stepped back from my group of friends, feeling slightly overwhelmed by them all. "Oof." Someone made a noise behind me.

"Oh my god sor-" I cut myself off seeing Nate. I took a step away from him in fear.

"So how are you?" He raised an eyebrow, pushing his hair back.

"Fine." I muttered bluntly.

"Good." The corner of his lips pulled up into a devious smirk and I gulped. I blinked a few times and felt his hand on my waist. He pulled me into him within a second, "So you won't tell anyone what happened right?"

I couldn't answer him. My mouth was dry and my body paralysed in its spot and all I could do was shake with fear. "Because it would be dreadful to watch someone get hurt because of you." His lips touched my ear and I shuddered, fear running down my spine.

"I-uh no." I stuttered, managing to get something out. As if I would listen to you. Of course I'll tell people. I'll tell a whole damn court of people Nate.

"That's what I like to hear babe." He