Socks for your feet

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When I woke up I slid from Loki's arms and pressed my paws to the floor carefully sneaking into the connected bathroom. I nudged the door shut after stepping fully inside before inhaling deeply and forcing my body to shift. 

It had been a long time. I held my shaky hand over my mouth to muffle the cries and whimpers that threatened to escape. My bones clicked and scraped against each other, my 'father' had forced me to shift so many times it hurt to go back to normal.

My joints stung and muscles burned as I locked the door with a shaky hand and limped over to the mirror. 

I gaped at my messy reflection. My dark brown hair was a complete and utter mess. It no longer fell down my shoulders just past my chest but was cropped short and was messy just below my jawline. 

Dark circles were prominent under my eyes from sleepless nights on that cold hard floor and on that operating table. My pale skin looked even worse and a pink scar cut under my left eye and my ear was most definitely sliced badly leaving a chunk of it missing yet it was healing over.

I nearly threw up at the sight of my yellowing teeth and gagged at the smell of my breath. Was the entire team putting up with this?!

My face burned brighter than the sun at the thought as I sniffled and let a few tears slip and as they did they took a trail of dirt and grime with them leaving the streaks on my face. Part of me was shocked and the other relieved I could still produce them at all. 

I thought I'd cried them all out.

I wobbled over to the shower and carefully turned the handle for the water jumping when it spat to life making me flinch. I shuddered at the sight of the gushing water but knew I couldn't just refuse to ever bathe again.

At least with this option, I could stand under the water and could easily get air whenever I needed it. I pulled off my old tattered clothes grimacing at the dirt that clung to my skin and scars that littered my stomach and arms.

I shakily held my hand under the water wincing at the heat but then I realized it could take off more germs so I left it and stepped in bitting my lip at the burning sensation pelting my skin. 

I picked up the soap and scrubbed it. 

I scrubbed and scrubbed until my skin was raw. Suddenly wanting all of the memories to flush down the drain that spiraled with the grimy water coming off of my body.

I raked my hands through my short hair roughly tugging and pulling at the knots as I let the water splash my face. I scratched at my skin as if It would help remove all of my pain.

I felt stinging from where my nails dug deeper and deeper but I didn't care as I fell to the shower floor sobbing in a mess of blood and fresh cuts the water never changing its beating rhythm on me.

I cradled myself my hair a messy curtain over my eyes and I trembled. Despite the water stinging my skin without any mercy, my body tingled with the heat, and I didn't even hear the knocking.

I didn't even move when I felt the water shut off and I was surrounded by a towel and picked up. I was set down on the bathmat but I stayed cradling myself as I felt my legs being softly dried and the sound of rustling before things were stuck on my skin.

I peeked an eye open to see Loki concentrating, carefully holding my leg out as he placed bandages on my skin. I rose a brow and sniffled softly at the sight as he fumbled with the next one.

He grunted when it stuck to itself as he peeled off the paper covering and hopelessly tried to unpeel it to save the bandaid. I couldn't help but giggle at the sight of him having it stuck to his finger while his other one tried to peel it off only to have it stick to that finger.

He looked up at the sound and we locked eyes for a moment before I was blessed with a small smile. It wasn't snarky or mean or held any malicious intent like the ones I'd grown used to.

It was soft and gentle and I was encaptured by its beauty for a moment.

We didn't exchange any words as he finished, he simply scooped me up in the towel after bandaging my arms and legs. Not once did he try to be invasive or see more than my wounds though he did request to bandage my fingers that had split skin on them.

He tucked me back in and fetched some warm fluffy socks Steve gifted me not too long ago. 

He slid them onto each of my probably tomato red feet and brushed his fingers over them before pressed his lips to my forehead and whispered a quiet goodnight. My heartfelt fuzzy and warm as he left me to rest.

He didn't get into the bed when I was only snuggled in my towel, he didn't pressure me to tell him what happened nor was he angry.

I looked over to my sock covered feet and smiled at the sight of folded pajama's next to them that he'd set out as well.

I let out a soft hum and squeezed my eyes shut a smile finally curling on my face for the first time in forever. 

Thank you Loki...

'

By next morning I'd resorted to shifting back into my panther form. I know it wasn't the best idea but I felt safer with it and I decided to keep in it for the time being.

Loki never brought up seeing me that time in the bathroom again however I knew deep down he was probably curious and wanted to help. I just wanted to put it behind me for now.

Countless times I'd wake up on his lap and see his hand healing small fresher scars here and there so I'd silently watch him. My nightmares were eased whenever he held me and slept close which was a relief.

-Loki-

Perhaps she needs another day I considered. I longed to see the real her again but after that night she simply shut off again. 

There was nothing I didnt lo-like about her but I wished to speak with her again and see her other form. I tried to communicate with her telepathically on occasion but she would put up a barrier to prevent me from doing so.

I was both impressed and agitated, my only means of communication with her being blocked off. I thought something may be of cause for concern so I took her back up to the small veterinary nurse in the tower.

She jumped when she saw me but smiled at Sparrow next to me who had been reluctant the entire time I had tried to move her. Sparrow glanced up at me before huffing a shuddering breath from her nostrils and using her haunches to lift herself onto the metal table.

"Hello Loki sir, and miss Sparrow" she greeted them and I nodded stiffly.

"What appears to be the problem?" she quizzed me, and Sparrow turned her head away with a look of guilt shimmering in her eyes for a moment that I nearly missed.

"she has not shifted back for a while now and I fear she may not be able to, are all her joints healed enough for her to be able to hold a different form?" I inquired and she gave me a puzzled look before nodding.

"I'll get an X-ray scan" I pursed my lips and nodded as Sparrow looked back at me.  She pulled out a large machine and ran it along Sparrow's body before pulling it away when it beeped.

She added some sort of filing to a computer nearby and it pulled up Sparrow's skeleton. "Hmm that's odd" she hummed and I rose a brow "what is?"

"she is completely healed, not one thing wrong, there should not be an issue with shifting because everything is in order for this form" 

I looked back at Sparrow only to find her sitting by the elevator staring at the metal door her back to me. I inhaled deeply and thanked the small blonde and she nodded with a smile.

I realized my mistake, it wasn't that she could not shift, its that she chose not to.

When the two made it back to the penthouse there was a new tension between the two.

It was not Loki's fault but she did not feel safe enough to shift back, but the last thing she wanted was to be in danger again especially when it came to HYDRAS clutches.

"Sparrow" she paused halfway up the short few steps on the way to her room. 

"Please, let me in... you are blocking me out and the last thing you should be doing is pushing me away from your troubles, I only wish to help you"

She mewled softly and he approached her cupping her large head in his hands lifting it to face him as he held a sorrow-filled gaze. 

"Sparrow, it is safe now, I will protect you if that is what concerns you so deeply" he cooed softly and heard the connection through his mind 'im, not safe Loki.. not as long as they exist, my father he-' she sniffled in her mindscape but stopped midway not continuing.

"I promise you, sweetheart I will do everything in my power to protect you, I can assure you of this, they will not lay another hand on you as long as I am here" he promised and she lowered her head but he didn't hear anything else through the connection.

Throughout the day Loki spent more time around Sparrow than usual, cuddling her close on the couch as Tony flipped on a film for everyone, Thor liked to share his opinion that it was a "Most tremendous!" choice and the others just shrugged and watched the film that Stark set up.

Loki was glad when he felt the faint rumble of a purr vibrating into his side from Sparrow but anticipated to see her shift back at some point. He hoped he had proved his worth enough but worried it wouldn't be enough to push her into feeling safe with him.

Once the movie was finished everyone cleaned up the popcorn and chips they had previously and everyone headed off to bed. 

Sparrow followed Loki at his heels and hopped up on the bed creating a large dip from her size as he read a bit of literature and poems out to her as she snuggled into his side resting her heavy head on his stomach in content.

She adored his velvety voice but could hear the slight strain from her leaning on his stomach so she shifted her position and nuzzled her head into his side rather and curled into the blankets he had laid over her. 

Little did Loki know what would greet him the next morning...

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