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Chapter Fifty-One: "Down."

I HAVE NEVER SEEN my mom this mad.

I took a deep breath, sitting on our couch and waiting for it to come. No. I didn't even have time to wait. She had been cursing in Spanish the entire ride back home and I felt like I wasn't going to hear the end of it.

For a very very long time, I thought pushing my curly hair out of my eyes.

"I cannot believe you." She finally said in English.

"Mom-"

"How could you?" She stared at me like she didn't know who I was anymore. Like I had committed the biggest crime on earth and she couldn't even look at me.

"What does that mean?" I stood up on my feet, getting angry but at the same time not having the strength to argue with her.

"Do you want to throw your life away for some boy?"

"He's not just some boy." I tried to explain but I could barely get a word in. I felt like she wasn't listening to me at all. Sometimes she never really did. 

"Yes, he is Sydney. To him you are another girl that he probably won't care for."

"He doesn't just care for me mom," I tried to reason. "He loves me."

"He loves you?" She repeated scornfully. "You are young. You don't know what love is."

"Yes I do. I love him."

"No. No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"You don't understand, Sydney," She said to me, spitting the words out. "Boys don't get pregnant. You are a dancer. You have a future. Do you want that to suddenly be ruined just because you allowed a boy in your life?"

"I'm eighteen, mom. Eighteen! Don't you think I should be able to make my own decisions by now?"

But that wasn't going to work. I don't even know why I said that when I knew that age didn't matter in this argument. Not by a long shot.

"You may be eighteen but you're living under my roof. My roof Sydney. You can make your decisions when you leave this house."

"But-"

"I've had enough." She put her hand up and I shut my mouth, taking deep breaths from my nose at the anger building inside me. She put her hand out gesturing for my phone. "Hand it over."

I gave it to her without any resistance but I still tried to reason. "Mom, I really do love him. You can't just stop me from seeing him."

"I understand that you and him go to the same school but if you understand what is good for you, you won't be with him again."

"Mom-"

"Go to your room Sydney."

"You don't get it, do you?" 

"What don't I understand?"

"Lucas. My friends. Think about it. You dragged me to another city hours away from my old friends and I came here thinking I wasn't going to make any. That I was only here to dance and that was it. That dance and Julliard were on my mind."

"Sydney-"

"No. You and dad divorced? Fine. But I made friends. Great ones. Ones you probably don't approve because of what they look on the outside but they're great people on the inside. And Lucas was one of those people and we have something mom. I love him. All those people made me happy when I honestly thought that my family's separation would ruin me. That I can never have a proper family again. They made me happy. Lucas? He makes me happy too. Do you really want to do this?"

My mom paused, her eyes hard. She was going to do this but I knew a part of her didn't want to. She only going to because it was the way she was. The way she was brought up. I couldn't stop her from making that decision.

She didn't look me in the eyes. "Sydney, go to your room."

"But-"

"Go."

I inhaled deeply, moving my way past her to the short hallway. When I got to my room, I made sure to slam the door loudly behind me, signifying my anger. The profanities jumbled their way out of my mouth as I made my way to get ready, not even caring about the amount of homework I had told myself to do tonight.

Really? This is how my night ended? I asked myself, lying down in bed two hours later. My hand went to the ring on my finger and I twisted it, looking at the jewelry in the center of it. 

Happy birthday to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into school in a rush, almost bumping into people on the stairs. "Shit, sorry." I mumbled, trying to make my way to the main art room where I knew he would probably be. I held onto the straps

But when I was passing my locker to get there, I already found him sitting against it, his leg bouncing up and down with anticipation. "Lucas." I said and he turned his head to look at me.

He got up, hugging me instantly and I smiled against the skin on his neck, breathing in the scent of his cologne. Of him. "I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" I asked, noticing the way his beanie fell off his head and landed behind him.

"Because you aren't allowed to date and you're going out with me anyways and-"

"Whoa. Hold up. I love you because I do. I chose to be with you. That's not your fault in anyway, okay?" I held onto his hands, looking up into his eyes.

He licked his lips as he shuffled forward to not disrupt the students making their way through the hallway. My back was against my locker and Lucas nodded. "Yeah, okay. What's going to happen now?"

"Um...I don't know," I admitted. "My mom and I aren't exactly talking and the only way I can see you now is school since she took all forms of my communication away."

"That's why I couldn't get a hold of you," Lucas said, sighing and his thumbs were making circle patterns on the back of my hand. He furrowed his eyebrows like a thought had come to his mind. "Can I ask a question?"

"Yeah."

He let go of my right hand, the back of his hand brushing against my cheek. "Why didn't you just tell her?"

I sighed, looking down at my shoes. "It would have never have been that easy."

"But her reaction would have probably not been the same as it was if you had just told her." Lucas said, tilting my chin up so I could meet his gaze.

"It would have been the same Lucas." I told him.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I would. It's just the way my mom is. You wouldn't understand. Your parents won't understand."

"What do you mean by that?" Lucas asked, staring at me a little offended and his hand dropped from my face.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't."

"She grew up with that mindset. That you should have a certain level of maturity when you start dating. She didn't start dating until she was twenty-one."

"So that means that you have to wait until you're twenty one in order to determine if you know what love is or not?"

"No," I closed my eyes for a second and exhaled deeply. "See? You don't get it."

"Sydney-"

"It's just the way my family is. It's way my mom was brought up and it's the way I've been brought up."

"But it's only worse now because she had to find out on her own. She found out what everyone knew."

"Yes, Lucas I understand this."

"And what about all those times that you told me that you were going to tell her? Were you really going to?"

I kept my eyes down. "No. I wasn't."

Lucas looked really disappointed now and I wanted to wipe that look off of his face. I didn't want to see him like that ever again. "I-Sydney..."

"You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"Not mad," He admitted. "I'm upset at how this turned out to be. I'll see you later." He pressed a kiss to my forehead and let go of our hands, backing away. 

"Lucas-"

"I'll see you later, Sydney." He gave me smile that didn't reach his eyes and walked away just when Mary Anne walked over to me.

"What was that about? I tried calling you but it didn't go through or anything."

"My mom took my phone." I informed her,

"I tried skyping you."

"She took my laptop."

"Wait. What about iMessage?"

"She found my iPod and took that too. I am completely cut off from the outside world. Completely. And she picks me up from school now so Lucas can't drop me off."

"Are you talking to her?"

"She's talking to me. Doesn't mean I reply." I muttered, opening my locker.

"Syd-"

"She's being completely unreasonable. I hate this. I hated this sneaking around. But my mom finding out is even worse."

"At least you get to see each other during school." She said. That was probably one of the best things about Mary Anne. She was optimistic and her hope for certain things made you want to have hope and look on the bright side of things.

"Yeah. That's uplifting." I said blandly, hooking my arm with hers as we walked to class. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Zen, do you want to put me down now so I can go back to class?" I asked him, my arms still around his neck as he gave me a piggy back ride through the empty hallway.

"I don't want to go to English and you don't want to stay in whatever class you're in-"

"Zen, just put me down, would you?" I asked for the hundredth time since he practically forced me onto his back.

He groaned dramatically, setting me down. "Fine. Brat."

"Shut up." I said to him.

He grinned before a thoughtful look crossed his face. "Hey, are we going to make plans once we go to New York together?"

I stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"You want to rent an apartment or something? We could find one right between our schools since they're only like a half an hour away from one another-"

I stopped him from talking, a smile spreading onto my face at the good news he was implying. "You got into NYU?"

"I was going to tell you at your birthday but clearly that didn't turn out as good as I hoped when your mom dragged you out of your own party."

"Congrats Matthew," I referred to his real name. "You completely deserved this especially since you didn't have to hack into the system to change your grades."

"I know right," He was beaming before he sighed. "Look, my foster family are throwing me a little party and I wanted to know if you would come but..."

I sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Zen slung an arm around my shoulder. "You and Lucas will be okay. At least,I hope."

"Did you know that he's going to school on the other side of the world?"

"He is?"

"In Japan. For art." I clarified.

"You serious?" I nodded and Zen licked his lips. "Holy shit. Why was I informed of this now?"

"I'm sorry it hasn't really been given a chance to come up Zen." I said dryly.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anything else?"

"Well remember that summer program I got into? Well, he got into a summer program himself so..."

"What? Were you guys going to break up anyway?"

"We didn't really discuss all of that yet. But Lucas is kind of upset that I didn't tell my mom about us in the first place. He hasn't been speaking to me all day. Not even in Chem."

"Yeah, he isn't really talking to anyone in English either. Let the guy mellow out. He loves you, doesn't he? He'll be talking to you tomorrow-wait no Monday since you don't have anything to call him on. What if your mom eventually lets you see him outside of school?"

I scoffed. "Not going to happen."

"You have that much doubt?"

"Zen?"

"Yeah?"

"You really haven't met my mom."

"I have an idea on what your mom is like. She's probably a good person who hopes for the best intentions for you. I mean, when she first saw me at the Fall showcase she made it clear that she didn't want me around you. And I could see why. I have the piercings, the dark clothing, my music taste and everything just screams goth and emo."

"The Hello Kitty tattoo on your arm begs to differ." I mentioned and he cracked a smile.

"And now look at us. You're one of my best friends." He nudged me in the stomach with his elbow and I smiled. 

"Aw Zen. I think that's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me." I gushed, reaching up to playfully pinch his cheek because he hated when I did that.

He slapped my hand down, scowling. "Speaking of a best friend, where's Wesley and your cousin Michelle?"

"I get to see them tomorrow. I'm surprised my mom isn't that mad at me to let me see my old friends."

"See? Just hope for the best Sydney." Zen said before standing in front of me. "Now, get on my back. I'm giving you a ride back to class."   

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I stood at my locker after dance. We were let out little early today and with Worlds coming up soon every single practice was getting more intense and every single little competition each of went to each weekend was going up against better teams in Canada, better organizations with better choreography.

I knew Lucas had probably gone straight home after school to finish that reflection he had for one of his paintings, something he hated doing but always felt better doing it in silence.

I looked at the Chemistry binder in my hand and almost groaned out loud at the stress I could feel building up just staring at the stupid book and the textbook inside my locker. I slowly rested my head against the door of my locker, contemplating whether I should bang my head against it multiple times as if it could put me out of my misery.

Before I could ever do it, I could hear someone laugh shortly. "You alright there Acosta?"

I flinched and the motion made my Chemistry binder fall out of my hand and onto the floor. "Shit." I mumbled, going to pick it up when Joey beat me to it, taking a seat next to my locker.

"Sit. Talk to me." He patted the ground next to him and I shot him a look as I collected the binder and shoved it into my backpack.

"My mom is probably waiting for me outside."

"She can wait a couple of minutes. Besides, Hailey told me that you dancers were let out early today."

I sat down next to him. "Hailey told you this? Hailey? On my dance team?"

"She's in some of my classes. I talk to people, you know? I'm not like your boyfriend."

"Shut up. That's not what I meant and you know it."

"I know what you mean and I'd go after her if I didn't already know that that Ravi guy on your team is so head over heels for her."

"You know?"

"Ravi's an interesting guy. I have him in a class with Hailey and you should tell him that he should stop with the cheesy pick-up lines. She hates them."

"How do you know that?"

"Because she told me yesterday." Joey smirked and I rolled my eyes.

"Um...what's going on with you and Lydia now?"

"Lydia? I'm sorry Lydia who?" Joey teased and we laughed. "There's nothing there and never will be ever again."

"Wow," I looked at Joey from the side. "You know? You've really changed."

Joey scoffed and didn't address my statement any father. He sighed nd glanced over at me. "I heard what happened."

"You didn't see my mom storm out of your house, drag me into her car and tell me that I can never see Lucas again?"

"Well, that sounds embarrassing," Joey deadpanned. "Um, does she remember that you guys go to school together?"

"She's not going to take me out of a school with one of dance studios and programs that a high school student is going to get in the country. She knows that we can continue seeing each other in school but if I knew what was good for me we shouldn't see each other. I'm pretty sure she also knows about the different excuses I used to go to your house after school was just a ploy to see him."

"Wow Greg-your favorite Cahill- is going to be hurt at hearing that, don't you think?"

"Joey." I stared at him, making sure that he understood what I was getting at and he stopped his laughter.

"You guys can't see each other outside of school?"

I shook my head silently, drawing my knees up to my chest and not making eye contact with him.

"She took your phone?" I hummed in agreement, tapping my feet against the ground. I could feel his gaze on me, watching me carefully like I was going to break down or something.

"So, what I'm hearing is that besides school you guys have absolutely no way of seeing one another. Or even communicating with one another."

"Yes." Unless we sent letters or had carrier pigeons like it was suddenly the 1800s or something.

"Shit."

"My exact thoughts."

"He was worried you know? About you. He was wondering what was going to happen. He completely isolated himself in that stupid art room of his."

I took in a deep breath after hearing that. "Really?" 

"Remember the fight? Between Lucas and I? You were right. I did say stuff to make him hit me."

"Why?'

"Because I told him something he didn't want to hear. Something he was expecting. And when he kept trying to push me away from a topic that I needed him to hear about, he got mad."

"He doesn't really get mad."

Joey shook his head. "He doesn't. I know my brother. He's the type to be mad in silence but when it comes to me? I'm the one who makes him express his anger in a-"

"Physical way? That's only towards you? Because for some reason you just must get into a fight with him over anything? You know, you pushed him away when you guys moved here and you kept pushing him away when you guys eventually came to high school."

"Look," Joey started. "Back in England, back in Bath, where we both grew up it was always Joey and Lucas and I get it. We were a tag team. Then when we came here it just started to get different. It' not like I don't care about my brother. We just ended up getting into different crowds. He's not the type to easily make friends and I did. So we rarely spoke to one another."

"And then?"

Joey groaned. "And then we ended up fighting more often and disagreed on a lot of shit to the point where we both didn't want to talk to one another anymore."

Joey stopped talking for a second then continued. "Before you came, the only time that Lucas and I truly talked to one another again was when our sister died. But a couple of months after we became even more distant especially during last summer since some of our brothers went off and graduated high school. Eventually we started talking like how we used to back home and then the fight happened."

"Wow." Joey started laughing and I stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"The funny thing was that the fight was about you."

"Me? What? Why?"

"I said some things to Lucas that I felt needed to be said. I felt like if I didn't tell him he would also suspect it and eventually we would get into a bigger fight over it. And what I told him had a reason to do with why I went with you guys to your audition. And why I definitely needed to break up with Lydia. I caught feelings for someone I didn't think I would ever consider."     

He looked at me, biting his bottom lip as he tried to tell me what he was implying with his eyes. No.

"J-Joey are you saying that..." I trailed off, not wanting to believe the impossible.

"I'm not admitting anything," He put his hands up, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "But even if I did, I wouldn't act on it. He loves you, you know?"

"I know."

"He's my brother and even though we don't exactly get along,