Four's Logbook

I'll be frank; I'm in a lot of pain as I record this, so maybe I'm not thinking too clearly—but I feel like I have to get some final thoughts down on the off-chance that Gates actually snaps and kills me.

See, I've got a big problem. What I did was necessary—as we speak, the other IMS ships are attempting to salvage the Kraken and evacuate all hands before they drown. That means that we have enough time to make it to our frigate and get the hell out of the system. But as far as Gates knows, I disobeyed a direct order, terminated our comlink connection, and possibly died. I'm sure that there'll be hell to pay when I get back.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

—X—

The Widow opened its massive doors, and allowed KT to exit.

Upon setting foot in the hangar, she immediately opened her hatch. Tobias tried to step neatly out of the cockpit, and promptly fell to the floor.

"Pilot?"

KT noticed his fall, and quickly assessed him for damage. "Are you alright?"

He waved her away with one arm while he used to the other to support his body, keeping himself from completely crumpling to the ground. "I'm fine, just... just need a breather. Give... give me a minute." It felt like his lungs were aflame, burning a little hotter each time he took a breath.

The Titan obliged, and stood watch over him, monitoring him for further bouts of pain. They weren't alone, however—the sound of angry footsteps was growing closer, and he looked up to see a familiar freelance Pilot making her way towards him.

This wasn't going to be fun.

"If you weren't in such a right state, I'd be kicking your ass up and down the hangar." She came to a stop in front of him, and crossed her arms menacingly. "What the hell were you thinking, pulling a stunt like that? Cutting off communications, disobeying—"

"Technically, I was a team leader," he groaned, holding a finger up. "So I can't have disobeyed orders—"

"You're not getting off on a technicality," she seethed.

"We needed a distraction," he explained, his chest and arm flaring with pain again. "Sinking the K-Kraken was meant to buy us time to escape."

A small amount of venom disappeared from her voice. "So your plan to throw them off our scent was to sink an entire IMS frigate?"

"Hey, it w-worked, right?"

She gave a low sigh of consternation as he reached to his sheath and retrieved his data-knife. He pressed it into her hand. "Here—I g-got what I could from their navigational directory. Something about ... Erebusss ..."

His speech slowed, and his words began to slur together. She crouched down to his level, and placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him. "You alright, Four?" she asked a bit more softly, her anger changing to concern. "Seriously, don't bullshit me."

He was trying to come up with a witty remark when another wave of pain and nausea hit him, and he slumped over onto the floor.

Gates quickly turned to a crowd of riflemen standing nearby. "Get a medic immediately! We have wounded!" Her shouting jolted several of them into action, and they ran off to get help. She turned back to him.

"Just hold tight for a few minutes, okay? Medics are coming, you're going to be fine."

He gave no verbal response, but gave her a weak thumbs up from where he was lying on the ground. His eyes were half-lidded, and she felt a considerable pang of worry shoot through her.

Why do I care so much about you?

She squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, then stood up again. There were other things that demanded her attention; namely, the unknown Pilots standing behind her with Dimitri and Bear. "You two. Front and center."

It took them a moment to realize she was speaking to them, but once they did they hastily moved and stood at attention. She looked at the one on the left.

"Davis, right?" She bobbed her head towards her second-in-command. "Dee here told me that you and your friend here went against orders to evacuate—is that right?"

He swallowed hard, and nodded. "Yes, ma'am. Lance Corporal Davis, at your service."

She gave a small hum of thought, then glanced at the other. "And you are?"

"Droz, ma'am," he said just as nervously. "Petty Officer Droz, second class."

She nodded. "Well, I'd wager that you'll likely be reprimanded for your decision by the higher-ups. They don't like their soldiers disobeying orders, especially not on sensitive operations," she stressed, making a quick glance down at Tobias. They nodded dejectedly in acceptance as she clasped her hands behind her back.

"But ... as the 6-4 is a freelance unit, I can't carry such disciplinary actions out. What I can do is thank you, and commend you for your bravery. Without your help defending the evacuating Pilots, we likely would have lost more lives than we did—those men owe you, as do we."

They seemed to be at a loss for words as the revelation that they weren't being punished made itself apparent. Davis stood himself up straighter, and gave a small cough. "T-Thank you, ma'am."

"It's Captain to you."

"You got it, Cap'n."

She crossed her arms again, seemingly in thought. "If you and Droz were interested in finding work as part of a freelance team ... I've got an open mind when it concerns the 6-4."

They wore expressions as though she had suggested they'd just singlehandedly won the war. The two of them stared at each other, nonplussed, and then turned back to her. Droz nodded. "That sounds like an excellent idea, Captain."

She nodded. "I'll tell command that I'm considering commandeering two of their Pilots. Now, get out of here."

The two gave her a crisp salute, then walked away, talking excitedly to one another as a medical team finally arrived. They surrounded Tobias, but were hesitant to move any further upon seeing the protective stance that KT was taking, standing over him and watching everyone else with a narrowed optic.

Gates saw this, and waved gently at her. "KT, it's alright. Ease up."

The Titan seemed to realize how she looked as she guarded him, and moved away enough to let the medics through. Now clear to work, they loaded him onto a stretcher, and carried him towards the direction of the infirmary.

KT watched them take him with that same peculiar feeling that she'd experienced back on the Kraken—some strange spark of emotion igniting deep within her.

Why do I care so much about you?

...

He opened his eyes.

His mind felt noticeably more alert than earlier, though there was a dull numbness that ran throughout the rest of his body. Taking the opportunity to investigate his surroundings, he believed he was in the medical wing—unless there was some other section of the ship that was sterile white and smelled faintly of alcohol. It was empty save for a few other beds at the far end of the room with their curtains drawn up.

He detected movement in his peripheral view, and with a start he realized that he wasn't alone. Leaning against the left side of his bed was Gates, her helmet sitting on her lap instead of her head where it usually sat. Behind loose strands of hair, her eyes seemed to be watching him very carefully.

Upon seeing he was awake, she snorted. "Have you always had a knack for getting yourself into dangerous situations?"

He shrugged. "Like I said before, it's a flaw of mine."

She tracked the length of his body. "You have a fractured ulna in your right arm, and your humerus is bruised. Hairline fractures on sets nine, ten, and eleven of your ribs, and the docs think you might have a concussion." She shook her head in disbelief. "Overall, could be worse—but it could sure be a hell of a lot better too."

He winced as she read off his injuries, knowing full-well that he'd be out of commission for a while with a list like that.

She exhaled shakily. "You know, you had me worried when you cut your comlink." She stared at him emptily. "We lost Jax."

He felt like he'd swallowed a clump of sand. "Gates, I'm so sorry—"

"Other Pilots too, good ones." She lowered her head sadly. "They deserved better."

When she rose up again, he was shocked to see small beads of wetness forming in the corners of her eyes.

"And all the while, I was desperately hoping that your sorry ass didn't end up like them."

"Gates—?"

"Shut up." Hurriedly wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she locked gazes with him. "Just ... shut up. Do you have any idea how worried I was—no, scratch that. Do you have any idea how afraid I was? Sitting here, thinking that you might've ... that you ..."

"Afraid?" He was totally perplexed. "I didn't take you for someone that could be afraid—"

Wordlessly, she placed her hands on the sides of his face, leaned in, and kissed him.

For the next few seconds, her lips were locked against his as he lay frozen in stunned compliance. His mind ceased to properly function as he tried to ascertain what the hell was actually happening. His mind forgot the pain in his chest and arm, the dull throbbing in his head—the only sensation known to him was the warmth of her mouth placed firmly against his own.

Gates pulled away slowly, her chestnut eyes staring deeply into his stormy blues. "And I didn't take you for someone that could make me afraid like that. That could make me feel like this."

She paused, then sat down in a chair beside his cot and set her hand over his. "Don't you ever do something that stupid again. Understood?"

He swallowed hard, and nodded slowly.

Satisfied with his answer, she breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Another incident like that, and I'd have to court-martial your ass myself. Now, get some rest you bloody idiot."

...

Protect the Pilot.

KT stood in the hangar, watching. Just ... watching.

Pilots and riflemen alike, meandering about with purpose, with a sense of self. Each of them had their own lives, their own interests, their own needs and wants.

So why don't I?

She'd taken to pondering a question that she'd never asked herself before—what was her purpose? They all knew what they were fighting for, what their reasons were for what they did, why they were here. She was here because she'd been born to fight—

No. She'd been created to fight. Her only purpose was war.

What if that's not what I want?

They couldn't know how she felt. They couldn't know what it was like to be a Titan, to only be one half of a whole, to devote your entire existence to protecting the one person in your life that mattered above all others—

Protect the Pilot.

"KT."

She rotated her optics to see SKD walking over to her, his presence drawing the attention of the soldiers. Generally, Titans were supposed to return to the Titan bay when not actively assisting crew—but she'd refused to leave until she knew Tobias was alright.

"SKD."

The Ronin stood next to her, stoic and professional as ever. "My name is Skids."

She narrowed her lens. "Titans do not have names. We have serial designations."

"Your Pilot has referred to you as 'Kay' several times before. You have not tried to stop him."

She hesitated for a moment. "It is ... a shortening of my ID. For combat effectiveness."

Skids didn't appear particularly convinced. "I would like to talk. You appear to be in distress."

"My Pilot is severely injured."

"I am aware."

She looked down at the floor. "I feel ... responsible. Perhaps my calculations were off, or I misjudged certain variables—"

"You acted on his orders and performed as well as you could have given the situation. There was no error on your part."

KT looked back at him. "Then why do I feel... wrong?"

Skids paused for several seconds, formulating a response. "When you served with Captain Shears, you never faced a dilemma such as this ... until his death."

She twitched.

"You think you have failed the third protocol, but you haven't."

"How have I not?"

"You were presented an impossible situation. Considering how the mission proceeded, you both are fortunate enough as it is." His optics focused in on her. "I intend to say that you are not used to dealing with a scenario in which you cannot succeed. No matter which way you were to operate, there would have been consequences."

She pondered over that information, feeling it resonate sorely with her.

"Similarly to when Shears died, you were helpless to prevent it. And now that history has repeated itself with your current Pilot, you find yourself feeling inadequate."

"I shouldn't. I have carried out sixty-seven total deployments, and should be well-prepared to—"

"With Shears. Not with Four."

She stopped.

"Your current Pilot does not act as Shears did; he treats you as an equal. I cannot say whether or not I agree with his stance," Skids admitted, "but it is apparent that his perspective is altering yours as well. I infer that your reactions are far more amplified due to his abnormal show of concern for you—he is influencing you, changing your own paradigm of the Pilot-Titan relationship."

She processed that for a short time, then looked at him. "Would that be so bad?"

The Ronin gave no answer.

She could not understand. If it was so detrimental of a perspective, if it was so horrible to be considered an equal, why did it make her feel so ...

Alive?

Her and Four's combat rating had far surpassed anything she'd expected from her link with him. They kept each other safe, trusting that the other would watch over them. She cared for him, and she knew he cared for her.

But was that a symptom of something more? Since she'd linked with him, she'd found herself thinking in ways she'd never thought before, feeling ... feelings she'd never felt before.

When they were together, her spirits soared. Not just as his Titan—but as his friend. She enjoyed talking to him, listening to him, simply being with him—when she was with him, she felt ... happy.

But she had also never been so heavily affected by a mission going awry. Even when Shears had died, it had been more subdued—closer to a cold acceptance of the situation as she grieved. This ... this waiting to know if Tobias was okay was driving her mad. She found herself counting the seconds as they went by, each one an eternity, anxiously anticipating any news of his wellbeing.

It was an odd paradox that forced her to beg the real question; was it worth it? Was the cost of harsher pain and hurt worth the greater happiness she had?

"Oi, Titan!"

A sudden voice tore her from her troubled thinking. Both she and Skids turned to see Captain Gates striding across the hangar deck. She nodded in acknowledgement.

"Captain."

Gates crossed her arms, and sighed tiredly. "You'll be happy to know that Four is doing just fine. Give him a few weeks to heal, and he'll be right as rain."

KT felt a wave of relief course through her, and all of the tension she carried left her body.

"I swear though, the damn fool is going to kill himself if he keeps this up," the Captain huffed. "Mind telling him to pick his battles a bit better? Maybe temper his eagerness?"

"Respectfully, ma'am, I don't believe that intervention on my part would change anything," she admitted. Trying to tell Tobias what he could or couldn't do had the same effect as yelling at a brick wall.

Apparently, Gates had expected such an answer, and she rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I figured."

KT saw her frustration with Tobias' antics, and hesitated to speak again—but felt that she needed to. "In addition ... I trust his judgement more than mine."

Gates looked at her oddly. "Do you think he should have disobeyed orders?"

"No."

"Well, you're the AI. Aren't you incapable of making mistakes?"

"Just because we are incapable of making mistakes does not mean we always do what's right."

The woman tilted her head. "Explain."

KT hummed with thought. "There is a hypothetical scenario that showcases the fundamental difference between artificial intelligences and humans. Both are placed in an inescapable prison and given the impossible task of escaping. The AI will recognize that the scenario is unwinnable, and promptly gives up. The human, however, will continue to attempt the impossible, refusing to give in and repeatedly trying to leave even as their predicament becomes abundantly clear."

"So? It just means that the human is wasting their time and energy."

"I disagree. I believe the experiment showcases the relentless nature of the human spirit. Though an objective may appear impossible to complete, and the logical action for an AI is to give up, a human will always keep looking for a way to solve it." She shifted her footing slightly. "If my Pilot had not disobeyed orders, we all would have made it off the Kraken sooner, but would have been pursued by the other IMS vessels and potentially captured or destroyed. He was able to see a solution no one else could—and it is for that reason that I trust his judgment more."

Gates said nothing, but her expression was one of surprise and contemplation. After a few moments, she simply turned and walked off. Skids glanced at her sideways.

"It appears you have come to a conclusion regarding your bond with Pilot Four."

Damn right.

—X—

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