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" you're the queen, so let me be your king "

______

As much as the conversation in the kitchen had helped aide in some of my heavy thoughts my brain was still bouncing around everything that happened over the past few days.

So when the time came and everyone bid their farewell and goodnights instead of taking the usual turn to the bedroom I find myself wandering the opposite direction - straight out into the gardens where I begin to roam aimlessly.

Eventually, however long it took I do not know, I find myself sitting at bench a little ways away from the castle by some little man-made pond that trickled downwards into the gardens. The sound soothes something inside of me as I stare into the rippling water.

And I just let myself breathe - breathe in the fresh air, take in the sounds of the rustling of the leaves amongst the chirps of crickets and other little animals scavenging in the night. The cool air makes goosebumps arise on my arms but I welcome the feelings and sit with it all.

Everything was- it was a lot.

So I let myself untangle the mess piece by piece, let myself feel the grief, the hurt, the confusion and to just be for a little while. The discovery of having family was a good thing- two half brothers and a cousin. My father being dealt with once and for all no matter the dramatics it had taken. These were positives. Reuniting Jack with his mate. Change was good, everything changes eventually it's just a matter of how we accept it into our lives.

The biggest change however was Nolan.

My mate.

At the start of this all, I came in to introduce myself to my niece and now... and now I take a look around and feel the power dynamics shifting inside of me, the way the moon shone differently onto the land. My land. This Pack was mine. Everything was mine. From having so little to suddenly having a family and a pack and a person who would love me unconditionally for the rest of our lives.

But could I do the same?

Can I see myself loving Nolan for the rest of my life?

"Yes," I breathe out into the night, "yes I do."

The tree's and plants continue to rustle and the crickets chirp a little tune.

Everything feels a little more light.

______

The sun was beginning to rise, the sky lightening inch by inch as the morning dew begun to settle in where the light tries to squeeze through the gaps of the tree's announcing its presence.

There's someone calling my name almost frantically in the background. "Cassandra!"

I twist to look behind me where I see a hurried looking Nolan. "I'm down by the pond!" I call back out, standing up worriedly as he approaches faster calling out my name once again, "Nolan what's wrong? What happened?"

Arms encase around my body as soon as he reaches me, pulling me into hug.

"Cassandra you can't do that." He shakily says, pulling back with almost wild eyes scouring every inch of my body as if checking I was really in front of him.

"Nolan?" I question, looking at his rattled expression.

"You can't just disappear like that." He breathes harshly, hands moving up and all over my body almost franticly, "you- I thought- you just-"

"Oh," I breathe out, it suddenly dawning on me. "I'm so sorry." I whisper out, where we unite in another tight embrace but this time his head slips into the crook of my neck where his nose trails along the ridges breathing in deep shuddering breathes. "I didn't mean to worry you like that."

"I just thought-" and his voice cracks, a whine that sounds pained escapes his lips.

I tighten our embrace, slightly shocked by the emotions emitting from him right now.

"I'm so sorry." He croaks out.

"You don't have to be sorry."

"No," he vehemently shakes his head pulling away from me and staring straight into my eyes tearfully, "I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

"Oh." I breathe out; understanding now. "Nolan-"

"Please let me talk," he gently grasps my hands, pulling us gently back down to the seating. For a minute we both sit in silence as he stares off into the far distance, a wild unkept look filtering across is face with a hint of desperation as he opens and closes his mouth searching for the right words.

I purse my lips at the sudden heavy conversation we were about to embark on.

"When you-Cassandra," he breathes out finally meeting my eyes, "words can not describe the pure joy that I felt when I met you that first day. It was like-it was like breathing for the first time after holding my breath for so long and I was-I was terrified. Cassandra you stood there and all I could think in that moment is I had to do everything in my power to make you stay. Telling you that you were my- telling you such a huge thing on your first day here was immediately ruled out of my mind. I didn't want to scare you so I told myself I would wait."

I listen with rapt attention as he speaks, heart pounding in my chest and hanging onto every word he has to say. He gives me a soft strained smile as he talks, eyes never leaving my face with pure sincerity in his tone.

"But I know now that...that fear had nothing to do with you but every bit was to do with me. I was the one that underestimated you in that moment. I was the one that.... you get one chance and after waiting all my life for you I felt suddenly petrified that I would be the one to do it all wrong. You could of always handled it from that first day. It was me. I was the one that couldn't handle the significance- the weight of it all. Do you understand?"

"I do, Nolan." I respond, "but you need to understand that I was still kept in the dark with all my choices taken away from me."

"It was never, ever my intention." He says so strongly, adamant, "you get a choice in everything and anything and it was a mistake from the beginning that I wish I could take back. Or perhaps, not entirely, I do not regret allowing a little time for you settle but what I do regret is how out of hand it had gotten."

"Two or three days would of been fine." I murmur.

"Instead I let it get the better of me. You were here. You weren't leaving and the thought of me telling you that- you're mine Cassandra. Do you get that?" I suck in a sharp breath staring at him as he lays it all out for the second time perhaps but this time I was open and receptive to listening, "you are my mate. You're it for me, Cassandra. There will never be anyone else. The enormity of that in itself is- I was scared you would take one look at me and walk away."

"Nolan,"I breathe out, heart aching to assure him but we weren't done here with this discussion.

"I know it wasn't fair on you and for that I will forever be sorry."

"I don't need any more apologies." I decide to say, "I understand your side Nolan. I really do but I am still...I'm not as upset as I once was but more so embarrassed. I hate feeling humiliated, Nolan. Do you understand? Do you understand that I had put all my trust in you to be up front, especially when you said you would, and I still had to have someone else tell me the truth. That should of been you Nolan." My emotions get the best of me, my voice cracking and eyes welling up. "It should of been you."

"I know." His own voice cracks, "and I know this doesn't make up for it but I will tell you now and again and again. You are my mate. You are my Queen. You are my everything and in the midst of trying to not mess up I still did. I broke your trust and I hate myself for it. I want you to be able to-I need you to trust me."

"And I needed you to be honest and up front with me." I wipe away the few tears that had fallen.

"That was the only thing I'd ever hid from you and it will be last thing I ever will. I was selfish but I promise, okay, I promise that I will never hide or lie ever again. Everything I do, all the decisions I've ever made is always in regard to keeping you safe and happy."

My hands shake as I press them forward onto his knees. It's the first initiated contact made during the conversation and it's clear Nolan had been awaiting for me to make the first move because he takes it as obvious permission, immediately grasping both of my hands into his own. "Okay, Nolan. I do trust you, okay? I do trust you."

"Thank you." He croaks, choking up. "I know I don't deserve it right now and I will need to prove myself further with my actions but I appreciate you saying that." 

"It may take me some time," I admit to him, "I still feel vaguely embarrassed by it all even though that is quite literally the least of all our problems. With everything that has gone on in the last three days... I just-"

"If it's more time, more space that you need-"

"No." I blurt out before he can continue, "no, I don't want anymore space Nolan."

"Okay." He quietly says, "what is it that you want? Anything, love. I'll do anything."

I slip my hands out of his grasp, ignoring the disappointed look that flashes across his face that quickly falls slack when I cup both my hands against his cheeks, ever so gently, my eyes locking with his honey brown ones that stare at me with so much awe and love it has my heart pounding in my chest.

"You." I breathe out, finally saying the one thing I know with certainty after everything, "Nolan, I just want you."

"Cassandra," he exhales before he's leaning forward closer and closer until his lips are barely brushing against mine and he softly says, "may I kiss you?"

"Please," it's barely a wisp of air that falls from my lips.

His own hand cups my face whereas mine slip behind his neck tangling themselves in his hair. I try to ignore the tingles that scatter along my skin with the soft touch of his hands especially when his lips finally press to mine- the kiss is soft, sweet and slow.

He pulls away far too quickly- far, far too quickly. He's smiling wide but I'm much too distracted from the feeling of his kiss to pay attention before I use my grip at the back of his head to pull him back in for a much more heated kiss. Shifting closer - so much closer - and one of his hands wrap around my waist pulling me forward as the kiss shifts into a steadier quicker pace of desperation and neediness.

"Nolan," I gasp out, when I pull back for air.

"Cassandra," he murmurs back heated eyes watching as he brushes his thumb along my most likely red plumped lips. "I love you." His eyes flicker upwards to mine, "so much."

I kiss him again.

"I love you too," I mumble against his lips when we pull away.

His responding smile is enough to outshine even the brightest star.

All I can do is smile back as he leans in for another kiss and another and another until I have to pull back, both of our expressions must mirror one another with the same amount of twinkling relief and happiness but I still had one more thing to say.

I say it against his lips, "ask me the question, Nolan."

He pulls away the slightest amount, frowning a little in confusion so I repeat myself. He takes a moment and suddenly he snaps back to life, a wide eyed awed expression taking over his face and I can practically feel the new wave of happiness that illuminates from him.

"Cassandra," He says and it's a little shaky, and the next words hold the weight of the universe. I prompt him with a hum and a smile against my lips that are still so close to his own. "Cassandra, will you do the honour of accepting the bond, our bond, and accepting me as your mate?"

"Yes, Nolan." And now this- these are the words that I have never been more certain of. "I accept you as my mate."

His eyes flash a glittering gold.

The bond seems to bind and snap into its proper solid form and place, the whole world drawing into a close as I stare at Nolan with a new sense of wonder; everything comes across a little clearer and brighter.

Everything aligns into place.

Just like it always should of been.

"I love you." Nolan says again.

All I can do is let out a giddy laugh as his lips press into mine with a responding smile of his own.

_______

AUTHORS NOTE

Hello my loves,

Wow it has been a while and I apologise as much as Nolan did in this chapter. I won't give any excuses just an apology and to those that read this (if any of you are even still here or just gave up waiting altogether) I appreciate you so much.

This book has gained so many new views since I last logged on and it is absolutely insane. I do hope you have all enjoyed this journey as this book may be as good as completed to be honest. I think the next chapter might be an epilogue of sorts but I haven't figured it out quite yet.

I hope you have all been doing good these last few months as it has been absolutely hectic for me.

Have a lovely day/night.

With love always.


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