Chapter 19 *Unedited

‘Heart Fail’

I sat silently staring out the window avoiding his unsettling gaze and twirling my fore fingers together. My mind continued to repeat the reasons why this was wrong, why this was unacceptable and why I should tell Rizvan to take me back. My mind was a broken record on replay and I had no access to the stop button. 

I knew inside that I had left a piece of me behind; a piece of my heart behind and that pained me. 

“Stop it,” 

His voice snapped me out of my endless stream of thoughts. My eyes locked on to his and I felt the tears line my eyes itching to break through and mark my skin. Because this was real, looking into his eyes made this all real. 

I was really running away. Running away from my family, from Zaisha and Zayn. The people I had shared a home and a part of my heart with for 5 full years.

“You regret this, don’t you?” I heard him whisper. He closed his eyes for a millisecond and snapped them open focusing on the road ahead. It was past midnight and the streets were empty sparing the odd few delivery lorries. 

“No… I…” 

“Your scared Aliyah. Your scared of what every one will think of you, right?” He said gently, his hand moving from the gear to fall on my hand.

I nodded. Maybe this was the nagging reason bugging the hell out of me. 

“There’s no reason to waste time thinking of other people. They don’t give a damn because if they did Aliyah your mother and father wouldn’t have given away their last daughter to a married man. They wouldn’t have sold you.”

He was right. 

I let the silence fill the tension between us as my eyes watched the blurred images pass by as the car speeded away from my old life.

“Where are we going?” I broke the silence glancing towards him. 

“To an old friends house.” He said softly.

“But we were leaving for London?” I questioned staring at the frown lines that appeared on his smooth tanned skin.

“I want you to marry me first Aliyah. I want sold written proof, a guarantee that will reassure me that you are mine.” He paused gulping in. 

“I’m scared. I’m scared that he’ll take you away from me. You know… I’m not even sure if I have your heart anymore,” he whispered staring at the road and avoiding my stare.

He was scared of loosing me. Then why couldn’t the man I had given 5 years to and multiple chances to not realize my worth?

“Don’t be,” I whispered and saw the small smile that lingered on his face warming my heart.

But then it hit me. I was married. Could a married woman marry again? 

“I’m married Rizvan,” I whispered my thoughts as he drove into a tight driveway of a small brick home. The world outside was silent as they slept. It was quite and only the light from the car illuminated the house creating dark shadows. 

“You can’t be. Because it was force Aliyah. Did you…?” His eyes shut closed as he slumped down in the seat. I knew what he was asking. Had I slept with him?

“No. He… he never touched me.” 

I watched him rise up from his seat. His brown orbs gleaming and his hands moved to hold mine. 

“I waited so long for this. To call you my Mrs Ali.” He laughed softly and nodded towards the house, unsnapping his seatbelt and leaving the car. He moved towards my side opening the door and taking my hand pulling me into his arms. 

His arms wrapped around my waist, as his face rested in the crook of my neck. I felt sick, waves of nausea filling me up. I couldn’t deal with his touch. It didn’t feel natural and it burned my skin blazing up my insides.

We were going to get married. This was such a big decision but so underrated. I was going to give away my life to this man. Spend the rest of my life. Share my home, heart and body with this being. Grow old and die with him.

I pushed away from his encasing arms and stared at the floor shamelessly.

“Don’t by shy anymore, soon we will be bound under the name of God. He will be a witness and this love, it’s pure.” He smiled at me and tugged me towards the house. His feelings for me were so raw and so vivid. I could see them live and clear in his eyes. 

And maybe this was what made me fall head over heels in love with this man because of his honesty. He didn’t deserve any more heartbreak. 

I fell in step behind him as he stopped at the door hammering his hand into the wood and waiting for it to be opened.

His phone rang, the monotone ringtone filling the eerie night silence. He picked up the phone silencing the ring tone.   

I watched his face pale and his other hand clench into a tight fist.

“Listen, go back to the car Aliyah. I… I have something to sort out.” He nodded towards the car hastily pushing me towards the silver white Porsche standing in the tight driveway.

“What, why?” I questioned digging my feat in the ground and catching the anger radiating through his glossy brown orbs. 

“Why don’t you listen? Why do you have to question every damn thing?” He growled causing a fear of shiver. 

That moment reminded me of Zayn’s blinding anger and the feeling scared me.

I nodded slowly moving away from the guilt that rose in his eyes. The front door of the house opened slowly and he looked at me for a second and went through the door gently shutting it and blocking me out. The room he had presumably entered was dark and the small rectangle window showed nothing but pitch-blackness. 

Why was I standing next to his car in the middle of the night?

My hand locked on to the passenger side of the car as I pulled it open.

“Rizvan?” I heard a deep voice and looked back shocked by the sudden sound. He was middle aged with a long deep brown beard. His eyebrows scrunched up and I looked at his attire.

He was the Imam. The man who would bind me to Rizvan. 

“I hope I didn’t frighten you daughter,” He gently said looking in the direction of the house. 

“No, I’m fine.” I whispered. 

“Are you the bride?” He asked standing silently awaiting my answer as I slowly nodded my head. I was a girl dressed in some jeans and oversized hoodie looking like the dead. 

I wonder what this man thought of me. 

“I… I don’t know how to phrase this dear, but where is the man to whom I will read your Nikah to?” It was if we were causally discussing the weather whilst sharing a cup of tea together in the afternoon. 

“In the house.” The short replies made me look like a small girl. A girl who didn’t know what she was doing, a girl who couldn’t bare the weight of making a decision.

“Do we have witnesses?” He asked.

“I… I don’t know.” 

“I have no right to ask this. But is this marriage of your parents consent.”

He paused looking down at the floor in concentration.

“No. Actually that was the wrong question. Do you consent this marriage daughter?” He said softly looking into the depths of my eyes as if he was reading the words out of my mind. 

I hesitated, nodding softly. 

“But. This wedding isn’t to my parents consent. They don’t even know…” I whispered. I just didn’t want to lie. I couldn’t lie to this man, because he was so honest. He was a true believer of god, a man who followed all the rules. An example of what faith is. Any faith could transform a man. I didn’t have the will to lie anymore. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t judge you. I believe in honest love when done the right way, when consented by Allah, the greatest. But I also believe that one new bond shouldn’t shatter many others. The relationship between a father, a mother and his daughter is so strong dear. They will always want the best, because believe me I as a father will always guide my children the right way. Maybe they have something better planned for you,” He whispered.

I looked down in shame.

“When you will have the blessing of becoming a mother. You will never want to hurt your child.” He stated. 

But I was a mother. I was Zaisha’s mother and I wouldn’t one anyone to inflict any type of pain upon her.

Then why did I leave her?

My thoughts were broken as I heard the shattering of glass from the house. I turned towards the direction of the house hearing the shouting and cursing as the door flew open and slammed echoing in the night.

A woman with light brown hair and plain brown eyes stared at me; her eyes burned me inside out as I saw the hate shining in her glossy orbs. 

My eyes fell to her heavy and rounded stomach as she marched into the driveway.

Behind him Rizvan stepped out of the house, shock lining his face as he saw the woman approach me. 

“Aisha, stop it,” He growled at her back.

Her mocking eyes locked on to mine and she turned towards Rizvan.

“This is what you’re leaving me for? This woman?” She screamed pointing a finger at me in disgust. 

My heart froze.

I felt like a witness in a box, in a courtroom being accused. I was confused and I was lost waiting for someone to explain why I was being confined.

“Don’t cause a scene Aisha,” Rizvan screamed as his fists clenched and he shot daggers at her heavy form. 

“Are you really going to leave me and your child because of this woman?” Her voice failed and tears fell. Her sobs and her words jumbled together sounding like mush. Her cries, her every sob felt like a blow. 

A blow to my heart.

My heart should have failed by now.

------

UPDATE OF MY LIFE (This will be long, so spare me)

I have been so busy it’s unreal. I have a social life to deal with, and with Halloween, Bonfire night (btw all UK readers hope you all had a smashing 5th of Nov) and college.  It’s been crazy, I literally have no time to sit down and write something.

And believe me I am a solid believer of quality. If the chapter isn’t good then I will not upload. I hate when writers begin to slack and I frankly will not be one of them.

So yes sometimes, occasionally, I however will try not to. But there maybe some Friday updates missing! But I’ll try my hardest, stay up late and try to have a chapter out for you guys!

 THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT!

Comment + Vote ♡