CHAPTER 13 'FIRST DAY LUCK'

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CHAPTER 13 *Unedited

First Day Luck’

The ride home was silent; Zaisha nodded of to sleep, as I slowly maneuvered the car carefully through each bend, dip and sharp turn in the road. The oncoming brilliant white lights from each car stung my watery eyes as I pulled up in the driveway.

I slammed my head back on the seat and drunk in the tears. I was done with the heartbreak, the questions the accusing glares, the anger being dumped upon me.

I snapped the thick seatbelt off and opened the door, shivering as the cool breeze nipped at my skin. I gently opened the back door and carried Zaisha inside; leaving the shopping bags nestled in the back boot. The buzz and excitement of spending dollars had burned away. Burned away with the words that were slapped across my face by the man I had hoped I would never clash ways with ever again. Yet here he was in the same city as I. Miles and countries away from London where I had closed our last chapter forever.

As soon as she landed on the bed she cuddled into the warm blankets and let out a soft breathy snore. 

I sat up straighter, softly pushing my arms away from Zaisha’s small body. I took the stairs two at a time and opened up the door to retrieve the abanded shopping bags. I needed something to take my mind of him. To rid the words he had spoken to me. To rid the pain. 

I walked back into the cool air but stopped when I caught the looming shadow of a person. My heart stopped. 

It could be Mary. But the built of the shadow was too tall. It was a strong and tall built of a man.

My heart raced and the blood pounded in my ears. I took a small step back keeping the gasp locked in the back of my throat. I should have screamed and ran, but the fear was keeping me still and keeping my mouth shut tight. 

The shadow moved and a dull calming sense enveloped me. 

I let out a breath and my hand fell to my heart which beat a tattoo against my chest in shock. 

“Rizvan…?”

His brown orbs were intense and questioning.

“Did I scare you?” His worried glance washed over my body looking for any damage. The only damage done was to my heart.

“What… what are you doing here?” I asked in frustration, gritting my back teeth and feeling the strain on my jaw. He probably forgot a few bad words and came by to remind me to what extent he pities my sore life. 

“I’m sorry,” He sighed and I watched his hand fly up to his hair, his nervous habit.  I watched his chocolate thick hair and itched to run a hand through each strand. But shook away the thoughts.

I remained silent. I didn’t need his apology. I needed no one. 

“I should have… God what am I doing? I should be hating you, but… I’m here,” His voice ended in a whisper, which drifted in the light breeze.

He suddenly moved towards me filling up the distance between us and clasped his warm hands on mine. It should feel wrong, I should have shrugged him off but instead I seeped in his warmth the radiated from his touch.

I really did love him. I loved him so much that it hurt; it hurt to think of it. 

“Take me back Aliyah, please?” His pleading voice reached me. His hands held onto me tightly and his eyes held raw intensity.

“Rizvan…” The words caught in my throat. He still wanted me back. He thought I was married to a rich man and had a daughter but he still wanted me back. Tears filled up in my eyes and I pulled back the sob, which was bursting to escape. I wanted to wrap my arms around him so hard and cry out all my tears and worries.

“I’m going about this the wrong way…” He whispered. He was so close to me, his voice felt like a caress to me, a caress calling me towards him.

No, no

“Your married and you’re a mother, I’m telling you all the wrong things. I just… I don’t know what’s gotten into me. But…” He stopped his rant and looked at me. 

I couldn’t hold back.

My arms went around him and I hugged him. A few seconds later I felt his muscular arms wrap around me drowning me in his warmth. This was home, where I belonged, but wasn’t allowed. It’s like being disowned, walking on the street you were raised and staring longingly at your childhood home.

This was wrong. I knew it, deep inside I knew. But it was nothing intimate, just two friends holding each other, mourning the time they had lost together because of the harsh world. 

He pulled away and looked at me with a small smile lingering on his face.

“You know if I could get you to leave that rich man who took you away from me. I would. I would take you and your daughter far away from this place,” He let out a throaty laugh but his eyes were serious and hard, showing me he meant each and every word.

He would take my daughter and me. If Zaisha was my daughter, he would take her with me. He would take the full deal, the full package. He would take the burden, the reminder of what I had done. A sole reminder of why I had left him. 

Tears fell from my eyes and a sob rose from the back of my sore throat. His worried eyes looked at me.

“Aliyah…”

“I’m sorry… did I say something wrong? Please don’t cry,” He rambled on and reached for my hands once again, causing a small smile to break free on my splotchy tear stained face.

“No, you didn’t….” I stated and wiped away the escaping tears from my eyes and sniffed.

“You said all the right things Rizvan. You really did.” I said happily. His heart was so full. Inside he was still the same man I had met 6 years back.

I ran through the long stretch of corridor avoiding wondering students engrossed deep in conversations and glancing between the timetable clenched in my hand and each lecture theater door. 

I groaned as the corridor began to empty and students started filtering away. It was the first day and finding the psychology lecture room seemed like a hell of a lot of trouble.

I didn’t want to show up late on the first day, and have to face those accusing looks or hushed whispers. I was the type of student that despised arriving early or too late. I had to be bang on in between.

But my luck.

I was so engrossed in studying the timetable and internally pleading that the room could somehow pop up I slammed against a hard frame and fell back landing with a thud on the cold tile floor.

I watched the white sheets from my file filter out and spread out on the floor and the sight made my blood boil.

I was annoyed frustrated and needed to yell at someone.

“You… you asshole,” I snapped, hauling myself of my sore but and pointing at his chest. His chestnut brown hair was wavy and donned a just-out-of-bed style. His brown eyes seemed stunned as he faced me.

“Can you not see where you’re going?” I shouted, loosing all patience and common sense.

He stood still just gazing at me and then for a split second graced me with a smile. 

“Did you just….? I snapped realizing he found my outburst funny and thought I was the one needing some form of effective psychological treatment.

He shook his head quickly.

Stupid ignorant fool.

“You know what, go to hell,” I stomped my foot and left the files scrawled on the floor. My face was flushed red from the anger and my eyes were shooting daggers at the innocent white walls. I was not going to walk into a full lecture room in this state.

I needed to walk back to my flat and let out a stream of tears and complain to Malika about what a bad choice I had made coming to London all alone.

I walked into the bathroom and looked at my flushed face. Water was pumped through the tap and I washed away the eyeliner and mascara, taking the rock hard cheap tissue and wiping the dripping water away from my face. I breathed in a sigh and left the bathroom.

So much for washing away the anger.

There he stood leaning against the wall with all my files secured in his hands. 

“You forgot these,” He waved the file and smiled. 

“You…you,” I searched for a curse.

“I’m sorry ok, I just wasn’t looking and then you just walked straight into me,” He said slowly testing each word and watching for a random out burst I might throw his way.

“I came to give you…” He held the files out to me and I felt the guilt wash through me. Technically I wasn’t looking where I was going. I threw my frustration at him and he made the effort to bring back my disorganized file with a apology. I was in the wrong.

I took the files from him and let out a small smile.

“Thanks,” I whispered and tucked the files safely in my bag. Had I been clever I would have opted to keeping the files in my bag instead of parading the building with them in hand.

“You look worried,” He hinted and leaned away from the wall.

“Uhm... Yeah, I’m new.”

“And you’re lost?” He questioned taking the words out of my mouth, leaving me to nod furiously.

“I can help you,” He smiled.

 

And then it started with a handshake on friendship and then it blossomed to something more, something beautiful.

“Do you remember the first time we met,” I blurted out and watched the small smile appear on his rugged face.

“You were crazy,” he laughed.

 “Was not. I mean come on you couldn’t exactly blame me. It was my first day and I wanted to make a good impression,” I glared at him and cringed at the giggles he purposely let out to annoy me.

 “You know what? I miss this, this banter. I miss us,” He breathed out and sat down on the steps, which lead to the main door.

 I do to.

 It was totally and utterly wrong with me to negotiate with this man. By religion, by law, by moral and by common sense. But I needed someone, someone from the past to spill all my bitter truth and tales of heartbreak to.

 The sky above was dark and the stars shone bright and clear.

 “You should go,” I whispered.

 “I didn’t come here for nothing,” He said slowly looking up at the dark sky. I settled down on the steps but left a good amount of distance between us, shivering against the cold.

 “How did you find me?” I said, wanting to fill the silence.

 “I followed you,”

 “Stalker,” I snapped glaring at the side of his face but appreciating the sharp angle of his jaw.

 “Hey, I had to settle things between us,” He answered running a hand through his hair and shooting me a lopsided grin.

 “How are you?” I said, taking a 360 angel in the conversation. I genuinely wanted to known where those 5 years had taken him.

 “Nothing like I used to be,” He whispered.

 “I dropped out of university when news came that dad had cancer. I moved back to Birmingham and took over his business of plumbing whilst he was being treated. Our financial state… it was bad and my sister’s in laws were treating her badly,” He continued in a soft voice. His eyes were broken and I shuffled closer to him, not yet touching but feeling the warmth he radiated.

 “Your father,”

 “He passed away a year after treatment,” He answered my unspoken question. The respect in his eyes seemed so vivid and strong.

 I should have said sorry, but what would that have changed. He didn’t need pity.

 “We moved to London then, to a small house. It was difficult and my sister was divorced with a little girl. It was just…”

 “It was hard?” I questioned and enclosed the gap between us and we sat shoulder-by-shoulder staring up at the darkened sky and brightened stars.

 I thought my life was hard, but it was nothing.

 “I joined the royal air force as a air traffic control around for a year. It was a good job, but it was tough and it just wasn’t enough to run the home. You remember Collin?” He looked towards me.

 “The blondie,” I nodded. He was one of Rizvan’s childhood friend and coincidently his roommate in university.

 “He pitied me and offered me a job at his expanding transporting business,” He laughed slightly.

 “And here you are all suited and booted?” I finished for him, receiving a mocking glare from him.

 “Jealous?” He laughed.

 “Nope. I’m happy for you Rizvan,” I smiled at him and deep down hoped his life would only get better and better.

 “I’m not happy though,” He eyes found mine and his hand enclosed over mine.

 “You where what made me happy Aliyah, and still do,” He whispered causing me to vigorously shake me head in denial. There were so many beautiful women out there who could give him everything. Happiness, a home, respect and love, but the thought brought a pang of jealously to course through me.

 I was married.

 “I’m married,” I whispered, whipping my hand away from him as if he had burned the smooth skin.

 “A marriage can’t be called a marriage if you’re not happy Aliyah,”

 “I am happy,” I blurted out but my eyes contradicted the lie I had spit out. I was anything but happy.

 “A happily married woman wouldn’t listen to the broken past of a man like me at the steps of her home after midnight,” He said, causing me to still. His words were true. 

“I’m not asking for anything but friendship,” He continued.

“We are friends Rizvan, We’ll always be friends,” I said softly and rose from the cold granite tiled step and looked at the door.

 I could run from him and ignore him forever. Forget the deep conversation we had shared and just continue on the way I had been living for 5 years. Carry on the same pattern.

 “Then meet me tomorrow for lunch, and bring your daughter,” He said softly, rising from the same step and moving backwards.

 “I’ll see you on East Street near the park.” He turned away from me without any answer and left me alone in the cool night absorbing his words.

 Will meeting Rizvan start something people called an affair. But he wanted to see Zaisha; he wanted to meet my daughter.

 I knew inside that Rizvan was like a drug he was a craving. Once I had set eyes on him, I would want to see him again and again. How long would this last? 7 whole days or till Zayn came back and found out that I was taking his daughter to meet the man I once loved.

 “You know if I could get you to leave that rich man who took you away from me. I would. I would take you and your daughter far away from this place,”

 His words echoed in my mind and tugged at the loose strings of my heart. He thought she was my daughter, yet he wanted me to take him back.

I would be stupid to let a man like him go for someone as cold and lost as Zayn Shah.

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