TW: suicidal thoughts

The phone ringing interrupted Virginie's peaceful sleep. She turned over to grab the phone from her nightstand. She had been shot in the chest and almost died. Didn't that allow her a peaceful night's sleep? The bright light of her phone in the dark blinded her momentarily. She accepted the call without checking the caller ID.

"Hello, my dear," David answered, his gruff voice sending goosebumps all over her body. And not in a good way. "See how I didn't use my other nickname for you? Aren't you proud?"

"My dear" isn't even a nickname. Virginie rolled her eyes. "Haven't you bothered me enough? You shot me."

"I'm very sorry for that," he murmured. "Didn't you get my presents?"

You're not sorry. The only reason why you're sorry is that you missed.

Virginie sighed. How could she miss them? They poured in every single day. Poor Louis almost broke his back bringing them upstairs. It was becoming so much that Virginie told him to stop bringing them up. The gifts were various lavish things. She had gotten gift cards, purses, dresses, makeup, fragrances, skincare, chocolates, and flowers. Just like with Robert's barrage of luxury, she donated all of them to the battered women's center in the Bronx. "You continue to show that you don't understand me at all."

"Anyway, I didn't call you to argue. This is Collective business," he stated firmly.

Virginie's heart stilled. Throughout all of this drama, she had forgotten about being an agent. She had actually been thinking about returning to work at Alex's firm during the week. "What is it? Is it another mission?"

"Of course it's another mission," he laughed. "Have you forgotten that you're a member of this agency?"

"No, I haven't. I was just wondering if I could take some time off and live here a little bit more. As Virginie."

Virginie thought that he was going to pause to think but his answer was immediate. "No."

"What? I deserve some time off. I've been tortured and shot at. I'm sure that earns me some vacation time. It doesn't even have to be paid; I have enough money. I just want some freedom."

"I said no," he repeated.

"Why?"

"On any other occasion, I would say yes. You know I can't say no to you..." Virginie groaned and rolled her eyes. "But since I know what you want to use that time for, I'm not going to allow it."

"What will I use it for, since you're suddenly psychic?"

"Don't make me laugh. You want more time to spend with that Alex fool. You've gotten attached, haven't you? And you don't know how to say goodbye."

"My life doesn't revolve a damn man! I'm not going to spend a month tangled up in Alex's sheets if that's what you think I'm going to do. You're so damn dense sometimes."

"I'm serious. You're going to come back here and choose another mission so you can move on from that stupid man." She had never heard him use this tone before with her. It was clipped and aggressive. It didn't scare her one bit though.

"What if I don't?"

"I won't stop until Alex is lying in his grave."

Virginie opened her mouth to retort but she didn't know what to say to that. She knew that he was serious because he had tried before. He was almost successful, too. He had so many resources and connections that Alex could be killed, no matter how many times she thwarted his plans. "If you don't just leave him alone! What is your problem?"

"My problem? My problem is that you love him!" David raged. She could almost feel his spit flying through the phone.

Her mouth was suddenly dry and she was at a loss for words. "No, that's not true..."

"You can prove that by leaving New York tomorrow morning and coming back to headquarters so we can prep you for your next assignment."

She shook her head. "Leaving doesn't prove anything. I'm not going to let an innocent man be killed for no reason."

"I can kill other people that you love too. What's Alex's best friend's name? Jabari? He's not too strong, I'm sure it won't be hard to knock him out and throw him in a van."

"Stop it," Virginie whispered, her voice beginning to tremble.

"What do you call your friend? Starfire? I'm sure it won't be hard to make an accident in the lab that could leave her incapacitated. Accidents do happen, after all."

Virginie gritted her teeth. "If you ever even think about touching her, I'll―"

"Hm, Corey would be a little bit more tricky though. I would have to find a replacement for him since he's so high up in the ranks. But I'm sure I can find someone who's willing to hurt him for a price."

"Stop it!" She hissed.

"Ethan would be really hard though. How do you kill the police commissioner of the NYPD quietly? I know I can figure something out if I try hard enough."

The lack of caring in his voice was making Virginie nauseous. This man was sick. And she was the one who brought him into each of the lives of the people that were the most precious to her. "Leave them all alone!"

"Then leave New York," he pressed. "Because if you don't come back to me...Alex will die. Starfire will die. Jabari will die. Corey will die. Ethan will die. I will kill them all and it will be your fault because you don't want to listen to me."

She laughed drily. "Are you going to try to pin this on me? I'm not the one who carries a huge grudge for no reason. If you kill them, it'll be your fault, not mine. You're the one who will make the call or pull the trigger."

"Are you even listening to yourself? Stop living in a fantasy world. Do you think that he'll love you if he learns about all of the things that you've done? All of the men that you slept with? Your messed up past? You're damaged goods and nobody wants that."

Virginie did her best not to cry as she remembered the bewildered look on Alex's face when Colette was telling him about her old life. He didn't know about her dreams or her depression and he was already disgusted.

She couldn't blame him. She was fucked up in more ways than she could count. That's why she wanted him to find a normal girl so he could have the relationship that he deserved. She was still a work in progress and who wants a project as a girlfriend?

She couldn't be selfish. She had to let him go. She couldn't let David kill him for no reason. Her job was to protect him. And if that meant breaking her promise to him and leaving New York, then she would do it. She would do whatever she had to make sure that he stayed alive.

She knew that he would call her selfish and if she asked him about it, he would want her to take the risk and stay in New York. But she couldn't just go on living knowing that his life was in danger and that it was because of her presence in his life.

"You're right. Who would want me? I'm just a mess."

"That's why we're going to fix you, my dear. I know you didn't want to go through therapy the first time that you came with me but maybe you'll reconsider. I know that once you get healed, you'll realize that I was the one for you all along."

"What time are you picking me up tomorrow?" She mumbled, already feeling the numbness taking over her body. She was glad. She didn't want to feel anything right now.

"I'll be there around 8 or 9 in the evening so that you have time to get your affairs in order," David remarked. "Can you wear that white dress of yours? I love that one."

"Yes, sir."

She could hear him clapping with glee. "Oh, how wonderful. Well, my dear, I am glad that we could come to an agreement on this. You made the right choice."

"Whatever choice that you want is the right choice, sir."

"Don't you see?" he murmured. "This is how much I lo―care about you. I'm willing to make all of these sacrifices to help you see the error of your ways. Do you see how patient I am?"

This isn't how you love someone, bastard. And if it is, no wonder I'm so afraid of it.

"Goodbye. I'll see you tomorrow, David."

"Ah, I love it when you say my name, my dear. It causes tingles to go all over my body. Good night. Sweet dreams. Get a good rest because you have a long trip back tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."

She hung up promptly after and stared at the inky darkness of her room. She wanted the darkness to take her into it and swallow her up until there was nothing left. In there, she wouldn't have to hurt anymore. She couldn't hurt anyone anymore.

There were few times in her life that she wanted to die more than she did now. She had tried to warn Alex so many times that she was just no good. She told Colette so many times that she just wasn't worth the effort. But they both wouldn't listen.

"Fuck!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, slamming her fists into her sheets. "Fuck!" She threw her comforter against the wall and punched her pillow.

Colette slammed the door open and turned the lights on. The sight of her mesmerizing friend standing in the doorway, looking so worried about her sent her over the edge. She began sobbing and fell to her side, making unintelligible noises.

She wished that she had another bullet to send through her lungs to rupture her stitches and make her worthless blood pour out on the bed. She didn't want to feel.

Colette took Virginie into her arms as she wept endlessly. She patted her bonnet and ran her hand up and down her back. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

"I want to die," Virginie managed to choke out. "Do yourself and everyone else a favor and put me out of my damn misery."

"You're not making sense! What happened? Why are you talking like this?" Colette fretted.

Virginie ripped herself out of Colette's embrace and tried to get off the bed. "If you're not going to help me, I guess I'm going to have to do it myself." She got up and headed towards the door.

"The hell you are!" Colette leaped up quickly and grabbed her waist to tackle her down to the soft carpet.

Virginie only cried harder. "God! Why won't you let me do it? You'll be better off without me..."

"Anaïs! If you don't shut up and listen to me!"

Virginie instantly ceased her crying and stared at Colette's tear-filled eyes at the use of her real name. Her first identity. The name that her mother gave her.

"I would be dead if it weren't for you. You saved my life in more ways than you know. Don't you remember how I was in the academy? I was the shell of a person. You crafted me. You made me remember who I was. So the fact that you think that my life would be better without you is incorrect." She stopped talking for a moment to catch her breath. "Te adoro, mi amor."

"You don't understand! It's because of that! That's why I have to die."

"Tell. Me. What. Happened."

Virginie sniffed and took a deep breath before removing herself from under Colette. Colette tensed, thinking that she was about to head for the door again but Virginie sat upright and wiped her eyes. "Boss wants me to come back to headquarters."

"You don't want to go," Colette guessed.

"He wants to fix me."

Colette's face immediately morphed into an expression of understanding. "Oh, no. He's trying to make his move on you? What did you say?"

"I refused, of course. I wasn't about to spend time with the man who shot me. He is unstable. He doesn't actually care about me. He has a fantasy version of me in his head. The one who's 16, wide-eyed, high on prescription drugs, and eager to please. But she doesn't exist anymore. She's dead."

Colette let out a dry laugh. "I'm sure he didn't take that well."

Virginie bit her lip and looked down, trying to stop the tears from coming again. "He said that he was going to kill you if I didn't go."

Colette's mouth dropped, not knowing what to say. "He said what?"

"He said he was going to kill you, Corey, Alex, Jabari, and Ethan if I didn't comply with his rules."

Colette pulled Virginie back into her arms. "That's why you...I understand." She squeezed Virginie tightly. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to let you die for me."

"What am I going to do?" Virginie cried. "He has manpower and resources beyond my wildest dreams. We can't stop him."

"Oh yes we can," Colette promised. "It's going to be alright, baby. It's going to be alright."