*while on a death eater mission, breaking into someone's home*

Mulciber, after killing the target: *looks around* where's Severus?!

Avery: Hell if I know!

*meanwhile in the child's bedroom*

Severus: and then little red riding hood killed the wolf

Child: that's not how the story goes

Severus: well it's how my version goes

Severus: and the wolf is bloody dead just like your father and my father

Child, worried: WHAT!?

Severus: ..........

Severus: you're dreaming.....

Child, scared: * hears some yelling* WHO'S OUT THERE!?

Severus, covering the child with the blanket: rockabye baby on the tree top

Child: .......

*back in Riddle Manor after the mission*

Voldemort: did you do as---- what the hell is that?

Severus, holding a sleeping child in his arms: my new child

Voldemort: ........

Severus: I'm gonna need some time off and a pay raise

Voldemort: I don't pay you

Severus: you do now

Voldemort: ........

Lucius, in the background: *hiding his face in his hands in annoyance like a tired father*