Episode 55: Insecurities

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Episode 55: Insecurities

Nicholas hadn't been all talk and no action when he said once they started making love to each other, they wouldn't be able to stop. Of course, this had been quite the challenge for Emily. Indeed, her stamina had seen a slight improvement over the course of working out with him but it wasn't enough to prepare her for what she was up against. The man had meant every word when he had said he wouldn't allow her to leave the bed for days. What was intended to be a second round turned into a third, and so forth. They had lost so much track of time that they hadn't realized they had gone into the following day in which they had planned to go sightseeing.

"This is all your fault," she panted as her cheek rested against his broad chest.

He played with the strands of her hair as the unsteady beating of both their hearts somehow became in sync.

"You said it'd be over once we did it again but your hands always betray your mouth."

"It's not my fault you're irresistible," he kissed the top of her head, making her shudder. "You make a man lose his willpower by just sparing one look."

She huffed at his sweet words before slapping his hard stomach.

"But I'm extra sore now. There's no way we'll be able to go sightseeing today."

Hearing the whine in her voice, Nicholas brushed her hair away to get a better look at her face.

As expected, she was beautiful.

Pausing for a moment to gather his wits, he bemoaned. "Sorry about that."

Her eyes narrowed.

"No you're not."

"You're right. I'm not." He agreed quickly making her let out a groan of frustration.

"I couldn't ever be sorry for the way you've been making me feel all this time."

He chuckled when she brought her hand up to choke him.

Grabbing ahold of her tiny hands, he scolded her playfully.

"Hey, hey. No choking. Unless you want to go for another round that is."

Her mouth dropped open.

"You're insatiable."

"I thought we already established this last night."

Emily's cheeks were that peek of champagne pink.

Even with the scowl on her face, her eyes shone in a way that only deep happiness could bring. It blossomed from within her heart and she couldn't hide it for all she was worth.

Her husband wasn't unheeding enough to not take notice of it.

"Your eyes are smiling." He stated, tracing the outlines of her gorgeous caramel orbs.

"That's because even when you're being a pain in the ass, I can't help but like you."

"Like?" His eyebrows raised unpleasantly.

She rolled her eyes.

"Love you."

He pinched her cheeks. "That's more like it."

Batting his hands away, Emily shifted her gaze out to the distance where the patio door was left open and gave a nightly view of the Eiffel Tower. She didn't think she'd ever be able to see the structure again without these past two days coming to her mind. It was like a reminder of all the passionate stirs which happened between them here. Because of that, it has now become one of her favourite things in life.

"I really wanna see the city." Emily sighed dreamily.

"And we will," he caressed her jaw lightly, "Tomorrow."

She thought about whether or not she'd be in a good enough shape to handle it, but decided it couldn't be delayed any further.

The woman wanted to make the best of this week together on their once in a lifetime honeymoon. Two days had already past which consisted of them just rolling around in the sheets. Not that she was complaining, but there were more activities she wanted them to do together. She wanted to take him to her special spot, take pictures, buy souvenirs and walk hand in hand down the Parisian streets. Emily desired all of that and more.

"Okay, tomorrow it is."

As long as Nicholas didn't seduce her during some point of night, they'd be able to go out.

"I feel like night comes drastically faster here. We woke up before eleven o'clock this morning yet it's already so dark."

"Time flies when you're having fun." He rubbed down the length of her arm to nail his point.

She looked at him warningly.

Nicholas laughed with a shake of his head. "I won't do anything to you. I promise."

"You better not."

"It's not like you'd even stop me if I tried. You love being ruined as much as I do."

Her palm became sweaty as her eyes expanded in shock and what was no doubt shameless excitement.

"Nick-"

"Okay, okay. I get it." He held up his hands in surrender. "Why don't we smoothly transition into a change of topic? Like, what do you want us to do for Christmas?"

Emily's eyes widened as she was given the reminder.

The holiday was next week yet she hadn't remembered a thing about it.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that celebrating it hadn't brought much joy in her life for a while now. Over the past few years, without her family being present, Emily was never in the spirit to celebrate what was the biggest holiday of the year. She hadn't even given two cents about Thanksgiving because it was always so depressing for her to eat alone. Now that she thought about it, Nicholas' parents had visited them around that time recently.

Had he purposefully gotten them to come at that time so they could've spent it together?

Her heart swelled with emotions as she gazed at him.

"Your parents came for Thanksgiving, didn't they?"

"Um...yes and no. They were planning on coming a few days later but I thought it would be nice for us to spend it together. However, they came before Thanksgiving, but we still had a feast then."

"I didn't know."

He took her hand in his own and smiled softly down at her. "I realized. I didn't know if it was because you were too preoccupied with filming or your anxiety towards meeting my parents made you forget."

"I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving in two years. I just kind of...forget about them over time."

"Even with all the festivities around you? The constant excitement of people towards the holidays?"

"My mind has strangely adapted to blocking it all out. You see, Christmas hasn't been the merriest after my family and me grew apart. It's become the loneliest time of year. Well, at least for me."

"Oh, Emily."

He gathered his love further into his arms at her sorrowful confessions.

It wasn't unfamiliar for him to know what it was like to spend the holidays alone but he still got visits from his parents from time to time. There was even last year where Sofia and her fiance had spent it with him before they had gotten married. Even William was dutiful enough as the distant brother he was, both geographically and emotionally, to call him and share his sentiments. The same went for New Year's day. So, Nicholas couldn't imagine how hard it must've been on her to have endured being away from family for so long.

"I mean, it wasn't all that bad," she patted his arm reassuringly, "Chelsea would come over the day after Christmas to celebrate with me. She always felt bad that she couldn't do it on the day itself because that's obviously when she'd be with my parents and grandparents. Talia would come over for drinks as we countdown to the New Year as well."

He felt a little better after hearing that.

"Thank God," he blew out a breath. "Even though it hurts to know you've spent Christmas all alone like that I'm glad they made the effort to keep you company at some point during the holidays."

"Yep," Emily flicked his nose playfully. "So you can stop giving me that look of pity now. I'm a grown woman that can manage a couple days of solitude by herself."

"That's not solitude. It's an emotional abandonment. Because of what you went through, you had no choice but to stay by yourself. You didn't want to go back home after everything they had done to you. And they hadn't made any efforts to get you back either except for your sister."

Emily couldn't look him in the eyes so she settled on the next best thing which was his chin.

Unfortunately, Nicholas wasn't having that so he used his finger to tilt her head back up to meet his expressive eyes.

"You won't ever have to feel like that again, okay? From now on, for every holiday, we'll spend them together."

Emily could feel her lips trembling as the tears came at how incredible this man was.

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly before wiping her tears.

Shifting onto her belly, Emily looked at him more directly as she asked, "Why do you love me so much?"

He blinked, confused by her random question.

"Why do you love me so much?" She repeated herself, becoming more emotional. "I don't know what I've done to deserve someone who cares for me as much as you do. It makes no sense with the track record I've had. Not to mention how much I lose my cool around you. When it comes to anyone else, I can be such a charismatic person but when it comes to you, I become so...sensitive, reliant, needy even. It's pathetic."

He shook his head.

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is!"

She chuckled darkly.

"Just look at me. I'm losing my head by solely speaking about it. I'm not the person someone like you should love. It doesn't make sense to me."

Nicholas swallowed harshly at the end of her poignant speech.

"I guess you've been thinking about this for quite some time, huh?" He questioned lowly before heaving a deep breath.

"I don't know what you mean by you not being the kind of person I should love because you're everything and more. You're beautiful, smart, courageous, resilient, funny and that's what pulls me in. You say what have you done to deserve me? But it's really what have I done to deserve you? You wouldn't know this because of how well I treat you but I'm a selfish bastard who only cares for himself. I haven't had anyone stick by me for a long time. Even more so, that they'll cause me to have the urgency to not let them go due to my awful trust issues. You break in front of me because of our trust. Just like how I show you the darkest sides to me. It's not pathetic, Emily. It just shows how much we truly love each other."

It was like a trigger had been pulled, and finally, Emily broke down, sobbing into the crook of his neck.

Nicholas rubbed at her bare back as she cried out her insecurities.

"Silly woman."

His right hand went up to comb through her hair as the other held her tightly to him.

"I don't think I've ever mentioned the asshole, but I have this friend. He's my best mate actually. He was the textbook definition of a playboy. Chase Williams didn't give two fucks about the hearts he broke, even more so because he knew just how appealing he was to others from a very young age. Women always flocked to him. It didn't make matters any better that he was born into a filthy rich family as well."

Emily listened to the smooth, velvet sound of his voice which was oddly calming her down.

"He didn't know what it was like to love a woman until he met a special someone. That girl managed to change a person that I've known for over six years in the span of months. Chase was unrecognizable to the point that I remember almost falling off his yacht the night he had shown me the ring saying he was going to marry her. This was coming from a guy who vowed to never walk down an alter, even if it was for a family member, because he thought it would have some bad karma on him later on."

She couldn't help the giggle which escaped her at that silly thought.

Nicholas smiled as his hand brushed her cheek affectionately, but it dropped accordingly with his next words.

"She cheated on him."

Emily pulled away from her safe hold to look at him.

The shock on her face was evident as she never expected that turn of events.

She thought his friend had a happy ever after and that's why he was telling this story in the first place.

"So, let me tell you, Emily. I know far too well the effect love can have on a person, good or bad. However, loving you brings out the best in me."

Her eyelashes fluttered as her heart raced and his palm held her cheek in his hand.

"And I know because you came to me so easily, it would be easy for you to leave as well."

She panicked.

"Don't-"

"But I'm going to love you anyway. Until the day you tell me not to. Even then, I don't think I'll be able to stop. For as long as I live and love, I will never not need you in my life. So don't hold all these insecurities in your heart. Please. It tears me apart."

Her lips parted with surprise first, and then they transformed into a wide grin. Within her, she felt her heart melt at how profoundly tender he was. She chose not to listen to those voices inside her head but trust the man before her instead. After all, he had given her more reasons to than they had.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to share your friend's story with me. It means a lot."

He rubbed his nose against hers and smiled to himself. "I just wanted you to know that we're the ones in control of our own destiny. We determine whether this thing works or not. Based on how far we've come, it'd be a shame for us to have any problems because of you not being confident in my feelings for you."

She lifted her hand to caress his stubbly cheek.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"My satisfaction comes from you understanding not apologizing."

She nodded before dropping her hand with a sigh.

"So where's Chase now? I take it he's not living in New York because I've never met him since we've been together."

"You're right. He's not here. Hasn't been for the past few years. After what happened, he packed his bags and headed all around the world to find himself. At least, that's what he tried to explain to me."

"I take it you weren't very pleased by that." Emily noted by the way his lips upturned.

He grimaced at her observation.

"Let's just say that I find the idea of running away from your problems less convenient than actually trying to solve them."

"You do have a rather straightforward personality. You're very unreserved about your wants and needs too. It's a bit overwhelming sometimes."

His head angled itself as he analyzed her. "You're quite direct about your desires too, Emily. Remember when you asked me if I had any plans of falling for you? I felt like I had been faced with the most challenging question in my life. These moments that you have are fairly ironic with your usual persona, but I do adore that about you. You're easy to read, but when you become capricious there's nothing I can do about it." His thumbs teased her cheeks as he continued to study her features.

Then suddenly, a crooked smile overtook his lips while his eyes twinkled with amusement.

"See?"

He interrupted her whispers of love from her erupting heart, making her look up at him with eyes that reflected those secrets.

"Easy to read."

Emily stared at him before her lips slowly turned up into an unashamed smile before she shrugged as if to say "I love you, so what?"

His eyes widened in a certain shock she had never seen on him before.

"Emily...My precious Emily," he gaped after a moment of precious laughter caused by the genuine disbelief at her boldness.

Leaning in slowly, Nicholas planted a firm kiss to her mouth. It was so sweet that it had her body yearning for more after the taste of his lips. The way he called her had made the butterflies in her stomach erupt into a fine frenzy and it didn't seem like there'd be an end to it soon.

"It's moments like this." He whispered against her lips and she knew what he meant.

It was during moments like this that she fell deeper in love with him too.

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