do you think you'd ever want to know me?

I don't know.

well, I can tell you that you don't. I'm fucking terrible.

so am I, welcome to the club.

dude, I created the club.

I'm older than you.

Ergo, welcome to the club.

That I was in before you.

Oh, shut up, you.

Wasn't talking.

Texting.

SINCE WHEN WERE YOU SASSIER THAN ME

since always

Aww, did I make baby less angry and more funny?

I'm so proud of me.

what's my contact saved as?

random.

but Parker.

why?

I half expected it to be babe.

full thing is Parker Babe Angry Little Gremlin.

thanks for that.

np.

what's my contact name?

I Wish This Girl Would Fuck Off.

oh, thanks.

you're welcome, babe.

YOU CALLED ME BABE AGAIN.

we're definitely falling in love.

no.

we are most definitely not.

damn, my flirting still isn't working?

you need to take flirting lessons.

how about you teach me?

alright, I have to admit that was smooth.

like chocolate, bitch.

you ruined it.

I ruin everything, you get used to it.

you never fail to make yourself sound even lonelier and sadder than the day before.

what can I say?

I'm the literal best at self depreciation.

also very narcissistic.

still baffling.

forever will be, babe.

I can't believe I don't vehemently hate you calling me babe that much anymore.

so you like it?

No, I still detest it.

Just not as much.

No way, Parker. You like it.

You dream of me calling you babe all day every day.

I dream of you never texting me again.

Mmhmm, sure thing baby.

We both know that's not true.

You love it when I call you babe.

I don't, but whatever floats your boat, babe.

YOU.

I?

I changed your contact name.

Oh yeah?

To what?

Parker Is Definitely Low-key Flirting With Me.

wow.

it's true.

you don't even know what flirting is.

I'm mocking you, babe.

same thing.

no.

definitely not.

definitely yes.

whatever, babe.

you know you love it.

sure.