Episode 37| Bad for You

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Sophia's P.O.V.

Brooklyn and I talked, really talked, for what felt like a surreal amount of time. We didn't speak over each other; we treated each other like equals, making sure we shared our views and emotions. She hugged me when the enormity of Lora's death became more of a reality and less like some made up horror story.

It was soothing to have her as a friend again after so many months of feeling isolation from her end.

We didn't want to go back to the dorm, not yet at least. It was too soon. I had class tomorrow, and so did she. We said we'd go in together, if we were ready. I thought it was not a good time, but I knew it was an inevitable affair that would happen if I liked it or not. Prolonging the event wouldn't make it feel less intense. Neither would it make my guilt appear any less heavy inside of me.

"You don't have to go, Sophia," Nicolas said to me during our drive to campus that next day. My car wasn't running well. Nicolas had suggested letting me ride with him until I could save enough money to get it repaired. "We can stay at my loft after class, make some hot coco, and watch Pretty Woman."

"We did that last night," I reminded him.

He tapped his thumb on the steering wheel. "Hmm. Okay, then we can go to Blockbuster and rent another movie. I'll let you pick."

"No, I should go with Brooklyn to the dorm. She shouldn't go in there by herself."

"I don't understand why either of you even want to go. I would be too nervous to go in, end up seeing something Lora used to own, and go into a downward spiral of regret."

I gulped. "That's what I'm fearing."

"Sophia..." Nicolas sighed heavily. "It wasn't your fault. You need to get that through your head. What happened was tragic, but you shouldn't pin that on you for the rest of your life. It'll tear you up inside like a tornado."

Let it tear me up like a tornado. Let it destroy at my seams and leave me a frail shell of the person I was before.

I surly deserved it.

It was reckless of me to continue to have Bryce pursue me, knowing damn well that he hung around the wrong crowd. His type of criminal friends was what I cautioned Brooklyn about. It was humorous that I couldn't take my own advice when it came to dating dangerous boys.

Dating. I scoffed under my breath. We weren't dating, we didn't even get close to it. I let myself think that there was a sliver of a chance, but that was purposeless now that Bryce and I would return to being strangers.

That stung to say. The truth had a funny way of hurting, stabbing deep into you like a blade the more sincere it looked to be.

"You and Bryce aren't over."

Nicolas' arbitrary claim snuck up on me, throwing me off guard as to why he would say that - of all things.

"We are over." I uttered. Nicolas' positive stance on this was irking me. I knew what I wanted; I wanted an out from this burning bridge I was standing on with Bryce. "I haven't called him since I left his apartment and I don't plan on it."

"You have to."

"I don't have to do anything," I spluttered, reaching for the water bottle in my backpack and twisting off the top. "He hasn't tried to contact me. I don't get why I need to step out of my comfort zone to reach him. I don't crawl back to people I clearly don't have an interest in contacting." I sighed. "He's no good for me, Nicolas. Why can't agree with me on that? He's not a good guy."

"He's a good guy when he's with you."

"Nicolas," I groaned. "Don't do this to me."

"What, I'm being honest. I don't think he's a bad guy."

"Using technical terms, yeah he is. He's a criminal."

"He makes mistakes - like all humans. He may not be the prototype for the perfect guy. But he's real, Sophia. And if you're too blind to see that he's good for you, then maybe you don't deserve each other."

I opened my mouth to defend my case, but Nicolas was back again, stating something new for me to digest. 

"You're so stubborn, Sophia. What makes it even worse is how angry you were about Remy, nearly certain that all guys would be like him. And then all of a sudden, Bryce comes along and you don't give him the time of day."

"Whoa, that's different." I choked, clearing my throat from the water that trickled down the wrong pipe. Using the cuff of my long-sleeve shirt, I dabbed at my chin to clean up the spill. "I wanted another chance at dating, but I didn't ask for someone like Bryce."

"Excuses." Nicolas sang. "You're downgrading Bryce as if you were given the bottom of the barrel. Sloppy seconds. Chopped liver—"

"Okay! He's not that bad." I shouted. "He's nice –and sweet when he wants to be."

Nicolas crowed loudly. "He's only like that with you."

"No, he's not. He's nice to everyone."

"Oh, really? Would you like me to ask Remy how nice he is?"

"That's an exception. He was angry then."

"No, you're his exception. I met him in freshman year, Sophia. He's not nice to anyone. He goes as far as possible to prove that he doesn't like interacting with people. Besides you, from what I can see."

Bryce had said that he avoided human contact as much as he could get away with. I knew he had a few introversive characteristics. But I rarely found myself inspecting if he treated me differently than how he treated others.

It doesn't matter if he treated you special.

My conflicting thoughts were right. I couldn't ignore how he lied to me and trivialize Lora's murder, shielding it from me.

Wiping away the progress we had devoted ourselves to, though for a short period of time, wasn't something I found pleasure in doing. The complexity in our strange, and sometimes divine and lustful, arrangement –if you could call it that—made it hard to express it to curious folk who were only watching us from afar.

I liked him.

I liked him, disregarding everything else that had unraveled in the past forty-eight hours. It was a fact, proud and clear: contrary to my better judgement, I liked Bryce Matthews.

I liked that he hated the sound of knuckles cracking. And even though I had spent one in night in his bed, I had learned that he spoke in his sleep –mumbling words more often than coherent sentences. I liked that I only knew him for a little more than month, meaning I had plenty of time to discover more of him and unearth his many secrets.

My feelings for him was all I had to show as evidence that what we had was real. Small to some, but it was vital enough for me to go on and further our relationship.

I could fight and defy any attempt to reject my feelings, but that's all they were –lousy attempts. To make it worse, they were attempts that never succeeded in doing their job.

His tenacious, persistent existence in my life was hinged to the fabric of my soul, lifelessly clinging on to me like a tether to my beating, battered heart.

That was it. Why hadn't I seen it before?

"Stop the car," I commanded, drumming the space above the glove compartment with my hands. "Stop the car, Nicolas."

Nicolas drove to the shoulder of the road and put the car in park. "What's wrong?"

"Can you drive me to Bryce's apartment?"

"Why? Did you leave something there?"

"Yeah, left the most important thing," I said. "Bryce."

Nicolas put the car in reverse. "Finally! Oh my God, it took you long enough."

••••

The day I had fled out of Bryce's apartment, he had given Nicolas the cell phone, pager, and can of mace. I abandoned them all in the car. Thankfully, the phone and pager were fully functional. I called the phone number he had programmed. The phone rang, and rang, but no one picked up.

After the third try, I called Kelsey to see if he was with her.

"Hello. It's me, Sophia." I greeted her.

"Hey, Sophia. I didn't recognize your number," she said. "What's up?"

"Nothing. It's just that I'm trying to contact Bryce and he isn't picking up his phone. Is he with you?"

"No, actually he's not. I was going to call your landline and ask you if you've heard from him."

"Me?"

"Yeah, Conner and Bryce were supposed to be back at the apartments an hour ago. I thought maybe you might've gotten a call from Bryce or something." She supplied. "I know I shouldn't get too stressed over it, but when I tried to call Conner's cell, it didn't ring. Not even once."

"That's weird."

"Yup. That's what I thought."

"Well, look. Nicolas and I are less than a minute away from the apartments. We were going to his place to see if he was there. Since he's not, I think we should check over at his uncle's bar."

"Soph, that's a brilliant idea. Can I come with you guys?"

"Definitely. I'll call you when we're in the parking lot."

There was a small stretch of silence. "Sophia?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"You wouldn't mind me asking why you want to talk to Bryce, right?"

"She's taking Bryce back!" Nicolas yelled into the phone.

"Really?" Kelsey gasped. "Finally, you came to your sense about it. Girl, I was starting to worry."

"Me too," Nicolas yelped back.

"Ugh. Shut up you two." I rolled my eyes, half-meaning it. "We'll be there in about a minute, okay?"

We said our goodbyes and hung up.

Nicolas didn't want to turn off the car so I went inside myself, shutting the door with my foot. I jogged up to the lobby and waltzed toward the elevators without a problem –unlike the first time I visited these apartments.

When I reached the fourteenth floor, I saw Grayson standing

Calmly to the right,
Leaning on the wall.

"Hey," I waved at him, unsure on why he was there. "I didn't think you'd be here. Have you seen Bryce by any chance?"

Grayson backed up off the wall he was on. "Yes, I have seen him. Do you want me to show you where he is?"

"That would be great actually." I smiled. It was so nice of him to do that.

He walked around me and settled a hand on my shoulder, oddly feeling out of place. "I can drive you there."

"Oh, you don't need to do that. My friend Nicolas is downstairs in his car. We can follow you in his car."

"That won't be needed. My car has enough room for the both of you."

Kelsey's apartment door, which was down the hall from Bryce's, opened. She walked out with jean shorts and an oversized concert shirt that had mismatched letters on it. "Oh, Grayson. How's it going?"

"He knows where Bryce is," I stated, elated. "Is Conner with Bryce?"

"Matter of fact, he is," Grayson beamed. "I can take you both there."

"That's great." Kelsey said and the three of us went to the elevator.

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