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Ten Reasons Not To Die

Day 6- Happiness

                School was nothing different from the day before it. People bustled by me, occasionally waving at me while I gave them a smile in return.

A fake smile, may I add.

                Everyone has always assumed that I was one of the average teenage girls at school, perfectly fine with no problems whatsoever. I mean, under my forced smile, how could anyone possibly tell that something was wrong with me?

                They couldn’t.

                Under that smile was a bundle of dirty little secrets that no one would imagine were mine. I mean, who could ever predict that Remy Montgomery was an orphan? Or that her parents were killed in a road accident? Oh, wait. This was the best one yet. Who the hell would’ve guessed that Remy Montgomery tried to kill herself?

                No one.

                “Remy, what the hell are you doing here?” a voice asked, startling me from my thoughts. “It’s lunch time.”

                I stared up at Evan, who was hovering over me. He was staring down at the pile of textbooks laid out in front of me.       

                “What the hell does it look like I’m doing?” I asked. “Collecting all the physics books in the damn library to feed the hippos? No. I’m studying, dip wad.”

                Even after I basically snapped and told Evan off, he still managed to let out a laugh.

                What the hell was wrong with him?

                “That one will be stuck on my mind for a while.” Evan paused, before pulling me up from my seat. “Come on, let’s go.”

                I gave him a bland look, as he pulled me out of the library. I looked back at my pile of textbooks that I failed to put away, but Evan dragged me away. “Where are we going?” I asked, as Evan took me outside. “We aren’t ditching school, are we?”

                Evan chuckled, giving me a small smile. “Yes, we are.” He paused, looking at me mortified expression. If Mother Grace knew that I cut school, she would be beyond disappointed. Never have I ever cut school, gotten detention, let alone forget to do homework. “Live a little, Remy.”

                I loosened up at his words, as we began to exit the school gates. My shoulders relaxed, as Evan led me towards the park just a few blocks down from the school. The park was always filled with kids from our school, thinking they were all that because they smoked weed by the corner. But today, the park was nearly deserted.

Everyone was still in school, I guess.

                “This is what I ditched school for?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

                “You have high expectations, you know that?” Evan asked teasingly.

                I glared at him, smacking his chest with my back hand. I let out a low laugh, rolling my eyes. “You better find something that will entertain me, because if you don’t, I’m going to sneak back into the school.”

                Evan laughed, grinning at me with amusement shining in his green eyes. “You’re really cute, Remy.”

                My head snapped towards him, as I did a double take to make sure if I heard him correctly. When I gave myself a light pinch on my hand, I felt the pain.

                I wasn’t dreaming.

                Evan Woods called me cute.

                I wanted to feel happy, but I just couldn’t.

All I felt was anger and frustration.

                What game was he trying to play with me? I made a deal with him. I didn’t agree to sign up for all of this flirting crap that Evan did to make me feel all warm and jittery.

                “You know, Remy, when a guy compliments you, you’re supposed to thank them.” Evan’s voice tingled with amusement, which only made me want to punch him. He was making me happy, and I couldn’t stand it. It was wrong for me to be happy while my parents were dead. I didn’t deserve to feel good.

                “I want to go back.” I muttered, pushing past his shoulder.

                From the corner of my eye, I could see Evan’s face falling. His hand latched onto my wrist, pulling me around. When my eyes met his, I held in my breath. His green eyes were so full of emotion; confusion, anger and pain.

                “Wait, did I say something wrong?” he asked me.

                I shook my head, refusing to speak as I bit down on my lower lip.

                Evan didn’t back down without a fight, as he tilted my chin up with his fingers gently. “What’s wrong with you, Remy? Why the sudden change of mood?”

                “You won’t understand.” I tried to make myself sound strong. But, my voice only came out strained and weak.

                Evan’s face flashed with pain, causing my heart to ache. “I won’t understand?” he repeated with disbelief. “I’ve understood this whole time!”

               My face softened, as I stared back up at Evan. He actually looked really worried about me. I think he actually cares. Maybe he wasn’t agreeing on this deal because he wanted to be nice.

                “I just feel,” I paused, letting out a deep breath of air, “happy.”

                Evan frowned, obviously confused. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

                I sighed. “Yeah, but I shouldn’t be happy. I mean, my parents are dead and I’m an orphan and all. I shouldn’t deserve to be happy.”

                Evan pulled me close to him, as my eyes widened from the sudden movement. My body was pressed up against his, as he wrapped his arms around my waist. He buried his head into my neck, breathing me in. “Remy,” he started off, “you deserve everything. You deserve to be happy.”