Chapter 31- Never

Now it really has been months. I've already written the preliminary exams and I haven't talked to Wyatt at all.

I've seen him everyday in the hallways, but now I always avoid eye contact with him. I decided he was right; he deserves better than me.

He even has a new girlfriend. She's gorgeous, with long black hair and striking blue eyes. I've seen her with Wyatt on weekends outside the school. She's absolutely perfect and that's what Wyatt deserves.

It hurts hearing him talk about her. Clover. I sit alone at lunch now, it's been that way ever since I hurt Wyatt, and I have nothing better to do then listen to them from a different table. I know they see me alone, but they don't seem to care.

I made a mistake and I guess I deserve this. I deserve to be isolated. I know I will never even think about doing something like this again. I will never try to protect my heart again, because it will hurt someone else and the person you're in love with should be more important.

I wish the rest of the guys didn't hate me. Jason, Cole, Ed and even Ash. Ash has been avoiding me, and it does suck, but nothing will hurt as much as Wyatt walking out of that bathroom.

That night I cried for so long. All I could think about was how stupid I was. I lost everything because of a stupid mistake I made. There's nothing I could do to fix it. Being here is horrible.

I've been alone for so long at this school. I've sat through weeks at my desk every day, waiting and hoping that someone would show up so I would tutor them, but nobody came. No Jason, no Ash, no Cole and no Ed.

My mom and my brother have left to London. Apparently she doesn't think my dumb brother will do any work in university unless she's there to make him, and so she's left me alone.

I lean my head down on the brown desk, not knowing what to do. I can't tutor of nobody is here. I studied all the other times nobody showed this past few months. I've studied the History of China and Turkey and I've gone over the Cold War so many times that if I hear the word communism again I am going to kill someone.

I'm done.

The sound of footsteps walking into the class brings me out of my thoughts. I look up and see Jason walking to the back of the class.

He sits down and lifts his feet up onto the desk, pulling the hood of his hoodie over his face.   

"Jason...?"

He lifts the hoodie away from his face and his eyes meet mine. "What?"

"You're here. What are you doing here?" I ask.

"My mom made me come. Mrs. Maxis is my fucking mom, okay? She knows nobody is coming to your useless classes and so she is making me come." He gives me a fake smile and then pulls the hoodie back over his face.

"Oh," I whisper under my breath. I didn't see that coming but I guess Mrs. Maxis decided to keep her maiden name.

I stand up, my heart starting to ache again. Jason looks up and I smile at him. "Bye, Jason."

"You're leaving the class? You're saying I came here for nothing?" He laughs. "Oh wait, these classes are pointless anyway."

I look at Jason, an empty, aching feeling starting to spread over my whole body, starting in my heart.

I nod and bite the inside of my cheek. "You're right. I'm useless, Jason. I know. But you don't have the right to talk to me like that. I get it. I'm useless, selfish, and mean. I have lost so many people that I care about because I made a mistake, but guess what, I'm fucking human and I screwed up, okay?" My voice breaks and I look up to stop the tears from falling. "I've said I'm sorry and I've tried to talk to Wyatt and you and anyone but nothing works. Nobody will listen to me. You guys don't even look at me anymore. I don't know what to do. I hurt your friend and I'm sorry. I..."

I sit back down in the chair, putting my face in my hands to hide the tears. I feel so weak, crying more than I should but I can't stop the tears.

Tears are worse than blood. Tears represent pain more than blood ever will.

I feel each part of me break inside. Slowly, every single piece of me starts to slowly break apart.

Jason laughs.

He laughs, and the sound of his laugh echoes through my head, like a ghost that's trying to haunt me.

I stand up, letting my chair roll to the board behind me. The sound of the chair hitting the wall stops Jason's laughter and he just watches me in silence.

"Goodbye, Jason." I walk out the room and straight to the principals office.

I wipe my tears away and knock on the door, pushing it open to find Mrs. Maxis in her chair. She looks up and smiles, "Hello, Coral. What can I do for you?"

"Thank you so much for this opportunity, Ma'am. It's been an honour coming to this school, but I can't stay here. I have to go. Nobody wants to be in my class and being in this school... I just can't focus. I'm so sorry," I explain.

She nods and starts typing on her computer. "Okay, well I will email you a letter of recommendation that you can give in with your application for university next year. Your marks are perfect and you are a great student. It has been an honour having you here, and I wish you the best. Remember that if you ever change your mind, there will always be a place for you."

I raise my eyebrows, slightly shocked. I am surprised that she hasn't asked any questions about why I am leaving. Maybe she has seen how alone I have been and she doesn't need to ask anything. "Thank you," I whisper and then walk out, towards my room.

I stop in my tracks when I see Wyatt walking down the hall. He looks sideways, making sure not to meet my eyes.

"Wyatt," I say, stepping in front of him to stop him from passing me.

He looks down at me, emotionless. He waits for me to say something, looking like he is already about to explode just by seeing me.

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry. I was in love with you from the day I set eyes on you, but I couldn't hurt myself. I was scared to give you my heart because I knew I loved you enough that if I gave it to you, you could break it." I go silent and Wyatt doesn't say anything.

When he doesn't reply, I keep talking. "I didn't know what to do, okay? I have lived a life alone. At school, I was the nerd that nobody would look at, let alone love. I wasn't used to it. I lived in books, and the girls in the books I read always went for the bad boys. The boys like Ash. So that's what I did, because I didn't realize that you were the one I was supposed to go after. I did what I thought I was supposed to do and I'm sorry. I made a mistake."

He laughs.

Just like Jason, he laughs.

"I-I thought you loved me," I whisper. "If you loved me then how could you just not even look at me. I'm dying and you're just... Okay? You just turn away and pretend like I never existed?"

He nods. "I thought I loved too, but I was wrong. I had no idea what love is and I still don't know. How could I be in love with you after a week, Coral? I was stupid for thinking I was and you were stupid for believing it. Now that I know what love is, I can be sure as hell when I tell you that I will never be in love with you. Love is not something you say, but rather something you show. Coral, I don't want to talk to you or see you again. Maybe that will show you how much I love you now." He gives me a fake smile and then walks away, making sure to bump my shoulder when he does.

I turn to look at him as he walks away from me. A pain I've never felt before starting to attack me, leaving me defenseless and powerless.

He just told me that he has never loved me.

*=*=*=*

Hey, I did warn you that there would be drama.

T w i t t e r : xPineappleGirlx
I n s t a g r a m : laylzk
S n a p c h a t : laylz_k

Lots of love and jelly tots- TPG