Chapter Twenty-Five

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height




For the first time since school started, Lawson found himself getting lunch with Glenn, just the two of them. Towards the end of highschool and through the summer, them hanging out had been a common occurrence, but once school had began, Lawson figured if Glenn didn't have enough time for Nathan, he probably didn't have enough time for him as well, and they spent marginally less time together. Also, there was, of course, the break up, and Lawson feared that seeing Glenn at that point would just be awkward.

But things were clearly better now, and Glenn was back to seeming like himself, so Lawson had figured it was a good time for the two of them to catch up.

"So why haven't you just moved in?" Lawson asked, sipping at his glass of water as he watched his friend flush across the table. "I mean, you're there all the time. Nate said you pretty much spend every night there anyways. Why not just move in?"

"Well first off, he hadn't asked me to move in, so it'd be weird if I just started bringing my stuff over," Glenn pointed out, cheeks still pink, but a smile pulling at his lips when Lawson laughed. "Second off... I would love to live with him, I would, and fuck I love him, but once we move in together... that's it. I mean, I know we're going to end up together, I can just feel it, so I know that once I move in with him, I'm never going to live alone again, and I just... I guess I just want to experience that for a little longer".

Glenn, similar to Sean, was living alone due to his roommate having moved out, though the difference was Sean's roommate had left willingly, and Glenn's had been kicked out of school when he was caught stealing computers from the campus.

"Is living alone really that great?" Lawson inquired, thinking about his boyfriend who often said living alone was quiet and boring. His question was immediately answered when Glenn grimaced a little.

"It's not... horrible".

"You'll feel much better about it once you meet my roommate," Lawson assured.

"Ahh yes. The super handsome one that I've heard so much about?"

"Yeah, but don't say that to his face," Lawson instructed, and Glenn laughed. "He's annoying enough already. Did Nathan tell you about the picture of Sean and I he posted last week? The one Sean's parents- who didn't know he had a boyfriend- saw?"

"I might have heard about that," Glenn admitted softly, smiling a little as he chewed on a French fry. "Did that all go over well?"

"Yeah, actually," Lawson responded, not bothering to hide his surprise. When returning to Sean's apartment last Saturday, after finishing breakfast of course, Sean had video chatted his parents and introduced Lawson to them, which had gone far better than Lawson had been expecting. "Apparently his parents like me, which is great, and talking to his brother was... interesting because they look so much alike, but he's easy to get along with".

"That's great," Glenn confirmed. "Almost makes you wonder why you were so nervous to meet them all in the first place, right?" Lawson wanted to agree, but he couldn't, because he hadn't forgotten why he was so nervous to meet them in the first place. "Uh oh, what's wrong?"

Glenn's food was pushed to the side as he leaned forwards against the table eagerly. This was Glenn's forte; taking care of others and helping them sort through their problems.

"Nothing, it's just..." Lawson sighed and looked at his water. "Sean waited so long to tell his parents about me because he said they were cautious of him getting in another relationship because of what happened with him and his ex". Glenn nodded, still looking at him expectantly, and Lawson's just shrugged his shoulder to say that was it.

With a frown, Glenn said, "okay... what happened with him and his ex?"

"That's the thing. He still hasn't told me. We barely have even talked about him. I don't even know his name. All I know is that they're still friends and talk on the phone sometimes". While Lawson trusted Sean- he did- knowing his boyfriend was still friends with and talking to his ex-boyfriend was a difficult concept to grasp, especially since Sean hadn't really explained to Lawson what had happened between the two of them. Glenn's lips formed a small 'o' and his eyes shifted slightly to the side. For a moment, he seemed to be considering this.

"Well, have you asked him?"

"No," Lawson said immediately, shaking his head quickly. "Of course not! Why would I ask him?"

"Because you're his boyfriend and you're allowed to want to know. One of my biggest regrets with Nathan is not telling him about my past soon enough, because when he found out it ended up being a big misunderstanding and it hurt him," Glenn reasoned. He then seemed to realize that what he was saying could be misinterpreted. "I'm not saying that Sean used to be in love with your nemesis when he was younger, or anything like that, just-"

"I know, Glenn," Lawson said softly. "I get what you mean". Absently, he traced his finger over the rim of his water glass. "Won't I be pressing him if I ask?"

"Well, don't just demand that he tell you. Tell him that you'd like to know about it when he's ready to tell you. That way he knows you're not going to pressure him, but he's also aware that it's something you've been thinking about," Glenn offered easily, without pause.

Lawson sighed and leaned his head into his hand. "How are you so wise?" It drew a pleasant chuckle from his friend, who smiled fondly at him, once again reminding Lawson that Glenn was pretty.

"Well, I learned a few things from Nico fucking up with me, and a few more from fucking up with Nathan a couple of times. With experience comes great knowledge," Glenn teased.

"Well I don't have much of that".

"That's not a bad thing. With experience also comes some regret". The memory of Glenn outside of the bar came back to him then, and Lawson found it hard to believe that had been the same boy in front of him now.

For a minute, Lawson studied Glenn, who studied him back. Something in his face told Lawson he was thinking of the same thing. "What exactly happened that night?"

Brown eyes dropped to the table. "It was the first, and last time that had, or will ever happen," Glenn promised. Lawson didn't doubt him for a second. "The first time I went out and actually got drunk was about two weeks before Nate dumped me. I was really stressed about school and a couple of my friends noticed and took me to a house party and told me I needed to let loose so I did, and for that one night it just felt manageable, you know?"

Lawson nodded, because he had been drunk enough times that he did know. "Of course I felt awful the next day, but I told myself it was worth it for those few hours of bliss, so I went out the next weekend too and did the same thing. Once

again, I felt like shit, and then Nathan dumped me, and even though I had been neglecting him I didn't know what to do when I knew that he wasn't there for me anymore, so I started going out on weekdays as well as weekends. I ended up skipping so many classes since I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning, and skipping stressed me out more so I wanted to go out more. Then I saw that video of Nathan with that boy, and I saw how happy he looked, and the fact that he was out with someone laughing when I was absolutely miserable, and I... I can't even explain to you how I felt. I mean, you saw me that night. You could see how I felt".

Glenn turned his face away to look out of the window, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "I'm not saying that going out and drinking my problems away was a good idea, but I... I didn't know what else to do. At that time it seemed like my only option. I mean... I have never felt heart broken like that before. Not with Nico, not with anything," Glenn's voice was incredibly small as he stared out of the window, eyes distant. Lawson wanted to say something to comfort him, but he knew it wasn't something Glenn needed anymore. The vulnerability he was experiencing was that of a memory. "That night I drank more than I ever had before, and the friend I went out with left me, and I didn't know where to go or what to do so I went in the bathroom and called Nathan and he came to get me. I don't remember much of that night, if I'm being honest. Nate had to tell me that I saw you because I couldn't remember. I was fucked".

Glenn turned his face back towards him. "The next morning, Nathan and I talked, and I realized that I had hurt the most important person in my life far more than I thought, and I never wanted to do that again".

"And here you are," Lawson offered after a pause, and Glenn gave him a sad smile.

"Here I am. Even though I most definitely don't deserve his forgiveness, he gave it to me".

"Well come on, Glenn," Lawson scolded, leaning towards his friend. "You're literally the nicest person in the entire world, and we both know that Nathan would give you anything, whether you deserve it or not. That's just the truth". Glenn's eyes were bright, and his cheeks were flushed. "I really think you should consider moving in with him when he asks you to, because we both know he's going to, and we both know you want to say yes. Why would you even want to live alone when you have someone who loves you as much as he does who wants to wake up to you every morning and come home to you every night. Nothing has ever made sense about Nathan, Glenn, but you do".

They maintained eye contact for a second longer before both bursting out in laughter. "What the fuck was that?" Glenn asked between fits, and Lawson just shrugged, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

"I have no idea, it just sort of came out of me. I'm sorry". He wasn't really, since speaking the words had relit the happy light Glenn's eyes that seemed to dim whenever he was away from Nathan for too long.

"It's alright, just don't let it happen again," Glenn teased, his lips stretched up in a smile. "Damn Lawson, you've gotten all sappy".

"Don't tell Sean," he joked, sipping at his water glass.

"Of course not". Glenn ate his last fry, and then reached across the table to place his hand over Lawson's. "My turn. I can tell Sean makes you very happy, and you two are great together, so promise me you'll talk to him if this thing with his ex is even bothering you a little bit. One of the biggest mistakes you can make in a relationship is not communicating".

With a small smile- that completely contradicted the nerves Lawson felt inside- he gave Glenn his word that he would bring it up to Sean, even though he feared he'd be making things awkward.

***

Six hours later he found himself laying across Sean's couch, pretending to watch television as his boyfriend fussed around in the kitchen, making them, "dinner," he had said shortly. He didn't say so, but Sean's obvious bad mood made Lawson think he just wanted an excuse to slam drawers and cupboards. It would have been easy to ignore if Lawson hadn't known that Sean had spoken to his ex the night before, but it had come up studying the day before, so Lawson did know.

There was a particularly loud bang as Sean dropped something off the counter, swearing softly, and Lawson sat up on the couch, turing to look over the back of the couch at Sean, who was simply staring at the broken stoneware on his floor. "Hey Sean?"

"Yeah," came the response, seeming distant. Lawson propped his arms up on the back of the couch and rested his chin on his hands.

"Wanna come here?" Lawson asked. Only then did Sean's head raise to look at him, blue eyes wide as if he had been caught doing something bad. "Please?"

With one last look at the floor, Sean stepped over the cracked pan and approached the couch, seeming to deflate as he did so. By the time he was standing directly in front of Lawson, the back of the couch still separating them, all hints of anger were gone from his face. He only looked tired.

Sighing, Lawson raised his head and pushed himself up onto his knees, making him tall enough to be able to wrap his arms around Sean's waist to hug him to him, pressing his ear against his boyfriends dark shirt. There was no hesitate when Sean returned the hug, his face hiding in Lawson's hair as his entire body relaxed. "Wanna tell me what's wrong?" Lawson asked and Sean made a small noise before pulling away.

For a terrible minute, Lawson thought Sean was going to leave him to go be angry in the kitchen again, but instead he moved around the couch to fall into Lawson's arms, pushing him back against the cushions with an oof. "I don't really want to talk about it," Sean said, voice very quiet. "I just want to lay here and listen to you talk".

"I think I could manage that," Lawson agreed, but his voice was distant as his mind was on something else; the advice that Glenn had given him just that afternoon. It seemed a good a time as any to follow through. "You don't have to tell me about it, but could you just answer one question for me?"

Sean spoke after a pause, sounding incredibly unsure. "Yeah".

With a deep breath to calm his nerves, Lawson asked, "does it have to do with your ex boyfriend?" The silence he received in return, and the feeling of Sean nuzzling into his neck answered his question. To be reassuring, Lawson grabbed his boyfriend's hips, thumbs brushing above his waist band. "You don't have to talk to me about him right now if you don't want, but... but eventually I want to know".

There was a sigh, hot air blowing against Lawson's neck, and then Sean was propping himself up to look at Lawson's face. "Does it bother you? Not knowing?"

"Ah, well," Lawson's eyes stayed on the ceiling. "I don't want to say that. I understand why you don't want to talk to me about it, hell, I really didn't want to have to tell you about Nathan-" he cut off. "I'm not saying that it's the same. I just..."

"You can say it," Sean urged softly, brushing his thumb over Lawson's jaw. "I don't mind if you tell me how you feel. I actually prefer it".

"I trust you," Lawson began after a moment of thinking how to phrase his words. "I do. I really trust you, but it's just... a little weird that I know you're talking to this guy who you used to be in love with, but you still haven't told me anything about your relationship. And I trust you, I swear, I can't stress that enough. It's just... it's weird, I guess. I mean, I don't even know what his name is".

There was a pause, and Lawson raised his head to look at his boyfriend, who was looking back at him with a thoughtful expression. It was a relief to see the confession hadn't upset him.

"Stay like that," Sean instructed suddenly, a hand sliding around to the back of his neck, holding his head up as if he hadn't know what he was referring to. Lawson frowned, confused, but he obeyed, and a second later Sean was retrieving the couch pillow from the floor and sliding it beneath his head. Before Lawson could thank him, Sean said, "his name is Clyde. What else do you want to know? I'll tell you everything".

***

Sean met Clyde when he was five, and Clyde was six. He was the only son of Sean's father's best friend, who had moved away a year before Clyde was born, and moved back due to work.

Him, Chase, and Clyde were always together when they were growing up, even though Clyde was a grade above them. He and Chase easily became best friends, and Sean always felt a little left out around them. They always treated him like a little brother.

That's how Sean thought Clyde saw him, so when he realized his feelings for the other boy, in middle school, even before he had accepted that he was gay, he found it distressing, and tried to avoid Clyde whenever he came over.

They kissed for the first time when Sean was a freshman and Clyde a sophomore. Sean had been waiting up for Chase and Clyde to come back from a house party, and when they had Clyde had come up to his room and kissed him. By the next morning he was gone.

They didn't talk about it again until the day they started dating, nearly a year later. Clyde had come into his room, said, "remember when I kissed you that one time? Well I'd like to do it again sometime".

And Sean said, "if you're my boyfriend then that can happen, if you're not, then it can't," and that was that.

At that point in the story, Sean paused and chuckled to himself, and then answered Lawson's confused look. "He never really wanted to date, I realize that now. I mean... yeah we got along well and had fun together, and yeah he ended up loving me, but still, in the end, it didn't matter. He wanted to have sex, but I wasn't willing to. It was just something I didn't want to do yet, so we never even fooled around or anything. Whenever it'd go too far I'd stop him, and after a while he began to get frustrated with me".

Clyde dumped Sean a week before Sean's senior year, the day Clyde left for college. He said he was going to go and fool around, and didn't want to have to do it behind Sean's back.

Chase was really fucking pissed, since him and Clyde were incredibly close, but Sean urged him to not let his broken heart ruin his brothers closest friendship. While Chase seemed uncomfortable with this- "and trust me, there were many hiccups and rules had to be established,"- it eventually became easier over time, and he was still close friends with Sean's ex.

Sean and Clyde didn't talk for the entire school year, though Chase had said Clyde was doing well when Sean asked.

When Clyde came back for the summer after his first year, just over six months ago, he came to visit their home, and Sean was polite but closed off with his ex boyfriend.

A week later Sean gave his first blow job.

"It was stupid," Sean said to Lawson, frowning deeply. "I mean, I only did it because he came over when I was home alone and said he wanted to catch up, and then said something about missing me. I didn't love him anymore, but I still liked him, sure, and I still found him attractive. I guess I just thought if I gave him something that maybe things would change and we could go back to being us".

They hooked up all throughout summer, though Sean was aware there was a chance he was going to screw him over once the both left for school, and he did. Sean came to Florida upset, but unsurprised.

"He called me within the first week, and I guess I don't really know why. For the first phone call I was really dismissive and short with him, but then my roommate moved out a few days later, and Clyde called me again, and I was lonely so we talked for a really long time and it kind of felt like it used to, except I knew he was hooking up with other people the whole time, which bothered me at first but then I met you and now I honestly couldn't care less about what he does with his dick," Sean concluded. During his story, he had sat up to straddle Lawson's waist, and he now looked down at him expectantly for a reaction.

"So... I know you said this before, but I just want to be sure. Your feelings for Clyde are-"

"Gone," Sean cut in, blue eyes wide. "Completely. I only see him as a friend, I swear. We've know one another for so long and already have a strong foundation as friends that falling back into that wasn't actually that difficult. I think I struggled with the idea my senior year because it felt like he broke my heart and was then going out and having fun while I was just

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net