Bitter flashbacks

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The whole day was getting spent like this . Awkward silence was spread across our shared room . Y/N tried her best to distract herself from me , while I was getting into deep trances about her sudden change in behaviour . Y/N was never like this . Whenever something unfortunate would happen , she would try to move on . I have seen that in her . But today , all she did was avoid eye contact with me , and stay silent .

I couldn't tolerate the utter emptiness between us , and so stood up to sit next to her . "Y/N ..... is something bothering you ?" , I asked as she diverted her gaze to the wall .

"Nothing is bothering me ." , she replied back coldly , while not meeting my eyes . Hurt engulfed my heart as she ignored my subtle touch on her shoulder .

"I'm sorry for bothering you earlier . I bet you are pissed at that ." , I said while looking down , feeling guilty . Because of my behaviour , Y/N had surely been affected .

"It was never your fault , Jungkook . My presence is what a fault is known as ." Those words shot my heart . Was she blaming herself and her holy presence just because of a glass breaking incident ? Such an insignificant matter would never hurt her , but today , it was doing so .

"Why are you saying that ? Are you deeply hurt because you just broke a glass ? And spilled coffee ?" Y/N darted her gaze at me as she looked at me with disbelief . It seemed like she expected me to understand , but how could I figure out her thoughts ? She never shared anything about that to me .

Tears filled in her eyes as she quickly blinked them away . She was fearing to break down in front of me . Why was she fearing ?

"You would never understand what I feel , Jungkook . Your just a fellow Math teacher , who isn't getting his salary . I know that's illegal , but in some way , you could never understand my issue ."

I never thought of Y/N thinking like that about me . Guilt was eating me up as whatever she told , made me feel that all was my fault . Maybe I was the reason behind her sadness .

I decided to leave her alone , and so , I rushed down the stairs , to my mother's room . There she was , stitching a sweater for me , like always . I know that Y/N's sadness was because of us both. But she was my mother . I could share anything to her .

Falling down to her feet , I let those unspoken tears of sadness and guilt fall down . I was surely making my mother's dress damp , but I knew she would console me in any way or other .

I cried after a long time . All the bad flashbacks hit me . The time when I would get bullied for my accent and lisp . The time when I would get humiliated in middle school for all the rapid hormonal changes in me . The time when I would get humiliated by my relatives for bringing the lowest scores . The time I would get bullied in high school for looking like a man , with a baby face . All those bitter moments hit me . Including when my father's death's major cause was me .

Flashback :

1st June , 2014

"Mrs. Jeon , we are sad to admit the fact that your husband is suffering from Pneumonia . You have to take utmost care of him ." , said the doctor , while flipping through the reports . There was my mother , trembling in fear by seeing her husband in this state .

It all was when I was 16 . Relatives would taunt me for always being engrossed into stuff like Anime , cooking and boxing . They aspired me to become a doctor , engineer or teacher . But now , being a teacher , I haven't even been paid .

My father was mentally exhausted by my academic performances and daily complaints of neighbours saying that I bet their son up . Soon , the situation started getting worse . I would give the worst performances at school , I would always beat boys up who would trouble me and Jimin . Jimin was the only boy who would always stay by my side .

"It's all because of Jungkook . If you had kept your fellow , useless hunk in control , he would have not caused this to happen ." , snorted my aunt . I looked up at my mother , who was still shaking in fear and trauma . Guilt engulfed me .

"I know right . This useless punk ruined our family . All the relations get lacked because of him . He's a shame ." , muttered my uncle .

I wasn't going to just sit and listen . Standing up in fury , I ran till the washroom , to then lock myself up . I cried , sobbed , and what not did I do . The same guilt affected me now . When Y/N told me that .

9th August , 2014

Huffing and puffing , all of us rushed to the hospital as my father recieved a seizure . All he could do was breathe , breathe and tell us that this was his last time . Running along the stretcher , tears of hurt and guilt ran through my eyes as I saw my father in this state , because of me .

Today was the semester end exams result , and I had miserably failed . All the relatives had gathered together to see my result , when my father got a seizure while screaming at me . His scream turned into breaths , and all we could do was rush to the hospital .

Hours and hours had passed , but there was no sign of any news . The relatives kept taunting me , but I stayed , just to see my father .

The doctor soon arrived , with a disapproved face set . I stood up to rush to him .

Sighing , he announced the unfortunate news . "Sorry , but we couldn't do anything . He's no more ."

I heard my mother falling on the floor , letting out a loud and tearful sob . All the relatives gathered . Some cried , some cursed , but all of that was because of me .

I was the reason . The reason behind everything .

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