"For without pain, there can be no pleasure.
Without sadness, there can be no happiness."
- Harlan Ellison

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X X X for all you kinky readers X X X

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author's note

lol if y'all could comment on the smut just so I know if y'all like it, I'd greatly appreciate it :)

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I'm on him in less than a second. Climbing over the center console, I move on top of him with my legs on both sides of his lap. His hands grasp my hips and he pulls me over effortlessly, holding our bodies firmly together. I press my lips, still cold from the rain, against him, sliding my tongue across his and tasting every inch of his mouth.

In this position, it's hard to tell where my body end and his begins. We're impossible close, and I feel every hard inch of him pressing against my wet skin. I'm drenched in more ways than one, and Gray's strong hands on my hips force me to notice his stiffness pressing against me. That pressure alone, in the area where I ache the most, almost unravels me right.

Gray's hands knot their way into my hair firmly, grasping just tight enough to sting. He leans forward so his lips are on the sensitive skin of my neck, kissing and nipping softly. I moan into his neck.

Then he pulls me back, gazing at me with heavy eyes. Looking at him in this state, coming undone by my doing, fuels the fire between my legs.

The love in his eyes melts me. "Riv, let me show you how much I love you," he says with a raspy, low voice. I place my palm on his cheek and kiss him softly, lingering before I pull away.

Then I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder, kissing him there too. "You have all the time in the world to show me how much you love me," I whisper. "But right now . . . "

I kiss my way up to his ear, nipping at it lightly.

". . . I want you to fuck me," I whisper.

Then I draw back, watching as his whole expression changes. If he had any restraints before, they're gone, and all I see are dark grey eyes waiting to devour me. I gaze at him with the same intensity, daring him to do exactly what he wants to do with me.

With quick hands, he grasps the hem of my shirt and pulls it swiftly over my head. I fall back into him, letting him dot every inch of my skin with hungry kisses. His hands roam up and down my bare skin, his fingertips inching under my bra teasingly.

Then with nimble fingers, he presses me against him and moves his hands to my back, unclasping my bra. I quickly shrug it off and throw the damp piece of clothing in the back seat. We kiss again, hot and heavy.

I don't pay attention to Gray's demanding hands taking off the rest of our clothing. It's only until there's nothing separating our bare bodies that I try to get things moving. I let out a moan as Gray caresses my naked breasts, teasing my nipples, hardened from both the cold and my arousal. I arch my head back when his mouth closes over one of them, and his fingers dig into my lower back, holding me to him.

His movements are so different from the first time we made love. They're harsher, demanding me to submit to his every whim. I'm unraveling in his arms, and he's the only thing holding me together.

I realize how much he held back on the night of my birthday just to make our first time together special.

My fingers weave into his hair as he sends electric currents from his mouth down into my breasts. Then I pull his head up from my chest and kiss him again, moving my lower half against his.

"I want you," I gasp, "Inside me. Now."

He feels so firm and hot beneath me, pulsing with need. I reach my hand down to wrap myself around him. His cock feels so hard, almost painfully so. Gray's eyes flutter closed as I stroke my hand over his member, fantasizing about him pressing into me. I want him inside me now. I need to feel him take me.

I rise up on my knees, kissing Gray one last time before I place his thick head at my wet entrance. I gasp at the feeling of his cock rubbing against my clit, soothing an ache I've been nursing for weeks. I'm gazing down, about to lower myself slowly, when Gray's hands grab my waist roughly, keeping me from moving.

I look up and find a sly, desireful smile on his handsome face. He yanks me against him so our faces are almost touching. With one finger, he traces my jaw.

"I thought you said you wanted me to fuck you, Riv," he says with a commanding roughness to his voice, and I almost want to ask him to repeat those sensual words. Then he grabs my chin roughly, forcing me to look him in the eyes. His powerful, dominating gaze slices right through me.

I want to kiss him again so badly. I want him inside me. I try to lower myself into him again but his strong grip on my waist keeps me still. My frustration builds.

My wetness is running down my thighs at this point, and I sigh softly, begging him to relieve me. He looks down and sees my urgent desire dripping onto his cock, and he smiles knowingly.

"You can't go back on your word now," he says lowly, kissing my jaw softly, teasingly. "I'm in control this time."

Then he grabs my hips again with a roughness then tears a pleasurable moan from me. Without warning, he pulls me down onto his thick cock, filling me entirely in less than a second. I have no choice but to take his full length with one ragged breath. As I feel myself stretching to adjust to his size, my mouth falls open in a surprised moan. I collapse forward, burying my face in his throat, moaning in ecstasy.

"You like that, don't you?" he says lowly, tucking a strand of damp hair behind my ear. His actions are a pleasurable mix of tenderness and roughness. "You're doing so well, taking all of me like this."

I attempt to reach my hands into his wet hair, but he grasps my wrists.

Gray yanks my wrists behind my back, holding them tightly in place with a single hand. With his other arm, Gray locks me in place against him, rendering me powerless. I whimper into his shoulder as pleasure and pain wrack through my body, shooting up from where he's roughly penetrated me.

I have barely enough time to adapt to the feeling of his cock deep inside me before he moves his hips, withdrawing himself from me completely. I moan, urging him to fill me back up, but he doesn't. For what seems like an eternity, he keeps me on the brink, denying me what I want.

"I have a question," he says deeply. I just moan in respond. It's really not the time for questions right now and I'm growing terribly impatient.

"Hm?" Is all I manage to say. Everything is hazy, except him. Gray's perfectly in focus.

"Did you touch yourself while we were apart? Thinking of me?" He asks lowly, tightening his grip on my wrists. I can't speak, so I just bite my lip, keeping my head on his shoulder so he can't see me fall apart under his control.

"Answer me," he commands. I groan inwardly. My legs are shaking at this point, craving for him to thrust himself between them.

"Yes," I admit softly, truthfully. "I did."

"Interesting," he remarks, his focus barely above a low hum. I moan, expecting for this to be the end of our discussion, for him to put me out of my misery and do what I asked of him. It's not.

"Beg for it," he demands.

"Beg for what?" I mumble deliriously into the firm muscles of his shoulder. I'll say anything to feel him inside me again.

"What you want me to do to you, baby. What you imagined me doing to you as you laid alone in your bed touching yourself," he says roughly. "Remind me what you want and beg."

I groan helplessly. A few moments ago, I didn't think it was possible to be more turned on. But gauging from the way my whole body is reacting to his demands right now, it definitely is possible. I press my face further into his neck, thinking about the pool of my wetness that's definitely gathering on the seat.

"Now," he says, more forcefully this time. His voice is right in my ear, and I grow wetter just hearing the power in his voice. "I could wait here all day," he threatens.

The aching between my legs grows to be almost painful. I finally give in, whimpering, "I-I want you to fuck me. Please, Gray. Fuck me hard," I beg, writhing against his iron grip, yearning for his hardness. "I'll do anything."

"There you go. That wasn't so hard, now was it?" he replies. He lightly brushes his fingertips against my cheekbone, then he pulls me back down onto him, stretching me around him once more. I gasp loudly, burying my face further into his throat to suppress the many sounds threatening to burst from me. My hands itch to touch him, to feel his muscles move to fuck me, but my wrists are still restrained by his large hand.

I don't think I've ever felt this much pleasure in my life.

With brutal thrusts, he fucks me fast and hard, moving me effortlessly to ride his cock. Every inch of my body is ignited by his primal movement, and I accept his body into mine. My vision blurs from the sensations Gray's giving me, and I breathe in his scent heavily. Eventually, he releases one hand from my waist and uses it to grasp the back of my neck. The other hand, the one holding my hands in place, still pressing me against him roughly.

I'm completely at his mercy as he plunges in and out of me. He feels impossibly large and stiff inside me, pushing me to my physical limits, and I struggle to muffle my loud moans.

"Let me hear you moan, Riv," he orders into my ear. His voice is low but demanding. I want to hear that sound for the rest of my life. He demands raggedly, "Let me hear how good I make you feel."

I almost come right then and there. I keep my head buried in his neck, not heeding his demands.

"I could always make you obey me, Riv."

Then with the hand grasping my neck, he forces my head back. My neck is arched to him and there's nowhere to muffle the sounds he's tearing out of me. I moan loudly as he kisses my neck roughly, still pushing his cock in and out of me over and over. I never want it to stop.

His lips and teeth graze my neck, and I let out an animalistic sound at the new, sharp feeling. His whole body works to move against mine in every way. The thrusts inside me, driving deep into the depths of my body, are quick and hard. He pumps himself into me with no hesitation.

"Gray, it feels so good," I groan, feeling him nip at my skin once more. He quickly places a kiss over the same area, contrasting the stinging pain with the pleasure of his tongue over my skin.

"Does it?" He teases, sucking at the exposed center of my neck. Every inch of me is open to him at this moment, and he's taking full advantage of that. I can't get enough of it. Of him.

"Yes," I whimper. "You feel so good inside me. Don't stop."

Gray groans, bringing my head back to him and locking me in a wild kiss. The pleasure and pain I feel between my legs are so great, it's almost numbing. But I'm so aware of him moving roughly inside me, pumping his unbearable thickness in and out of my wet opening. I'm so aware of how close we are, how intimate and natural this moment is.

I shake as I get closer to my release, throwing my head back into his shoulder. I think at one point, I even graze my teeth across the warmth of his shoulder, driven wild with sensations. I feel him everywhere. On me. Inside me. Around me. Deep in my bones.

I moan as I approach the edge, and he groans as well. I tense around his cock, wanting to feel every inch of him entering and exiting me. He lets go of my wrists and puts both hands on my hips, forcing me to still, filled to the brim with his thick length. As I'm locked in place, he just moves his body against mine, simply grinding us together without any thrusts.

The fluid motions stimulates my clit intensely, and he knows the effect he's having on me. With his cock buried deep inside me and his warm skin rubbing against my bundle of nerves, I'm a loose cannon. His movements become more sensual, but his voice still carries the same powerful dominance that he's used to take over this experience.

"Look at me when you come," he orders. I'm so close to the end that I barely hear him. He sounds far away, drowned out by the pleasure wracking through me.

Then he places a hand back on my neck and forces me to look at him. My eyes feel heavy as the wave builds higher. But I keep them open and follow his demand, looking at his grey eyes. They, too, are hazy with pleasure, but they pierce through me all the same.

I'll never get tired of those eyes.

I come hard, and he watches me with tender awe as I moan one last time. I throw my head back, only supported by his firm hand on the back of my neck. The ceiling of my car spins in my vision.

Gray comes shortly after, tightening his grip on me as pressing his back against the seat. His cock throbs inside me, and his warm release overflows inside me. His low groans rumble deep in my chest, and I watch as the man I love unravels before me, inside me.

I watch him knowing that, at last, he is mine again. And I am his.

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X X X put your pants back on X X X

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When our waves have passed, he pulls me toward him for another kiss.

I love this man so much it hurts.

I kiss him with all the fervor I can muster. My body feels so raw after that experience, inside and out, and I rest limply against his chest. Gray holds me up, gathering me in his arms and smoothing his hands over my skin calmly.

When I feel too tired to kiss him any longer, I simply rest my cheek on his shoulder. I sigh against him and let my eyes flutter closed for a second. With his arms around me, I feel so protected and calm.

"I missed you so much," I whisper, my eyes closed. A single tear pricks at my eye and I let it fall onto his shoulder.

Gray's hands rub soothing circles on my lower back. "Me too, Riv. More than you'll ever know," he says gently. I lift my head to look at him. The lustful haziness has left his eyes, and his face has softened just by looking at me. His beautiful eyes glisten and a tear falls.

Tenderly, I kiss him right beneath his eye, on the tear. "I love you, Gray. I'm not going anywhere this time. It's you and me."

He nods, tracing the lines of my face again. "Forever."