TW: suicide, domestic abuse, depressive thoughts.

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I throw myself behind Grayson, shielding myself from whatever just touched my leg. The darkness is thick and, even through my pullover, I can feel the morning chill seep onto my skin. From the way I grip Grayson's bicep, he can probably tell how jumpy I am.

Gray finds my hand with his but I feel him laughing. I smack his arm.

"Babe, I think he was just trying to say hello," he says, gesturing to where I was just standing. I'm about to ask him what the hell he's talking about, when I see him. Or her.

A small, scrawny dog stands in front of us, shaking like a leaf. Its fur is matted and dark, clearly crusted with dirt and grime. It looks pitiful. My heart breaks just looking at it.

"Hey buddy," I say gently, moving out from behind Gray's back. I approach the dog slowly, careful not to scare him off. Squinting through the dark, I can tell it's a boy. His eyes are wide and watery, trained fearfully on me. I want to pick him up and bring him home, but I already know that wouldn't go over well with my parents.

Grayson puts his hand on my waist, holding me back slightly. "Be careful, Riv. He might be rabid."

"And?" I say, not caring if I get bitten. He's all alone out here, malnourished and obviously scared. There's no collar around his thin neck, and he looks like he's been alone for a while.

Without thinking, I pull my sweater over my head and lay it on the ground, patting and coaxing him onto it. "Come on, boy. Are you cold?"

Slowly, he sniffs the ground and makes his way onto my sweater. Sensing his growing trust, I gently fold the arms over him and stroke him through the fabric. With each pet, he shakes less and less. At one point, he licks my hand softly.

"Chewie likes me," I say, looking up at Gray as I continue to pet my new friend.

"Chewie? You named the rabid fleabag?" Gray's arms are folded and he's looking at Chewie with apprehension. I roll my eyes.

"Fleas can be managed. There are shots for rabies. Look! He really likes me, Gray," I coo, bundling Chewie up in my sweater and slowly picking him up. With little effort, I'm able to curl him up in my arms. He's so thin that I can almost feel his tiny bones.

Gray sighs, pulling off his own jacket and placing it around my shoulders. I was so focused, I hadn't even noticed that I was getting cold. I tilt my head up at him. "You don't have to do that, Gray. Put it back on."

"And let you freeze to death with a malnourished dog in your arms? What kind of monster would I be?" He wraps his arm around me. "Besides, you look better in it than I did."

"So your plan is just to steal all my body heat to keep warm?" I ask as he pulls me closer. Chewie looks comfortable snuggled between us, basking in our combined heat. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him quickly. "Sounds good to me."

Grayson looks up at the sky and checks his watch. "We better get going. The sun will be up pretty soon, and I don't think you're up for racing me up this mountain."

I quirk my eyebrow, stroking Chewie's head and hiding a grin. "Is that a challenge, Maddox? Have I ever told you that I brought my soccer team to states for the past four years?"

Even though Peyton did most of the work, Violet and I still tried our best.

"All I hear is talk," he tastes. "Are you accepting the challenge, Avelle?"

"It's on. And I'll do it with Chewie in my arms - that's how good I am." I pretend to blow my nails nonchalantly.

"Deal." Gray agrees, maintaining a challenging look on his face that is making me feel warmer by the second. He continues, "Winner gets a sexual favor of their choice."

Then he's off, striding into the woods before I can process his statement and get a single word out. "Hey! Grayson!" I yell after him, chasing after him straight into the forest. Thankfully, the sky is lightening slightly, and I can vaguely make out a path beaten into the ground.

I ignore the small coil of fear in my stomach and hug Chewie tight to my chest, embracing the adrenaline rushing through me.

I pump my legs, feeling the pleasurable shots of energy racing through my limbs. The wind whips my cheeks and tosses my hair behind me, forcing me to smell and feel the fresh air. My lungs burn in the best way possible, reminding me how long it's been since I last ran. Even without being able to move my arms, my whole body feels invigorating. I feel amazing.

It isn't long at all before I see the cheater striding ahead of me, dodging the rocks and trees on the path and trying to maintain his stolen lead. Clutching Chewie even closer to me, I sprint forward, ignoring the tension growing in my leg muscles.

As I pass him, I smack his ass. "Cheater!" I yell behind me, blasting ahead at full speed. I hear him laugh behind me and try to catch up, but it's no use. There's no stopping me. Before I can stop it, an elated laugh tears from me, echoing off the dense trees and only teasing Gray further.

I just keep running, losing track of time and gaining more distance on Gray, who only seems to be slowing down. Eventually, I realize I can only hear the sounds of my own footsteps and breath. I've left Grayson in my dust and didn't even realize it.

I look back, confirming that Gray is very far behind, and slow down. Looking around, I can't tell how long we've been racing, nor how far we've gone. But the sun is closer to rising now, pouring more and more light through the trees.

My lungs and legs are on fire, and my arms are sore from carrying Chewie, but I feel better than I have in a while. The beauty up here strikes a sensitive chord within me, heightening all my senses. I close my eyes to enjoy it, trying to stay as still as possible.

Then I hear Gray's footsteps, falling fast and heavy on the soft ground. I open my eyes and watch him bound toward me. When he reaches me, he looks winded.

"Holy fuck, Riv," he breathes out heavily, stopping in front of me. He stretches his hands behind his head, probably trying to relieve his cramps. His sweaty muscles flex wildly in front of me.

"Do you give up?" I ask victoriously, petting Chewie like a movie villain. I still can't tear my eyes from Grayson stretching in front of me, but I try to keep my expression neutral.

A smile grows on his winded face. He looks toward the rest of the path, a weird look developing on his face. "We're not there yet."

I get ready to take off again, expecting him to take off to the top and claim his victory. To my surprise, he walks toward me and takes my hand, then starts leading me down the path. I readjust my grip on Chewie and follow him, sensing a difference in Gray's attitude.

We walk silently for a few more minutes, making our way closer to the rising light. Even Chewie is quiet, curling up and falling asleep in the crook of my arm. At some point, Gray leads us off the path into the thick trees, weaving us through the monotonous landscape. But from his mood, I can tell Gray knows exactly where he's taking us.

As we approach our destination, Gray's hand tightens its hold on mine, as if he's nervous about arriving.

When we do arrive, I can't imagine why he would be afraid. It's absolutely gorgeous.

The trees clear at a cliff that overlooks our town, as well as the neighboring city. I can see the skyscrapers' lights still on, illuminating the view in an artificial glow. We're so high up. The endless sky is a mix of blues, purples, and pinks, threatening to burst with the light of the sun. It catches my breath.

In the distance, I see a beautiful bridge arch over a wide river. What I'm seeing seems like a scene from a movie, or a painting.

We are just in time for the sunrise, just as Gray wanted. I wrap my arm around his, looking up at him to catch the joy on his face. But his face is void of emotion, quietly scanning over the landscape. Without uttering a word, he tells me that he's lost in thought.

I remember the quote he wrote for me:

"In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks."

Something tells me that wasn't a random quote. I set Chewie down far from the edge before pressing myself to Gray's side again. "How did you find this place? It's breathtaking."

"My mom used to take me here."

It makes sense now.

"When you were younger?" I try to keep my voice soft and light. Before she died.

He laughs, but the sound is short and emotionless. "At least once a month, like clockwork. Even after he left, she still made the time."

He is his dad, I assume. The one that left. "That sounds nice. Just you and her up here."

Gray looks down at me, analyzing my face. "If you're asking if my dad ever came with us, the answer is no."

That is what I was wondering, but I don't say anything. Without a word, Gray walks to the edge and sits down, hanging his legs off the side of the steep cliff. Swallowing my fear, I do the same, holding onto Gray for balance and dear-life. He holds my hand tight, but focuses on something in the distance. His eyes are far away.

"My dad and I did many things together, but hiking was not one of them. We played football, chess, baseball together." A pause. I rest my head on his shoulder, offering whatever comfort I can.

"He could be the best dad in the world. I looked up to him for everything, followed him everywhere. Like a lost puppy, sometimes." He spits that last sentence out.

He looks down at our clasped hands, but doesn't remove his. I stare at his profile.

"Even when he hurt my mom, I loved him. Even when he hurt me, I pined for his attention." He laughs, letting out a cruel and broken sound that almost breaks my heart.

Then he turns and looks at me, as if he is challenging me to keep listening. I hold my expression.

"It was pathetic? Do you know how fucked up I have to be to have watched my dad beat the living shit out of my mom, then still love him? I let him do things to her, Riv." His voice cracks and he bows his head into his chest. "I just stood by as he drained the life out of her. The woman who loved me, who took me here. I just let it all happen."

"You can't blame yourself for that, Gray. Remember what you told--"

"You can't do that. What I told you has nothing to do with me. Riv, I killed her," he says, raising his voice. He pulls a hand through his hair and over his jaw, as if trying to pull something out of himself.

"That's not true."

"Listen to me, River. How can you hear what I'm saying and still feel the need to tell me these lies?" Suddenly, he stands up, pulling both his hands through his hair roughly. "My dad ruined our lives and left us, and I can fucking deal with that. But my mom? Do you know what I did?"

I stand up, trying to keep his eyes on me. "Nothing you did could have kill--"

"We were sitting right where we just were, Riv. She was already wasting away at that point, barely a shell of the mother I knew. All because of me. I let that happen."

"Gray, it wasn't your fau--"

"River, listen to me. You wanted to know everything to judge for yourself and I'm letting you. But you have to know it all. You have to know how fucked I am."

I don't say anything this time.

"I stood by as my dad took everything from her. Her energy, her beauty, her will to live. Yet she still brought me here, still treated me as if I wasn't her disappointment of a son. And you know what I did? Do you know what I did to my poor, weak mother."

"You were a child."

He shakes his head, a pained smile growing on his face. "I was 12. She had just given birth to Gracie. She was only a few weeks onld at the time but my mom still hauled her stroller up here. Gracie started crying and she asked me to take care of my sister."

It all hits me. I realize where this is going and my mind freezes. I imagine young Grayson sitting here with his mother, trying his best to make her happy. I can hear Gracie's cries. I can hear his mother's fragile voice, asking for Grayson to turn around for a second to take care of Gracie.

My throat feels scratchy, burning with emotion, and it suddenly feels so much colder up here. The sky has frozen in its current state, and the light doesn't do anything to warm us.

I can see what happens next, and I'd give anything to rewrite time to stop it.

"I saw the resigned look on her face, the way my mom was looking at the drop as if it was her saving grace. River, I saw it. I saw it before it happened." Grayson turns his back to me, trying to hide the angry tears that are rushing down his face. My chest is aching, and I wonder if I've pushed him too far.

But I have to know. "What happened, Gray?"

He chokes out a mangled sound, turning back to face me. It's pure pain, all over his face. "I turned to do what she asked. I turned my back to her for a second."

Another choked sound struggles from his throat. I feel tears fall from my eyes but I don't wipe them away. I don't move at all.

"When I turned back around..." He hardens his face, pressing his lips into a grave line.

"When I turned around, she was gone."