10 | always by my side

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Grayson pulls into Peyton's driveway silently, turning the car off. I see Violet's Mercedes already parked in front and I know I should go inside. But still, neither of us moves, trying to hang on to these last few seconds together. The moonlight shines through his windshield, bathing us in a soft glow.

I don't want to leave.

"So," I say, trying to draw out this moment for as long as possible, "Where's Grace tonight? Is she asleep in the trunk or something?"

"I hope not." He stretches his neck side to side, leaning his head back against the seat. "My aunt's watching her tonight."

I turn to him, confused. "Do you live with your aunt?"

Grayson's head shakes. "No. We don't agree on a lot of things so I moved out when I was 18, and took Gracie with me." He finally looks back at me. "Really, the only thing we agree on is keeping Gracie safe, so she helps me out when I need it."

I nod understandingly, scanning his face for any hidden emotions. But he looks calmer than I've ever seen him, staring right back at me. The corner of his mouth tilts up before he speaks. "Why? Prefer her company over mine?"

"Maybe," I tease, wrinkling my nose. The silence falls over us again, comfortably this time. I notice how his hair falls against his forehead, curled more than usual from his sweating earlier. Usually, with his hard stare and pissed-off face, I forget that he's 19, only a year older than me.

It's crazy how responsibility ages you, weighing you down and hardening you before your years. I can't even imagine what he's been through to get to where he is today.

But right now, he's just an incredibly attractive boy watching me with a crooked smile on his face. He looks peaceful.

"Give me your phone," I say, holding out my hand. His eyes widen in surprise, clearly confused by my request. "So I can give you my number. Then you can let me know when you need a babysitter for Grace if your aunt isn't free. I'd love to help."

He slides his phone out of his pocket, handing it to me after unlocking it. The newest iPhone, of course. His background is of a much younger Grayson cradling a small, pink bundle - Grayson holding baby Grace. I stare at it for a few seconds, my heart melting a bit, before texting my own number.

My phone dings in my pocket from the message I sent and I hand the phone back to him, feeling his hand graze mine momentarily before pulling away.

He clears his throat. "So now that you've conned me into giving you my phone number, I think now would be a good time to point out the two figures watching us through the window."

I laugh, unbuckling my seat belt. "I'm not surprised. And what do you think I'm going to do with your number? Sign you up for daily porn text messages?"

"Those are a thing? How do you even know about that?" He runs his hand through his hair, chuckling.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, sweetheart," I muse, opening the door and getting out. I lean over and pop my head back in for a second. "And don't act like you wouldn't enjoy it."

"I plead the fifth." He holds his hand up in mock surrender, before leaning over to see me better.

"Bye, Coach," he says.

"Bye, Grace's brother," I respond, closing the door and walking up to Peyton's front door. I'm well aware of his Audi still sitting in the driveway as I step inside. He only starts the car and drives off when the front door is closed behind me. A real gentleman, I think.

"You fucking slut," Violet squeals, tugging my arm while jumping up and down with excitement as soon as I step inside. "You slept with him, didn't you. Didn't you?!"

"Vi, calm your shit," Peyton says. "Whether or not River chooses to engage in sexual intercourse with merciless criminals is her business only. If she gets murdered, that's on her."

"Hey!" I say to Peyton, ripping my arm from Violet's death grip. "I did not sleep with him and he is not a merciless criminal. You guys don't know him like I do."

"Oh, you think you know him now? You're such a simp-ass." Peyton says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You didn't sleep with him?" Violet asks, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

I can't handle both of them right now and rub my eyes, groaning. "Can I eat something before I am bombarded with questions? I've had a long night."

Peyton still look suspicious but she uncrosses her arms, coming over to me and wrapping her arms around me. Violet skips over and joins in on the hug. "Was his dick big, at least?" she whispers.

I laugh and push them off. "You guys are the worst."

We eventually make our way upstairs to Peyton's room and flop onto her king-sized bed to order pizza. I change into a pair of Peyton's t-shirts and track shorts and roll myself in her comforter, closing myself off from the world.

"So," Violet starts, full of energy. "You gonna tell us what happened or do we have to waterboard the information out of you?"

I groan in response. Violet jumps up and wraps her long legs around me, hooking her arm around my throat and locking me in a chokehold. I laugh and gasp for breath, rolling us both over in an attempt to throw her off of me.

"Tell me tell me tell me tell me!" Violet chants, holding her grip firmly. Peyton just watches from the other end of the bed, eating Cheez-Its without batting an eyelash. I eventually give up trying to relax in her cage of limbs.

"I got in a fight with my parents," I finally say, drained. Violet crawls off me and sits next to my sprawled form, resting her head in her hands, listening intently. Neither of them push the subject further, already aware of my strained relationship with my parents and sensing my emotional fatigue.

Also, as much as I love Vi and Pey, I feel like they could never fully understand my situation, despite how hard they try to. They're the best friends I could ever ask for but, looking at the candid pictures of Peyton's family posted on her wall, I know there are some parts of me they can't understand as well as...

...As well as Grayson understood me in that moment earlier tonight.

I would never hold it against Violet or Peyton but it was a breath of fresh air talking with Grayson and somehow knowing that he didn't question or judge what I was saying about my parents. Seeing the look of calm understanding in his eyes as I described my complicated feelings toward the people who raised me.

I'd never felt that before, and that tingly feeling still lingers in the back of my mind. I'm still thinking about it when I see a windbreaker in the corner, striped with the colors of our rival high school. Even though it's wrinkled on the floor, I make out the word "FOOTBALL" sewn onto the back.

"Pey, whose jacket is that. What losers are you hanging out with?" I joke, hopping up to retrieve the jacket. My hand only picks it up an inch off the ground before Peyton snatches it out of my grasp, holding it to her chest, her face slightly pink.

"N...no one," she stutters, suddenly nervous and defensive. She throws the jacket in her closet and slams the door shut, flopping back on her bed and acting like she wasn't sweating just a second earlier.

Violet looks at her with narrowed eyes. "Pey, do you have a boo you're not telling us about? Come on, what's his name? You saw what I did to get information out of River. Come on, Pey," she whines.

"Weren't we talking about River before? Yeah, let's go back to River. I wanna talk about River. His dick was big, right?" Peyton rambles. Violet immediately perks up at the idea of talking about me and Grayson, forgetting about the jacket completely.

I don't point out how flustered Peyton looks. Or how Pey never told us what she was doing before I called in my SOS. Or the word "FLAG" I saw stiched above the word "FOOTBALL", and the fact that every school in our district only has girls on their Flag Football teams.

It's not my place to say. I do Peyton a favor and finally open up about Grayson, taking the heat off her.

"I just...am starting to see a different side of him, that's all," I say as vaguely as possible.

Violet snorts, balancing a pillow on her feet. "His kinky side, maybe? Let me ask, were ballgags and handcuffs involved in this interaction?"

"Not everyone is into having someone spit into their mouth, you freak. Now let the girl talk," Peyton says, knocking off Vi's pillow with her foot.

I wrap myself tighter in the blanket. "I know the stories about him and his reputation but there's this funny, caring aspect to him that no one really cares to notice." I find myself thinking of his piercing grey eyes and the way his lips curl into the slightest of smiles when he's amused. The way his eyes light up when Grace is around, and the way he seemed to light up under the stars.

"Riv, you saw him last year. He was in, what, a hundred fights in a matter of months before he got kicked out? And that was only because he almost killed that innocent guy. Tatum, that's his name," Peyton says, sitting up to look at me. Her dark blonde hair is tied into a loose bun on the top of her head and I focus on it to avoid looking her in the eye.

"His name was Tyler," I correct. But I know she's right about everything else. I want to bury myself in this blanket and forget everything.

"Tyler, Shmyler, whatever. The point is, I didn't give a shit when you were just joking about being with him. But now, you're seriously considering dating a dude who once made a guy shit himself in the cafeteria, and I have to be honest with you," Peyton says, not harshly. "He treated you like dog shit that first day of practice. If he acts like that to an absolute stranger, imagine how he treats his girlfriend."

I sit up, frustrated with the way she's assuming things about him. But I know where her heart is and I suddenly feel like crying, pissed off at the way I'm feeling. Am I really making a mistake, giving him a chance? My head is swimming painfully and I feel overwhelmed.

"You know I only have your best interests in mind and I can't stand the thought of you putting yourself out there, taking a chance on him, only to get hurt when he pushes you away. You have to think of yourself and whether or not you're willing to sacrifice your own happiness for his," Peyton says softly, putting her arm around me. I rest my head on her shoulder and let out a breath, confused beyond belief.

Thankfully, the doorbell rings with the pizza delivery and Peyton rushes downstairs with cash. I stay put, staring off into the distance, trying to get my thoughts in order.

Violet, who has been silent through this ordeal, sits in Peyton's spot, hugging me. "You know the best thing about you, Riv? You always see the best in people. We don't know your relationship with him and we'll never know the way you feel. All we know is we love you and we want what's best for you."

I sniff, looking into her slanted brown eyes, urging her to go on. "And if a hardcore, hot-ass bad boy is what makes you happy in the long run, then so be it. But until he proves himself worthy of our girl, we're gonna bust his balls. And I know they're big, so we're gonna be pretty harsh on him."

I laugh at her little speech, giving her a slobbery kiss on her soft cheek. She giggles, wiping it off dramatically and tackling me with another hug. Much of my fear and anxiety fades away having her comforting me.

When Peyton gets back with two large pizzas and two liters of Orange Fanta, they both help me wipe my tiny tears away and we lighten the mood. We turn on the last Fifty Shades of Grey movie, ignoring the irony of the name, and cry together at the beautiful ending.

In each others' arms, we laugh and cry together, knowing that no matter what happens outside these four walls, we'll always have this.

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