Chapter 17

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***

Chapter 17

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Mother nature decided to visit today.

And she brought uncle cramps with ugly cousin moodiness, who've been whining for a heating blanket and rocky road ice cream all morning.

The black lingerie lays neglected on my bed, offended at my body's timing.

It's not like I have a date today or anything.

Now it's pointless. Why put yourself through such pain without a happy ending?

Dates are overrated, underwhelming, and obligatory rituals we follow just to mask our physical motives. The fact that men need to walk and feed us to earn the justification to get some is just as ridiculous as us requiring to be pampered before we get railed.

So obviously, based on this sound reasoning, I announce the following when Jake calls.

"I'm on my period."

"Uhm...ok." He chuckles. "Good morning to you too."

"No, like...I'm on my period. So we should probably reschedule."

"I'm so confused."

I give him another moment, but he doesn't continue. "We can't fuck."

Silence...

"It's not permanent..." I say.

He sighs. "If you don't feel well, I'll drop off some chocolate, tacos, or In-n-Out and reschedule the date. But if you're fine, I want you outside by 4 p.m."

I blush. "Fine."

"Good girl." He says and hangs up before I'm able to cuss him out.

~

I'm on the floor of my living room next to the floor-length cottage window. It overlooks the great jacaranda tree. A pool of lavender petals swim beneath. The gentle breeze plays with a few of them every once in a while.

My phone rings, and I put down my book to check who's bored enough to remember me.

"Molly?" I wonder what her mother must've done now for her to call me. Memories of our last session and the parking lot meltdown with Jake flood my mind.

I hear sniffles on the other line. "H-hi Mia...sorry to b-bother you. I didn't know who to call."

"What's going on?"

"I-I really need to see you, but my mom refuses to pay and dad's out of town..."

"Girl, don't worry about it. Can you meet me at my office?"

~

It's 3:30 PM and I'm at a park with Molly who didn't have a car to meet me across town.

I ignore the tiny villains in my stomach. "So what's going on?"

She sighs and collects herself. "Nick and I got into a fight."

"How come? I thought you guys were getting along so well."

"We were," she whines softly. "It was so perfect at first. But lately, I feel like he's been asking for too much. He doesn't understand me. And I just— like today, my mom got me this gift—"

"Your mom got you a gift?" I blurt and cover my mouth. "Sorry, continue."

She smiles. "I know, I was surprised too. So, I was like 'oh my God, maybe she's changing.' Boy, was I wrong. You know what she got me? She got me a mug set that said 'designated listener' and 'designated speaker'. She said the second one was for her and laughed about it."

"That's such a narcissistic product." I scowl. "Probably designed by a narcissist. You'll never see the 'designated listener' buy it."

Her eyes go wide. "Thank you. That's what I said. Anyway, I was already having a shitty day. And I told Nick about it and he thought it was funny!" She wipes her eyes. "God, everyone sucks. I wish I could transport to another planet and be done with people."

I give her a small smile. "Can I get a ticket too?"

Her face softens. "Yes! You're the only one I'd take with me. Though you'd just be doing that for me and I wouldn't want to put you through that."

"I can relate to your feelings of wanting to be away from people." I bite my lip hesitantly. "We're not as different as you think."

"Really?"

I nod. "I uh...I also have a difficult mother."

"And you turned out like this? That means I'm not hopeless." She exclaims and I smile.

"At your age, I was living in a motel room and had no one to talk to except the critic in my head. So don't worry, you'll turn out much better than I'll ever be."

"Gosh..." She gasps before folding into herself. "Is it horrible that I feel bad, but also relieved to know I'm not alone?"

"The opposite, actually." I smile gently. "You feel bad, because you feel compassion. And because you relate to what I went through, you unconsciously turn that compassion to yourself. That's why you feel relief."

She sighs in relief. "I just wish I could be more comfortable around Nick. I'm so scared of how he might respond."

"You've been forced to hide parts of yourself ever since you were little, it's only natural for you to believe that others will respond the same way as your mom."

My phone vibrates on the bench between us with Jake's name. It's 3:45.

"Don't assume that Nick will hurt you." I lean close to her. "I know it sucks that he didn't understand the reason you were mad, but don't assume the worst. That's your critic using perfectionism against both you and him. We do that to avoid getting emotionally invested."

"But it's terrifying, Mia." She points her chin at my phone that's ringing again. "That's your boyfriend, right? Have you opened up to him?"

Well, that backfired.

"I plan to." I take a sip of my tea. "Today."

"Are you guys going to have sex?"

I cough the tea all over myself. "Ok, we're crossing a line."

"Sorry..." She shrugs sheepishly. "I feel like you're my older sister."

My phone rings again. My heart beats faster. Molly smiles.

"If you have to see him, then go. I want to learn later how you open up to him."

~

"I'm so sorry!" I shout at the pale-faced pedestrian after my foot slams on the brakes.

"Learn how to drive!" The old woman flips me off.

I pull up on my street and park behind Jake's car. It's fucking 4:30 PM.

"I'm so sorry!" I run up to him, breathlessly motioning at his outfit. "You look... amazing by the way. The whole...black shades... hair...bravissimo."

Amusement sneaks his annoyed features. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Molly just had an emergency and I couldn't say no. Then I drove here... like super fast... killed a grandma, almost... and I'm just full of adrenaline."

He smirks. "Get in the car."

~

We get in the car and I take note of my pink sweater with blue jeans and white sneakers. "I look like a freshman on her first day of school."

"Nah, it's perfect for where we're going." He's laser focused on switching lanes. "I just hope we don't miss it."

"Don't worry." I wave him off. "I haven't gone on a date in so long, I don't have any expectations."

"Good, cause we're going to a McDonald's parking lot."

"Yeah, right." I roll my eyes. "I bet you made a reservation at a fancy restaurant. The ones that play fancy music in the bathroom for a fancy pooping experience."

"Oh, yeah? You want to have a fancy pooping experience?"

"I'm just saying I'd prefer to skip this stuff and head straight to the bedroom." No need to pretend and do these charades. We all know how it's supposed to end.

"Sorry, but you're going to have to earn my body." He puts his hand on his chest, batting his lashes. "I'm not that type of a guy."

"I pulled you into the bathroom, ten minutes after we met," I deadpan.

"You were an exception." He murmurs. My breath hitches. He pulls out a black cloth and hands it to me. "Put this on."

I scowl at the material. "Blindfolds?"

"So you don't see where we're going."

"Good, it'll distract me from your driving."

~

An unknown amount of time later, Jake parks and opens my door. The air is chilly and moist. Ocean waves crashing the shore flood my ears.

"You brought me to the beach? In December?" I ask as he takes my hand. "I'm not getting in that cold water!"

"What? You're not down for boogie boarding?" he teases, leading me onto what feels like a sandy path.

The wind blows my hair all over the place and seagulls scream above my head. Jake stops after a minute or so and I wrap my arms around myself.

"Okay, don't take the blindfold off. I'll be right back."

"Huh?" I panic but he doesn't respond. Okay, I'm guessing he's gone.

I focus on the sounds around me for some clues, but the wind blocks everything. A minute or so later though, someone passes by, breathing heavily, then disappears again. Then it happens again. Then again.

"Jake?" I ask but there's no response. Faint laughter from afar piques my curiosity even more. I bounce impatiently.

"Okay..." Jake pants somewhere in front of me. "Take ten steps forward and take the blinds off."

My stomach flutters with anticipation. I count each step and stop at ten. My heart thumps nervously as I take the blindfold off and lose my breath.

The sky is painted with shades of pink and gold. Rosy brushstrokes bleed into indigo waters and kiss the bronze shores. The glowing sun rims the edge of the earth, spreading a path of diamonds towards us.

And that's not all.

Candles and pink roses surround a blanket in front of me. The center holds champagne glasses, grapes, strawberries and silver cutlery. There's a white ceramic container with chicken and vegetables.

And that's still not all.

In front of that dinner stands Jake holding a bouquet of roses, smiling at me.

"I wanted to give you the best date you've ever had."

My jaw is on the floor. I wander around him and his work in slow motion, not believing that any of it is real. This can't be for me. He did this for me?

"Do you like it?" he continues, amused by my reaction.

My mind fails to conjure up a worthy reply. This is too much. I don't deserve it. Why would he do this for me? And why am I not happy about it?

I lower my eyes and kneel on the blanket, then hand him the bottle.

"Can you open this?"

He chuckles and sits too. "Sure."

The cork pops and he takes my glass to fill it. I chug it without cheering.

"Wait..." I scowl at the empty glass. "How come this tastes so good?"

"Cause it's apple cider. You don't like alcohol."

My eyes snap to his and melt from the warmth in them. I muster a smile and gaze at the sunset, wishing it'd never set. Wishing I was normal.

Jake puts some food on my plate. "Try this before it gets cold."

"What is it?"

"Bacon wrapped around chicken. I remember you ordered a side of bacon that time we had brunch, so I wanted to try something different."

Come on. How is he so perfect? Where's the joke? Where's the catch?

The present drowns underwater. I separate behind a glass wall. Millions of thoughts disassociate me from this moment. From my body. From him.

My spine aches with dread. Hands clench. Eyes threaten to water. I want this so bad yet I'm terrified to have it. I know I don't deserve it. I know it'll get taken away.

"Oh my God, how cute! Do you guys want a picture?" A cheerful voice of a woman standing on our left pulls my attention.

Jake smiles. "Sure, that'd be—"

"No, thanks," I blurt.

'Oh...ok..." Her excitement falters and she turns on her heel. "Have a good one."

His smile fades as he focuses on cutting the chicken, but doesn't eat any. My brain struggles for words, but I'm filled with so much shame and guilt.

He switches our plates to cut the other chicken too. I swallow the lump in my throat and push a fork into a piece, try to chew but don't taste anything. I take a grape and feel full.

You ruined it. You absolutely ruined it. 

I should've just canceled when Molly called.

Molly.

I look at Jake who has his face down. Study his features, expecting contempt. Disappointment. Anger. But I see none.

His black hair trembles in the wind. Arms relaxed by his sides. Arms that have held me so many times, no matter what my mood has been. No matter how dark and brutal I've been.

I get up and step away from the blanket. Kneel on the sand and bury my hands in it. Bring a small hill together and grab the bottom to put it on top.

Jake watches with confusion as I take out my phone and angle it at him. I press on the timer and straddle his lap, wrap my arms around his neck.

"Prepare for the best picture of your life," I say and I kiss him.

Lips and limbs embrace as we lose ourselves in each other. His chest presses against mine, piecing me back together like an ointment on a cracked wound.

Twilight cloaks around us by the time we pull away. His drunken gaze holds mine in a bind. Specks of hope shine in them. Brighter than the moon.

"You ready to go?" He murmurs and I nod, kissing him again.









~~ A/N ~~

The credit for Jake's date idea goes completely to my husband. 🥰 That was our first date. Blindfolds, 10 steps, "best date you've ever had," sunset at the beach, roses, etc. ❤️

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