Chapter 37

Jade woke early the next morning in a state of fear. She felt as if her whole body had become paralysed and the only thing, she could move were her eyes. She wanted to reach for her phone to call for help, but her arms wouldn't move. Everything felt as if it was underwater and she was drowning. Jade didn't know how long she stayed in this state of fear until she felt her fingers twitch as if her body telling her she was alive and able to move.

She slowly pushed herself up on the bed and groaned when she saw it was 5 in the morning. She rubbed her face and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and never leave. 

She was tempted. 

So tempted, but she had to go to her appointment and had a list of things she had to do today and not all of them were pleasant.

Still pissed off at Marcus she texted her Dad to see if he was busy during the day. She was still lying in bed when her phone rang.

"Hello." She was tired, she was beyond tired with everything in her life.

"Hi Jade, what did you need help with today." Jade didn't realise she missed her dad until she heard his voice and started crying.

"Jade are you okay? Is something wrong?" Her father said of panic and Jade smiled sadly to herself.

"No, I just missed you Dad and I'm sorry for everything." Her father sighed on the other end. Marcus had informed him of the changes in Jade and he was happy that she was getting better, but he wasn't sure how he felt about her happiness being created by multiple strong pills.

"It's alright Jade. These past couple of months have been hard. What did you need?" So, Jade told him about her appointment she needed a lift to and what she needed to go afterwards.

"Jade are you sure that's a good idea." Her father asked hesitantly. He wasn't sure that was the best thing for her recovery.

"I need to Dad." So, her father agreed and was happy he got to spend the day with his daughter.

"Okay, I'll see you soon." She said and hung up the phone. Rubbing her hands over her face Jade forced herself to get out of the bed which took a lot of effort and she nearly fell off the chair. She pushed herself into her kitchen took her needed medication and went to her front door where her shopping was waiting for her. She could reach down and grab all the bag and place them on her lap. Due to her not feeling any pain in her legs she could upload all the bags in one go and wheel herself over to the kitchen to put everything away.

Once Jade was finished, to keep her mind busy, she cleaned her already spotless house, but really, she used it as an excuse to see if maybe Marco and Marcus forgot to get rid of some alcohol. However, her attempts were fruitless, and she found herself sitting in her lounge room gripping her hair, trying to stop the onslaught of memories that were trying to break free from their suppression.

Next door Marcus was just about to head over to Jade's to get her up and ready for her appointment, so he got more than a shock when he opened up his door and saw Jade's father about to knock on the door.

"Hey, Mark. What are you doing here?" Marcus questioned, and he walked over to greet the older man. Both men shook hands with each other before they broke apart and looked at Jade's door.

"Jade asked me to take her to her appointment today." Mark didn't want to mention Jade's other plan because he knew Marcus would agree with him that it was a bad idea.

"Oh," Marcus replied shocked that Jade had rung her father. They hadn't spoken in a couple of weeks and it wasn't because Jade's father didn't want to talk, but more the fact that Jade's mood was unpredictable and last time her father was round Jade told him to leave and never come back.

"Trust me, I was as surprised as you. Whether she will go is a different story." Marcus agreed as her father knocked on the door and they waited for Jade to open. It took a while, but Jade wheeled herself over to the door and smiled when she saw it was her father. It was a forced smile, but at least she smiled. She thought to herself, however, that fake smile fell when she saw Marcus standing next to her father.

So instead of acknowledging he was there she turned to her father and gave him a fake smile again.

"I'm ready when you are." She said, and Marcus couldn't help but noticed the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep and the redness in her eyes showing she had been crying. He wanted to ask if she was okay, but the venom in her look whenever she glanced his way told him to keep his mouth shut.

"Sure, let's go." Marcus watched as Jade left and went back into his house without saying a word to Jade.

"So, what the go with you and Marcus." Her father asked once they entered the lift.

"Nothing Dad." Jade looked in her lap and yawned. She got hardly any sleep last night and was up early in the morning and wanted to do nothing more than lay in bed and sleep.

"Okay. How are you doing?" The elevator dinged showing they had reached the bottom floor. Jade didn't know how to respond so she just shrugged her shoulders. She was a mess everything felt so out of whack and nothing in her life felt natural anymore. She felt like she was drowning and there was no one to save her, but herself.

"How are Nicole and the kids?" She asked trying to change the subject.

"They are good Emily misses you and Jamie is turning into a handsome little fella. You should come over for dinner. We all miss you, Jade." He wanted to say it felt like their third chance to be in Jade's life after almost losing her twice, but he kept that thought to himself.

"Maybe." She said as her father helped her into the car and they drove off to her appointment.

***

"Okay, Jade you are doing great." She had been told for the hundredth time even though she was still staring at the glass of water before her trying to remember how to pour a cup. They had shown her many times, but still, her stupid fucking brain couldn't process it.

"You don't need to fucking tell me again." She snapped at Jane her occupational therapist. She wanted to leave, her brain was already so tired, and it was pointless. They started off with some stretches for her legs before playing some brain games to get her mind working. Other than that she had sat in front of the glass for water for the last 20 minutes.

"It's okay to be frustrated, these things take time. One day your brain will click together like a puzzle and it will all make sense. Until then we need to work on you adjusting to everyday life with your new circumstances." Jade decided she didn't like Jane. The young OT was too happy and bubbly, it was nauseating to listen to her upbeat voice and preppy attitude as she instructed her through her exercise. She knew this would not work if she had to listen to preppy Jane almost every day.

"Fuck it I'm done." She said and pushed herself away from the table. She looked and joyful Jane and saw she was still smiling.

"It's okay Jade, let us try a different exercise." Jane walked away and Jade just shook her head.

"No, I am done with you and I am done or the day." Jane stopped in her tracks and turned around with a smile still on her stupid face.

"That's okay we can try again tomorrow." She smiled at Jade and went to grab the handles of her wheelchair and Jade just snapped.

"Don't you touch this fucking chair. I'm not a fucking cripple." She watched and joyful Jane became jumpy Jane.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as a timid mouse and Jade pushed herself out of the room and Jane didn't follow.

"Jade you finished 15 minutes early." Her father commented when he saw Jade angrily pushing herself out of the room.

"I want a different OT. Preferably someone who doesn't make my ears bleed and someone who isn't so fucking happy all the time it made me want to vomit." Her father said nothing as a timid, shy girl came out of the same room, but she was smiling with a skip in her step. One look at the young OT and Mark knew this was not the OT for Jade.

"We can find someone new." Her father said as he grabbed her handles and pushed her out. Jade didn't mind her father pushing her chair because the truth was,  her arms were so sore she thought they would fall off. Over the months she had lost her upper body strength, and she knew the moment her body was healed she was getting back into the gym.

Her father pushed her 2 levels down where they went to wait to talk to the doctor about the results of the CT she had yesterday.

Jade waited in the same stark white room as she did yesterday, so she closed her eyes for a few minutes of shut-eye. It gave her time to think and rest her mind for just two seconds.

"Jade Jennings." The reception called for and she opened her eyes and nodded towards her father to help push her in.

"Good afternoon Jade. Congratulations on your first therapy appointment." She just shrugged her shoulder. Nothing was accomplished, and she felt even more like a failure than ever and Joyful Jane wasn't any help.

"Can I request a different OT I can't stand the one they have assigned me." The doctor looked at her file and saw who Jade's OT and even he knew that would have been a terrible idea.

"No problem. I have just the person in mind." He grinned to himself because he knew Andrea wasn't going to take any of Jade shit.

"So, your scans are looking good." He pulled out her brain scans and showed them onto the screen.

"This here is still a little swollen, so we will have to keep an eye on it, but otherwise it is looking good. This darker shade is slightly worrying though. This your frontal lobe which controls your emotions and impulses. The darkness is where the trauma has occurred. We expected t to improve from last time you were here, but it hasn't. I see Helen has prescribed you the right medication to help control this through a mood stabiliser. The damage to your temporal lobe is still the same." The doctor pointed to all the area's and Mark was concerned because there was a lot of darker shades on Jade's brain.

"So, what can we do to help?" The doctor looked at Jade's father and smiled.

"At the moment the best thing for Jade is to keep up therapy, monitor her moods and just keep moving about. It's hard to tell if any of this is permanent." The doctor kept talking jargon with her father and her zone out.

"What about my legs?" Jade eventually question, and the doctor sighed.

"I'm not sure Jade. It's hard to tell, the damage to your nerves in your legs was severe. Not only with nerve damage, but your legs are also being held together by a lot of metal pins and rods. Here let me show you." The doctor pulled down the picture of her brain and pulled up an x-ray of her legs and Jade frowned.

Looking at the amount of metal that now lived in her legs was stockily a lot. She didn't realise, just how much of her body was now made of metal.

"I am not sure what happened, but you are very lucky to even have legs, Jade. You had multiple infections throughout your time in a coma and we considered amputation of both legs. It would have been a full leg amputation because there was so much damage. Your body was rejecting the metal and even now there is the worry that your body still might reject it." Jade looked down at her lap and wondered if it would have been better if she lost both her legs.

"However, there is also a chance your body may repair itself, but it is hard to tell because it is such early stages." Jade nodded her head in understanding and tuned out for the rest of the appointment as her father and doctor discussed the next stage in her recovery.

Jade wasn't sure how she felt. She knew she should be happy to be alive, but there was also a part of her that wished she had just died. To avoid all this pain both physical and mental she felt on a day-to-day basis. The guilt that was eating her up inside that she wasn't able to save everyone. She didn't know how anyone else was doing, but she knew 100% with everything in her heart that Taylor was not coming back. That she didn't have a dream that what she saw yesterday was real and it was killing her she couldn't save him. That he felt the need to give up his own life for her's.

"Jade." She hummed and looked towards her father and doctor. "Did you have any other questions, Jade?" She shook her head and her father stood up. And said his thanks and pushed Jade out. She was silent the whole trip back to the car and when her father helped her into the seat, they sat in the car park for some time.

"Jade, you don't have to do this." Her father said, but she needed to do this otherwise the guilt would eat away her insides until there was nothing left.

"I need to please." So, her father agreed and started the car. It was a silent trip but, not uncomfortable, each was lost in their own thought as they drove through Sydney. Traffic wasn't bad, so they arrived a little earlier than Jade intended.

She looked up at the single-story house and wondered if this was the right thing to do. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she saw a man walk out the house Jade nodded towards her father who opened the door and grabbed Jade's chair out. She saw the man stop what he was doing and watched as his face crumpled with loss and grief as she wheeled herself around the side of the car, so he could see who it was.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll call you when I am done." Her father placed a gentle, firm hand on her shoulder as she pushed herself over to the man who was still standing where he was.

"Hello, Mr Taylor. I was wondering if I could speak to you and your wife."