The bright sun was blinding, pinning me down in the inflatable donut raft that one of the girls demanded I lay on while lounging in the pool.  In all honesty, I would've been more than happy to ditch the party altogether, but Miles and Wilt wanted to see me off to New York on a good note. 

Screaming and pitches of laughter caught my attention at the edge of the pool and having had enough of my 'relaxation time', I slid off of the plastic float and into the clear blue water of the frat house's pool, the cool water immediately chilling my overheated skin and sending bumps along my body. 

"Eli!  It's so good to see you again!  I thought you'd be in L.A. by now or something..." Maddie said while twirling a piece of extra curly blonde hair, the ringlet getting caught on some jewelry on her wrist that she definitely shouldn't have been wearing to a pool party, and it definitely screamed 'trying too hard'.  

Since V, very girl lacked in comparison. 

Where one girl was all fake tits, eyelash extensions and spray tans, V was authentic, real, unguarded and raw, in your face about the bullshit that she refused to take from anyone. 

My mind reeled me back to the media articles that showed her at her father's funeral, an event that I was too damn afraid to attend.  

I was so scared of her even seeing me in person that I chickened out at the last second.  What a fucking coward.  

But it wouldn't have been the right time to see her, anyway.  Was she mourning the father she had, or the father she wished he would have been?  And the picture of her kneeling at her mother's grave in the rain?  A dramatic exit when a stranger carried her away in the middle of a storm? 

The press was having a field day with it, calling her unhinged over her father's death especially after the truth came out about her mother.  They said 'sources close to her' were going to give an exclusive.  I could count on one hand the amount of people close to that girl, and her cousin, ex and her aunt were the only ones slimy enough to promise to a tell all interview like that.  They disgusted me. 

"Umm...Eli?"

"What?  Oh.  Hey.  Yeah, I got back from L.A. the other day and I'm out of here next week for New York."

My words were short and clipped, and from the small divot in her eyebrows pulling my focus from the stripper heels she'd paired with a barely there bikini, I knew she realized that I still hadn't gotten over the fact that she was basically the reason that I was no longer with V. 

Loud bass pumped from the speakers nearby and I could just barely tune out Maddie, but if I wanted a clean getaway, I'd need to grin and bear it otherwise she wouldn't leave me alone for the rest of the night.  

The guys called it 'paying your respects'.  If you showed her the smallest amount of attention that would keep her happy the rest of the night, then she would move on to the next guy in line.  It was fucked up, and it was only Maddie that they used the phrase with, but it was fitting, because it really worked.  Every time. 

"I think you're so brave to be here, with everyone.  You know, especially after what's going on with Matthew and...well, you know.  I think you're so strong, and I know hope you know you don't have to pretend with me.  I can help you move on, like she has."

Maddie's hand was on my bicep, her eyes looking into mine longingly, but I didn't care.  She could've stomped on my balls in that moment and I wouldn't really have noticed. 

"What do you mean, what's going on with Matthew?"

I had had this sinking feeling in my gut since becoming friends with my sometimes roommate.  A feeling that the other shoe was going to drop when I was least expecting it, like he was just waiting to get his revenge on me for what I'd done to him in high school.  

Things had just been too good, like they were too good to be true.  Sure, I was lonely as fuck, and hadn't had a single girl in my bed since the last time I had been with V, but that was just what it was.  I was just waiting on the right time to find her, and hope that things had changed.  God, something had to fucking change.  I couldn't keep going on like I had been, but I had another gut feeling that what Maddie had to say was going to change everything. 

"Well...with Matthew and Virginia being together, you know?  It's all over Perez Hilton, TMZ, shit-they even did an E News Rundown report on it on Snapchat.  Erin Lim is hilarious when she wants to be, but it must've sucked to see that when you're clearly still in love with the girl."

My fingers had never flown to a celebrity rumors app so quickly in my entire life.  One quick Google search for Virginia Bruins, and there it was in screaming color. 

Matthew was there behind her at the airport, his hand on the small of her back, a picture of them on the airplane sitting closely together, her hand on his arm, them laughing together...

What.  The.  Fuck. 

How many times had I spent, drunk off my ass drowning my sorrows and bitching and moaning about how much I just wanted one girl, this girl, my girl that he had his hands all over?  How many times had Matthew told me to give it a rest, to move on, to get over her by getting under someone else? 

Except then it hit me like lightning.  She wasn't my girl, not anymore.  I had no claim over her.  She could do whatever she wanted.  She wasn't my property, it wasn't like I could call dibs on a human being...but damn if it didn't hit me like a bullet through the fucking chest. 

My so-called new best friend, and my ex girlfriend, the one I'd been pining over for months and months, together so carelessly over how much it would hurt me when it got out?  

But after a quick dive on their profiles, they weren't officially together in that sense, they had only been seen together once on an airplane and at the airport.  Maybe it wasn't that serious...maybe there was still a chance. 

Was this the universe's way of telling me to pull my head out of my ass, quit being a coward and finally reach out to her?  Finally tell her how I really feel? 

Except the last time that I told her how I truly felt, she pushed me away again and again.  I told her I'd wait for her and she left and blocked my number.  

What more could I do?  Was this also a sign to just get over her and move on? 

But could I, when there was no one else like her and I couldn't get her out of my fucking head?  It was like she was an annoying song stuck on repeat in an endless loop in my mind that I couldn't turn off, like my mind was a constant whirl of 'Virginia, Virginia, Virginia', and it would never stop, not until I made things right, not until I finally went to her and told her...

Told her what?  That I loved her, that I wanted to be with her? 

I tried that once, and she told me that she couldn't trust me anymore, because of what had happened with Maddie.  And there I was, giving the same girl the same attention that had gotten me in trouble in the first place. 

I wanted to pull my hair out at the absurdity of it all.  I had tons of girls in my DM's constantly, begging me to meet up, sending me nude pictures from out of nowhere that I never asked for.  And somehow, I just didn't give a shit about any of it. 

They'd grind on me at clubs, whisper in my ear the things they wanted me to do to them, but none of them got my blood hot. 

I didn't want dirty, quick sex with a stranger.  I wanted a connection.  Because after all the trauma I'd gone through in my life, I didn't want a meaningless fling that would mean nothing.  I didn't want to be the guy that bulldozed through women just because I could. 

That used to be me.  I didn't want to be him anymore. 

"Sorry Maddie, I have to go."

I tore off away from her, leaving her staring after me with a dumbstruck look on her face since I didn't speak with her long enough, like I usually did when she came around the frat parties that I actually attended when I was in town. 

I called up my manager and he picked up on the first ring. 

"Eli, what can I do for you son?"

"I need to move up my New York trip by a few days.  I know you said the All Star game was being held there this year and I want to get in on it.  Can you get me a ticket, maybe to the VIP lounge, or a box, any box?"

I needed a good excuse to make it to New York early, otherwise there was no way my manager would agree to me spending so much money to change my flight. 

"Uhh, sure.  I'll get your flight changed and get you a ticket.  I can maybe even see if I can get you in a box with Johnson Pierce, he's been asking for an audience with you for a while, since he got me to represent you, actually.  You're lucky to have someone that big on your side.  How did you two get in so good anyway?"

"Something to do with a girl.  Thanks man, I appreciate it."

I had barely locked my phone when Matthew's name popped up on my screen. 

"Your first words better be explaining why the hell you're all over the internet with Virginia."

***

Author's Note:

Dun dun dunnnn

is he going to NY to confront his feelings about V head on, or to get closure? 

Will V finally accept her insecurities and fears and let her guard down? 

Will Matthew try to sabotage it all?!

Updates becoming more frequent from here on out, the family is healed up from COVID and I'm hoping it's smooth sailing from here on out!

Thank you all for being so patient with me while I took care of my family and our health!  I love you and appreciate your support more than you could ever know!

Until next time my lovely readers, 

Kristen :)