I barely held on for the first week while I waited for Riley to decide if she wanted to give me another chance. Every day was longer than the next and became too much to bear. I could barely get out of bed to function in the real world.

By the end of the second week, I had abandoned all hope for a reconciliation between us. This morning I finally had enough. I woke up and decided to pack my bags to move into a cheap motel until I figured out my next move. I would let JD know after he got back from his trip with Anna that I was putting in my notice—I was quitting work, the band, and our friendship.

It wasn't going to be much of a warning and JD was going to be blindsided by it, but I was out of options. I was going to just tell him I was out and leave. He wouldn't even get a chance to try to lure me back in with his salesmanship.

I was done. No one would ever see me again.

Sean stopped by work yesterday and I told him what was going on. I didn't have anyone else to talk to about Riley, except for Brynn. She would only listen to me to use it as an excuse to try to get more attention for herself. She was enjoying having the spotlight at the house and was acting like an understudy who got called up for her big debut. It felt like that one movie Mark made me watch when I first moved in. It was about two girls who moved into an apartment together and the one tried to take over the other's identity. I didn't remember the movie's name, but it might as well have been written by someone who knew Brynn and Riley.

Sean was genuinely sympathetic about my situation and offered to give me a place to crash if I needed one. Even though I appreciated his offer, his place would still put me way too close to my memories of Riley. I was either going to have to move back home or find another state to live in. Ohio didn't have anything left for me if I didn't have her.

I had to admit I mulled over Sean's offer as a short-term solution, but his place wasn't the ideal environment for someone with my history. Sean dealt a little on the side and always had an ample supply at his disposal. I was already teetering on the brink of a relapse and burying myself in my own self-loathing hatred. Living with him would nudge me off the cliff.

The motel was my only real solution.

I was shoving the hidden pill bottles from my room into my bag along with some of my clothes when my phone rang. The only person who even called me anymore was my mom. I thought about ignoring her, but Mom's voice had been growing more concerned on the messages she left as each day passed.

I should probably answer it before she called the cops for a wellness check.

I let out a frustrated groan and walked over to my bed to pick up the phone. My hands lost all strength and I fumbled around to catch the falling phone when I saw the one name I didn't expect to see on the screen.

It couldn't be her. I had officially gone insane.

"Riley?" I questioned as soon as I could get the phone against my ear.

"Can-we-talk?" She rushed the sentence out like one long word.

Fuck, this wasn't going to be good.

Riley was ready to tell me that she wasn't going to come back to me and that it was over. It was something I needed to hear to try to let go, but no part of me wanted it. I would never have any closure over losing this girl. Memories of her would haunt me until the day I died.

"Uh, yeah," I mumbled as I began to choke up.

"Do you want to meet up somewhere?" She nervously asked.

It would be so much worse for me to have this conversation face to face. Meeting in public was not a good idea since I had no idea how my body would react when she said she was done with me. This conversation had to happen where no one else could watch me fall on my knees and beg for her to stay.

It had to be here.

"You can just come over. Aiden's the only one here right now. Unless you want to go somewhere else." I redirected in case she wasn't comfortable being here with me at the house.

"No, the house is fine." She answered too quickly.

"Ok, I'll see you soon."

I hung up the phone without even saying goodbye. I would never be able to say that word to her, even when I knew she was coming over to say it to me.

Waiting for Riley for the fifteen minutes it took her to drive here was worse than the weeks I had spent chasing her. My hands were twitching and I was sweating out of every pore. It reminded me of when I was in withdrawal. My lungs felt like they were filling up with fluid and I was suffocating. My emotional agony turned to physical torture as a stabbing sensation hit the side of my temple. I dropped down onto my bed and used my hands to support the weight of my head.

There was a light knock on my door and I was pulled towards the sound like a magnet. Standing just outside my door was the blond girl who was about to tear every cell inside me apart.

I made the mistake of looking into her deep green eyes. I froze in place, hypnotized by the light they emitted. The reflection of my blue mixed in with her green caused her eye color to shift into a gorgeous teal that made her glow even brighter.

We were meant to be together. How could she not see it?

"Hi, Ezra," Riley whispered to me and sucked in her bottom lip between her teeth.

Riley had to be playing with my head. She knew what that little move did to me.

"Hey, come on in." I gulped as I shifted to let her by me. My hand stretched out automatically to her hips to help her find her way inside before she could back out and change her mind. I paused right as I felt the heat of her body within my reach. I couldn't touch her again. Putting distance between us was my only chance to make it out of this alive.

I took a step back as she walked in and studied every part of my room to avoid looking in my direction. After Riley ran out of things to stare at, she self-consciously wrapped her arms around her body and turned to face me. She kept her eyes down at her feet and began kicking at the floor.

I waited for her to say something, but she never did.

"H-how have you been?" I stuttered out

"I've been hanging in. You?" She asked in a flat, lifeless tone.

"M-me too." My hands started moving on their own. They began tingling and I lost all circulation to them. I stretched them out and bent each finger to get the feeling to go away. They kept wanting to form into the pattern of the song I was working on for her.

The one I would never be able to play again.

Riley stayed silent and I began losing my patience with her. I already knew what she was going to say. I didn't want to hear it, but I also needed her to get this conversation over with and leave before I lost my self-control.

"You said you were ready to talk?" I continued playing with my fingers to distract myself. Riley only had about thirty more seconds to speak up before I shattered.

"I... uh..." She hesitated and stopped.

That was it. I couldn't do this song and dance any longer.

"Fuck, just say it, Riley. Just tell me you don't want to be with me and get it over with. Tell me you are too good for me and I don't deserve you. Tell me you hate me and never want to see me again. Please don't make me wait any longer for you to break my heart." I pleaded with her to end my misery once and for all.

I handed the girl the weapon, now it was her turn to use it against me. She shrunk back away from me like she didn't want to take it.

"Did you mean it when you said you loved me?" Her cheeks turned pink when she asked.

I couldn't believe she had the nerve to ask me that right now.

Of course I fucking meant it.

I might not have a clue what I was doing, but I knew there was no other person who had ever made me anything like she did. From the first night I met her to this exact moment, every thought or move I made was for her. Did she want to hear me repeat it so that she could rub more salt in my wounds? I was waiting for her to start laughing and making fun of me.

But there was no amusement on her face, only a miserable prolonged silence as we waited for each other to speak first

Riley broke down. She began sobbing and ran towards the door.

I ran behind her and pushed the door closed before she could get out. Riley wasn't going to leave me— I couldn't let her go. She spun around with a shocked expression all over her face. I stepped into her and lowered my mouth against hers. I held onto her cheeks and brushed away the tears from her face as I kissed her lips with everything I had left in me.

Riley collapsed into me and began kissing me back.

"I love you." I moaned into her mouth as her lips moved perfectly in sync with mine.

"I love you." She whispered back.

I leaned back and stared down at her with wide eyes. Riley just told me she loved me too. The amount of relief my body felt sent shockwaves up and down my limbs. I smiled as the weight on my chest began to lift away.

I couldn't stop myself from kissing her again. Riley ended up on the tips of her toes with her hands tangled in my hair as she pulled me deeper into her. She was holding onto me tighter than she ever had before.

I couldn't believe this was happening.

I wanted to look at her again to make sure this wasn't some kind of fever dream or drug-induced hallucination. I had the pill bottles in my hand when I was packing earlier. Maybe this wasn't happening and I did give in to my addiction.

What if I took too many this time and didn't make it?

I knew I wasn't a good person. My elevator was already programmed to go to the other place if I died. Riley wouldn't be there with me. Even if she was used for my torture, the ounce of happiness I had from seeing her face would make my sentence feel like Heaven.

That meant this had to be real.

"Ezra, if we want to try to make this work. JD is going to have to find out. I will have to be able to tell my parents too. I don't want to keep sneaking around. I need you to think if this is something you want. Once we decide on this, everything might change for you. It could get really bad." Riley warned.

"I'm all in, Ry. I'm ready for whatever will happen." I nodded in agreement.

Riley turned her head back towards the door and her body language began shifting before my eyes.

"No one else is home." She reminded me and turned her head with a impish little stare.

Riley's eyes lowered down to my pants. My ring started pulsating as I rapidly grew against her stomach.

The smile spread across my face since I knew exactly what she wanted. It had been ages since I had been inside her or even let myself relieve the tension. I was a starved man and Riley was dangling a gourmet meal in front of my face.

I moved my hand away from her to lock the door just in case someone decided to come home.

Riley pulled her hair out of the wild bun on top of her head. She shook her curls out over her shoulders and smoothed them down at the spot on top of her breasts. Her thumbs fingered the spot where her nipples were hardening under her t-shirt. She acted so shy and innocent when she was teasing me.

But Riley didn't fool me at all.

I knew she enjoyed performing for me, even if she would never say it aloud. My dirty girl loved being watched when she needed my cock to fill her.

And she was about to fucking get it.