I had been stuck inside my head, cursing at myself for the last twenty minutes over absolutely nothing and everything at the same time.

Mia was licking her greedy lips as she smiled up at me. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back so I didn't have to look at her. With my eyes shut tightly, I pressed my fingers down harder to apply more pressure.  My index finger shifted and landed in the wrong spot.

I cringed. That wasn't what I meant to do.

Tonight was going horribly wrong. I had thought last night was bad, but this one was much worse.

Everything felt so off. I had to concentrate too hard on every simple thing I was trying to do.

Too fast.

Too fast.

Slow down.

Steady tempo.

Right there.

Just like that.

Slow, slow, and steady.

Much better.

Fuck, I sped up again.

Hold out. Longer, just a little bit longer.

What the fuck was I even doing?

When I opened my eyes again, Mia was still grinning at me, waiting eagerly for me to finish.  She was an idiot and so was JD for inviting her and her friends over to band practice tonight.

I plucked the wrong string harshly and looked over at Aiden. He was giving the side stink eye with his mouth buried against the microphone.  My mistake pulled his vocals sharp and he was irritated.

It was not like we had been talking much since this morning. Things had been tense between the two of us all day. He was still upset about Riley and I couldn't give one fuck about what his brain was conjuring up.

I started trying to finger-pick the buildup to the chorus, but the song we were playing wasn't the one in my head right now.  I had another one simmering on the burner and it had all my attention. I had been hearing the same notes all day as I hid in my room, staring at the pill bottles I grabbed out of the closet as soon as Riley left this morning.

I got as far as taking the lid off one of the bottles, but I put it back on as soon as the pale green pills caught the light. Jake had given me the good stuff as a going-away present.  He knew Oxy was my favorite weakness and he slipped me enough of the strong ones to keep me high for days.

"Stop. Stop." JD yelled out in the middle of the song.

I pulled my left hand away from the strings and squeezed the neck of the guitar with my right as JD looked over in my direction.

"Ezra, what's up with you tonight?" JD asked, sounding like he was slightly concerned.

"Nothing. Let's just keep going." I started strumming again with too much power and speed behind it.  One of the strings snapped in half under the vicious assault.  I pulled my hair at the root and gnashed my teeth together.

Restringing my guitar was not on my fucking agenda tonight.

JD walked across the makeshift platform towards me and motioned for me to step to the side of the stage so he could talk to me with less ears listening in. 

It was his fault we had an audience in the basement. JD couldn't help himself. I had gotten used to Anna's constant presence, but she wasn't even here tonight. I bet the two of them would end up in a full-on war if she found out there were a bunch of girls over the house that she didn't know about. It would be even worse if she knew her dumbass boyfriend was the one who invited them all.

"Dude, you weren't even playing the right song," JD whispered. "You are never this off.  What is the matter?"

"I'm tired of fucking carrying your asses, that's all." I growled as I ripped the guitar strap off my head and dropped my guitar to the floor. 

I jumped off the platform and stomped off towards the steps upstairs.

Band practice was over. I was done with this shit for the night.

When I got to the top of the steps, I went straight to the half-empty liquor bottles sitting on the counter and opened the first one I could grab.  I guzzled down as much as I could before I gasped for a quick breath. I chugged out of the bottle again until every drop was gone.

I pulled out my phone and unlocked it.  I had stolen Riley's number from JD's phone when he left it out earlier.  I even went as far as putting her in my contacts under a different girl's name just in case she found a way to get in touch with me. 

Not that she would have a reason to call.

I placed my hands on the counter and leaned down over the phone. I was staring at the number, willing it to ring.

Two hands slid under my arms and lifted up the front of my shirt. I glanced down one more time at the phone, giving it one last chance.

"Hey, want some company?" Mia pushed her body up against my back and began pressing her lips against my shoulder blades.

As much as thoughts of Riley were consuming me, I could use the escape from reality for the night that Mia could give me. I had to let a little of my pent-up aggression go before the Camo concert.

It always had to be drugs or sex. Nothing else ever worked for me.

"What do you have in mind?" I questioned, watching her hands run up and down my stomach.

"Follow me." Mia took my hand and started leading me upstairs.

Her ass swayed confidently as she walked in front of me and I couldn't help but compare it to Riley's. Riley's hips helped give her that perfect mixture of curve and bubble, while Mia's was more narrow and slender. Riley also had amazing, thick thighs that you could sink your teeth into. Mia's thighs were thin, like she was walking around on two long poles.

Mia was still hot, but Riley left me dying from thirst.

When we got into my room, Mia locked the door and started pulling her hair up off her shoulders. She never left it down when we hooked up and would complain if it got accidentally touched it at all. I might accidentally get too rough and pull out one of her bright red extensions.

It had happened before.

Mia kicked off her sandals and walked over towards me like she was getting ready to shake my hand.

After the first time we were together, sex became robotic and just a given with her. There was never any build up to it. She just always went for it.

I didn't have to even to touch her body at all. She was always willing.

Mia's thin fingers went straight towards my pants and she undid the button to slide them in.  She wrapped her hand around my thickness and frowned when I wasn't even close to hard for her.

I looked down, waiting for something to happen and raised my eyebrow when nothing did. She began gripping my dick and pumping. She would pause just long enough to start playing with the ring at the tip.

She pulled it out to give herself some more space to work.  She started moaning seductively and leaning into my body to try to get me going.

It wasn't working, I barely felt anything at all.

Mia kept furiously trying to work me over and tried every trick that she had in her playbook.

Still nothing.

It was official. My dick was broken.

"Want me to suck your cock?" She asked, looking up at my face.

"No," I grumbled and pulled her hand away. I had never had anything like this happen to me before.

"Do you want to fuck?" She asked as she stepped away and lifted her shirt over her head. She took off her bra and started removing her pants without me saying anything. She was standing there completely naked and ready to go.

But I still wasn't.

My body couldn't stomach the thought of being with her tonight. It knew I didn't really want her and it wasn't going to let me try to fake it.

"No, I want you to go back downstairs to your friends." I tucked my dick back in my pants and zipped them back up. I bent down to pick up her clothes and threw them at her. 

"Oh, I get it. You want me to get one of my friends to join. How about Kelsey? She enjoyed it the last time and has been asking about doing it again." Mia suggested as she ran her hands over her body and squeezed her small breasts.

"Mia, go home." I started towards the door to leave the room.

"Well, if you don't want to have sex with me, why did I come over?" She placed her hands on her hips.

"I wasn't the one who invited you." 

"So, you don't want me?" She asked like it shocked her.

"That's exactly what I am saying. Why are you still in my room? Get out."

"Fine, I'll just go downstairs and find someone else to sleep with. Maybe they will actually be able to get it up." She mouthed back at me as she started pulling her clothes back on angrily.

"Doubt that. You would have to have something someone wants." I spat out as I walked out of the room and down the stairs.

I didn't have time for this. I had other things I needed to attend to. 

I went into the kitchen and grabbed my phone. I was going to call Riley and see if she wanted to come over tonight.  If she didn't, then maybe I could sneak out to go by her house, her work, or anywhere else she wanted to meet up. No matter how it happened, I was desperate to find a way to see her again tonight.

I hit the button to dial her number and placed the phone to my ear without thinking about what I was about to do.

"Hello?" Her sweet voice sounded unsure when she answered.

Shit, I didn't have  a game plan. I had no idea what to say.

I sat there, unable to choke anything out. I lost my nerve the second I heard her.

What was I doing?

"Hello?" She said again. I could detect the little annoyed tone in her voice.

"Dude, who are you calling?" Aiden called to me from across the living room.

I hung up the phone quickly before she could say anything else.

Riley had to have heard his voice. She was going to know it was me and I had absolutely no explanation why I was calling her.

There was a text that popped up on the screen.

Riley: Who is this?

I pulled up the message and started texting her back.

Me: It's Ezra. Come over.

This wasn't meant to sound like a fucking booty call. I genuinely wanted to spend some time with her. I erased the message and started typing again.

Me: Hey, It's Ezra.  I was just calling to see if you wanted to come over and hang out at the house tonight. We have some people over and I thought you might...

I erased that one too. I sounded like I was a sixth grader asking her to sit with me at lunch.

I started again.

Me: Hey baby.

I erased it immediately. That one started off too creepy. I was already worried about JD finding out; I didn't want her to call the cops on me like I was some freaky stalker.

Me: Ezra, you are a fucking pathetic dumbass. There is no way Riley would ever fall for this shit.

I erased that one too.  I think that one was meant for me more than it was for her.

I gave up and stuck my phone back in my pocket.  Hopefully, Riley didn't put two and two together. I would have to come up with a good story if she figured it out. 

I started walking towards the door and grabbed my keys from the shelf.  I wanted to get out of the house to go for a drive before I suffocated and decided to swallow my stress away. I needed some alone time to process my thoughts.

Plus, I was going to drive by Riley's house to see if she was home tonight. It wasn't weird unless I stopped the car.

"Where are you going?" Aiden asked suspiciously as I grabbed the door handle to leave.

"Beer run."